Jons thrilling life story
The Tale of the man, the myth, the legend that one guy named Jon
Let me take u back....... December 7th 1984. The day that will for ever be remembered in infamy. Whahahahaha and stuff. ya hm well anyways. My parents were Bradford Culver, a factory worker and Linette Culver a fast food worker. I, um, I mean Jon was born in Kenosha Wisconsin a city of 200,000 in the farthest southeast corner of the cheese state ussually considered an suburb of either milwaukee aor Chicago. Life with $12,000 or so wasnt the best but damnit I was happy cause I have sack. Lots of sack. So anyways my dad got a nice job at american motors (remember them?) and we moved from the projects to a nice burb house in Kokomo, Indiana when I was 3. But after 8 months my dad got laid off and we moved to a small shack in the wood by a railroad track in lily wisconsin, with my grandpa. After a year or so we got back on our feet and moved north to Antigo Wisconsin, a nice town of about 2000 people. There I went to kindegarten . In Kindegarten I remember getting a big frickin stick stuck in my foot and playing with some army guy across the street. Memories from my childhood? Shooting at squirells with a BB gun, walking w/ my dad thru the woods, busting my head open on a coffee table and having hot coffee spilled on my chest. huh huh, childhood sucked. Well anywaysssssss..... Then my parents decided that the big city life of Antigo was just too much too handle. We stayed for the summer though, that way I could attend the eagles school for gifted youth, or something like that. I basically had to go to a "special" summer school with a bunch of nerdy preps where I took the most useless classes youve ever seen because of my "superior intelect". LOL. I took classes in art (which I actually was good at) acting (they said I was good but I wasn't very inerested and dancing and singing (2 classes both of which Im incredibly horrid at). Anyways, I went on to start my 1st grade year in the nearby own of White lake, Wisconsin, so named because of the white sand in it's lake. Oh yeah, its a town of 300 or so people. ick. But hey it had its own school, where I got into plenty of fights (like 3 a week) and got to wtch a classmate be sent to the corner for saying that "when it raiins thats God peeing". Ahhhhhhh, memories. Well, I paced ALOT back then. I had alot going through my head at one time and I found it easier to sort my thoughts if I just walked back and forth for a few hours. WHAT! Screw you, little kids have weird habits! Live with it! The doc said I was hyperactive. Back then unless you had money you ussually didn't pop a buncha pills in your kids mouth and zombifie him just cause hes hyper. So what did my parental units do? well they took away my sugar! Thats what the doctor said to do. Even though I could swear I heard that sugar doesnt REALLY make you hype. Hmmmmmmm. Well after 1st grade I was still quite the AWESOME student, even getting the occasional O (thats better than an A, it stands for outsanding). But 2nd grade came and it was time for my anual move. Don't ask me, ask my parents. So at my Gran pappys insistence we moved to the town he was at , a little town of 800 people on the Missouri river called Waverly, Missouri. i kind of liked it there, really. There was just the right balance of preps and losers to make me happy. Too bad my smarts and lack of athleticism made me a loser! I earned some respect when I fought to a draw with my classes resident cocky badass, and we became best of friends (aint that always the way?) Well, I started getting the occasional B around this time and got in trouble for talin in class now and again, but I was still basically a good student. Too bad I lived in a frickin trailer. I also made best friends with a 6th grader, who was, well, different. He lived in a trailer too, but he had 4 dogs and 30+ FRICKEN CATS! His parents were also hardcore christians , and heres just a few examples:
He couldnt watch the little mermaid, cause it depicted a god other than THE god
No X-Men comics, cause Beast looks like a demon (ooohhhhh)
No mortal Kombat games, cause you can play as Raiden, god of thunder!
You get the idea. He was weird, and frankly VERY horny (a common trend in my friends) , but a good guy nonetheless. Well, Im taking a breather, and Ill tell you about that summer, probably tonight.
TO BE CONTINUED.........
some names and details may have been left out tro protect the innocent or the not so innocents egos. If I still pissed u off go cry to someone else clam nuts.
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