hello again!
Mood:  irritated
wow, its been a long time since i wrote to you. lots of things have happened since april.
i turned 18 on the 5th may and i got engaged to chris! i also have a great job now working in a nursery which i love!
i have written for ages cos i just havent known what to say. its all a bit mixed up in my head and i dont know what to express first.
i want to leave the sally army. i dont like it, i never have done really but i tried to get involved again after jay and elizabeth left but i cant do it. i did it for chris more than me but i cant keep pretending anymore, i have to finish with it. religion and stuff has made me go insane, i cant even think straight anymore. im tired all the time and irritated by everything. i cry all the time to, when people cant hear me and this aint good. im really not happy anymore, i want to be happy again.

i feel so low tonight
Mood:  blue
tonight i feel really depressed, i keep crying all the time. i think its cos i aint had any medication for nearly a week now and things are starting to get to me. im also really upset about my pet rat, scabbers. i watched him fighting for breath tonight as he is dying from a tumor on his head. its so sad, i cant do anything to help him. :( i wish i could make him better but i cant. i think im so upset cos he reminds me of how my mum died. i watched her gradually dying by fighting for breath because of cancer and its the same with little scabbers. i just wish my mum was here! i miss her so much and i cant stop crying. im up late tonight because i cant sleep cos i keep getting horrible images in my head about her dying. also, ashleigh says that if i can convince jay and elizabeth to give satan their souls, then my mum will return. i have to do just one simple thing to get her back but its not as simple as you might think. jay and elizabeth are both christians who work to destroy the devil, so they will never agree to this!!!

nataley the failure!!!
Mood:  mischievious
hahaha nataley left school today!!! shes a failure and would never have passed her exams. her friends are sad to see her go but she wont be missed for long. shes having second thoughts on her decision but she cant go back now! she will understand one day that i am the most important thing in her life and she needs only me, well apart from chris who hates me!!!! yer well ill just laugh at him
yer well, and as for jay, hes a loser!!! he has no bloody idea whats been going on for us all lately and alot has changed for us. i am lonelier and need to talk to someone. i have needs that need to be fulfilled by nataley. nataley is more depressed than she has ever been before. she will have psychiatrists coming at her from everywhere soon! and charley fudge is sad and depressed, allthough he is still a lively little boy. he so desperately wants people to stop rejecting him.

Mood:  hug me
well, tomorrow is my last day at school. i spoke to my head of sith form and he said that its silly to go now but i told him how i feel and my dad has to send in a letter to terminate my exams. so its all over. i feel a bit thick and like a failure but i think it was the best move for me. i wouldnt have passed the exams with anything decent anyway.
chris didnt get the job he was interviewed for last week so hes sad. im sure he will get another job soon though.
i went to see helen after school today, at her new house. its a rubbish dump! i dont like her living there but its her choice. its really strange her not living at home anymore with me and dad. i dont like it much but it was for the best i guess. at least dad and helen cant argue that much now! :) she is renting another place next week so ill visit her all the time if i can. but now i have to concentrate on getting a job and earning some money cos i wanna go to america! as soon as iv saved enough im going, but iv only got bout #120 at the mo! until i spend it shopping lol :)

what to do about sch?
Mood:  irritated
ive gotta go back to school tomorrow and i dont know what to do! do i go back and tell em im leaving or do i stick it out and fail all my exams? i think im gonna leave and start a fresh with a job. my dad will go bananas at me for leaving school but its something i need to do. im well stressed bout it tho, you can tell cos my health at the moment is rubbish. i think its best just to quit and start again, earning money!