For all who are interested in the Bare Bitch phenomenon, I am logging all activities which occur during this investigation. I hope by doing this that I can shed some light on this strange occurence and answer the question, "Who is the Bare Bitch?"
DAY1;
7am
Rose from bet at 7am, and gathered the troops for the first day of the investigation. As the occurences only appear to happen after dark I was told to piss off and let that shower of wankers sleep until after GMTV had finished, they didn`t want to go out at 7 "In the bloody morning."
10.15am
Those arseholes are still in bed, so I decided to do a spot of investigating on my own at the point of the first attack.
11am
Arrive at the woodland area where Samoke was attacked, no sign of any prostitutes, or transvestites, however I have encountered a strange civilisation around the area, who inhabit a small car park filled with Corsa`s, Nova`s and smaller Peugeot models. The people in question are very strangely dressed, walking around with white socks pulled up to their knees and a pair of Asda 4 Stripe track suit bottoms tucked inside them. According to the locals in the village,these people are known as "Neds" and need to be approached with caution to avoid provoking them.
11.30am
I have introduced myself to the neds and their leader, "Baw Bag Ower There" has agreed to be interviewd about the Bitch in exchange for a bottle of a local delicasy known to the population as "Bucky" which in my opinion tastes like the arse end of a birdcage.
12.15am
The interview revealed a few truths abot the Bitch and will be a valuable asset to the investigation, however I feel uneasy around the neds as they appear to be doing some form of ritual, called "Turn up yer six bi nines so`s a kin hear yer bass on it" which involves each of the neds turning their car stereos up as loud as possible and driving at breakneck speeds with their windows rolled down, I believe the safest option is to leave as soon as possible.
3pm
The rest of the crew have as yet not been out of their beds,LAZY BASTARDS. I am therefore deciding to suspend the rest of the interview today and will continue tomorrow. IF THOSE FAT ARSEHOLES DECIDE TO GET OUT OF THEIR BLOODY BEDS.
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INTERVIEW @ 11.40 ON 13/4/2003 SUBJECT; "Baw Bag Ower There"
The interviewee makes a number of references to the identity of the Bitch,
"I`ll tell ye who that mad walluper shaggin wummin is, see ma mate Spud, his maws a fuckin nympho, she wid fuck the erse end ae a six hunner moped, two bottles ae bucky n shes the fuckin prince ae egypts n thats nae tit pullin man, I`ve fuckin seen her grass pitch n humped her rapid, she`s onybuddys"
Loosely translated, the subject is making refrences to a female ned who actively seeks out young men to satisfy her sexual urges which are produced from the local drink, Buckfast, or as it is more commonly known, "Bucky."
Could this be the first step to finding the Bitch?
Tomorrows first task will be to track down the individual known as "Spud" and from him we hope to learn the location of his mother to determine if she is the Bitch or simply a psycho with a hormone problem.
what tickles your fancy?
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