March 29 2003; 11:42pm
This will forever be known as the date when the "Bare Bitch" took her first victim into the woodland area surrounding the small farming village of Phuckmacrack in scotland.
Mr Samoke Da Ganga set off to McDonald`s on a dotour while heading home, as he had done many times before, from his favourite haunt, the "Fishermans Fingers Club", located on the northern border of the village. As far as he was aware this was to be a simple 10 minute walk, little did he know, a life changing event was destined to occur on this stormy night.
"I was on ma way home from da club, I had a few Bud`s and a few puffs, this nigger was ready to hit Maccy Dee`s ta feed da munchies and head home"
But Samoke never made it to McDonalds that night, as he turned onto a small side street, he was approached by a naked stranger;
"Dis naked chick jus walkin toward me, she was all ass n melon, not a piece of thread on her body, except a small loin cloth, damn, she looked good!"
But this was not a scene from a romance film, as this young man was destined to discover;
"She jus came up to me, I was still on da ganga, I loved it at dis point!"
"But when we got to da bushes, dat`s when she turn`s nasty"
All was not good for Mr Da Ganga,
"We was gettin nasty in da bushes, man, she was like a rabbit on heat, I aint never seen no chick dis happy to play wid mini me!"
"Den it turns nasty, she gettin edgy bout lettin me take off dat loin cloth of hers, so I jus tugs an tugs, next thing I know, I`m holdin dat piece of thread in ma hand,she goes behind me."
Suddenly Samoke isn`t so enthusiastic about his new friend,
"I`m sittin holdin dis small cloth, and suddenly, I feels somethin pokin ma ass, next thing I know, somethin ridin me like a pig on a hillbilly farm, it was nasty man, I`m talkin deliverence shit!"
"Man, I`ll never forget dat night as long as I live, I don`t think I`ll ever really get over it. I jus have to take one day at a time now, one day at a time."
Since this statement was made, a further 3 victims have come forward with similar claims, no-one knows for sure who, or what, is the guilty party,many accusations are flying around, a she-male? A kinky strap-on fan? Or just a stoned, pissed idiot? But rest assured, this investigation will answer the question, "Who is the Bare Bitch?"
What the investigation will involve;
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