Sunday, September 26
These are some of the stupidest sayings in the world. These are the ones that sound good until you actually think about them. When you think about them you just want to point and laugh at the dumb ass who just thought he was insightful for saying it.
First off, “The best things in life are free”. How is this even possible? Name one great thing that is free and I will not only name 400 things that cost money that are better, but probably 5 reasons why you cant consider it to be free. Really if you just think about this one logically, why would people work so hard to make money if the best things in life where in fact free? The only person who would ever say this is someone either completely stupid, someone trying to teach a small child a horrible lesson, or a poor person attempting to make themselves feel better about their horrible ass situation.
Second, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”. This one just blows the mind when you really think about it. When was the last time you overheard Bill Gates or Oprah saying this bullshit saying? And why not? Because no one is ever going to say that when the grass is green on there side. Of course poor people would say that, but they are like always just trying to feel better about themselves. Middle class families might use this phrase when talking about other middle class families, but the fact of the matter still remains. If it looks better on the other side then it probably is better. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Some things are just better than others so get over it.
Lastly, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”. What the fuck does this one even mean? From what I can tell this one basically says that you cant use something and still have it, IE you cant spend your money and still have it in your wallet. But who cares? If I ate my cake I am probably glad I ate it. If I spent my money I am probably better off for spending it. If your to dumb to realize this fact before your told this enlightening saying I think your pretty much fucked anyways.
Please If you can think of any more dumb ass sayings please e-mail me at XCrunninAB@yahoo.com or AIM me at MoneyMouthRants
Sunday, September 19
This one is my first article on religious topics. I am sure it wont be my last!
I am so sick of hearing people complain about how boring church is. Why doesn’t someone just create a church that is fun? If I had my own religion one of its biggest selling points would be it is fun to go to church.
First of all my church would steal the singing and dancing from the Baptists. These people really know how to party on a Sunday morning! To make things more interesting though, I would add high amounts of vodka to the service! Then you toss out the collection plate and just force people to pay a cover at the door. This would pay for the vodka and all the needs for the church.
Also my church wouldn’t be held on Sunday mornings. I would move the holy day to Monday. Sundays interfere too much with football. And I know if I can only do one (go to church or watch football) I am sure as hell going to sit on my ass and watch football!
And forget about old men as ushers, my church is going to have the finest girls in the smallest bikinis as ushers. I guarantee that brings in some guys for church. Hell alcohol and women, who could resist?
I also think the bible would have to be removed entirely. The book just isn’t interesting enough for my liking. Now that I think of it religion itself would almost all be removed from my church. A crucifix and opening and ending prayers are all you really need anyways!
My church would kick so much ass it would be amazing! It would be almost as great as my website!
Tuesday, September 14
I know I have been slipping on my production, but today I found something really deserving my opinion, and of course my opinion is always correct.
In 1994 a series of events culminated into the passing of an act of congress. This act banned citizens of the United States of America from owning 19 military grade assault weapons. To pass this act congress had to add a time stipulation, so in 10 years the act was to become void. 10 years later is today.
Once again people everywhere rejoice as they can once again buy and own there very own military grade assault weapon. But really should there have ever been a time without these weapons at our disposal? Why would any act be imposed with a time limitation? This question is simple! The idea of some dumb fuck that got some support from some other dumb fucks. Together they were unable to get enough support to ban these weapons for good, but instead of fighting it Congress decided to just ban them for a little to shut them up. It worked too. Little did they know that the weapons banned were still easily accessed to anyone willing to own an illegal firearm.
Really that doesn’t sound like a good idea to me. Why ban something if it can still be accessed? It’s like banning marijuana, anyone who wants it can get it. The only difference is if I only want one I would have to do so illegally. So we in fact put most normal people at a disadvantage to a criminal. When a criminal walks into your house with an illegal tec-9 and all you own is a legal 9mm you are pretty much fucked, but when a criminal walks into your house with a legal tec-9 and you pull out a legal street sweeper things turn out much fairer.
And I know most people are not going to buy a street sweeper or a tec-9 but they can! And they now have no reason to complain if someone runs up on them with one. They had their own fair chance to have one, and if they didn’t use their chance then maybe they deserve what they get! Maybe a few high velocity rounds tearing threw your house will be a nice wake up call. Dumb ass people.
Friday, September 9
Today I am here just to let you people know I am still writing. I have a few ideas in the works, which will be released shortly. Hopefully a new article will be posted this weekend. Also, I need to ask for the help of the loyal supporters of this page. I am asking everyone who likes the site to recommend it to other people.
A milestone was also reached today as the 1000th hit was received. This milestone is small indeed, but nonetheless proves the site is growing. Don’t forget to link as many people as possible to the site!
Tuesday, August 31
School starts in the morning. Yes I can’t wait either. To graduate that is!
Some people will do almost anything for money. Some people even degrade themselves beyond normal human limits for money. Hell that kind of attitude is keeping the porn industry a float! Some people, though, come up with some great ideas! Although they never deserve money most of the time they earn a lot!
Suing major corporations for stupid reasons seems to be one of the best. People have actually sued companies like McDonald’s and Burger King for making them fat! Believe it or not on many occasions they even win large settlements! These fast food companies settle out of court with these people quickly and easily. Why do they you ask? Well this fat ass isn’t going to use the money to lose the weight, so the fast food industry just sees it as giving back to loyal customers!
Also people have sued McDonald’s for burning themselves with their coffee. Really people this one is crazy, because if the coffee hadn’t been hot enough the same prick who sued for burning themselves would have been bitching to the manager about it being cold. These assholes want it both ways, but it just doesn’t work that way so they win!
People have even sued hotels/casinos for slips and falls. These people go into the bathroom and fall bruising only there ass and there ego, and walk away with millions. What the fuck? How can a person not realize the bathroom floor is going to be slippery? When was the last time you went in a public restroom that there wasn’t some kind of water on the floor? (Most of these dumb asses get caught with fraud though)
Another way to make an easy couple of million is smoking. Fuck with all the settlements lately it makes me want to pick up a pack and hope for lung, throat, or mouth cancer. And hell if I ever get one of those diseases you know I am picking up a pack that day and blaming it all on the cigarettes! But seriously these people deserve nothing, especially the more recent ones. Everyone knows smoking is bad for you, and if you don’t quite then it’s your own fault you’re going to die early. Quit blaming everyone for your mistakes you jackass!
Thursday, August 26
Nice little writing. Done really quickly, but an update is an update! Enjoy it. (not for those who have a strong love for old people)
I am probably one of the most opinionated people you will ever come across. But I have found a group of people even worse in comparison to me. Of course I am here to rant about this (No one outdoes me and gets away with it).
Who are these people? Well they are old people. The worst of all the world’s people. These wrinkly bastards shouldn’t even be allowed to have opinions, yet they are more opinionated than anything. Today I saw these two old ladies commenting on how reckless some motorcyclist was for not wearing a helmet, and all I could think about was how much better his chances were to survive through the night then theirs were. Its ridiculous how fucked up people can be.
No one cares what you think old people. No one cares especially their views on the presidential election. Don’t even go out to vote! Why should you get to pick the president when no one is planning on you being alive even to see his inauguration! Just give it up old people. I believe if they can stop you from voting until 18 maybe they should stop you again when you reach 70. It is really only fair.
Also how can they give their opinions on such thing as healthcare, or driving? They grew-up in times when healthcare was if a doctor could tell if you were dead or not. Even that wasn’t always done correctly. Driving, too, should be banned by law for anyone over the age of 70. They think teenagers cause all the accidents. Fuck that I drive better than every person over the age of 50! They can all go drive their giant boat cars strait to hell (at 15 mph no doubt).
Last but not least is work ethic. Who the fuck cares if kids today have no work ethic? Does it really matter to you old ass pricks whether we work or not? Besides what are the chances any of them actually remember there own childhood? Fuck if I was born during the depression I would have blocked that memory out a long time ago.
Any old person with an opinion should be drug into the street and stoned. Just like the old days they love to glorify! Fuck them and the past!
Wednesday, August 25
This was written a few weeks ago. I was reading it over earlier and decided to post it. Wow it is a good one! I got a lot of pent up frustration out on this poor group of people. Well fuck them anyways, where the hell to they get the idea they are better than everyone anyways? Well enjoy!
How not to be original
Have you ever been told that you weren’t at all original, that you were just a sheep in a flock? Well just look at the punk rock skaters who normally say it! They aren’t any better then you. The best is when these punk rock skater kids think they are being original by growing their hair long (guys) listening to punk rock, and dying their hair stupid colors. How can they make remarks about being original if they are doing the same thing just in a different stereo type? And do they want you to jump ship to their stereo type? What really makes there type any better than your current one? Would that really help on being original? The skaters might reply with “well we are more original then you,” but original is an exact thing, there is no more or less original. You either are or your not. No middle allowed. No matter how much you fags complain.
The fact is most people could give a shit whether they are original or not. They prefer to melt into the crowd and never be noticed for anything that might be different. It’s not a great life but it probably has its ups and downs. You definitely can’t fault them for doing what they want and succeeding at it. But these emo music listening, punk rock bastards, seem to have failed at their number one objective. They aren’t original, no matter how hard they try. So next time you see one of these self pity losers just laugh at them. It is what they really want deep down anyways!
I say if you really want to be original do something no one you know has done before. Start yourself on fire and run down the street or play football on the highway. No one would ever say you weren’t being original, and fuck no one would ever want to be like you either! And the world would be without one more prick who thinks that they are better than everyone else. So go ahead and be original. Or be like everyone else. Just don’t be like everyone else and tell others that they aren’t original.
Thursday, August 19
I am leaving in a few hours but I thought I would update before I go. Check the link bar to the left for the Whipped Test. Take it for humor only! Don't complain if you are offended. Well I will be back tuesday!
Wednesday, August 18
Well I am off on my road trip tomorrow! I will try to update at least once more before I leave. It should be a good one too! Here is a funny little writing I did today. I hope you like it. :-$
Have you ever had one of those days when shit just paranoid the hell out of you? People signing on and as soon as you try talking to them they put an away message up, or people looking at you funny. Then in an attempt to rid yourself of this paranoia you end up more paranoid. Well fuck I finally found a cure for it! This cure is kind of fun. It puts other people into an uneasy state while you can just sit back and feel better about yourself.
This came about the other day while I was working. I work at a large restaurant chain whose name is a day of the week described with a precious stone (if you even thought TGI Fridays please just punch yourself in the face). While at work I was very paranoid, and people were only making it worse by staring at me. So I decided to flip the situation by staring back. This only made the problem worse, as more and more people began to stare at me. I finally came up with a solution. Winking! Yes winking is the solution of the century. Winking at one of those bastards staring at you will always keep them from making eye contact with you again!
I winked at this little kid and for the next hour while his family ate didn’t look at me once. I kept noticing him looking away every time I walked by! It was amazing. Now who is paranoid you little fucking brat! This works on almost everyone, too, except for the occasional member of the opposite sex.
So next time you are paranoid ease your self out of it by fucking with others minds! It makes you feel much better about yourself. And its always worth a good laugh.
Tuesday, August 17
Here is a new article. Not as much to make you laugh as to make you think a little bit. Well enjoy it!
USA Olympic Basketball team was beaten in Olympic play for the first time since they were allowed to use NBA players. Normally I would make fun of the fact that they lost, and indeed I was about to when I was struck by a different idea. Guess who beat us? Puerto Rico! What kind of bullshit is that?
Puerto Rico shouldn’t even be allowed to have its own Olympic team. How the hell can a place that really isn’t even its own country have a team? How can they say they beat the USA when they might as well just be a state anyways! Wow we got beat by a bunch of guys who should probably be representing the USA.
The USA is slowly getting worse at the Olympics and I think I know why. We take the Olympics basically as serious as we take our wars. When was the last time we used the full strength of our armed services for a war? I believe it was a little known conflict called WWII. That’s crazy for the last 50 years we haven’t even tried! Countries think they are hard now because they can withstand a few bombs and some dumbass army guys with pea shooters. America if they wanted to could seriously, and probably should, fuck some country up.
So kids remember nothing is really worth trying for, not even war. If you can’t be the best giving only 80% then it must not be worth doing. And if you can be the best at 80% every now and again you should just go all out and destroy everyone just to show them who is boss!
Friday, August 13
Hell yes It is friday the 13! Found out one thing today. There is no such things as ghosts, but volunteer firemen are assholes! Well here is some new writings for you.
People take things to seriously. Next time you are bored ask whoever is closest to you a hypothetical question. Start the question by saying “This is a strictly hypothetical question,” and then go and ask them something totally crazy like what would they do if there car got paintballed by one of your friends. If this is someone older I promise you they will forget this is a hypothetical situation and is in no way ever going to happen. I tried this on my mother and I thought she was going to kill me for it. Do people go around and ask hypothetical questions when really they are trying to figure out how someone will react to a real situation? If you catch yourself sullying the name of hypothetical questions by adding truth in it you should go and punch yourself in the face. Seriously leave the hypothetical questions to the hypothetical situations.
What ever made the toilet seat a big deal? I don’t know the answer to that but whoever decided that leaving the toilet seat up was wrong was an ass. Why should you put the toilet seat back down? So women don’t fall in? If any person is dumb enough to sit on something to wide to hold them maybe they shouldn’t be allowed to use the toilet or even a toothbrush without being watched. I really think the seat should be kept up at all times. Why? Because when the seat is up I can’t pee on it. Fuck if I want to bend down to pick up the seat before I piss. A woman is going down there anyways she should just bring it down with her and put it back up. This is all just bullshit to me.