something ive always wanted to do.......
i have always thought it would be cool to spend the day with a porno star, we would have fun.....unless she made me mad by not suckling my Wang.....then i would probably have to shove in her a shoe box or something.....since she's so loose
---------------------------------------------
Rich people are funny, always willing to do anything for a billion dollar. so remember, next time a rich guy asks for money.....make him earn it by dancing around and singing "Im a gay fagtastic Bitch".
---------------------------------------------
some random convos with my pal Bob
me: Penis?
Bob: Penis, Yes!
Bob: lol
Bob: Yours?
me: i cant complain
Bob: Ha,Ha Mine's Bigger
me: not really, i cant...im taking this medication that stops it from growing
Bob: O_o
---------------------------------------------
Bob: Guess what I bought at the mall?
me: A fake Vagina?
Bob: Close.
Bob: A real hooker.
me: cool
Bob: Yessss
me: hmmm, i wish i had a hooker right about now
Bob: Yeah... I'd trade my Shwing Factor for one...
me: but you already have a hooker
Bob: Oh yeah.
---------------------------------------------
i was sitting around and a friend sent an instant message to me asking how i would lick myself. so, i thought for a while.....and here is what i came up with.
i would set up an elaborate system (kinda like mouse trap)....i will pull a string and it will trigger a book to fall on a plate, the plate shatters and the sound scares a rat, the rat jumps and frightens a mime, the mime gets scared and tries to scream, but cant...so he throws a fan, the fan hits my head.....and
it leans me over far enough to lick my own balls!
----------------------------------------------
sometimes i find myself to daydream when i drive......i find this funny, considering i have no feet......or even a Hand
----------------------------------------------
if someone ever catches you trying to steal something, just tell them that you really exist.....so its really stealing, then walk away slowly and disappear in the fog, then run like hell.
----------------------------------------------
i think it would really suck if you were a straight hooker with no STD's, I mean, they need somthing to live for, right?.
----------------------------------------------
wouldnt it be funny to see a black whore run around in an indian costume in the middle of a spiritual ceremony....everyone would be serious about Namoomba(The god of Cheese), but then laugh at the Whore...because she looked like an indian.
----------------------------------------------
i often wank to myself thinking about stuff at inappropriate times. like one time at a funeral, i couldnt stop thinking about the time i saw two houseflies humping.
----------------------------------------------
a good way to make someone feel sorry for you is to say that you are gonna die from a terrible disease, then after 20 minutes of grieving....tell them you were joking. they will be so happy, but at the same time...hate you so much.
---------------------------------------------
a wise man can look at a grain of sand and see a universe, i can look at a grain of sand and think of how it must suck to be that grain of sand....always getting stepped on, that must really suck.
---------------------------------------------
it would be funny if a man walked in a grocery store and put watermelons on his feet and cantaloupe on his hands and ran down the aisles screaming......YOU MUST FEAR ME, FOR I AM MELLON MAN!!!! then you go feel yourself up.