My only crime
was passion wild and uncontrolled
--From “The Case Continues”
as performed by Ute Lemper
I don’t know why the darkness
surprised me so much. It was what I had
been seeking. Darkness. Escape.
Time by myself away from all the madness. Yet there I was, on the Lothlorien set, surprised by how black
the moonless sky really was.
I had left the wrap party less than
an hour after it had begun. As close as
I had grown to some of the cast and crew, they still didn’t seem to
understand. This was an ending of
eighteen incredible months for them. It
meant they could go home, back to their respective cities and countries around
the world. Not me. No, I’d be staying right here. Here in the New Zealand that they’d grown to
love as a nice place to visit. This was
my home.
It wouldn’t have been so bad had the
relationships I’d made during filming turned out differently. I could have gone back to my normal life
without such sadness. As it were, that
would be impossible. My only reason for
smiling was leaving on the first plane he could get.
Falling in love with Orlando Bloom
had never really been the plan. But it
had happened none the less. He hadn’t
been on set for a week before I’d completely given my heart over to him. Both playing Elves, we had spent a
considerable amount of time together.
When I could pull him away from the rest of The Fellowship, that
is. Those damn Hobbits. Elijah Wood with his come-fuck-me blue eyes. Orli never stopped talking about him. Wouldn’t even miss me now that he was
leaving. He had Elijah to keep him
occupied.
I sighed as I ran my hand down the
rugged bark of the tree underneath which Orlando had first kissed me. God, it was brilliant. More than I ever could have hoped for. I had melted into those thin but strong
arms, wanting to give him all of myself.
I would have made love to him right there had he let me. But he hadn’t. God forbid someone see Craig Parker wrapped in the arms of Orlando
Bloom. What would they think? What would they say? They probably would have said I was
crazy. I wouldn’t have listened.
The kid was six years my junior and
I had let him take complete and total control of me. Whatever he wanted, I did.
How I loved him. For a while I
even thought he might return the feelings.
But I never saw it in his eyes.
Elijah was always number one. I
was just his toy.
I could have exposed Orlando to
Lij. Told him what a lying cheat he
was. Given him in depth descriptions of
our sex life. But I didn’t. Not because I cared about Elijah. Because I knew it would mean losing Orlando. And losing Orlando just wasn’t a
possibility. I would die without
him. I was going to die.
“Why?” I asked the unmoving trees,
feeling the tears begin. “Why?”
I could have fallen for anyone but
Orlando. Viggo, maybe. Hugo, even.
But no, I had chosen to give my heart to a man that didn’t want it. A man that wouldn’t have known what to do
with it even if he had wanted it.
“Craig?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin at
the unexpected intrusion. No one was
supposed to be here. I had to do this
in solitude. I couldn’t see him in the
darkness but the voice was all I needed.
“Yes, Orlando?”
He moved closer until I could
vaguely make out the outline of his body.
“What’re you doing, mate? It’s
bloody dark out here.”
“Saying goodbye,” I replied.
His hand reached out and gripped my
shoulder. It lingered there for a while
before slowly sliding down my arm. I
could feel each of his fingertips exclusively as they intertwined with
mine. Had it not been so dark I would
have seen that telltale sparkle in his chocolate eyes. I would have noticed the contrast of my pale
skin against his olive complexion. I
would have seen the love that I always thought wasn’t there.
“How ‘bout one last hooray then,
love?” His voice was husky with what I
assumed was need. But I knew he would
never need me as much as I needed him.
“Won’t Elijah be missing you?” I was in physical pain as the words passed over
my lips. Elijah couldn’t have him. I wouldn’t let him.
“For once just shut up about him,
Craig. I’m here, aren’t I? I left the party for you. I knew you’d be here. Don’t ruin this with whining about Elijah.”
Before I could respond, he was kissing
me. Hard, as was common with
Orlando. His tongue held no
reservations as it slipped over my teeth.
No battling of power took place.
I forfeited myself to him at once.
I was his. And, I realized, he
was mine. His erection grinding into my
hip spoke plainly of that. This was how
it had to stay. Forever.
When his fingers slipped into my
short, spiky hair, mine curved around his neck. He was close enough now to where I could see him open his eyes in
surprise. I smiled against his mouth
and tightened my grip. “Mine,” I
whispered. “You’re mine.”
Instinctively, his hands left my
hair to grab at my wrists. The jagged
fingernails I always told him not to bite dug into my skin. His fear was almost palpable. But his erection hadn’t gone away. His knees began to buckle and I gripped
harder.
“No,” he tried to speak, pulling his
mouth just centimeters from mine. It
came out as more of a groan. His nails
continued to scrape, drawing tiny rivulets of dark crimson blood.
“Yes,” I insisted, laying him on the
ground as he grew weaker. “He can’t
have you. I won’t let Elijah have you.”
“Lij?” he gasped. Confusion marred his young features and I
realized he was crying. I didn’t want
to cause him pain. But I was crying,
too. Finally an emotion we felt
together. “No.” His breathing was becoming weaker but I
didn’t let him go. “No,” he said
again. “No…Lij…love.” His eyes pleaded with me to understand. I didn’t stop.
“I love you,” I said over and over
again as his hands finally stopped fighting.
He lay limp beneath my hold, his mouth twisted in a sad frown and his
eyes now permanently devoid of sparkle.
“You’re mine.”
I swallowed hard and forced myself
to my feet. I saw the bruises beginning
to form on his tender neck. He looked
so beautiful. Pity, not even the moon
would be able to stand witness to this scene.
The stars had lost their twinkle long ago. I stumbled a few steps away from his lifeless body, fumbling in
my pocket as I went. My fingers closed
around the tiny pistol I had hidden there earlier in the day, knowing I
couldn’t go on without him. Now I could
go on with him.
I took the gun from my pocket, never
looking at it. My eyes stayed focused
on Orlando. I found joy in knowing that
I had succeeded. Elijah could never
have him now. He truly was mine.
I felt the coolness of the metal as
I pressed it against my temple. I never
even thought twice. We would be
together now. “Forever,” I whispered,
those sad brown eyes staring back at me.
Then I pulled the trigger.