COMPLICATE

(to make complex or difficult)

§

 

Finally, a day off.  This three days on, one day off tour schedule has become grueling.  You need rest.  For so many reasons.  And tonight you plan to do nothing but sleep.  Rikki’s parents decided to stop by for a visit so you know you won’t be seeing him tonight.  That pretty much frees up all the time that you have.  Sighing, you snuggle into the pillows on your large hotel bed and close your eyes.

 

And then someone knocks on your door.

 

The first thirty or so knocks you ignore, hoping that whoever it is will get the hint and just go away.  But when you see that isn’t happening you begrudgingly get out of bed and trudge to the door, grumbling all the way.  “This better be good,” you snap as you throw the door open and are bombarded by the lights from the hallway.  You grow silent when you see Bret standing in front of you.  The two of you haven’t really spoken since…well…you haven’t talked in over a week.

 

“I’m not,” he pauses and hesitantly tries to look around your shoulder, “interrupting anything, am I?”

 

You swallow and shake your head.  “No.  Rikki’s not here.”

           

Bret seems relieved.  “Can I come in, then?”

 

“I was just getting ready to go to sleep,” you inform him, chewing on your bottom lip thoughtfully.  “But,” you sigh and look away.  “Yeah, alright, come on in.”  With one arm you hold the door open and Bret enters your room.  You watch his back as he walks over towards the bed and then just stands there, staring at it.  Your eyebrow arches with curiosity and you close the door.  “You can sit down,” you tell him plainly.  He does.  And then he looks up at you and you’re barely able to make out his facial features in the darkened room.  You think turning on a light would be a good idea.  But you don’t move.

 

“I wanted to talk about…” he trails off and looks down at the floor.  “What I mean is, I want to tell you…I need to…fuck.  I’m sorry, Bob.”

 

You don’t have to ask him what he’s talking about.  You just nod.  “Yeah.  Me too.”

 

“Wait,” he says, stronger now.  Looking you in the eye.  At least you think he would be if you could actually see him that well.  “Let me finish.  I’m sorry that I obviously freaked you out the other day.  But I’m not sorry that it happened.  I did what I felt, Bobby.  You can’t be angry at me for that.”

 

Sighing, you sit down on the bed next to him.  “I’m not angry with you, Bret.  I’m just not sure how to act around you.  This has all been a bit unexpected.  I’m not even certain of what I feel right now, let alone what either of us should do about it.”

 

Bret smiles and you find his hand slipping onto your knee.  Something tells you that you should brush it away.  You don’t.  “Why did you run out like that?”  His voice is soft.  Almost pleading.  And it somehow manages to make your mouth go dry.

 

“You know why,” is your just as soft reply.  “Rikki…”

 

“So if Rikki weren’t involved you wouldn’t have left?” he interrupts.  That renders you silent for several seconds.  You try to choose your words carefully, not wanting to make the situation any more complicated.

 

“No,” you admit.  “I probably would have stayed.  But the fact is, Rikki is very much involved.  And I can’t…”

 

“Hush,” he whispers, bringing one of his fingers to your lips.  “That’s all I need to know.  You feel this, too.  That makes it worth it.”

 

Somewhere in the back of your mind you question what exactly he means.  You feel what?  And what is he talking about, it makes it worth it?  But the questions stay in the recesses of your thoughts when he pulls his finger away and brings his hand to rest on your bare shoulder.

 

“I don’t like not talking to you,” he whispers.  You swallow hard.  “You’re one of my best friends, Bob.  I miss you.  I’m on the same fucking tour with you and still I miss you.  I don’t want us to be like that.”

 

“Well then what…” your voice cracks and you have to clear your throat.  “What do you want us to be like?”

 

He answers with a soft, chaste kiss.  Your eyes flutter shut as he turns his body in towards yours.  An image of Rikki invades your mind but quickly fades.  And you know that it’s Bret’s gentle ministrations against your mouth that make the picture disappear.  His hand comes up to stroke your cheek as his tongue vaguely swipes across your lips.  You pull away.

 

“What about Rikki?” you question timidly.  You don’t want to upset or hurt this man sitting next to you.  But it’s something you need an answer to.  You love Rikki.  And if he ever found out about all of this…

 

“It’s up to you,” Bret replies, shocking you to your bones.  You’re so unused to having the say in anything anymore.  “We don’t have to tell him.  Or, if you want to, we can.  I know you love him…”

 

“We won’t tell him,” you interject, cutting him off before he can finish that thought.  You don’t need to feel any worse about yourself than you already do.

 

In the dimly lit hotel room, with Bret only inches from you, you can just barely make out a satisfied smile on his face.  And then he kisses you again.  His hands rest softly against both of your cheeks and your arms wrap around his waist, bringing him closer.  You open your mouth to him and his tongue delves in, taking advantage of what you’re suddenly more than willing to give him.  And slowly, just a little unsure of yourself, you begin to lower yourself back onto the bed, pulling Bret with you.  Your mouths never stop touching.  Not even when your head hits the pillows and he spreads himself out on top of you.

 

Running your fingers through his long hair you kiss down his chin and onto his neck, fully aware of how hard he is as he presses against your thigh.  You roll the both of you over so you are now on top of him and you take full advantage of this.  You press kisses into his neck and collarbone and you slip your hands underneath his plain white t-shirt.  His abs are solid against your touch, more solid than Rikki could ever hope to be, and you wonder what it would be like to run your tongue across those defined lines of muscle.  You think you’ll probably find out soon enough. 

 

Bret takes it upon himself to get rid of his shirt and you pull away just long enough for him to do that.  Your lips, tongue and teeth are back on him before it even hits the ground.  His chest is just as solid as his abs and you’re pleasantly surprised to find that he tastes something like coconut.  And all this time you thought he just used that cocoa butter on his hands.  His hands run idly through your hair and you close your eyes, licking down towards his stomach.  It’s nice to not be pushed.  With your tongue you trace the lines of his six-pack and he writhes beneath you, whispering your name.  You smile against him.  It feels good to be encouraged.

 

Your fingers slowly undo the fly of his tight, custom-made jeans and then suddenly he stops you.  With questioning eyes you venture a glance upwards.  He’s smiling back at you and that only confuses you more.  “Come here,” he says softly.  You climb back up his lithe body and he takes a fistful of your shirt in his right hand.  For a minute you’re worried that this has taken a horrible turn for the worse.  But then you see the calmness in his face and you relax.  You let him pull you down for another kiss.  He mumbles against your lips, “let me do this for you” and you are reduced to putty in his hands.

 

You’re on your back almost instantly but are only mildly surprised by his strength and ability to flip you over.  He rids you of your shirt and your hands tangle is in his long blonde mane as his tongue snakes down your stomach.  It’s been ages since someone has done this to you.  You can’t help but look down at him in awe when he takes you from your boxers and pops you into his mouth.  Your eyes slowly flutter shut as his head begins to bob up and down on you, your breath catching in your throat.  “Bret,” you choke out.  “Fuck.”  Your hands slip from his hair and grab fistfuls of the sheets beneath you.  He’s really good at this.  You think he’s probably had a lot of practice.  But that thought only brings Rikki back to the forefront of your mind, so you push it away.

 

Bret’s hand joins his mouth on your cock and you think you’re going to die.  You want this to last.  Want to be able to feel this for as long as possible.  But you’re so close already that you can feel it in every inch of your body.  Yet you don’t want to tell him to stop.  Those words couldn’t leave your mouth right now even if you wanted them to.  Your back arches up from the bed and you feel that familiar tightening in your stomach.  You try to swallow.  This hasn’t even taken ten minutes, you think.  And then you’re there.  You let out a guttural cry and empty yourself into Bret’s mouth.  The idea of watching him finish you off appeals to you but you can’t force your eyes open.  The muscles in your body are too rigid to move.  It’s only when you feel his lips on your neck again that you open your eyes.

 

“I take it you liked that?” Bret whispers, his tongue flicking against your ear.  And already you’re hard again.  Jesus, that smile, those eyes.  This man is impossibly sexy.  You give him a satisfied smile.

 

“Yeah.  You could say that.”  You bite down on your bottom lip and sigh as you feel him grind himself against your hip.

 

“I bet I can think of something you’d like even more.”  His voice is deep with lust and you have to choke back a whimper.  How could anyone ever tell him no?  You’re not even sure how you did it anymore.  It seems like the most ridiculous idea you’ve ever heard.  You wrap a hand behind his neck and pull him to your mouth, kissing him roughly.  Your tongues duel and he eventually relents to you.  Superiority is an amazing thing.

 

“I want to fuck you,” you tell him when you finally pull away.  “Now.”  Your words aren’t harsh or demanding, just insistent.  Because this is what you want.  No more being fucked.  You want to be in charge for once.  He seems to hesitate for a moment but then he stands up and pushes his jeans to the floor.  You smile and move to the end of the bed, allowing him to get on his knees in front of you.  And then everything seems to stop.  You come to the sudden realization that you’ve never done this before.  Well, not with a man, anyway.  And you remember how much it hurt the first time Rikki did this to you.  You’ve seen so much pain recently.  You don’t want to cause Bret any more than is absolutely necessary.  Second thoughts clutter your mind.

 

“Bobby.”

 

Your head snaps up at the sound of Bret’s voice.  He’s looking back at you over his shoulder, his long hair in his face.

 

“Please,” he whimpers.  And the reservations you had are gone.

 

You toss your boxers onto the floor and kneel behind him, wrapping your long arms around his waist.  With one hand you wipe the stray strands of hair out of your way and kiss the back of his neck softly.  You can feel his pulse beneath your lips.  It’s intoxicating.  Your stomach is in knots and your hands are shaking as you enter him, hoping that your natural lubrication is enough to ease the pain.  He groans loudly and his head falls against the pillows beneath him.  He tightens around you.  You nearly choke.

 

“Bret,” you hiss, trying to control your breathing.  “Relax.”

 

He inhales deeply and clutches the headboard with one hand.  “Trying.” 

 

You can’t deny that you’re surprised by how difficult this is for him.  You’d thought that he was, well, experienced enough to handle it.  Especially if Rikki…you force yourself to focus only on Bret.  Thinking about Rikki right now is the last thing you need to be doing.  You slowly pull out and push back in.

 

“Fuck,” Bret whispers, breathing heavily.  You stop moving.  “No,” he forces out.  “Don’t stop.”  You think he sounds very close to crying.  Leaning down you again kiss the back of his neck, your hands stroking the sides of his hips gently.  He seems to relax a bit.

 

“Are you alright?”  You’re honestly concerned.  And that surprises you.  So many of the emotions swirling around inside of you are new.  He nods his head adamantly.

 

“Please.  Just don’t stop.” 

 

You smile and kiss the tattoo on his right bicep before starting a slow but insistent pace.  You’ve never felt anything so tight.  So hot.  So amazing.  You almost laugh as you think of all the female groupies who have no idea what they’re missing.  This feeling is better than any you’ve ever had.  Part of you is upset Bret’s never approached you before.  Before Rikki got to you.  Because you know that it doesn’t matter how great this is.  You will always belong to Rikki.  There’s nothing you can do to change that. 

 

Bret whimpers beneath you and you speed up.  You can tell he is enjoying this fully now.  You grip his hips tighter, pulling him back against you.  The sound of your bodies coming together is extremely enticing.  You want more.  To be deeper.  To be one.  “You’re fucking amazing.”  The words leave your lips before you have time to think about them.  But it doesn’t matter.  You’re telling him the truth.  All he does is moan in response.

 

Sweat pours down your chest and onto his back as you feel yourself nearing that pinnacle that you so badly want to reach.  Your head spins.  You can’t force your eyes to stay open any longer.  Animalistic lust takes over.  One of your hands tangles in his hair and pulls just enough to border on that line of pleasure and pain.  You pound into him.  “Fuck.  Bret.  So close.”

 

“Me too,” he gasps.  And then you hear him stroking his own cock in rhythm with your thrusts.  “Shit.”

 

Only moans, heavy breathing, and the sound of flesh against flesh fill the room after that.  Neither of you can form coherent words.  But words couldn’t encompass this experience anyway.  And then you’re there.  Falling into an endless bliss.  Pushing him over with you.  You eventually collapse against him.  Your cheek resting against his sticky back.  Your arms wrapped around him.  Holding him close.  You don’t want to let go.  But you know you have to.

 

You slowly untangle yourselves and Bret rolls onto his back, pulling you down on top of him.  He kisses you, his mouth hungry.  And you kiss back, not caring that you’re completely spent.  You know he won’t leave your bed tonight.  You won’t let him.