Many of you out there have been asking, "Why, Exhaulted Leaders, why? What do this insanely chaotic dreams of mine mean?" So in their infinite wisdom, the Elders have decreed that those who choose, may send their dreams to us for interpretation.
Dear Elders,
I dreamt that I was an electrician at some weird kind of rock concert. I am not an electrician in real life. I am unemployed. The band was playing at the edge of a forest. I went to go plug in the amp for the Japanese lead singer of the band. The rest of the band was white and a mixture of men and women - if that matters. The plug was broken so I was afraid and did not plug the amp in all the way. I hoped nobody would notice because I didn’t want to get in trouble. The singer noticed and tried to plug it in the rest of the way. All of a sudden, there was a huge explosion and the singer was blown into a bunch of little pieces. What does this mean? I feel like such a failure.
Sign me: STUPID ELECTRICIAN
Dear STUPID,
I sense much anxiety over the whole plugging the amplifier into the electrical outlet process. Is it possible that you have a subconscious fear of plugs? Where you shocked as a child? Did you listen when THE PRESENCE told you not to stick your finger in the light socket? You didn’t, did you! And now you’re scarred for life! Good! You deserve it for not obeying the great and powerful Booby2Shoes!!! And shame on you for your blatant racism in murdering only the Japanese singer.
Dear Dream Interpreter: When I went to bed last night and fell asleep, I thought that I met the man of my dreams. He ran an oil company – something like Exxon, I believe. The weird thing is that he seemed to have a case of never ending hiccups. He took me to dinner and asked me to buy an elephant with him (for use as a pet). It may seem like a strange request now but it made perfect sense at the time. It was the logical progression of a relationship in the world that I created. I wasn’t ready for such a commitment so I ordered a banana instead of a martini, signaling to him that I wasn’t ready to get serious yet. He became quite agitated and told our waiter (who was dressed as Batman) that since I refused to help buy the elephant, we might as well eat the elephant. The thought of eating the elephant horrified me because I knew this particular elephant quite well. Except he wasn’t really an elephant. He looked like the Snufflelupagus from Sesame Street and we had conversations like normal people. We tried to escape using a raft but the pond was full of ice and we couldn’t go anywhere. We finally got away after he made me cut off his tail. Then I think I woke up. Am I crazy? Is this a forewarning of the apocalypse or something?
Sign me: SNUFFY LOVER :)
Dear SNUFFY LOVER,
No! This is a warning about dating someone with a permanent case of hiccups….and nothing more. Well, actually it might be the apocalypse but it can be averted by finding the Snufflelupagus and cutting off its tail.
Dear Elders,
I was running from a crazed serial killer who was going to kill me with a water gun when suddenly a beautiful woman came out of the closet in the lake and turned the killer into a pickle. We fried the pickle on a fire and ate it. I then realized that I was a cannibal and threw up. I could not live with myself because I felt that I had killed someone by eating the pickle and I was put in the hospital on suicide watch. Is Booby2Shoes trying to tell me something? Is this a message from Her?
Sign me: GUY REALLY AFRAID THIS MEANS SOMETHING TERRIBLE
Dear Afraid,
I am sorry to tell you that you have just shared a very intimate and dirty dream with the brothers and sisters of the Rubber Chicken. This was not a message from Booby2Shoes. This is merely your subconcious mind coming to terms with the fact that you are gay. Both the pickle and the water gun are phallic symbols. You indulged in the pickle and then felt guilty because you have obviously been conditioned to feel that being gay is wrong. Your guilt is what made you throw the pickle up. Also interesting is the fact that your savior came out of the closet. Embrace this knowledge and have a pickle-full life! The Elders have spoken!!!
Dear Elders,
I have been plagued by dreams in which I am falling...off cliffs, off houses, off skyscrapers, off horses, etc. I have been afraid of heights all my life. Is this a reflection of that fear or is Booby2Shoes trying to tell me that this is something which I have to overcome?
Sign me: FALLING OVERBOARD
Dear Overboard,
Booby2Shoes is telling you nothing of the sort. It is the belief of the Elders that phobias should be respected. Instead, we suggest that you stop sleeping on that bunkbed you described in your attached notes.
