Writing
Okay, here's my little disclaimer. I am not a poet. It took me forever to realize this point, but I have and it's true. Some of it is okay, but a lot of it is just wasted HTML on the internet. But I'm too lazy to sort through and find the stuff that I can actually stand. So you have been warned.

As of 12/04, this stuff sucks. But at one time is was how I was trying to express myself, so I guess I won't delete it all. I think I'll just stick to music though. And not quit my day job. Or my night job... ha, like I have a job.

My Life

All my life I've been so lost

Sadness is my guiding light

And it seems my daylight interludes

Are always interrupted by the night.

Forgotten molestation

Deaths of family and friends

Leaving the ones who understand

Will my sorrows never end?

Please don't say 'I love you'

I'm much too sad to love.

Please just hold me tight

Let me know you will be my light.

A typical teenage depression

Tried to overwhelm my life

But I knew I lacked the courage

To wield that sharpened knife.

I finally found true loving friends

With whom I could laugh and sing and cry

But then life tore me away

Yet with new found strength I can try.

Please don't say 'I love you',

I'm much too sad to love.

Please just hold me tight,

Let me know you will be my light.

At the tender age of sixteen

I've experienced trials and more.

And the sad thing is that there's no end

To the trials that are in store.

I worry if all my life

I will be lonely and alone.

Left to fend for my own self

To sit alone in my room

Please don't say 'I love you',

I'm much too sad to love.

Please just hold me tight,

Let me know you will be my light.

Hidden in my saddened mind

I know I will find you.

Ready to take my burdens

If I will love you too.

I know with two together

We will make a perfect whole.

With two heads put together

I'm sure we'll reach our goal

Please now say 'I love you'

I finally found true love

Please still hold me tight

Now I know I can be your light.

I'm A Bitch

All thee years I've remembered

the harsh things I've said to you.

I honestly never meant it,

I never thought you'd think it.

All right, I admit, I'm a coldhearted bitch.

I never meant to be, I guess it just happened.

I wanted to be warm and loving and kind

But years of being a lone made my bubble a wall.

So now I want to say I'm sorry,

but I really just don't know how.

There are hidden feelings in my mind

But my heart forbids they enter.

Isn't it strange that my heart rules my mind

In the way that a mind rules over a heart.

My head is on backward, love is hate,

And when I say I hate you I mean I love you.

All right, I admit, I'm a coldhearted bitch.

I never meant to be, I guess it just happened.

I wanted to be warm and loving and kind

But years of being alone made my bubble a wall.

So if you give me a chance I'll apologize

It's all I really ever wanted to do.

Take a jackhammer to the wall and tear it down

And warm up my life, even if just for a minute.

Affecting You

Oh the places you’ll go,

The things you’ll see and do.

How will they affect you?

Inspiration, Anger,

Meditation, Annoyance,

Awe, Anger, Love,

Friendship, Leadership;

How will they affect you?

Elements

Fire burns

Water engulfs

Wind encircles

Earth crumbles

Love devours

They all can kill.

Summer Ruined

Oh how those summer delights,

Frolicking in the fields,

Playing in the water,

And loving each other,

Are ruined by one word.

So many different single

Words.

A cry for help is never heard, never understood.

                                                -Grace Potter

Down on myself

I don’t exist.

I am just a projection of a future self.

This is a null void where nothing is real

            yet it is all the same.

I am an afterthought.

People talk to me out of necessity.

No one cares.

Why should they?

Why would they.

I’m nobody special,

just a projection of a future self.

I may feel pain,

I may be hurt,

            but it’s not real.

I don’t exist…

Saved by Him

Summer frolicking leads to

Young love.

Broken Hearts can lead to

Death.

Mourning leads to

            Depression.

Sadness leads to

            Death.

But afterwards, everything is put to right by

the love of a brother. 

Eternal Waiting

Waiting for eternity,

The end is near.

Someone disapproves,

Speaking against us.

Hark unto the East,

The sun rose again,

Marking another day.

Time

As I sit here in disgust

Of an ancient memory,

The clock ticks again.

            Waiting for me to call out.

How I wish this dream would end,

Releasing me from this misery

known to man as time.

Trio

Past, present, future

Water, Fire, Earth

Him, Her, Us

Everything’s a trio.

Destruction and Rebirth of the Soul

Fire winds its way through our souls

Wind blows through the windows to it.

Earth crumbles what is left,

Water washes the pain away,

So love can enter once again.

Knowledge of the truth is forever my only weapon.

                                                -Grace Potter

Does he?

Does he know me?

            He looks my way

Does he like me?

            He’ll never say

Does he want me?

            I’ll never know.

Does he love me?

            It’ll never show.

      But I don’t know him.

I like him, love him,

I want him, but I

Will never know.

Waiting

I sit disfigured,

Waiting for my angel to come.

I see him, and I cry.

He deserves so much better than I

I wish I could give him more.

But wait, there is a solution,

And I embrace it.

            Oh, if only that day would come!

Alone

I stand by his side

            Invisible.

He never knows I’m there.

And when I finally am,

He rejects me.

I pray that someday

I will find him

Alone just as I was.

I will repay him with an embrace,

Having always been there for him,

And we will live together forever.

A Haircut

Ridding myself of my pain,

Gaining a new face.

Everyone notices; compliments me.

The wind blows through my hair,

and I feel free.

The Feeling

All of the sudden I feel

            beautiful, warm, safe, loved.

Someone is looking at me,

            But who?

Is I the man I

            respect, love, long for?

Will I ever know.

Let me know of your

adoration.

I wish for that feeling again.

Wings

I flew above, in my glory,

Then crashed down to earth,

Wings broken by the wind.

The wind crushed my wings,

Not wanting anyone to fly

As high as him.

As my wings brush the ground,

The grass says “lie on me”.

And I do as the grass says,

Until the sky calls unto me.

Mother

My Mother.

She could have been

A lawyer

A politician

A biologist

A gardener

A breeder

An engineer

An architect

A seamstress

A teacher

A scientist

A musician

A songwriter

An author

An athlete

A businesswoman

An actress

A web-page designer…

But no, she wanted to be my mother.

Oh.

Oh how I pity those organized people

            who are waiting for their prince to come.

But wait, that’s me.

The Masochist

I remember high school,

The best days of my life.

Except when he teased me.

That was every day.

My heart was all a-flutter

Whenever he walked by.

And then it got all broken

When he spat our my name.

Chorus:

All this time I’ve loved you

And you never loved me back.

All this pain you’ve caused me

With never a glance behind.

I could live forever

With a little “I love you.”

But for now a simple “I’m sorry,”

Will do.

Finally left college

I found a normal job.

My boss is a great guy

‘Cept he’s such a slob.

I have to do so much work

And clean up after him.

I get paid minimum wage

For working like ten men.

Chorus

All the men I’ve known

Have caused me pain.

And I swore I’d never

Go back to them again.

I didn’t go back,

But in a way O did.

Because the man in my life

Still causes my one pain.

Chorus

Why do I still love him?

‘Cause he’s the one with the whip.

It may not be the best thing,

But it’s all I can live with.

I could last forever

With a little “I love you.”

But for now a simple “I’m sorry,”

Take me home.