The Laws of Pickin' Up and Seducing Bitches

Written by: The Great Nabis







This book's title may be a bit misleading. That is, what I mean by "bitches" are women in general, and not the particularly nasty type of woman some call "bitch."


I think of women as sub-standard human beings for many reasons, but suffice it to say that most women are too emotional and lack any sense of reality--they have a hard time understanding the concept of "hard work to get ahead." Women understand manipulation and human-leeching and that is all.

It is important to understand that all the great lovers throughout history have held in contempt the weaker sex--as do all great players today, for it is impossible to respect women and be a player. Don't get pay attention to the feminist propaganda that women are the equals of men, because this is not so and can never be (read up on history and anthropology for a better understanding).


This book is the culmination of months of study and learning. Most of what I have written here has been borrowed from men more knowledgeable than myself in the ways of women; however, there are a number thoughts and examples that were borne from my own personal exerience.


Some of the ideas may seem to contradict each other but nothing is black and white when it comes to love and sex.


NOTE: The contents of this book may be a little scattered, as I randomly add articles copied from the web, notes, and various other junk. Of course I always attempt to make note of, and separate, these entries from the "Laws."





Finding the ho's


The best advice that I could give you for finding ho's is: don't look in bars! Anywhere else is better, for example; grocery stores, libraries, clothing stores, malls, book stores, college campasses, ad nauseum....

The reasons why you shouldn't be looking in bars for women are numerous, but for starters: they have their radar up! Every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the place wants to bang them and the ladies know it, especially if she knows she's good looking. For an average guy to be successful he has to be some kind of smooth, spend enormous amounts of money, and waste a lot of time in the seduction (because she has her radar up and the competition is so stiff). Don't waste your time in meat markets, go to a bar to drink and have a good time with your friends, look your best of course, but don't try to pick up women. Just the fact that you aren't trying to pick up women will sometimes draw the women to you, because you send off vibes that you aren't available and every women loves a challenge.

Picking up women anyplace else is always your best bet. Women don't expect to be hit on outside of bars and therefore don't have their radar up--so you can spend much less time on the seduction, and the male competition is almost non-existent. One more point: many women love the idea of saying to their future grandchildren that she met their grandfather by accident; women love the idea of fate, destiny, karma and all that other crap. No women wants to tell her children or grandchildren that she met her husband in a bar.

I could go on and on about why you shouldn't bother wasting your time trying to seduce women in bars, but anyone who has spent any amount of time in bars knows that 90 percent of the time you're going to go home alone--just ask any honest bar-hopping friend of yours.



Law 2

Don't use pick-up lines


I shouldn't even have to tell anyone this, but pick-up lines are for turds. If you're contemplating using a pick-up line, then 1.) leave this site immediately. 2.) Kill yourself; because you don't have the intellect to pickup women.

Just a plain, ordinary: "Hello, how are you?" followed up by idle chit-chat, will get you farther than any pick-up line you can dream up.




Law 3

Find out if the girl was raised with both parents


A girl who wasn't raised by both parents is an easy mark for a one night stand. And this is especially true if she was raised by her mother alone.

There's no need for me to get into the psycho-babble, there are plenty of books out there already, but a girl who was raised without a father figure in her life does not know how to act around men and tries harder to make the men in her life love her.



Here's an interesting article I picked up on the 'Net:


Female's Genetic Programming


Listen carefully. Females OF ALL SPECIES were genetically programmed by Mother Nature to MATE with the dominant males of their species, NOT the weak ones. BY mating with the dominant males of their particular species, the GENES of the strongest males were passed to the newborn thus assuring its SURVIVAL in a very hostile environment. You can observe this MATING RITUAL happening over and over aging in the animal kingdom.


Here is HOW Nature assured the SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST: First: Nature had to find a way to make the female willing to surrender and MATE with the male. There had to be an INCENTIVE for her to WANT to mate. Would you engage in sexual intercourse if it were absolutely boring or unpleasant?. Of course not. So, in order to make her a WILLING participant, the female of the species was programmed to feel all those intense, uncontrollable, overwhelming, pleasurable FEELINGS that makes her ready to go ahead and MATE. Have you heard the expression: my female dog is in HEAT?. You know that this female dog goes CRAZY. If that dog were not in HEAT, there would be no copulation, no mating.


Second: Nature wanted to preserve the strongest traits of that species. Therefore, the female was programmed to have those crazy, wild feelings and emotions PREDOMINANTLY toward THE STRONGEST, MOST DOMINANT MALES, the ones that she COULD NOT CONTROL, the ones that would dominate her. You must have observed in Wildlife that the female does NOT surrender to the weakest, but she waits for the WINNER AMONG ALL THE MALES fighting for her favors. And the winner is always the strongest one. And the fighting itself contributes to make her quite EXCITED. And the sight of the winner makes her even MORE excited to the point where she WILLINGLY surrenders and MATES WITH THE WINNER.


Do you understand what I said?. The female was programmed by Mother Nature to feel ATTRACTED to and MATE with the dominant males, not the weak ones. Is it the strong male, not the weak, the one who makes her FEEL really excited and turned on. Well, guess what. Women, the females of our species, have exactly THAT SAME INFORMATION still coded in their genetic structure. And -this ancient MATING INSTINCT is constantly being REINFORCED in ALL women, FROM A VERY EARLY AGE, by the heroes of Hollywood, TV and the mindless soap operas and romantic novels that women devour.


All these heroes are supremely self-confident, strong, untamable, they cannot be controlled by ANY woman, they treat women roughly, they can do no wrong, they always say the right things and make the right moves, they SWEEP WOMEN OFF THEIR FEET and they always end up getting the females.


THE MESSAGE BEING CONSTANTLY REINFORCED IN ALL SINGLE WOMEN is that ONLY the uncontrollable, untamable guy is desirable . And that ANY nice guy should be ignored. Therefore, women all over the world keep dreaming about some knight in a shining armor WHO will SWEEP THEM OFF THEIR FEET, and dominate them and make them go totally OUT OF CONTROL and possess them. That is why the strong, dominant, unpredictable, untamable male is a turn-on for ANY WOMAN. She was programmed to respond to that kind of a male. She goes "NUTS" for this type of guy. She will do ANYTHING to try to get him.


This genetic programming in the females is accomplished in great part through a very powerful hormone known as Estrogen, the "FEELING" drug. It makes females want to feel, and feel, and feel. On the other side of the spectrum, a powerful hormone known as Testosterone, the "PERFORMANCE/ACHIEVEMENT" drug, is the one that makes men "hunters" and gives them the drive to achieve, invent, create. That would very nicely explain why women CRAVE for intense feelings and emotions. They love to FEEL, FEEL and FEEL. They have this uncontrollable, almost "psychotic" NEED to talk about their relationships and what/how they FEEL all the time. They couldn't care less about how things work, about computers and about cars. Except when they want you to buy one for them.


It would also explain why men DON'T have this overwhelming, uncontrollable, even ''psychotic" NEED, to talk about their feelings and they are much happier creating, inventing, and talking about their computers, their cars and their latest high-tech toys. Women FEEL happy when they FEEL. Men FEEL happy when they ACCOMPLISH something. LOGICALLY SPEAKING, ANY woman should try to avoid the jerks, the bad guys, AT ALL COST considering that she has been drilled over and over by her mother ( and even her father) that men are no good, that they are only interested in sex. Does she follow her mother's instructions?. Of course not.


Instead, she keeps going after the troublemakers, the guys who are going to hurt her. These BAD guys project these vibes of being so dominant and uncontrollable that it TURNS ON the all powerful MATING INSTINCT to mate with a DOMINANT male, a male perceived as strong because he is uncontrollable, a male who gives her a sense of security that females themselves don't have, a male who makes her feel totally OUT OF CONTROL, a male who makes her surrender completely, and who controls and dominates and possesses her. And SHE LOVES THOSE FEELINGS. She loves the feelings she gets WHEN being DOMINATED AND BEING OUT OF CONTROL, just like her female counterpart in the animal kingdom.


These feelings act as a powerful and highly ADDICTIVE DRUG that she MUST have AGAIN and AGAIN, EVEN when she gets hurt. Of course, Mother Nature ONLY wanted to assure the survival of the species by means of this ANCIENT MATING RITUAL. But this is not a "useful" behavior any longer. MOTHER NATURE should have! terminated it a long time ago. BUT IT WAS NEVER DONE. And modern women still carry with them, wherever they go, this "useless" genetic information that gets them incredibly "TURNED ON" anytime they encounter a jerk or a hard-to-get man.



Another one from the 'Net:


Why Good Girls Go For Bad Boys


Mr. Right isn't necessarily a good guy. Mr. Right isn't necessarily a nice guy. Mr. Right doesn't necessarily care whether or not he's Mr. Right.


Women know before hand the hard-to-find traits that they're looking for in a guy ("Mr. Right"), and because there are so seemingly few in existence, women don't put their lives on hold. Instead they go from guy to guy, boyfriend to boyfriend, subconsciously hoping that one day this Mr. Right will suddenly drop into their lives. To a woman, Mr. Right is someone who appeals to her own personal style. Mr. Right could be anyone... And it's not about looks (sure looks might get her attention, but only for a moment). Again, Mr. Right could be anyone, and so a woman will perform "tests" to see if a particular guy might be a Mr. Right.


For the purpose of this article, let's say that Mr. Right is a guy who's presence tells the world that he expects respect, and he doesn't have to work for this respect.


So everything about you says that you deserve respect just because you were born. But do you really deserve this respect?... Time to put you to the test.


For example, sometimes women will "lead you on" as a means of testing you... If you respond in any way that tells a woman that you think she's leading you on, you've just failed the test. So no matter what happens, never do anythingthat makes her think that you think she's leading you on. One easy way to disable this specific test is to put a stop to all contact with her the moment she attempts to test you (and don't waste your time telling her off - it's counterproductive!). Turn your back (so to speak) and don't say anything, and do not be affected. If you tell her off, it shows her that she's had an affect on you.


By acting unaffected, her mind will go to work, wondering why you're not affected by her antics... Allude (but be subtle) to other women, and you'll make her think that the reason you're not being "strung along", is that you have other women to choose from... She might even wonder if it's you stringing her along! However, if you're going to allude to women, BE CAREFUL... Remember to be subtle, because if you outright say that you have other women to choose from, or that you "can get any girl", you may challenge her pride. And if she's prideful, this can give her the psychological strength to leave you and never look back.


The more a woman wonders as to what your intentions are, the more she becomes involved psychologically, and the more your value goes up in her eyes... This is a good reason why many "bad boys" have their way with women... [ "...Psychologically, the more a woman (or anyone) wants something, the more it will elude her, and the more she'll chase after it. In your case, the longer this process carries on, the less willing she will be to give you up once she thinks you're 'caught'"... - Section III, Senoritas Escandalosa - ]


Anger and emotion are counterproductive - when dealing with a woman's tests, it's not about passing these tests by doing "the right thing"... it's about staying calm and objective, and throwing her off-balance by not letting her test you.


Remember: To pass her tests, ignore them. Do not give her tests the time of day. If her tests are persistent, laugh at them until she feels foolish for trying to test you.


When she tests, treat her like she's your kid sister... Because in reality, this is how she's acting. Sometimes women are aware they're performing tests, and other times they're not aware. Rather than chasing along, trying to pass her tests, laugh them off. And then go on as if it's business as usual. Maybe you'll piss her off and she'll never want to talk to you again, but this is a risk you have to be willing to take. Chances are much greater she'll have a lot more respect for you in the end. And even if she doesn't want to talk to you again, be secure knowing that you didn't play by her rules, and instead are telling her to play by yours, or hit the road.


If you've ever wondered why women go for "assholes", you've just learned a key driving force. In reality, most of these assholes aren't assholes... They're simply untouchable. They do things on their own terms. They can't be negotiated with... They act with authority, and get the respect that goes along with it. They can't be tested. They maintain independence from social constraints.


This is the kind of independence that Hollywood has glorified, because it's a position that commands respect and authority. Women string guys along until they find a guy that they can't string along. Then that woman's attention will suddenly center 100% on this new guy, and the guys who were being strung along are all but forgotten. If you've learned anything by now from, it's independence. Independence shows that you have high confidence, and don't have to depend on anyone for your well being.


Independence in men can be thought of as seducing women without even trying. Women (and men) are attracted to independence. To an outside observer, you're not trying to pick up the women in question. Instead, you carry on as if women aren't that important to you. While seemingly arrogant, it somehow strikes a psychological chord with many women.


At the time of this writing, Pamela Anderson - a woman worshipped by men around the world and made a household name by the television show, Baywatch - is dating music performer, Kid Rock. Before Kid Rock, she had a well-publicized relationship with Tommy Lee of 80's glamour rock band Motley Cruë... Before ever meeting these musicians, you can be sure that Pam Anderson had heard some of their songs... Consider the lyrics she probably heard...


"Girl don't go away mad, just go away..." (Motley Cruë)

"I'm not straight out of Compton, I'm straight out of the trailer..." (Kid Rock)

"It's the same old situation, it's the same old ball and chain..." (Motley Cruë)

"Because I want to be a cowboy, baby..." (Kid Rock)


Tommy Lee and Kid Rock have both had their way with one of the most worshipped women in history. If anything, these relationships have really put a spot light on the "bad boy" image that for a variety of reasons, is powerfully seductive.


So what do women see in bad boys?


Two words... RISK and INDEPENDENCE (remember these words from earlier in this article?). Since women are not prepared to be responsible for being "bad" themselves (risk taking / adventure seeking), they find it very attractive when they find men who are "bad".

These are men who are (or seem) prepared to take risks and have adventures and along the way, will encourage the women, to be

bad themselves. That's a great deal of the appeal of a bad boy. Even if the woman is bad, she's still morally better than he is. And

that's very attractive to her. She can be as bad as she wants, and she knows the guy will be badder.


The other thing is that bad boys are perceived as guys who have more "wild fun" than "nice guys". And they show women more fun. Bad boys like their lives. Women find their energy and self-confidence strongly attractive. When women find these traits in a nice guy (which is rare), they usually marry him. When they find it in a bad boy, they usually just sleep with him.


If you want plenty of one night stands, consider taking on the aura of a "bad boy"... Or in more common terms... BECOME A BAD BOY... Then put yourself in an environment where women are looking for guys like you, and you'll find many vying for your attention.


(Side Note: This is why most "nice guys" don't get one night stands... And when "nice guys" are out on thetown, they make it EVEN EASIER for bad boys to get one night stands. Because nice guys help make the bad boys stick out in

a crowd.)


Pamela Anderson could have any man in the world. She could have Billionaires. She could have Kings.


So (at least at the time of this writing) why is she with a butt-rocker from Detroit?


Now you know.



Law 4



Women love men just as much as men love women. Women love sex just as much as men do. Women are going to get it somewhere, it may as well be you. For many women, sex is a means to an end; women need romance, they need a man to balance them. The way to a woman's panties is through her mind, heart, and soul.

And remember: a girl will often mention sex directly and/or indirectly with speech and/or physical contact. A man's best bet is to initiate the sexual part of the pick-up after such an indication and not before. And do not spend more than 10 minutes with any one girl if you have not been given any signal* to get physical.


* (Some signals are: touching you, caressing herself, preening, longer than average eye contact with a smile, caressing objects she may be holding, etc,. There are many other examples of "signals" within these pages.)



Law 5

Women NEED Alpha Males


First a description of the alpha male: he is confident, he is courageous, he is protective, he has vitality, he takes no abuse, he has a love of life, and he loves the opposite sex... this is part of what makes up the alpha male.


How does a man become an alpha male? He watches other alpha males and apes them--what many men need to understand is that they can watch other successful men and mimic them, and sooner or later they will become successful men themselves. Rarely is success inborn in the powerful male but, more often than not, a learned behavior. A behavior learned by watching powerful men in action (ideally fathers, but also close friends, bosses, teachers, etc.). By "powerful" I mean the man who has his way with the world--not necessarily the man with the most money, or the man who has numerous employees under him, but the man who makes no apologies for the way he is and moves through the world with a self confidence bordering on an excessive sense of self worth.


Get the idea that women want alpha males out of your mind, women need alpha males. A woman will dump a Brad Pitt lookalike in a heart beat, if he's a beta male, and hook-up with a Quasimoto-looking, abusive, S.O.B., as long as he's an alpha male.

I can't stress this enough, if you wanna get ass, you gotta act alpha.

Every guy in his life has known a man who just can't seem to do wrong with the ladies, that man is an alpha male. It doesn't matter what he looks like, it doesn't matter how he may seem to treat women, it doesn't matter how much money he has, despite all of his apparent flaws he constantly has women chasing after him. So how the hell does he do it? How the hell does an alpha male act? The answer(s) you seek are below:


An alpha male is confident he's going to get laid, because he knows he's an alpha male. He knows that women and people in general want to be around him so he doesn't shy away from conversation and meeting new people. He doesn't worry about what other people think about him when he's doing his thing. He takes control of a situation with authority. He knows he's fun to be with because he's always having a good time and therefore he "is" fun to be with. He knows that if he's in a group of people (men and women), he will be the one that the women choose to be with, and by having this expected outcome, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.


Being the alpha male is all about attitude and projecting the image that you are fun to be with and the women should want to be with you. Being the alpha male is self perpetuating. The more you believe you are the alpha male, the more you become the alpha male.


Some men have a hard time seeing themselves as the Alpha male because being the alpha male implies that you are the "best of the best," and they know themselves better than that; if it helps, break down men into two groups: dominant and subordinate, and think of yourself as a dominant male (one of many).



Law 6

Human beings (women) are Animals


If you have the tendency to put women on pedestals imagine her sitting on the toilet shitting her brains out... yes, women defecate too. Human beings are animals; we eat, shit, sleep, puke, and do everything thing else that normal, disgusting animals do. So why are you treating the fairer sex like they are goddesses?

Women like sex as much as men do but have to treat sex differently; a woman has to deal with the possible consequences of getting knocked-up; women are more prone to diseases; women have their reputation to think of; women have to worry about inviting home a person who could very easily overpower her and do her serious harm; and so on....

Men can be more open about their desires and experiences because there are less consequences to deal with. Don't think for a second that women don't want sex just as much as men do.



Another interesting artilce on ... Approaching Women


Fred: "Excuse me, I just wanted to tell you that I find you very beautiful and, um, I was wondering if, um, you could buy me a drink. Oh, I mean, if I could buy you a shrink, I mean drink?"


Primary Target: "Get lost a**hole!"


Fred: "Lesbian!"


Primary Target: "Bubba, this guy just insulted me."




familiar territory?


Most men will agree that approaching women is probably one of the most stressful situations they can find themselves in. The reason for such emotions comes from the fear of being rejected by a woman. This fear is so strong that it causes men to behave in very abnormal ways, such as stuttering like never before or engaging in completely irrational behavior.

For example, once I was standing at a bar when a man leaned over toward me and said, "Whew, would you look at that sexy woman, hmm, I'd sure like to get into her panties." So I told the fellow to go talk to her. But he insisted on having a couple of drinks before moving in on his target.

An hour later, the fellow was still at the bar looking her way. The nice thing was that she too was looking his way and maintaining his gaze. At one point, she even smiled at him. She was giving him all the right signals and her body language was definitely inviting.


hesitation leads to masturbation


But instead of encouraging him to make a move, the staring rally only motivated him to turn back toward the barmaid and order another drink. By this time, the shy fellow became very excited due to all the attention he was getting.

The only problem was that he had no clue how to approach this woman, coupled with the fact that he already had a few JD shots and five beers.

Two hours later, the woman left with a very disappointed look on her face while my new buddy was asleep on the bar. What happened? Well, the poor man was so nervous that he drank himself to sleep and never had the chance to approach the beautiful woman. Needless to say, this man was going to spend another lonely night with his hand. Pathetic!


the preparation


Okay, let's get one thing straight: Unless you're Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, you will get rejected. Even The Player gets rejected once in a while. So understand that it's normal to be rejected; it's part of the dating game.

No one person can please everyone. Some women like blond men, while others like dark-haired men. Some women like chubby men while others like muscular men. Some women like tall men while others prefer vertically challenged ones. She might even already have a boyfriend. The secret is to not take rejection personally.

You can't let the fear of rejection prevent you from approaching a woman. My conversion ratio is about 30%, which means that for every ten women I meet, seven will reject me and three will speak to me.

Now you might think that 30% is pretty low, but it sure beats 0, which is the case when you don't approach any women at all. So you've guessed it -- the reason why I always meet women is because I always approach at least eight to ten of them.

I'll admit it, rejection is not easy to digest, but there are a couple of steps you can take before approaching a woman to measure the probability of success. In my case, I will never approach a woman unless I know that my chances of being rejected are low. This is why I have a conversion ratio of 30%.

The few men who have the courage to approach women do it blindly and without any observation. This means that their conversion ratio is very low, which is, in itself, bad for the ego. Before approaching a woman, I recommend observing two key factors: body language and flirting.


Before making any moves, I like to observe her body language to see if she is interested in me. Look for the following signs and you'll always be one step ahead:


She Is Interested She Is NOT Interested

Sidelong glance Never sneaks a peak

First looks down then away to the side Looks away at eye level

Looks at you for a few minutes Fleeting eye contact

Holds your gaze briefly Looks away quickly

Posture changes to alert Posture unchanged

Tilted head Vertical head

Matches your posture Posture unchanged

Thrusts breasts Sags breasts

Does not touch face, touches hair Touches face, nose and ears -- does not touch hair




Flirting is an excellent way to confirm what her body language is telling you. In return, flirting is one of the ways women discover what you'll be like as a lover.

Flirting with a woman creates opportunities. It's a chance to have fun with her and build up the nerve to ask her out on a date. By flirting with a woman, you can find out how responsive she will be to you.

Because most women respond to emotion, your goal in flirting is to make her feel happy so that she associates you with her happy feelings. This is known as "anchoring," where stimuli are connected to a certain feeling. In this case you are the stimulus and the feeling is happiness.

The best way to flirt is to approach it in a fun or playful way. This will help her feel safe and comfortable around you and she'll eventually drop her shield. Start out by relaxing, making eye contact, smiling -- and don't forget to say "hi."

From my experience, after introducing yourself, the best way to flirt with a stranger is to make imaginative misinterpretations in a complimentary and romantic manner.

For example, let's say that you find the saleswoman at Macy's really sexy and you want to ask her out on a date. Instead of asking her out in a straightforward manner and risking rejection, you can flirt with her by saying, "I can't believe I'm being served by the sales goddess herself."

She'll probably laugh (look for body language) and then you can finish with, "Wow, I'm so impressed with your assistance that it would be an honor to take you out on a date." Then wait for her answer. It's not guaranteed that she'll accept your offer, but your chances are a lot better. If she does reject you, you probably won't feel as bad because it was all a fun, flirting game.

One last note about flirting: it can also be used as a screening process. It lets you get to know her and decide whether or not you want her. Why would you want to screen her?

Well, the last thing you want is a dangerously unstable woman who'll say, "It's so nice to have a boyfriend at last," after she sleeps with you on the first night she meets you.

You also want to avoid the other extreme case where the woman is a cold fish and is not interested in having sex with you until the two of you are married, or at least engaged, and you offered her father three cows and a goat as a dowry for his daughter.


the approach


So you've found the woman you want to talk to. You noticed her body language and she definitely seems interested. You flirted with her and she was very receptive. There is still a possibility that she might reject you, but you don't care -- it's part of the game and you won't take it personally.

Now how do you do it? How do you approach her and develop an interesting conversation and eventually ask her out on a date?


Jeff: (Approaches woman at the bar after receiving positive body language and successful flirting) "Hi! Do you mind if I join you?"


Primary Target: "No, not at all. Have a seat."


Jeff: "Thank you, that's very nice of you. By the way, my name is Jeff, and you are?"


Primary Target: "My name is Jessie." (Both shake hands).

Jeff: "Can I buy you a drink?"


Jessie: "No thanks, I've already had a little too much to drink. What about yourself, aren't you drinking?"


Jeff: "No, I get drunk just by watching people drink -- that's how I am. Because I get easily excited, I don't need to drink to have fun."


Jessie: (Smiles) (Thinking to herself -- "Weirdo!")


Jeff: (Taps a drum beat on the bar while shaking his head to the music) "You know, you have really beautiful eyes."


Jessie: (Smiles) "Thanks." (Thinks to herself -- "Oh no, not another one of those losers.") "Listen I'm going to the lady's room and I'll

be right back."


Two hours later...


Bartender: Hey buddy, we're closing. Time to go home."


Jeff: I'm just waiting for my friend Jessie to come back from the lady's room."


getting past "hello"


You finally find the woman you want to talk to. You've noticed her body language and she definitely seems interested. You've flirted with her and she is receptive -- as seen in Part I of Approaching Women.

There's still the possibility that she might reject you, but you don't care -- it's part of the game and you won't take it personally.

Now how do you do it? Approach her, make a good impression and develop an interesting conversation that will last more than ten minutes -- unlike our buddy Jeff.

Read on and see how The Player deals with approaching women.


the rules


The most important thing to keep in mind while approaching women is that first impressions are priceless and are made up within the first three seconds of introducing yourself. This means that you have no room for error.


Rule No.1

Women sense and are turned off by insecurity, so make sure you look and act confident. How? Groom, dress, move, and pursue like a man who is confident with women.

Practice socializing with all kinds of strangers on the street, whether they're old or young, women or men. Just say "Hi" and you'll start to notice your confidence build up.


Rule No.2

No pickup lines. It upsets me when people ask me for the best pickup lines; there is no such thing as miracle pickup lines. You have to be honest, straightforward and say what's on your mind.

If you use pickup lines, a woman will read right through you and feel cheap. When a woman feels like you're using a pickup line on her, she will do everything possible to show that she won't fall for it.

Using pickup lines is what destroys a conversation because it's hard to think of what to say afterwards. Instead, by making conventional small talk, you have a base to build an interesting conversation upon.


Rule No.3

Don't give her your name. This is the first tool to confirm that she is interested in you. Instead, ask for her name. Once she says her name, compliment it and start talking. If after a while she asks you for your name, it means she is interested. If she doesn't ask for your name, it means she doesn't care. If that's the case, don't waste your time with her and move on before she does.


Rule No.4

No matter how tempting it might be, don't look at her breasts. If she catches you looking, gazing, screening, or scanning for even a one hundredth of a second, it's all over and you could kiss your chances goodbye. Don't risk it.


a winning conversation


Good looks are important but not enough to keep a woman interested in you. A woman also wants a man who can have an intellectual conversation.

Most men know how to speak to women for the first few minutes but don't know how to make the conversation last. The most important part is how to keep them interested past the first ten minutes of conversation.

The problem is that men don't understand how to follow the sequence of natural conversation. Some men make the mistake of talking about themselves all night long, while others begin by talking about how many kids they want, why they're still single, or how fast their Porsche can go from 0-60 mph.

The secret to keeping a woman interested in you for more than ten minutes is to first melt her security ice shield, follow a sequence of natural small talk, bring up something no one else would, and observe her body language.


1. Ice breakers

At first, women are on their guard and act cold towards you approaching them. They feel a little intimidated so they put up their ice shields. You must deal with the fact that women will be testing you to see if you are safe or potentially violent. Before you even try developing a conversation, you have to make her feel comfortable by showing her that you're harmless.

You can do this by using a little sense of humor (without looking too weird).

You can also try some ice breakers like, "this party is really exciting" or "who's the creep that left you all alone with these men?"

If she gives you the evil eye or tells you to get lost, don't feel bad (remember she might just be uncomfortable so don't take it personally). Follow through with a smile and say, "Hey, you don't need to get nasty, I was just trying to make conversation." She might smile back and apologize. If she doesn't, well hold your head up and move on.

If she smiles and gives you buying signals, this means she is slowly lowering her ice shield. You can continue by asking for her name and following through with a compliment. Now you can move on to the actual conversation.


2. Rolling your tongue the right way

When you first meet a woman, you have to capture her attention and keep her interested in you. This is achieved through the art of conversation. You have to be able to roll your tongue the right way to charm her.

Speaking to a woman is really easier than it seems. The secret is to let women do all the talking while you do all the listening. In general, women love to talk and gossip. Women talk and gossip for hours over the phone and at work, so why should you do any different?

So how do you get her started? The answer is simple: open your eyes and observe a particular thing (something small and impersonal) about her that no one else would normally notice such as her nails, wrists/hands, hair, and so on. Then ask her an open-ended question regarding the subject and let her talk.

Listen very carefully to every word she has to say. You will get clues to build upon a sequence of questions and keep the conversation focused on her. By keeping the conversation focused on her, you kill two birds with one stone.

First, make the conversation interesting if it is focused on her because in her eyes, it must be interesting -- after all, she is an interesting person. Second, show that you are a considerate and caring person who is also a good listener.

She is probably expecting you to compliment her on her beauty like all other men. Instead, give here a negative hit, nothing too nasty, but something that will catch her by surprise and intrigue her.

For example, during the conversation, you can say something like, "I think I've seen you before, I'm not sure where, but I do remember seeing that dress before."

Of course you want the woman to associate happiness with you (anchoring), so you have to come right back with two positive hits. Something like, "I just noticed that you have: a beautiful collarbone / an amazing laugh / beautiful hands / a gorgeous dimple and so on.

The idea is to give her the impression that you are being sincere and have your own opinion. You don't want her to think that you are saying anything just to get on her good side.


3. Observation

Talking to a primary target is made easy when she is receptive to you. Remember that it takes two to have an interesting conversation. If you feel that the conversation is going nowhere, it does not necessarily mean that you're a bad conversationalist.

In order to ensure that your primary target is still interested in you, you must observe her body language during the conversation. Look for these top giveaways to see if you should keep on talking or start walking.


Keep Talking Start Walking

Energetic, alert Restless, tense

Lowers drink Keeps drink high

Touches herself gently Grips herself

Caresses objects Squeezes or taps objects

Uncrosses legs Legs remain crossed

Dangles shoes on toe Keeps shoe on

Touches you Never touches you

Feet firmly on floor Feet on edges

Leans forward Leans away


desperation kills the conversation


If there is one dangerous thing that kills a good conversation, it is a sign of desperation. Women are not attracted to men who are desperate.

Women want to feel special. They want to know that if you are courting them, it is because you are attracted to them and not because you are desperate to have any woman.

I suggest that all men should have at least three to five potential primary targets. The reason being that you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket: you don't want to put all your hopes of salvation into one woman.

By having other women around, you will have to plan your time more efficiently and you won't be tempted to be around the same woman every minute of the day. Once again, this will prevent you from looking desperate.


a little example


The Player: (Approaches woman at the bar after receiving positive body language and successful flirting) "Hi! Do you mind if I join you?"


Primary Target: "No, not at all. Have a seat."


The Player: "So who's the creep that left you and your sexy smile here all alone with all these men?" (Ice breaker)


Primary Target: (Laughs and starts to blush) "Actually, I came with my girlfriends to wind down a little from working so hard."


The Player: "A devoted and hardworking woman. Now that's rare to find these days. I bet you're looking forward to a vacation?"


Primary Target: (Big smile and excited look) "Are you kidding me? I'm dying for a vacation!"


The Player: "By the way, what's your name?"


Primary Target: "My name's Jessie."


The Player: "That's a sweet name! Okay Jessie, where is your ideal vacation spot?"


Jessie: "Hmm, let me think. (Touches hair, looks up, caresses her glass and then touches my arm) Somewhere hot. Anywhere, as long as there's a beach around.


The Player: The beach? You don't look like the beach type." (Negative hit)


Jessie: (Surprised) "What do you mean?"


The Player: "Well you look like the type of person who'd prefer to stay in the city and do some site-seeing or visit museums." (Expanding on negative hit implying she looks boring.)


Jessie: (Laughs out loud) "No way! I love the beach." (Thinks to herself: "No one has ever told me that before, they usually compliment my looks.")


The Player: "You have an amazing laugh, I think I'm going to tell you some more jokes so that I can see those gorgeous dimples again." (Two positive hits).


Jessie: (Smiling) "Stop, you're making me laugh. By the way, you still didn't tell me your name."


The Player: "My name's "David", and it's nice to meet you. So what do you do at work that makes you so exhausted?"


Jessie: "Well, blah, blah "


The Player: (Listens carefully looking for a follow up questions) "Really, and how did that make you feel?"


Jessie: "Well, blah, blah "


The Player: (Listens carefully looking for a follow up questions) "Wow! That's a lot of work. How did you deal with it?"


Jessie: "Well, blah, blah "


The Player: "That's very interesting, but I would deal with it another way."


Jessie: "Oh really. Tell me!"


The Player: "Well, I'd take a week end off, spend it in a hot Jacuzzi and top it off with a full body massage."


Jessie: "Oh that sounds like so much fun. What else?"


The Player: (Focus conversation back to her -- make her talk)"Well what would you suggest?"


Jessie: "Well, blah, blah "


places to meet women


Now that you know how to approach women, you have to go out and find them. Here is my list of favorite places to meet women (in order of success rates):


1. Coffee Shops

2. Gyms

3. Sauna and Spas

4. Dance clubs

5. Dance Lessons

6. Restaurants

7. Bookstores


Do these places sound familiar? They should, women are not rare species, and they're everywhere. So open your eyes and look for that special woman to practice your new found skills.



Law 7

Approaching the Bitches


Law #2 States: don't use pick-up lines! Don't you ever, ever, ever forget this.

So how should you approach women? It doesn't matter what you say, just don't hesitate.

The more you think about what you want to say and how you want to say it, the more likely it is that you'll discourage yourself from the actual approach. You must act so quickly that you don't have time to think. Say the first thing that comes to mind. If nothing comes to mind say "Hi, I noticed something about you..." Then pause and wait for her to say "What? What did you notice?" (women are intensely curious when such a comment is made to them). The few seconds it takes her to get impatient and ask you what you noticed is probably enough time for you to take a closer look at her and actually find something to say. "I noticed you're halfway through the book you're reading - what's it about?" or "I noticed the deep tan you have - did you just come back from a tropical vacation?" Whatever - anything that could possibly lead to a continued conversation. The more answers you're able to get out of her, the more questions you end up being able to ask until eventually a full blown conversation takes place and you get a better opportunity to create rapport with her - a connection.



Here's an interesting "quick step guide to laying a chick" that I found at: . There's some interesting stuff here, and while I don't agree with everything, this guide provides a good general overview of what needs to be done to get laid.


That said; beware, this guy is a bit of a maniac.





So, with no further ado, here is what you gotta do to lay a chick, in a bunch of clear easy steps!


First, the summary: Basically, the steps are:


Do the pickup

Get her alone

Get her feeling secure

Get her laughing

Get her imagination going and horny

Pour on the kino (physical contact)

Kiss and then fuck her


So here we go, the step by step guide!


A) The pickup, First meeting the chick and making an impression


Speak with good tonality, clearly, and deeply whenever you talk to a woman.

Make good eye contact.

Get Eye contact, maybe a smile then approach her, slowly, and compliment her (if she?s not so pretty, and if she is DO NOT compliment her on her appearance) / introduce yourself.

Another way that works, if you are with a wingman (a guy friend also with you), is to talk about the chick (fuck, that skirt is short), a bit loudly, to your wingman, but so the chick can hear. She will then look at you, and then continue as if you just introduced yourself.

Talk a little more (do you live near here/work near here..blah blah). Use some humor and want to get her smiling / laughing or anything else after this step wont work (VERY IMPORTANT!)

Ask her for going to coffee right there, to continue talking.

If she's busy, get her phone number (if she asks for yours instead, insist or tell her to forget it (joke that you never give your number to a girl, because "you wont call..will you, you will just show it to all your friends, giggle and then throw it away...won't you ;-)".. at this point she should give you hers (or at least trade). If not, forget it, as she will not call you anyways, so just leave.

If you give her yours, then you've supplicated to her, you've let her take control. (women dont like guys they can control..its boring, and its not fun/exciting for them, even if they dont admit it openly).




You meet her someplace (near your house so you can get her over later that night) later when she is not with her friends, either right away, or you called her and invited her "to coffee (or a drink) around 8pm after your supper business meeting/class" (why spend money on supper for her now? What has she done for YOU? so far..NOTHING!), and also, supper is boring for most chicks, skip it till AFTER you have fucked her). Also, if its going bad, you can blow her out after 15/20 minutes (and make her pay her drink). For supper, this is harder to do, and you are stuck with her for 1 hr while you wait for all the food and bullshit.

As soon as you meet her, hug her (and try to) kiss her ASAP if you can (like in the first 5 seconds). If she doesn't look like she will go for a kiss, give a big smile, hug her, and gesture her to kiss your cheek with your finger. This gets you started, and will set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Choose a place you can sit *next* to the chick (not facing, with a table between you). If you are next to her, you can get close to her, and start kino (touching), but with a table between, you cant.

The goal of this date (at minimum), is to get her laughing/smiling/start massive amounts of kino, get her to accept holding her hand, and a tongue down at the end of the evening. If its going really well, get her over right then, or save that for the next time when you invite her to make supper with you at your place.

So, now, at the first evening at the coffee shop/beer place. Talk about her work, her dreams, find out her core values, what is important to her, and try to link to that.

Learn to tell stories, this gets her imagination going, talk about things like adventure, her ideal relationship (see if she wants a relationship, or just can tell by her reaction), the feelings that brings out inside her when she meets someone new, suddenly, and how magical that is..blah blah blah.. If she is not the "relationship" kind of chick, then talk about "friendship", and how it is so wonderful to be friends (see my Mr. Smooth post, on my page).

Keep good eye contact, watch for her lean words, and use those in your conversation.

Use jokes, be funny, to get her thinking in an intimate mood ("Ie; I bet when you dress like that, you get attention of all the guys...blah blah).

Ask her about her previous BFs.

While you are doing all this, often (when you laugh..etc), touch her side waist, or shoulder, or back with your hand, firmly.. (dont do the hands or hips yet, unless she starts to initiate/get in closer, or starts touching your shoulder/waist sometimes). This is authoritarian, and she will respect this, and your authority. Do this OFTEN.

Talk some more, tell more stories (I tell a story about "My friend, who is a playgirl, and tries to sleep with married men.. Can you believe that..I mean, did you ever do like her.. ie Have you ever had a 1 night stand...blah blah".

Then I move on to the story of my drunk chick co-workers, who at a dinner party, we asked if they ever did a 3p (3 person) sex, and one raised her hand. Then I asked how many wanted to, and ALL raised their hands! And then got each to tell us all the stuff they did with their BFs (costume play, SM..etc).. Did you ever have any BF's like this?".

Judge her reactions to the above story, this will tell you what she might/might not be interested in.

She may ask you about old GFs, so tell her some good stories (if you dont have any, use the ones from lay reports on my web page)..

Every time you laugh, or say something, put your hand on her shoulder, or waist, or thigh, gently, but authoritively..get the kino going.

Talk about "do you know that more romance novels are sold in the US than porno mags for men? One of my friends said that romance novels is basically woman's pornography.. you know, like when the woman meets the ideal guy..." t..and suddenly they 'clicked right there' blah blah blah and she couldn't believe how close she was getting to him..blah blah..)

Find out about old BF's, what she liked/didn't like. And when she mentions a feeling, elaborate on it (the good feelings and how you like them, and the bad ones; how you hate it when that happens, and how to feel YYY (good feeling) is much better..

Ask, "how do you know you are getting into a special relationship, or someone has become your boyfriend" (and then do /talk about those steps), get her visualizing that ideal relationship/time with a guy..

finish drinking.

As you are doing this talking, touch her shoulder when she is saying her answers, or her leg (she is sitting next to you, so should be easy), start even more kino.

Do a 'hand reading', or comment how her skin is soft, and kid how she never does the dishes or something like that.

Also, ask her what kinds of dishes she likes to cook (this is the setup for the next date, at your place, in case she doesn't come over to fuck you tonight right after the drinks).

After that, remark, how another time, we can make that dish together (kiddingly).

Dont be too gentleman during this evening..treat her as a 'friend' with your tonality, but be kino. Ie. you are the prize, and she is NOT.

Wrap up the drinks. Make her pay her own if you can (ie. if she offers her part..let her..fuck this gentleman shit, it is supplication, you just went casually for drinks, friend to friend not on a real date..).

If it is going really well, ask her over to appreciate your potted plants/record collection/gourmet coffee/wine..etc.

If its not ready yet, go to step "C"


C) Ground work...get her ready to fuck.


Maniac has found that GROUNDWORK is real important (ie. kissing/feeling up the chick before getting her to your place). If you don't do this, she often freezes up and freaks out when she gets to your place. Getting to your place is a REWARD for her letting you kiss her and feel her up.

After, go for a short walk. When you get outside, offer her your arm a-la french style, to escort the lady ( more physical action..she gets to feel your touch more!).

If you did the above talking right in the restaurant, she will be comfortable with this and take your arm. If she doesn't, then you got a wierdo, or a paranoid, and you wont get far with her..make it an early night and get rid of her.

Try to take her hand (maybe stop at a window of a shop or something and look at something with her, then when you continue, take her hand). Rub her hand a bit as you walk too. See if she reciprocates (if she does, it is kiss time)..

Go to a safe, but not crowded area, (park/bench on the street), and look at her eyes, still holding her hand(s), and just say "do you want to kiss me". Anything but a clear direct NO you say, and move in and kiss her..

If that doesn't look like it will work, say "okay, lets see", and then kiss her. Make it short, and end the kiss first, then say "wow, that was very good, one more..", and go in for more. First soft on the lips, then later, tongue action, if she starts to open her mouth as you kiss.

If this is going well, and you can touch her here and there as kissing is happening, then you want to get her back ASAP [Step "E"].

If not, goto Step "D" below.




Continue the nice walk at night in town, she should be used to just grabbing your arm by now for walking if you did this right. If she does it spontaneously, then you just gently, but intentionally take her hand. Walk/talk/ tell more stories to get her visualizing..

At some point, go to the bathroom or something, so you break her hand contact.

When you come back, she should reach back for your hand now if you did all this right so far. If not, then you need to tell more stories and make her visualize some more about love/attraction/relationships/excitement blah blah.

If its going really well, you can try to kiss her in the park, while telling her some story about sudden romance, and asking her what kind of person she is. The answer will tell you if you can kiss her or not.

If you cant kiss her now, then there is another chance later you should take when you say goodbye that evening, if you don't get to fuck her that night.

Walk some more, and escort her back (to the trainstation/car..whatever).

Give her a slow kiss if she kissed you before, and if not, give her a quick one on the lips and say thank you, it was a pleasure to meet you and spend time tonight (if it really was).

If she looks ready to come over to your place to fuck, tell her that you have some pictures/art/music/gourmet coffee/spaghetti you'd like to share with her, and if she'd like to come. She will likely say "no" the first time, so be persistant and insist (spend 5 minutes at this before giving up).


Note though, that lots of girls don't want to fuck the first day, and may give you trouble with this. So if it doesn't look like she is willing to come over TONIGHT, just end the evening for now.


Another power move is to just say "lets go", and dont tell her where you are going. Then when (if) she asks, tell her you are taking her over so you can spend more time together, hugging and being closer.

Then, Dont talk about the next date. Its better to make her think she did something wrong, or wonder.

If things are going really well though, either ask her over RIGHT THEN, to see your drawings, or to play piano, or whatever, or make a date for TOMORROW, at your place.

If things went just okay, dont worry, just you need more work. Call her in a day or two, and tell her how it would be great if we met again. Make the meeting..which is as follows..

If you could kiss her in the park, then invite her over for lunch/supper. If not, then do another drink date, 8pm and pour on the initial hug, kino..etc.. and try again to kiss her some point in the night, more than a quickie kiss and get her over ASAP (she should, since she DID agree to see you again)..


E) She is coming over:


When you meet her, give her a hug right away, and take her hand, try to kiss her if you can (settle for the cheek if you have to).

This is important, and will set the tone for the entire rest of the evening. You MUST do this as soon as you meet her.

After that take her hand/arm, and all that over again from the beginning, because chicks often lose that romantic state from the last time they saw you, till then. You can get through it all pretty fast, tell more stories, move to holding hands..blah blah, and try to kiss her more (before you get to the house if you can, so she doesn't feel threatened, but somehow she is reminded whats coming). It may seem strange, but you have to start over at the beginning, and run through this all over again (usually) to get all the feelings going to where you left off the last time you saw her if it has been a few days..

When you get her over, try to kiss her (just say "do you want to kiss me,or say "I want to kiss you"..if resistance, then just a "short one") and get physical (gently) as soon as she gets in the place. If she is resisting, or is not in the "right mood", then do the supper/order pizza first, and save the fuck till after..

Have a nice supper, (possibly with romantic candles and soft music...or order that pizza, and watch a movie in the living room (again, you'll be next to her, so you can do kino). If you make supper, eat it in the living room with the movie too, so you can do kino. The dinner table sucks, you cant touch her there, so forget that..

After/during supper, kiss more, and do gentle kino.. a long kiss ..

To start the kiss, just look in her eyes, and ask her if she is a romantic person, or "do you want to kiss me" (thanks Mystery for that tip!). After she says yes (if she doesn?t, you have a problem, go back up a few steps on the list/tell more stories), say nothing, and give her a light kiss on the lips, and then more longer/deeper kisses.

Ok, now you are at first base, now, lets get to the fuck..


F) How to get the physical stuff going so you can fuck her..



Kiss her french for a short bit (like 30 seconds).

Then move your lips to kiss her on the neck, ears, let your hands wander, to her breasts..etc, over her clothes. as you kiss her.

If that goes okay, keep going, kiss her neck, and front of neck, and then back to the ear.

If it doesn't go okay, try more gentle kissing, and teasing, be funny, not nervous., ie. back up a couple steps and then continue. It make take you 4 or 5 "backup and retries to get past this.."

Chicks ears are really sensitive, as you are kissing the ear and licking it, raise her shirt/bra, kiss her on her shoulders, around her breasts, just a tap, and move somewhere else with your lips, and then move back now and then, kissing more and more her breasts.. she should start to get very excited..

[sometimes, right around here, she will freeze up and say "do you really like me..are you playing me..blah blah... ". This is the last of the barriers to come down. Tell her how your life changed since you met her, and how strangely, you just felt so at ease, comfortable and close since you met her and how it was so special in some strange way, which is why you felt you had to see her again"... then continue kissing..]

finally reach to her nipples, a quick kiss/maybe a small bite, then move elsewhere, keeping your rhythm and mood to the music/situation. Do not talk..

Move your lips back to her neck, and carress her breasts and chest gently with your hands, then move back there to kiss it again, putting your hand elsewhere on her body.

Keep kissing her on her neck/lips/breasts/nipples, and your hands wander all over her body, let one pass over her crotch and see how see reacts (a little resistance is fine/normal...just ignore it).

Start to stimulate her crotch with your hand over her pants/skirt.

Go again with your hand, get inside her pants, and start to stimulate her, gently/softly

She should get very very excited at this point if up to now you did it right. At that point, pull off her pants (dont ask her, just do it, from the time you kissed her neck, you should not talk at all, just do, let her mind only listen to the music, and see you on her, and the candle light).

Don?t ask to touch her/fuck her, just do, or at most just tell her you want her.. or "lets feel each other closer more directly"..etc.

watch her reaction..some resistance is okay, but if she has an angry look on her face, and is really putting up a fuss, then back up one or two steps on this list, and then resume going down the list after a couple minutes. Repeat as necessary. If she really doesn?t like it, she will get away from you (and if that happens, THROW HER OUT!, you got a FREAK!).

Also, absolutely ignore anything she says. She will probably say she doesnt want to fuck you now, and other blah blah. Ignore it absolutely. Watch her body language only. It won?t lie, but her words probably will. In spite of what all the femenazi?s say, girls really like to be "taken", and want to feel they "didn?t have a choice".

Kiss her crotch, as well as everywhere else, be gentle, learn what she likes/doesn't like in the way you touch/kiss her...every girl is different and unique so find out right away what that is.

Once you know what that is, keep working on her with your hands and lips until she gets really crazy

Stimulate her crotch with your fingers, and work her there till she goes totally nuts, move your lips up to her neck/ear, kiss her, your hands on her breasts, and put your condom on (which you already had ready nearby).

Keep going with the kissing on the neck and hands on the breasts/crotch.

Put your dick in, and drill her till you/she comes. It is easy at this point.


G)Various notes..


See how good she is at that (though some girls are better the 2nd/3rd time), so sleep with her a couple more times.

At that point, you are now ready to decide what kind of relationship who want with her, if any, and you can develop that too

*Warning*, DO NOT try and develop a relationship with a girl *before* you sleep with her. Because, then your head gets all messed up, when they decide they like that relationship they already got, and don't want to risk ruining it by having sex.

SO you get the sex first, so there is no risk of that problem, and THEN (AND ONLY THEN), do you think about a relationship or not, with that woman.


Anyways, if you are very good in bed (which you will be if you always pay attention to the girl real carefully and what she really wants (and not what she says she wants, which is almost always the opposite), the girl will always want the relationship, so then you get to choose whether you want a relationship with her, or not, or if you just want to see her a few more times for sex and then get rid of her if she is not your type; or you dont get along with her personally...



A couple more articles from the 'Net; remember, only the "Laws" are my words, everything else was copied.

I probably picked them up at


Why Single Women go for Jerks


For the life of me I can't understand why single women are attracted to jerks. Maybe this article can explain why:


You and I must understand that women DON'T go deliberately looking for a jerk. Women are not "bad" people at all. Quite the opposite. But WOMEN ARE COMPLETELY CONTROLLED BY THIS ANCIENT MATING INSTINCT. Therefore, they have NO OTHER CHOICE but to go after ANY strong, dominant, untamable male. Or any male who can make her FEEL all those intense, uncontrollable feelings she lives for. The key to understanding women's strange behavior is "they have NO OTHER CHOICE" but to fall for these type of males.


And the jerk HAPPENS to be THAT TYPE of male. Or at least, the jerk has learned HOW TO PLAY that role. The nice guy IS NOT that type of male. The nice guy cannot even play that role. If a nice guy became strong and dominant and HARD TO GET, she will go BLINDLY after that nice guy. The proof that I am right is that EVERY TIME a nice guy starts ACTING like a jerk, HE IS SUDDENLY WANTED BY ALL THOSE WOMEN WHO USED TO IGNORE HIM BEFORE. Women don't really want jerks. They probably want a nice guy. But ... "what women -WANT" and "what women NEED" are two different things. And their Subconscious ''genetic" programming, that NEED to feel and feel and feel, will make women go uncontrollably after what they NEED, not what they want. And that is true of EVERY person, in any area of life. They will attract into their lives and/or will go toward what they subconsciously NEED, not what they think they want.


What a woman genetically NEEDS is the type of man who will trigger in her all those intense feelings and emotions. Why?. Because a female NEEDS to experience those uncontrollable feelings/emotions to surrender completely to him. Once she FEELS that way about him she will do anything and everything for/with him. Women are SUCKERS for those very intense emotions and feelings that they were "genetically" programmed to experience for a certain type of male, the dominant, strong one. They NEED to FEEL those feelings to surrender to him. It has a lot to do with Estrogen, the "feeling" hormone as opposed to testosterone, the "performance/achievement" hormone. While most men are born to be "doers" most females are "be-ers" or "feelers".


Women will love and go after ANY man who is able to "ignite" those feelings in them. Unfortunately, a "nice", sensitive, wimpy type of guy does not generate those feelings in women. A strong, dominant, hard-to-get! man DOES. And the jerk fits in this category. And the jerk knows how to "ignite" those intense feelings and emotions women are addicted to. A jerk and a hard-to-get man make her feel ... feel...feel ... crazy, excited, turned on. A "nice" guy makes her feel ... feel ... feel .... bored to death.


Even when women fall for a guy who is very handsome, they will leave him very quickly if they discover he is a nice guy who can be easily controlled by females. It happens all the time. And they will go after some not-so-handsome type, even ugly one, who is strong and dominant. Even married women will do the craziest things and go after THE guy who can "ignite" those feelings in them. What she loves are the feelings she FEELS. Not the guy! But in her mind, the guy and the feelings become inseparable. She loves the feelings. Therefore, she falls in love with the guy who can make her feel that way.


Now, it will be totally futile to try to explain to any woman that she doesn't really love guy A. But that she really loves THE WAY guy A makes her feel. She will tell you that you are crazy. But this is the truth. In a nutshell: Person A loves person B because of the way person B makes person A feel. More precisely, Person B satisfies the deepest VALUES that Person A needs satisfied to believe/know that she is in love with Person B.


Women were "genetically" programmed to be SUCKERS for intense feelings and

emotions in order to surrender and mate.


The jerks and the hard-to-get guys DO "trigger" those intense, uncontrollable emotions

she "genetically" loves. A nice guy does NOT.


ANY man who learns HOW to make her FEEL the way she was "genetically"

programmed to FEEL, FEEL AND FEEL, will have her doing anything and everything

he wants.


Remember that men are "doers". Women love feelings. They live to FEEL, FEEL AND



If YOU can make her FEEL the way she wants to feel, she will LINK all those

pleasurable, intense feelings with/to you. YOU will be satisfying her deepest, most

treasured VALUES. Then, she will become ADDICTED to you. And you will make her

fall in love with you.



What She Wants


Remember, your dream girl's no idiot. She wants the total package. She's not going to fall for some dopey little trick you picked up some place on the internet. However, she may fall for hundreds of dopey little tricks that you've mastered and incorporated into your own unique personality.


Now given that you understand the "total package" concept, there are definitely a few things that you can do - focus on - which can help you out in this area. Things which will greatly increase the probability of her experiencing the desired emotional response toward you (that being increased liking, increased attraction, and maybe even love).


Today we're going to discuss a psychological phenomenon known as Response Facilitation (RF). RF refers to the process of strengthening the dominant response in a particular situation. For our purposes here, we're going to use it to refer to the strengthening of emotional responses. In other words, making that girl who sorta likes you, REALLY like you. And making that girl who sees you as a "friend," see you as, maybe, a little more than that.


However, keep in mind that RF can work in other, unwanted directions as well. That is, you could take a girl who dislikes you, and make her REALLY dislike you. Take a girl who is angry at you, and make her REALLY angry at you. Or a girl who is afraid of you, and make her REALLY afraid of you. In other words, an intensification of her dominant emotional response toward you. So beware.


So how can we intensify emotional responses via RF?


Well, before we get into that, let's briefly delve into the nature of emotions themselves.


Emotions basically consist of two parts: a cognitive component (what you're thinking) and a physiological component (what you're feeling). The cognitive, thinking component determines WHAT emotion you're feeling... while the physiological, feeling component determines the INTENSITY of that emotion.


For example, if you're angry with someone, you're thinking all kinds of "angry" thoughts about that person (He's an idiot! This is not fair! I'm going to kill him!). You're also experiencing certain physiological sensations throughout your body that indicate to you that you're a little more than just displeased (increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, mild sweating, adrenaline surging throughout your veins, etc.). And the more intense the physiological aspects become, the angrier you FEEL.


Okay, so how about love? You meet the girl of your dreams, and you begin thinking: "My God, she's beautiful. She's adorable, charming, and witty. I think I'm in love!" Your body also begins a somewhat automatic reaction to her presence... or maybe even just the thought of her (increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, mild sweating, adrenaline surging throughout your veins, etc.). And the more intensely your body reacts, the more "in love" you feel. And what a wonderful feeling it is.


So... notice anything interesting about the two emotions above? Yes, the physiological components are pretty much the same. The difference between being extremely angry, and being in a state of infatuation or love, has more to do with the cognitive, thinking component, than with the physiological, "feeling" component. You're thinking "angry" thoughts in the first example, and "love" thoughts in the second. Your body is reacting pretty much the same in both instances. And the more intensely your body reacts, the more "angry" or "in love" you feel. (Ever heard that saying that there's a fine line between love and hate?)


Now we're not saying that the physiological response is exactly the same. It's not. But for our purposes here, they're similar enough that we can treat them as if they're the same.


So the "secret" is that we can use states of physiological arousal to intensify emotional responses. Remember, the arousal part of emotions is pretty similar from one emotion to the next, and the amount of arousal present determines the intensity of the experienced emotion. Thus, it would be to our benefit to set up situations where our "dream girl" is highly likely to experience increased levels of arousal, and to pair ourselves with that arousal.


So, in a nutshell, we should be able to take a girl who likes us (mild physiological arousal when we're around) and make her really like us, by adding "extra" arousal to the situation. The extra arousal will summate with that arousal which is already present so as to increase the intensity of her emotional response toward us.


How bout a real world example. A few years ago two of my friends, we'll call them Bob and Julie, decided that they wanted to get in shape. So they started going to the gym together and working out almost every day. Now these two were complete opposites... two people that you couldn't possibly imagine ever getting together... two people that had no business even considering the idea.


Now I'm watching this situation with great interest to see what, if anything, develops. Two complete opposites working out together every day. The physiological arousal from their workouts creating the perfect environment for RF occur... and a "love" relationship to



Yes, I pretty much "knew" what was going to happen. But I didn't say anything to either of them. This, in my warped little mind, would be an excellent little experiment. And would be a great test of the "power" of RF. Could it actually pull two people together who were complete opposites? I wanted to know.


Well, by now you can probably guess what happened. Within a few weeks they were boinkin' like crazy... hanging all over each other like a couple of love-sick teenagers (yuk!).


Yes, the physiological arousal from their workouts was so powerful in intensifying emotional responses that it paired off even complete opposites. Fascinating!


(Incidentally, guys, the girl was drop-dead gorgeous and the guy was average-looking at best.)


Similar things happen all the time, although most people don't really understand what's going on.


Take the couple who "gets off" on having sex in public places. What they're essentially doing is taking the excitement generated from doing it in public, and the fear of possibly getting caught, and using that extra bit of arousal to energize their sex lives, and their feelings for one another.


Or how about the couple that regularly gets into heated arguments with one another, maybe even escalating into acts of physical violence... but usually winds up ending the night with extremely hot and passionate sex. They're basically using their anger arousal to fuel their passion for one another.


Or ever notice that movies are funnier when you watch them with others than when you watch them by yourself. The presence of others is arousing, and this extra arousal helps to intensify our reactions to the movie.


Okay, so how do we use physiological arousal to make her "love" us... or at least like us a little more? (Arguments, fighting, fear, and other sources of negative arousal are not recommended by the way. It's best if the arousal you're using is of a pleasurable, or at least neutral, nature.)


Answer: By simply doing enjoyable yet arousing things together.


There is an endless variety of physiologically arousing things you can do with your "dream girl" which can help to intensify her emotional reactions toward you (and, by the way, intensifying your emotional reactions toward her... you were warned). Most of these things involve something which I've come to label fun. Now most people don't have a clue what fun is or how to go about achieving it. And it's usually the 1last thing on their minds when trying to decide what to do on a date. After all, dates are supposed to be tense, stressful, serious, getting-to-know-one-another things. Right?




You know, now, that fun and arousal leads to love and passion. You just have to use your imagination and come up with some innovative ways to generate the "extra" arousal you're going to need.


Ever had a "date" at an amusement park? What fun! Thrilling roller coasters, drenching waterslides, breath-taking Ferris wheels. What a perfect date. What an arousing date.


Instead of dinner and a movie, how about dinner and dancing. Movies do nothing but take your minds off one another for a couple hours. But dancing involves fun and arousal. Excellent.


I've already mentioned working out together. Not only will the physiological arousal make you look more appealing to her, but you just might wind up getting in shape too.


How bout those new indoor rock climbing places popping up all over? Or bowling? Or riding your bicycles together? Or roller blading? Or a friendly match of tennis? Or a concert or sporting event where you get to stand up and yell a lot? These all involve FUN and arousing experiences and will help to intensify her emotional reactions toward you.


Do you have a motorcycle? This is a goldmine. Stick her on the back of it (unless she's deathly afraid of it). Not only will she be physiologically aroused from the ride, but, as a side benefit, she's got her arms wrapped around you the whole time. mmm.


I've mentioned just a few of the hundreds of ways available to boost the arousal level. Use your imagination. And always listen for any suggestions she has that involve increased arousal and say, "That sounds like fun."



Ten Qualities That Make Men Winners in Succeeding With Single Women


1. Winners play the dating game to win with women. They know there's no time to lose and take massive action to meet and attract the women they desire.

2. Winners focus on there past successes with women and forget their failures.

3. Winners focus on self-improvement when it comes to their dating and love life. They pay more attention on improving their appearance and personal habits. They know the better you look and act are going to attract a lot of women.

4. Winners have high self-esteem. They always act confident around women and I can assure you that women are very attracted to men who act confident.

5. Winners practice smiling every single day. They know what a powerful influence you can have over a woman with a warm, friendly, and sincere smile. It's true that you can literally melt a woman's heart with a warm smile.

6. Winners do not procrastinate. When they see an opportunity to meet a woman they don't stall and ponder on whether to approach her. They take action and approach her immediately!

7. Winners take 100% responsibility for what happens in their love life. They know they are responsible for what happens to them both positive and negative.

8. Winners don't dwell on their failures and rejections from single women. They learn a lesson from each experience and move on.

9. Winners have a positive mental attitude. They go on dates to have fun and don't think about what can go wrong on a date.

10. Winners always have a game plan for succeeding with women. They know what they are going to do and how to do it when it comes to scoring with single women.


There you have it. If you will make these ten qualities a part of your personality, you will succeed with women beyond your wildest dreams.



What makes a woman desire a man instantly?


Men that are instantly sexually attractive to women are generally giving out some very masculine vibes. This doesnt mean that they are all 6ft muscle-bound animals. What they are giving out is confidence. When a man is confident and self assured, it means that he is OK with who he is. We emit chemicals all the time. The maleness of men is determined by testosterone levels. It is the male hormone, just as estrogen is the female hormone. When we are happy we emit different chemicals to those we emit when we are sad. When we are in touch with our sexuality we begin to emit more of our sexual chemicals.


We are also highly sense-ual beings able to pick up on these chemicals unconsciously. Thats why we say things like, I just felt right about him, he had a look about him, I liked the smell of him and even hes very tasty. We are literally sensing this persons confidence, using long dormant powers of sensory perception. We pick this stuff up with all our senses, not just our sight or touch. We smell, taste, touch, see and hear little signs, inaudible to our conscious mind. We put these signs together and get a feeling..We often describe it in terms of the sense we use most to process the world.


The fact remains that we KNOW. That's why people say things like 'I just know'. We women have a perfect and very accurate male chemical sensor.


But this is just an initial thing. It's so important, but on it's own it is merely a trigger for lust and some of us don't wait to find out more..we plunge into lust..driven by our primitive urges and hormones set a rocking by the input of male power.


This explains in part why women often fall for the bad guys. Bad guys are out there fully believing in themselves and often ultra cocky. They strut their stuff, play with their mobile phones, dangle their Porsche keys and emit vibe upon vibe of cocky confidence, and women are unconsciously drawn to it just as ms peacock is drawn to the best display of feathers. When they talk they give off powerful sexual vibes. They never turn off their sexuality. In fact they rarely turn it down. And we are pulled by our primitive urges towards them. Women also take varying amounts of time to recognise this, see through it and dismiss it. Some do it instantly, others fall into the trap and take longer to extricate themselves.


You leak the truth from every pore


Men who arent confident in their own sexuality and maleness, on the other hand, are probably inside their heads either playing the Im a harmless man game, or worrying about whether a girl will fancy him, talking to himself, making terrible images of failure and all the while emitting those lack-of-confidence chemicals. We women can smell it a mile off. The mans body language reflects how he is, even before his thoughts get more gloomy or hopeless or non-sexual.


When a man learns to be in touch with and accept and feel good about his masculinity and is comfortable with being a sexual being and doesnt cut off his sexuality in order to appear less threatening to women, he will become attractive.


He will be emitting his own wall of testosterone. When he is like this surrounded by his maleness, and he knows how to make women feel good by genuine concern and interest not false flattery, we will sense his charisma and be drawn like a dog to a juicy steak. We smell the confidence, we feel the warmth, and if he can make us laugh on top of that we are guaranteed to melt..



Make Her Crazy For You


You're a good guy, and you really like your woman. In fact, you appreciate her so much that you've given her the world to show your appreciation for her. Over the course of a year, you've sacrificed a lot of time and money on the woman who won your heart over.


You picked her up from work every single day of the week, so that she would not tire her pretty little feet. You helped her renovate her new apartment. You stopped hanging out with your "immature" friends because she requested it. You cooked her the best gourmet meals. You bought her the most expensive dresses. You always change your plans to accommodate hers. You pay for dinner, take-out pizza, movie tickets, and even the popcorn. And you never ask for anything in return.


In fact, the only time you did was that weekend you were sick and kindly requested for your favorite mashed potatoes and steak -- which she kindly refused to prepare because she did not know how to cook. But that's all right, because you don't like to be a nuisance.


Well guess what, friend? Unless you change your act, you've got a first class, one-way ticket to Broken Heart City where all her ex-lovers have been left behind. It's time to ask her, "What have you done for me lately?"


You think that you've been earning extra bonus air miles by doing extra favors for your little sweetie, but the reality is that if she doesn't contribute to the relationship equally, your efforts are in vein or at the very least, they're going down the drain. Here's why?


Normally, I would advise a lot of men to get out of such a relationship where the woman takes her man for granted without giving anything in return -- and I'm not referring to oral sex. But if you are truly committed to your woman and want to make your relationship last, then you must get your her to invest at least 50% of her time and money into the relationship.


It doesn't matter how rich you are, how good-looking you are, that you're the world's most romantic man in the world, or how funny you are. If she doesn't have any resources (be it time, or money) vested in you, she might chuck you as soon as someone better comes along. And you know Curt's Law, "Someone better always comes along, he's just around the corner, waiting for you to screw up."


If she doesn't invest, she'll find another deal.


If you invested a significant amount of time and money into a specific project such as buying a home, starting a business, or investing in stocks, you'd appreciate the value of your investment a lot more than had it been handed to you on a silver platter, wouldn't you?


That said, the same principle applies to the dating world. It's human nature to value people that you've invested resources on. Now I have a question for you, "Who contributes more to the relationship? Is it you, or is it your little princess?" Think hard, because the reality of your answer is already working hard to shape the outcome of your relationship.


So what exactly do I mean by getting her to invest into the relationship? You've got to become a non-transferable air miles credit card. Imagine that every time your girl goes out shopping she pays with her credit card and earns extra air miles.


She does this over and over again, until pretty soon, she has enough air miles to travel around the world ten times. Now what happens if another credit card company comes along and offers her a better rate? Do you think she will switch?


If she has no air miles accumulated with you (investment), then chances are she'll switch without hesitation. On the other hand, if she has enough air miles to cover her traveling expenses for the next ten years, why would she ever change? Get the point, friend?


It's your job to keep your woman spending time and money with your air miles program so that as soon as John Visa comes along, she won't be lured away with his better rates.


So now that I've convinced you how important it is to get your woman to invest in the relationship, how do we get her started?


Ask for favors: The most important part to focus on is favors. If she does you a favor, she can justify this action by convincing herself that you are an attractive, likable, deserving person. Why else would she put forth so much effort with you?


Let her treat you as well as you treat her. Next time, ask her to cook a meal for you (she should know how to cook -- if not for you, then for herself). Ask her to drive you around, or pick you up from work. Let her pay for the movie tickets, popcorn, pizza, and dinner.


Make her spend on you.


Leo Tolstoy said it best: "We do not love people so much for the good they have done us, as for the good we have done them."


This is another reason why you shouldn't be putting all your eggs in one basket, and why it is so hard for a man to leave a woman who treats him like crap. Because most men have a lot of time and money invested in their women.


Time is money: You can increase her interest in you by getting her to spend more time with you doing the things that you enjoy and that she might not; like going to a hockey game, eating at one of your favorite restaurants (that only serve meat-lovers pizza), and even hanging out with your scalawag friends.


The important lesson here is that she spends time doing things that she would otherwise never do on her own time. Because if you spend time doing things that she enjoys, then there is no sacrifice on her part.


This will show her that you are a valuable person, and that if she wants to be around you, it's going to cost her too.


It's fine to treat your woman like gold, but don't let her walk all over you. If your sacrifice comes from feelings of love, why are you not entitled to the same treatment that you're giving her? Why are her emotions not driving her to care for you in a similar way?


Is she any better than you are just because she's a woman? Most men think that women are perfect little angels. Well, I have news for you. They're not; they fart and pick their noses just like men do. So don't give them special treatment unless they (1) deserve it, and (2) reciprocate the treatment out of genuine love not because they expect something in return.


If you are always paying for everything, doing what she asks of you, and putting all the effort into the relationship, she will have nothing invested in you, while you will have everything invested in her. And when you do something that infuriates her, she'll run out of your life and you will be left confused, wondering what you did wrong, and feeling acrimonious toward the opposite sex.



More Body Language


Before you even get up from the couch, your girlfriend already knows what you are up to. Before you know it, she tells you there's no more beer in the fridge. You can't hide anymore; she has all your moves figured out.

You're sitting at the end of the bar, admiring a beautiful woman. The next thing you know, your eyes meet. You courageously decide to walk up to her, and before you open your mouth, she tells you that she's waiting for her boyfriend.

If a woman is able to predict your every move, or guess the words that are going to wriggle out of your mouth, you have a problem. You are either too predictable, or your body language is signaling out your every thought to the opposite sex. This is a big problem. You can't allow for women to know every thought that goes through your mind. In the dating game, the element of surprise is the secret to catching your prize.

It's time you learn which signs women look out for in your body language, and how to use this to your advantage. In some cases, you might want to let her know what you are thinking, and in others, it might be a little too risky to divulge your thoughts. It's also time to turn the tables, and read her body language after she has successfully read yours.


Women know that you give out four signs when you are interested in them. The signs they look for are:

1. Running your hands through your hair to draw attention to how thick it is, and sucking in your gut.

2. Moving between her and another man to create a more intimate space between her and yourself (you're also creating a wall to block other male rivals).

3. Making excuses to touch her.

4. Your pupils are dilated. If you like what you see, your pupils will actually get bigger.

Her Move: If she's interested in you, she'll act flirtatiously to show you that she's hearing your signals. She'll probably give you dreamy five-second gazes, each one interrupted by three to five seconds of looking away. As you become more into her, she'll cut her look-away time in half, until she finally has you hooked.

Tip: If you're single, use these signals to your advantage by consciously signaling to her at the right times. If you are actually out with another woman, try to avoid the top four signs. Remember, your girlfriend/wife will also notice that you're signaling to somebody other than her.


When you start to fidget -- i.e. making napkin sculptures, peeling the label off beer bottles, or fiddling with a pen -- it usually means that you have something on your mind. Women know this, and they'll be sure to ask you what you are thinking about.

Her Move: If a woman can tell that you want to start a conversation with her, she'll learn towards you across the bar or table to show that she's open and willing to listen to what you have to say. But, she'll keep her legs crossed to maintain the I'm not that easy below the waist distance.


She'll know that you are falling for her if you take a bite of your food, or reach for the bread at the same time as she does. Moving in synchrony is one of the most telling signs of attraction, and it shows that you are on the same wavelength.

Her Move: She will discreetly change her body positions to sneakily observe if you follow suit.

Tip: If you find yourself admiring a beautiful woman (whether at a restaurant, cafe, or club), try to imitate her every move, but be certain to keep your moves subtle.


Aside from your looks and personality, the next thing women will check out is your posture. If your legs are spread out when you are either standing or sitting, you're basically showing the potential package that you want her to approve of.

Her Move: If she's interested in you, look for signs such as her touching her hair, revealing her neck, rubbing her wrist and the inside of her arm, and offering a sideways glance.


One important sexual sign that is easy to miss is eye contact. The more eye contact you make before, during, and after making love, the more you want the relationship to get past the stage of simple body contact. Caressing her less erogenous zones, such as her face, are also signs of deep feelings.

Her Move: She will try to keep her eyes open and ready, so that she can return your "I think I'm falling for you" gaze.



One Night Stands


Learn to read "types"


Women, (like apples, cars, and group therapy), come in "types". "Players" learn to read these types and know the ones to target. If you want to be successful in the one-night stand game, you've got to learn to pick out these types. The most important type you're looking for is a woman with low self-esteem. Strangely enough, these tend to be the most beautiful women!


You're also looking for a woman that has a good association with her own body. Youll know this by the way she dresses usually tight, brightly colored clothing, with a lot of jewelry. If she's self-conscious she'll never feel comfortable enough with you in one night to sleep with you.


Learn to play to the woman's low self-esteem


A few well-placed compliments go a long way. Too many, and you'll be viewed as a player and the defense will go up instantly. As well, you've got to learn to speak in the woman's personal language.


As well, comment, (but don't compliment) her on her "style" and give her something to shoot for - if she plays your game. For example, you can say things like, "You really come off as nice, but I can see that you've got an 'evil' side to you." Give her little challenges that she can address to keep the game going.


Learn to build connection and trust


Connection occurs when she starts thinking, "Gee, I feel like I've known this guy for years!" You can build that by "mirroring" her activities, speaking in her language, and echoing her own belief system.


The point of this is to get her to let her guard down, and start being open to sex. A little alcohol will help too, but keep this to a minimum. If she gets drunk, you're going to be out of the game.


Use "sexual language" and inference

You want your conversation to start moving toward sex. But, don't be too blatant about it. Use subtle cues like the double (or single) entendre; ask her about what she finds most sexy in a man; let her give you examples from her own past, etc. These tools get her to start thinking about sex - especially having sex with you!


Keep her focus using your eyes


This actually is a light form of hypnosis! By keeping her eyes focused directly in your eyes, and yours in hers, you're actually narrowing her focus. This helps to deepen the connection she feels, and therefore the trust and security.


Set the hook, then pull away

She has to be left "wanting more". You do this, by getting her going and reading her "buying signals". When she is leaning in toward you, showing you her palms and wrists, playing with her hair, touching herself, etc., etc. she's giving you buying signals.


This is the time you want to say, "Well it was nice meeting you", and turn and walk away! You're going to snap her back to reality - where she doesn't want to be. It will be her job to recreate those great feelings again. So, she'll chase after you and say, "Oh, wait ..." This is a good time to tell her that you're getting tired of the bar and are interested in going somewhere else, (like HER place!)


Let her think is was HER idea

If she thinks that sleeping together is YOUR idea, she's going to be hesitant. If she "thinks it up" (with your help of course), she's going to be much more receptive!



The Jerk Appeal


There seems to be a mystery among the male species, besides their unending quest of trying to figure women out. Why is it that the nice guys always seem to be single while jerks are the ones whose little black books get filled with magical numbers? It seems to go backwards, doesn't it?

We know that readers, as well as all men around the world, think the same thing as one of our male correspondents touched on the same topic in his article, Nice Guys Finish Last. He was obviously trying to save men from the headaches females seem to cause. Although Curt Smith was right by saying that women like the excitement of the bad boy, he doesn't really explain why.

There must be more out there to justify why women are left crying their eyes out because their boyfriends hurt them once again. And of course, the girl goes back to the bad boy, while the sweet boy is left in the corner of the bar dipping his olives in and out of his martini. Yes Curt, you are right; in order for a man to develop a backbone and become more of a bad boy, in the hopes of attracting more women, he does have to be badly hurt once. However, there is a lot more to it than that. Observe.


It doesn't take a dozen self-help books and men's magazines to tell you how important self-esteem is when it comes to relationships and behavior. When it comes down to the enigma of the sweet girl and the bad boy, the man isn't the only one plagued by low self-esteem. The union of this couple can be blamed on lack of self-confidence where both parties are concerned.

There are many reasons why men are jerks to begin with. First, they can simply be born to fit the character and their loser behavior can be blamed purely on a genetic disaster and negative social environment. If we have a problem, we'll just have to take it up with his DNA. The second reason can be what Curt was referring to; the nice guy turns bad boy because of heartache. In this case, the guy becomes a jerk because he's been burned in the past and doesn't want this to happen again.

The third reason is the major one, partly related to reason number two; he simply has no self-esteem. This poor man needs to act like a jerk to cover up his lack of confidence. It's a sad, sad case. Ironically, most people would think that he is a jerk because he has too much confidence (this could also be the case), but this is where we are fooled most of the time. We can't imagine that this jerk actually has a low self-esteem because he is so insensitive towards everyone around him.

Not only is he a jerk, he is also a great actor. His bad boy demeanor is his shield; the weapon that gives the illusion of confidence. But most importantly, it ensures that he will never get hurt. His snide remarks and sarcasm are used as defense mechanisms, kind of how a skunk releases a stench to ward off those who may be a threat.

Don't worry; the woman doesn't get away from this one easily. The woman who falls for this poor excuse of a man suffers from the same lack of self-esteem. In essence, these two make a perfect match. This poor girl has no self-esteem of her own and probably doesn't believe she can do better than this man. He has literally become the cause for the loss of all her friends and those Ben & Jerry's binges when he stands her up once again on Saturday night to meet his boys instead.


I still stand by the fact that the woman who falls for the jerk is most likely to suffer from low self-esteem, but there could be another very important reason. In case men haven't noticed, women love playing the role of the relationship therapist. That's right, some women would do anything just to have the chance to get others to pour out their troubles, while they attribute most problems to an Oedipal pre-adolescent complex. Most women love to know that they're the ones who discovered the solution to their boyfriends' problems and, in turn, healed them (so to speak).

To do this, they need a troubled soul to lie down in that leather couch; the jerk boyfriend. Most girls love to know that they "fixed" their jerk boyfriend. He was once a bad boy, but now he is a sweetheart and he's a changed man, all thanks to her. Yes, this is the challenge most women enjoy seeking, an incredible feat where they claim to have turned a lost soul around. If a man was perfect to begin with, what would be so exciting in the relationship? Women would be bored and they would probably have to create non-existent problems in the relationship to spruce things up a little.


Curt Smith was right when he discussed that balance is a solution to this twisted phenomenon. A man should be able to act sweet and gentlemanly when dating a woman, all while maintaining some mystique. Simply find some sort of middle ground because no woman wants a pushover.

But here is the good news; a girl who constantly falls for jerks is probably not worth having in the first place. Just be yourself, because whoever said that nice guys finish last was never in a relationship with a great girl. In the long run, the jerks are left with little black books filled with phone numbers of insecure girls, while the sweethearts get the woman worth spending a lifetime with.



Nice Guys Finish Last


"Nice Guy" is a term used by women to describe a guy who is thoughtful, sensitive, attentive, and considerate, and is therefore disqualified as a potential mate. Now besides being told by a woman that you're a Nice Guy (which is the kiss of death), how can you tell if you have the dreaded curse?


You are suffering from The Nice Guy Syndrome if:


Your bill at the florist last year was more than your monthly house payment.


Women often tell you that, "You are such a good listener."


When you arrive to pick up your date at her place, her cat isn't even threatened by you.


You didn't go to a concert that you had tickets for because your female friend needed your help moving her furniture out of her abusive boyfriend's apartment. (You do things for women that you'd really rather not do, but you pretend that you do not mind so that they will like you more.)


You are more comfortable hanging out with women than men and you have few male friends.


Your biggest thrill in the last few months came after you spent an entire Saturday fixing your foxy neighbor's broken toilet and she said, "You are so sweet!"


You avoid conflict with your girlfriend at all costs.


Saying "No" to your girlfriend never enters your mind.


It is difficult for you to put your own needs first. You think that if you do, you are being selfish.


You consider yourself more sensitive and evolved than other men.


The last time you got past second base was three Fourth of Julys ago at the neighborhood softball game.


You pride yourself on not being like the other men who "only have one thing on their minds." (You happen to have the same thing on your mind, but you hide it from women -- and yourself.)


You always ask for a woman's permission before you try to kiss her on the cheek.


Your emotional well-being is dependent on your girlfriend's happiness. You are happy only when she is happy.


examine yourself


Davin, check this list closely. If you take a real honest look here, then you'll probably see yourself in some of these examples. (Even men who appear very rugged and macho can still be suffering from The Nice Guy Syndrome.)


But take heart because now you're beginning to have some understanding as to why you can't seem to create the kind of romantic relationship that you'd like to have in your life. How do these conflicts play out for you in real time, Davin? It probably goes something like this:


There you are. You're horny. You're a bit lonely. It's been a while since you've even had a date with a woman whom you'd consider long-term relationship material.


Ah, but look. This girl who's slightly flaky, yet kind of cute in a way, is showing a whole lot of interest in you, and she's making it very easy for you to hook up with her. "Hmm, it feels nice to be wanted," you say to yourself. So you go for it, thinking that you won't have to deal with the messy details of dropping her when you tire of her, until later. And right now you just want some intimacy and affection.


you're a jerk without knowing it


Of course we know what happens next. She falls in love and can't get enough of you. Not only because she had high Interest Level [degree of love] in you to begin with, but more importantly because she instinctively senses that you don't want or need her approval.


You could care less about impressing her, so she experiences you as strong, independent, self-sufficient, and hence, very desirable. But by this point, your Interest Level has sunken even lower than it was to begin with, and you now have the unpleasant task of trying to figure out a way to let her down easy. (As my acupuncturist Dr. Lao would say, "He who thinks with his dingy dong instead of his brain, makes big mess. Hard to clean up!")


you'll do anything for her


But when you start dating a woman that you really like, your fear of abandonment and your need for approval kick in. What you want more than anything is for her to like you as much as you like her. What you fear the most is that you may disappoint or upset her somehow so that she won't want to be with you. So you cater to her whims and don't set healthy boundaries. To you Psych majors: he always lets her have her way.


The irony is that all these things that you do to get her to like you and try to ensure that she won't leave you are actually the very things that make her withdraw from you. Unfortunately, either out of denial or ignorance, you keep repeating the same behavior with each new woman that you like.


So what's the way out of this trap? Awareness and insight are the first steps, Davin, which are what I'm providing you with now.


Next, you must have a fierce determination to do whatever it takes, however uncomfortable, to clean up your act.