My Favorite Web Sites
It's my website you ass!
dont give a good description...say something that makes no sense...so ppl wont know what the hell they are going to?!?!
This is my boy Quinten's webpage, read it or he will hurt you
Well ok. Its the day after New Years. Yea as usual my New Years Eve was a disappointment. It had nothing, not even remotely to do with the opposite sex, the ladies. Yes its quite sad and made me contemplate suicide for a split second. But I didn't do it cause I was too lazy. Instead of going out with a girl I hung out with a bunch of guys. I Played some pool and yea it was fun but not the kinda fun you want to have on New Years Eve when you should be out with a beautiful lady secretly hoping in your mind that she likes you too . No instead of that I was playing pool and after that came the anime. No, please refrain from calling me a dork. The anime was good though, Ninja Scroll, but not for a fucking New Years Eve/New Years nite. And damn the two guys i watched it with kept bitching at the comments I made. Come on, I mean fuck, the main character in there passed up the chance to have sex with a girl who's bodily organs were seeping with poison which would have counteracted the poison in his body. The girl was crying both happy and confused tears. Come on, you can't let a girl who wants to get laid cry in confusion while she is naked!!! So I condemned the anime for being one that implies love making between the main characters but never lets it happens. Instead he gets a kiss from the dying poison lady after she gets stabbed. He goes on to kick ass though because he is angry. Which in most cases leads to ass kicking or tire slashing and what not. So yea it was a good anime but you don’t confuse people by implying sex. Either you have all killing and no sex, or killing and some sex but no implying. Implying just pisses people off. So yea after I watched the movie and got bitched at for making comments that took away from the pleasure of movie watching I went home and slept and didn’t dream any dreams I remember. So I'll talk to you later, ok? January 15th 2003 Yea, I've been sick for a while. Had a bad sore throat in which even water or spit passing through and over my tonsils caused me to feel pain. Pain is such a bitch and makes one doubt his mental strength. I usually can deal with pain...but I fucking hate sore throats with a damn passion. I've had strep throat for atleast 10 times in my life. Yea I’m cussing a lot, but its only cause Im not a happy person as of late. For many reasons. Prom is in exactly 2 months...everyone is talking about it...guess who doesn’t have a date! The guy who sits down with two other guys on a New Years Eve and watches anime! No surprise there I bet. Yea I'm a loser but its ok. One day I'll own you and make you my slave so shut the hell up. Prom is overrated anyways...its just an excuse to spend money on some James Bond wannabe tux with the hopes you will get laid after it all. Hell I don’t want to get laid...ok...I’m half lying...if the girl was someone I cared about and she wanted to do it yea i prolly would...but does that make me a bad person? I certainly think not. Yea so me, my cousin (guy who owns the anime) and my other friend who is basically a hermit are going to go out on prom nite and cause small fires because that’s what you do when you are bored and pissed and lonely. HEHE! No, the depression will prolly force me to spend prom nite alone...most of it driving around by myself on the highway going as fast as I can because I can. Who cares? Who is gonna stop me? No one! Knowing my luck I will prolly get a flat and end up having to walk back to the nearest gas station about 5 miles away and as soon as I put the quarters in the pay phone( I dont have a cell... damn fucking stone-age parents) three large men will proceed to beat me senseless and to go as far as to steal every article of clothing I have and beat me some more upon finding my clothes prolly suck and the wallet they were hoping for to buy a days worth of ecstasy isn’t there at all. Yea see that’s the kind of luck I have. Bad luck. The only kind I know. Man i make my life seem more depressing that it really is. I'm sorry for that. To put it plainly I'm just your ordinary everyday run-of-the-mill 17 year old unattractive lower middle class Mexican trying to get by and keep his grades up so that he can possibly have a fucking future and not continue the legacy of working for minimum wage and renting a different house every other year to only end up in debt at the age of forty with three kids that won't ever shut the fuck up, the oldest one thinking he is smart but isn't...he's just a smart ass. Yea that’s me...that’s who I am...but I'll be damned if I end up on food stamps and going from dead-end job to dead-end job. Hell the fuck no! I'm gonna make it big and if I don’t I will go to the fucking army and live of their dollar in some bunks with guys. Be just like old times...no girls. Damn! I am gonna be a fucking lawyer...and i wont be some bullshit lawyer who gets the crappy cases. I got it planned. Start off at a firm. I make a name for myself. Get established, get revered and feared and all that good shit. Then I branch off and go my separate way only to drag half the firms clients with me and to become one wealthy son-of-a-bitch. But no I don’t just think about money, nor will I ever. I want a wife and kids no matter how annoying they can be. Money is just a bonus so that I can have what I want when I want it. I'm not a patient person and I'll be damned once again if I settle for second best. And yea lately that’s what I've been doing...figure out why I'm not happy yet? I don’t like living day by day as a poor deprived child. With no car! “You'll get a car if you work David,” my mother always says. How the hell do I get good grades if I work. I'm already lazy as is...a job will just tire me more. So it's basically go without a car now and be able to get as many as I want when I am older or get a car now and be a bum when I'm older. I am one who likes to think ahead so I will chose the latter. Ahh fuck I could go on forever and ramble cause I'm damn good at it but I wont because I'm tired and junk...give the fingers a rest. So maybe later though we will discuss politics over a spot of tea! Fucking gay Brits! Bye! Ok, its been two minutes and I'm back again. I'm listening to Tool right now. They are basically lyrical geniuses and if I was an atheist or one who could care less about God I would probably think they were god! See in their song "eulogy" the basic meaning is one that Christ was a fool martyr who died for little or no cause. See I think this Maynard from Tool believes in God, he just doesn’t care. He is worse than me. I hate authority but anybody that can send your soul to hell where you feel pain constantly is not just your basic authority. He has power apparently and should be revered as much as possible. People now-a days are ignorant and too fucking selfish to even give a fucking hour a week to something that could possible be the best investment ever. But what it boils down to is faith. Half my friends happen to be atheists and the other half non-practicing Christians who wish they had enough will power to practice it. I respect everyone’s opinion but doesn’t mean i wont make fun of it. I dunno. It's hard when you start debating with a friend the reality of Christ and at some point you don’t doubt Christ but you doubt the support he gave you to back him up. I mean yea a book with 2000 or some odd pages is a lot. But be that as it may... a book is a book and could easily be regarded as fiction since no one knows the people who wrote it since they are all dead. The bible is crazy. It all started off with either Jews or Catholics which is crazy itself since Jesus was a Jew and only the Catholics believed in him ...betrayed by your own people…ain‘t that some shit?. But yea Catholicis kept branching off to other denominations unto the ones we have today. A bunch! Which ones right? Are they all wrong? Prolly none of them. Most Catholics are full of bullshit but so are other people from other denominations. To me we should all be non-denominations and read and interpret the bible as we wish. Going on what a priest says is no good...hell, just cause he is a priest doesn’t mean he is closer to the truth than you are. A robe and a couple of odd sounding prayers don’t separate him from what he really is...an ignorant man, and that’s what you are. So yea back to the topic...I don’t think Christ died for nothing...he died for us and that’s a good enough reason. You could argue, but you’d be wrong. He accomplished his reason just most people are too blind and have little or no faith and doubt this. I hate the way I sit here and preach like some fucking hypocrite! I wanna believe that I know what I’m talking about but all I’m basically doing is sitting here and bullshitting. Anyone can do that...just i do it good. Same day 10 minutes later...I realized one thing. I will never be happy. I think even if I had everything in the world and more I would still be unhappy. I think its part of my character...sorta a flaw...that will most likely be the ruin of me because I cant accept the fact that I am not perfect and that I will never have the perfect life. But I guess if I was perfect I would be God...and that wouldn’t make sense. Today someone told me to put my standards lower...I’m not the type that puts standards low...i don’t even have standards...that’s how high they are. Maybe I’m cocky. But I think I have reason to be! Muahahahaha! You know what I’m thinking....I’m thinking one necessity in life that no one thinks of is stress...for real ...I mean you are like what the fuck ...i don’t want stress... but you need it...without it you would have this happy little life with nothing to bitch about... nothing to overcome...stress is determination at a lower form and so forth. If i didn’t have stress in my life i wouldn’t be bitching right now on this website. Ok, just a thought but wouldn't you want to have terrets (spelled that word wrong, I know) syndrome for like a day or so? I mean personally now I would have an excuse for all the random outbursts I make during the day. Be like when I come home...yea so mom today in class...COCK SHIT FUCK TIT ASS! and she couldn’t get mad because hey...I have terrets. Terrets is making me think of crippled people. I'm not one to talk badly of crippled or mental people but...there are some bitch ass people in wheel chairs who think just cause they don’t have the use of their legs they can treat you like shit and you cannot return the favor...and then you have odd people that are somewhat mental who try to control shit and give you glares when you bring your stuff too far into library. Blah Blah Blah...incase you don’t know...i keep grudges...I’m a bitch like that and just because you may be handicapped does not excuse you from the wrath of a bitch. Bastard sitting all high and mighty in his wheel chair thinking he can move me from the water faucet cause I’m taking too long of a drink...i will steal your damn wheelchair bitch and go for a joy ride if you do not get your wheels off my ass. That was in the third grade and I held my tongue as best as I could...still bothers me...and that bitch..."I don’t think the librarians would appreciate you bringing that past the shelves"...bastardr that is between me and the librarians and they aint said shit yet...go put on a damn bra on dude ahh!!!! Do bras cause cancer...I heard that once on the news. Which brings up two things. The News reporting about some totally irrelevant crap that you don’t care a rats ass about...and cancer. Ok I mean come on...there is better stuff out there to talk about on the news...beer can actually save your life...wearing a bra causes cancer...etc...man talk about something that we want to hear...videogames led to the killing of 8 high school kids and eminem’s music led to the killing of 3 gay teens. Well Hell. Maybe those 8 high school kids shouldn’t have fucked with the little trench coat mother fucker. Music doesn’t make a person kill...ignorance and stupidity does, and yea…pissing someone off too sometimes might cause it. Don’t use music and videogames...the only good things left in my life as a scapegoat to the problems our fucked up society faces. Cancer...man for real that shit scares me. Aids you have a choice to risk getting them or not...cancer...its everywhere...its scary, nowadays its so common and everyone ends up getting it. Makes me scared because i don’t want to die of a disease...Makes me think of John Wayne...dying of cancer...he took it like a real man. I still don’t like his movies though . Next Day- One thing i really don’t like...which is especially prevalent in the town I live in is hicks. Those deer shooting, camouflage wearing, 4x4 jacked up truck hicks. I mean come on...you don’t have to wear camou everyday to school and you don’t have to bring up hunting or the height of your truck every other second. And its funny, how they all think they are badasses. Look at me, I’m a country boy with a green-brown whatever jacket on. I also don’t like people who get so easily offended with the racial issue. You cant say the word nigger to a black dude but they can call each other that or call you a wetback. And if you say it the NAACP will be all over your ass. And yea if the person is my friend I don’t mind being called a wetback because hell I know I’m not. I didn’t cross no river...its not possible, I cant swim. Yea so each race basically has its rejects...white ppl have the hicks...Mexicans have the wetback thug gangstas and blacks have about those same things too. I love history class...cause most the time I sit there and the teacher is like looking around at the few black students...sorry for saying the word Negro...then you occasionally get the awkward silences and you can tell both the blacks and whites are feeling weird. But my race isn’t much mentioned in the textbooks so I just sit there with a smile on my face. I hate the school assemblies that take place at my school...all have the underlying message, DONT HAVE SEX!, and its funny because the first assembly is openly called a sex assembly...the next one is called your future...the next one is called success...the next...obtaining your goals...its like they are trying to be discreet with the whole sex issue while still trying to force feed it down your throat. You go in there and they are like...hmm college you should go there…but one thing you should do is...DONT HAVE SEX! ok the first assembly I understood...after that it just got pointless. Some 30 year old virgin coming up to our school for the fourth assembly talking about how she is saving her "present" for her future husband, come now...that’s just annoying. Because to me, the people that need this advice aren’t gonna listen during this assembly and the people that are "good" on this sex subject don’t need this assembly. Hehe! The other day I asked my English teacher to prom...she is really a cute lady. She is kinda what I want my future wife to be like...she is cute and ditsy and sweet. See there’s nothing better than that. Yea so I told her her husband could drive us around in their van since it has a big back seat *raises eyebrows* she laughed...which is good because i didn’t want to get written up for hitting on a teacher. Yea so the next day in English we had to read some story...me and two girls about some dude that went A.W.O.L. from the army. Seems his friend is getting married...his friend is a girl and he's in love with her. Awww how sweet...yea had a nice plot just it was a really weird short story and I kept putting pauses in places where there should be no pauses to make it hmmmm nasty. Such as...I am coming (pause for about 5 seconds) this winter. There was this one part that I didn’t need to add anything to because it was already awkward to begin with...yea i was gonna give you and your husband a spoon for your wedding...ok not funny to you huh? If you had my mind and the minds of most the other guys in the class you would take the word "spoon" as something different...not gonna go into detail...well I’ll tell ya this...add -ing to the word spoon and go ask around January 18, 2003 Tonite I went to the movies...and I watched National Security with Laura...number one of my list of favorite girls...hmmm yea so since this is a website in which I bitch constantly i happen to have nothing to bitch about...I’m not in a bad mood...and hmmm...i guess I could easily put myself in a bad mood but the need doesn’t seem to be a good one. Yea so I'm gonna sit here...and I’m going to contemplate stuff...I’m not gonna say what...see the thing I’m contemplating is one of mixed emotions...it will either make me really happy or really sad...or both at the same time...cause well not a win win thing...but its not a lose lose situation...cause either way I come out with something good just...it could either be really good or good...hmmm I’m most likely making no sense at this time. GOD!!! I totally need to say what I want to say right now but I’m not...I’m not...I’m scared to...and I don’t think I should in the first place...it wouldn’t be right...but it feels right...well anyways...I’m gonna go lay down or something...bye January 20, 2003 Yea so I was sitting here...bored and thinking...thinking about my history with the opposite sex. When a guy looks back at his past with the ladies...he basically looks at it in two categories…or two ways...all the girls he was really good friends with and all the girls he wanted to be with. For me I never really wanted to be with a lot of different girls...it was one at a time but the time period in which i wanted these girls was quite along time. Which means I basically ignored any other breathing female because I was...hmmm i guess you could say oblivious to any other girl but the one I was after. I've basically really liked only four girls...IN MY PAST...the first one said I was too fat...I wont argue with her...I was a fat ass back then and wouldn’t want to be with myself either...she ends up with my cousin...two of my cousins actually...all the while she flirts with me...confusing me...the second girl I spend every bit of two years trying to get with...she hmmm is now with a big eared guy...makes me feel real special...the second girl liked me for 2 years in which the time I liked the second girl...but I end up getting with this girl later on...she ends up breaking up with me and comparing me to a toy...a toy she wanted bad but then once she got and played with for a while realized she wanted a different toy...well I also liked this other girl...I tried...and I failed but she didn’t much make me feel shitty...she said she wanted to be friends and I respected that...no big deal...shit happens...so yea basically i don’t have good luck with women...I make a fuck load of friends that are girls though...some more close than others and out of them, even a few...ok mainly one or two I would love to be with...but all the girls I am friends with have boyfriends...its quite sad...the only girls if am basically attracted to have boyfriends. Yea so once again...no prom for me...no girlfriend for me...just a lot of friends that are girls who are going to prom with their boyfriends...well I’m happy for them...they deserve to be happy. Blah...I had something else...more interesting I wanted to say but now it just slipped my mind. Hmmm yea so I think we are pretty much getting close to going to war with Iraq...and I don’t think this is gonna be some little crappy war like with the Afghanistan...no no...this is gonna be some serious shit...we are talking about if they don’t compromise now...WWIII. That’s scary...it really is...and then they might draft...and I'm all for my country i suppose. But I totally do not want to put all my dreams...my whole life aside to go to some foreign ass country and possibly die. I have dreams...I have a life that I do not want to put on hold...but if I were to be drafted I wouldn't back out...I would go fight...maybe I would live. Another thing that was brought to my attention was that next year in my school we are going to have to wear name tags. Yea I'm not going to wear some damn name tag...if you want to know my name just ask me...I'm not going to lie. I will burn the name tag...because its basically understood that if EVERYONE defies a rule the rule is null and void. And yes most everyone will not let this rule stand...if they do they are nothing but talk and are just as bad as this rule. So I'm going to do something rebellious...and I hope that someone backs me up...because if not...then I’m basically fucked. See what people don’t realize is that once these little "harmless" things...for lack of a better word...are placed upon us that they will simply keep adding and building on top of this...and before you realize it you have some fucking chip in your arm and a number on your forehead and you are looking straight into the eyes of the Anti-Christ...woohoo now do you want that!? I don’t think you want that. Yea that's not gonna happen too soon but pretty soon to get anywhere at all you are going to have to carry a card around with your name, number, ssc # and all this other info. We will basically be prisoners of the land of the free, the home of the brave. See sometimes I look at my flag and I don’t understand how anyone can respect it and then I kick myself in the ass...because the flag...it stands for something good and righteous...it does stand for the land of the free and the home of the brave and all that is good but its the people that represent this flag...basically those in our government that are fucked up. Pretty soon the democratic U.S. of A. is gonna be some communistic gov't or socialistic or something that restricts all individual rights. Yea so my teacher was telling me that school is basically built on the whole factory system thing of rotating from station to station. Yea...that didn't make me happy. It doesn't take much to get me mad. I'm bored...and if you are reading this and are a Christian who actually thinks like a Christian and read the bible or other religious stuff...its kinda weird how this gov't stuff all ties in if you think about it...sorry it was just a side note…i would get into that but that’s really long and tiresome and most people hate getting religious...it doesn’t bother me. I mean me and my boy Quinten...who is basically family to me once stayed up for a nite and just talked about God and Jesus and the universe and all that...it's actually mind provoking and kinda interesting when you sit across from someone who isn't ignorant like most people and talk seriously about something. Yea I still have something that I know I want to say but can't quite grasp...its sitting there in the back of my head...tell ya what...maybe I'll get back on in a while or so if I think about it...if not ...well bye bye. January 26, 2003 12:33A.M. Awww today is my little brothers birthday. Yea so this nite was cool...went to the movies with CJ, Anthony, and Laura...we went to see Darkness Falls...its a pretty good movie. But yea I dunno...just popped in my head...Have you ever been so deep into something but then all of a sudden realized you really need to pull out?(I'm not talking about sex you pervs) Yea and its a really bad feeling you get because hmmmm what can I compare this to...ok I never smoked but I imagine it somewhat relates to the saying, "Stopping cold turkey." When you stop cold turkey it supposedly hurts like a mofo because you were so into or attached mentally or emotionally or physically to what it was you were doing and I use the term doing losely. Yea so today is my day...to stop "cold turkey" at what I would considered myself a while back to be so deeply intent to. I feel empty...and greedy...because I have something beautiful right now and I appreciate it...I really do but I wanted more and I doubt I will get that and my human nature is taking over and...well its making me unhappy when I should be glad I have what I have at this moment. Yea...I realize you don’t know at all what I'm talking about...but I don’t want to say because well, I just don’t want to say. I suppose one day when it all doesn’t matter or it all seems so distant a memory I will be like...remember that day...January 26, 2003... well my dumbass was talking about...and I will trail into an explanation Superbowl Sunday...didn’t much watch the football game...didn’t much feel the need to, for some reason I feel no need to do anything. There is nothing compelling me to make an effort at anything. I want to sit here and not care and not try. Hmmm...I'm too lazy, and for being a lazy person I bitch way too much. I should really shut up because my life isn't as depressing as it sounds...just its not that good either...and yea I should be content with how things are going at the moment but I was never one to be happy with being content. Its not me. I recently found a new love...I sat in a room for an hour and a half and watched a debate take place. It was good...well not the actual debate because the teams sucked but the whole concept of debate. I want to be a lawyer when I grew up so I suppose debate would fit me well but just I always considered a high school debate to be rather childish. I was pretty much wrong. You have to actually know something of what you are doing. Damn it I want to go to a debate thing...and Quinten asked me to but I have a damn tennis tournament in which I wont talk at all in because I will be deprived of friends. I think I would be good at debate...while I sat there and looked at a stop clock I listened to these teams and I could have blown them out the water...damn. January 29, 2003 So today in English Class we had to read the Martin Luther King speech, “I have a dream.” It pisses me off, we all have dreams just no one gets in front of a assload of people and brags about them. To be honest Mexicans are minorities too, and we were just as persecuted as the blacks, but do you see us bitching about it. NO! We deal with it, well most of us, its either that or stab someone;). Yea my days have started to suck and every time I eat lunch my stomach hurts really bad. Maybe I should become anorexic. Whatever, I’m tired. Bye. February 5, 2003 So the week began on January 3rd and its pretty much sucked so far until today...it was ok today. The other two days seems like people just wanted to keep bringing up my past. Its hard to explain how I feel about my past but I'm gonna try. See its like this...if you are part of my past...and not part of me right now then you aren't worth mentioning...which basically means ex-friends, ex gfs...etc...ppl like that. If you are my friend right now...and remain my friend then you will never just be a "somebody" from the past. I try really hard to forget my past and move on...cause thats what life is about and i guess it just angers me sometimes when other people who arent me remember my past...and talk about it! Wow all that and I didnt cuss once. That's pretty kick ass. Also something that bothered me is that for the past two days while walking out in the parking lot I almost keep getting hit by these hicks in their monster trucks. I swear next one that comes close to hitting me is gonna have a dent on his hood when I jump on it and hit it with a bat. I hate everything about hicks...from their extremely big trucks....their camou....them almost hitting me in the parking lot cause they are impatient, extremely low IQ inbred motherfuckers who think peeling out is cool. Gotta go for a bit...ccd time! Woohoo! Be back later. February 10, 2003 Yea well I started reading this one book called Sophie's World. Its basically a book that hits all aspects of the history of philosophy. I love philosophy and I think this book has some very good examples of what people are like. They say that we make ourselves comfortable deep in the fur of the white rabbit that is being pulled out of the top hat of the universe. We are born at the tip of the rabbits hairs but as life and this world becomes a habit and we no longer question but simply accept and take for granted this life we slide further and further down. That is so true because take a baby for example...a baby is easily excited .... FUCK ...sorry for the interruption...but my parents wont shut up...I cant concentrate. I hate life. Bye..................................Ok I'm back...30 minutes later and the parents are asleep or getting there so I now have some peace and quiet. I really want to move out but theres one problem, no money or else I would have already. I love my parents and all but I need my space and my time away from them because I dont preferably enjoy hearing them. I'd rather sit here without the sounds of their voices and contemplate. I think about a lot of things which is why everytime my mom and dad leave I like to stay home and think. I need thinking time because well I always have alot of crazy shit running through my mind. Questions that need answers. Answers I will probably never find. As of late though, I pushed aside all inquiries and seem to be rather focused on one thing. I totally love what I am focused on...and I think it will one day benefit with me with experience, its just...well sometimes I wish I could get this certain "thing" and I use that term loosely,out of my mind because well it might only bring me knowledge through a temporary pain which it doesnt mean to deliver. I'm so selfish, I'm so human. I'm going to use this book, Sophies World, as a guide, because I am in a deep seated rut and need this to break me through. I like the way everytime I read just one page out of this book I can no longer concentrate on anything but these philosophical questions they throw out at me. At the moment I no longer care of worldly things and school work just seems pointless. School work is not gonna provide for the answers I need. All the money in the world is not gonna bring me happiness. I think I would be much happier traveling the world and learning and observing from people. Infact, thats what I'm going to do..........February 11th 2003, ugh...errrrrr errrrrr errrrrr errrrrrrrr errrrrrr errrrrr errrrrr errrrrr errrrrrrr errrrrr errrrrrr I'm frustrated if you can't tell and confused and I'm tired and I can't seem as of late to find the will and desire to do what needs to be done...I keep anticipating but then no!...Crap! March 03, 2003 ---------I recently got a ticket this weekend from some fucking punk ass cop who's only reason for stopping me was to meet his quota so his fake ass wouldnt get fired. Yea the ticket was for "parking in a roadway." First of all I checked to make sure no one was behind me before I did this and I did this with a legitimate excuse (excuses may vary.) Apparently the cop was waiting on an adjacent road, with lights turned off waiting for some punk teenager to make the slightest mistake because I looked behind me several times and not once did I see a car or headlights. Then magically as I proceed after the yield or stop in the middle of the road I see headlights followed by those stupid lights that would make an epileptic man fall to the floor. So now I have two tickets, one for the roadway thing and one for expired liscense which my mom insisted did not need to be renewed till I was eighteen. Ahhh tis life. I think all will work out with the traffic violations. Fix here, fix there, and everything is mended. Yea so today I was having my first real conversation with my mom in a long time. She sure knows how to take away my "thunder," knock me off "cloud nine," talk about making me feel this small -----. Yea recently I've been feeling somewhat needed by certain people, somewhat loved, she bluntly pointed out that that would most likely change. Woman! I tell ya... they are all confusing. Yea so I dont think I'm going to be sharing any of my personal life with my mom, if all she does is want to show me the downside of it all, I suppose she is only protecting me from the inevitable, the thing I fight to realize but sometimes I think it is better to live ignorantly oblivious to the obvious. ===========================So this Saturday was prom, hmmm what to say? Well prom was fun at times and at other times depressing(needs a new word to take the place of depressing because depressing sounds...depressing.) My date Christine is very very funny and I enjoyed watching her do funny shit. Yea I got a little drunk, the sad thing is I didnt even drink that much. Makes me feel like a beginner, a fucking light weight. Yea I had my moments where I looked pretty fucking stupid, bean bag incident. Also one that my great friend Jeff decided to point out to me, its quite embarassing and I dont know what the fuck I was thinking or what the point behind it was. Ok, acutally I know what I was thinking and what the point was. That makes it even more sad. I hate being a little sentimental bitch. I'm suprised I even have guy friends. I dunno what I would do without my guy friends, they pretty much put up with me acting like a lil pussy. Always whinning or bringing up unmanly stuff. I'm glad they dont mind though. Just thought of something, makes me smile. Yea so bye. ------------------------------------------------March 21, 2003, ummm yea I think its slowly passing through me. I will soon turn myself into a non-emotional, non-sentimental lil bitch. I think it will be better for me this way because the way I am now is getting pretty old and ridiculous. I dont need to sit there and depress myself after shit doesnt work out in my favor, from now on I move on, never look back and keep going forward with a stoaic face. I suppose its extremely better for the people or person I love to be happy even if it doesnt make me feel that great. hmmm so we are at war, my grandpa told my mom he wants me to go to war when I'm eighteen and make him proud, maybe I will. Sounds fun to me.--------------------------------Hmmm I feel like talking about Spring Break and the crap I did during it. Ok there was a lot of hanging with the people I hang out with. That was the most of it but there were a few highlights. I played some frisbee with Amanda and Bobby and a crap load of other people and some tennis with balls that had smiley faces on them. I went bowling with Mark and Quinten and we met some cool dude there who probably only liked us cause we were the only teenagers he had seen all day but oh well, he made us some good drinks. I went to the movies with Mark, Quinten and Derek and we all kinda went in drag I guess you could say. Not too embarrassing for Derek since he isnt straight and not too embarassing for me and Quinten since they didnt look too much like girls clothes but Mark, well Mark wore a graduation gown and a snookie, thats not drag but it was damn funny. During the beginning part of the day on Friday and Saturday I was at a tennis tournament. First tournament I actually semi-tried and had fun at. Saturday night I went to the Lamberths and hung out with my favorite girl ever, Laura. That basically completed my week and made it the good week it was. -------------------------------------March 24 2003, hmmm not much happened today except I think I gave my Spanish teacher the impression that I am racist or prejudice against basically every race and that I am a person full of hate. Hmmm, thats confusing because I wont deny it, maybe becuase it might be true, well atleast parts of it. I do dislike/hate whatever a lot of stuff or people but I suppose I put up with them well. I dunno, I think I would rather not put up with them and be a crazy ass who says what he wants to say and does what he wants to do. This reminds me of the 2 hour or so conversation I had with my mom, who by the way is a crazy ass lady. I love my mom, I made her laugh when I told her I respected her more when she used to cuss out cops and judges and people at H-E-B, and doctors and staff memebers at the doctors office and teachers and principles. Well its true though, I'm not lying. The thing I love best about my mom and always will is her mouth and the crazy ass stuff that comes out of it. She was once a lady with no fear who wouldnt shut up till she was done bitching you out. She changed kinda, she is controlling herself she says. I asked her why she is doing this and told her that I disapprove and would totally not be embarassed if she said crazy crap. She told me she had to mature more, had to watch what she did around me and my brothers. Set an example, but its too late for that, I saw what she did, what she was capable of and I heard enough stories to know that whenever she was being screwed over by some assholes whether it be now or back when she was in highschool she would say what she felt to that person, even use a little bit of physical anger. She didnt show respect to you unless you showed it to her. If you hit her or screwed her over you would expect nothing but that back. Ohhh what a role model. This makes me think of the word maturity. Me and my friend Mark have come up with the proper definition that you will not find in webster's dictionary, it is that maturity is nothing more than comforming, having your spirit broken and just going along with what is expected by society. Yea I'm never going to be mature, I refuse to be because my spirit is ten times stronger than my mothers and she was a crazy woman. I shall carry the torch. --------------------------------------------------------------------April 21, 2003 So its been almost a month since I last wrote stuff on here. Hmmm, what to say. Well this three day weekend was good. I enjoyed it all, even Easter. I got to spend three days straight with my favorite person of all time, Laura. We went bowling on Thursday, we played tennis on Friday and talked a lot, and watched A Man Apart on Saturday, and talked a lot. It was great. What more could I ask for? Well I think I could find something to ask for but then I'd be a selfish bastard now wouldnt I? Well ok, Easter was nice to, I spent time with some friends I havent spent time with in a while. At nite me and some other friends met up at Whataburger, things got kinda boring and the mood changed really fast, some of us werent even talking and it got weird so I decided we all leave and do something fun. Only CJ, Quinten and Mark went with me. We decided a road trip would be fun and after a lot of confusion we ended up at the beach in Palacios. It was fun, for an hour we ran around and just enjoyed being the hell out of EC. Well as we come home we realize mark's thing that says how much gas we have is a liar, it goes from a lot of gas to none at all and then back up some more. We even passed a supposedly open gas station and everyone is like lets go put some gas, me being a dumbass says no we can make it. We didnt make it, we got close, but no cigar. We went dead at the EC exit. Well we called ppl, no one answered, we started to walk. Let me remind you, walking sucks, its only fun if you are doing it for no reason or because you are depressed. Never is it fun to walk because you are trying to get to a destination, not when its humid and you are wearing blue jeans and such. I will go on record right now saying how much I hate ppl, I hate pppl a lot, no one even gave us a chance, they didnt stop and help us, it was four in the morning and we were dead tired and we were walking and they drove by us at killer speeds. As we got into town we even walked infront of a mans truck and he just looked at us and went around us. We had to also run into an apartment complex so a cop wouldnt question us. We walked in someone's bean field and in a heavy tree-populated place. We jumped onto a bridge so we woudlnt have to go into a deep ditch. Try walking/running with lil or no energy through 6 miles of rough terrain. 6 miles of rough terrain! its now the new slogan. Now when my grandpa complains and asks me if I ever had to walk a far distance like he had to do in his time, I will say, try walking 6 miles in rough terrain! at 4 in the morning, when you should be sleeping! So yea that is my story, its a dumb one but there should be more to come, I am enjoying doing random things in the middle of the nite, nothing else to do.................................Friday May 9, 2003...hmmmm what to say... well things have always been confusing for me partly because I make them confusing...and well tonite is no different since I just added new fuel to the confusion...well no no let me take that back...tonite I think the few things I wondered most about and wanted most came true and left me rather happy. Extremely happy. Happiest I have ever been. I know this happiness may be only temporary concerning the circumstances and the situation I am in but I will enjoy it while it lasts and hope that it returns one day. I know it will. I often times find myself regretting things I have done in the past, I no longer regret any of those things because they brought me here, to this day, the way I am and they brought me happiness. I do not regret anything that happened today either and I think everything will end the way it should. If anything I have more of a love for life because an angel from the alps gave me a reason to want to be here. _______________________________________________________Since you are the only one who goes to my site laura...just want to say a million times I LOVE YOU!!!!...hmm yea gotta write about the cop incident...graduation...things to do with you...astroworld..alot of things...but later because im tired...nite nite__________________________________________________________All right...well let's see...so one day we are at my friends house and we decide it would be fun to drive to Myatt..an elementary school in EC...and climb it...so we get there...we do that...we pee in vents ... I pee off the roof...we climb down and we go to the school right next to it...Northside...well we couldnt find a way to climb that one but we walked around it and just talked and reminisced of old times...when life didnt have to make sense and responsibility was found in being able to clean your own ass...most of the time...so yea...we walk around the front and well we round the corner where we parked the car and we see a cop's car there waiting. Apparently someone thought it was strange that two and half mexicans and one and a half menacing white boys were walking around an elementary school at eleven oclock at nite. Well...hmmm...being as I'm a mexican...i'll blame it on that...either I fight authority or run from it...never accept consequences...so yea cops are hard to fight...got those laws ... assault on a cop will get you a lot of years in a prison where a guy named bubba will wait till the new guy with the cute ass (me) drops the soap. This will be bubba's perfect chance to break and enter a territory in which there is a flow of one way traffic...all headed out. Well so yea I say, "lets run!" and well in the heat of the moment thats all it takes to get my friends adrenaline flowing causing them to not think of what running will get us and well...run...yea i fell down while we ran...but my feet never stopped moving...im proud..and yea after a block or so one of my friends was tired...yea he cant run for more than a minute...we found that out on the palacios thing...and anyways my cousins car was still at the elementary school where its plates had prolly been checked and ran through the system...so we stopped...and we walked...and three cop cars showed up and one cop screamed, " hands on the hood!"...well yea they ran our names through the system...realized we were just bored teenagers who get freaked out by cops...we got let off ...im glad...hmm there was this one rookie cop there though..he was funny...he knew we were from EC...one cop already established that but the rookie asked again..,"so ya'll boys from here huh" "yes sir" "thats cool...what grade ya'll in?" "eleventh" *confused look* "juniors sir" "oh yea thats right...yea...eleventh...juniors" poor cop...he was prolly even more nervous than we were._________________________________________________________________________________________________________So the girl I'm in love with graduated...kinda cool...now she has a diploma in America and will soon get one in Switzerland...she is really smart...I can't wait to graduate...I want to leave EC...for several reasons...I hate it...alot...there are some nice ppl here and its a small relatively safe town just most people here that think they matter are stuck up, nosey, simple, close-minded little pricks. I hate people like that. This isnt my kinda atmosphere...I need a place where there is a variety of people of every class, gender and ethnicity. So...Laura, me, Marte and anthony went to astroworld...it was fun...even though it rained most the time...we only got to ride three rides...but it was great...I got to spend time with laura...nothing I love better...me and her are best friends basically...I love her...she makes me complete.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________yea well I have nothing better to do right now...(June 24, 43 minutes past midnite, 2003) I need to write...those two paragraphs up there I also wrote tonite...I need to write right now...I need to keep my mind off things...things that one day I will hopefully be able to sit back and laugh about...things that right now are eating at my nerves bringing me to the point of extreme nausea where puking will come easy if I dont calm down. So here read this..."Sitting here in this stuffy white painted room whos chairs are filled with people waiting to die I find myself leaning over a stained coffee table forced by boredness to flip through the two-year old magazines while I wait for my name to be called." Yea...I wrote that extremely long sentence...possible a run-on...i hate english grammar stuff...i write things how i say them...yea most ppl dont understand things when i talk...if i was about to die I dont think I would fight it...unless of course I had something I had to finish..someone I had to help, to save...to make my dying complete with no stones unturned...no regrets. If I was to go to the doctor right now and he said...we could give you khemo...you would suffer and pain would be great but you would live for atleast two years or you could not be treated...you would still suffer but you would die faster and relieft would come...I think i would chose the latter...I mean seriously...death is goin to happen to everyone...people dont like to realize that...people should realize it though...it is stupid to fight the inevitable...(well not in all cases...some things I believe are not inevitable taht other people believe are) If i had a year to live I would not waste it grieving myself over countless operations just to bring more suffering...instead I would take that year...knowing full and well that it was my last and do everything possible there is to do that would make me happy...i would make that year the best year in my life...I would make my life something to remember...I would touch as many people as I could...I wouldnt die like a coward.++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Well yea haven't written in here for a long time...been sorta pre-occupied...the angel has flown back to heaven. God I miss her...but its ok...things are alright right now...they were really confusing...for a lot of reasons but ok now...I hope they stay great. Hmmm I know i have several times stated how i hate El Campo and some of the people in it...I will re-instate that fact...I hate the people who lie, who dont mind their own business, who get too involved, over protective guardians, nosey little fucks and the way the small town of El Campo circulates rumors at amazing speeds. All this bullshit, all this nonsense that could easily have been avoided and forgotten kept me from doing things that I so badly would have loved to do, things that would make me happy, things to make another happy, things that should have been done because it would have been special. Ahhhh, its ok, I guess there must be a reason behind it all and I hope in my heart and make a wish everytime the clock turns to a palendrome that these things are not only wants but are things that will happen in the near future. Cause i hate for things to be in vain_____________New topic: I hate school!!!! They are making us tuck shirts in! Fuck no. They are making us wear name tags! Fuck no. They are splitting lunch so not everyone will have the same lunch. Fuck no. Seriously this is all getting out of hand and quite ridiculous. I will not tuck my shirt in...no one looks good with their shirt tucked in especially fat people...me...and their reasoning makes no sense. Having facial hair distracts people...having hair past your ears for a guy distracts people...health hazard...having your shirt untucked distracts people...health hazard...no no...a health hazard would be when someone gets so fed up with the rules that they start to shoot at people. See thats a health hazard. Good thing I am not insane ;) and if i seem insane its just the boredom talking...bye bye.______________________________________________________________August 5th,......August 6th, well ok its been about 4 days and thats all it took for me to realize that when i said everything was going to be ok that i was wrong. Things aren't ok, I'm not happy. But oh well, that my friends is life and we are a part of it. So I will no longer write in here, this was just an account of my life from the beginning of January till now. And now this account ends and other things do too. I will write one last thing, just wrote it now, doesn't make sense but now-a-days I'm finding those things that don't make sense are the most common in life. +_+_+_+|_|+_|+_|+_|+_|+_|+|_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_______Let's form a triangle of platonic love, my dreams are felt at a second-time around shop where some things can't be thrown away, At home my heart is kept in a jar with the fireflies and in the closet there's a box full of lies, And this love will not comply with the circumstances and passer-by's laughing at our infelicity, And when rhyming happens on accident it's perfectly alright, Why do you deny my love? If you didn't see, you didn't bother to look, And this distance is only time so be patient...........And I only step into the sea because my feet are dry, show me to the fire 'cause I need to cry, dancing in the ashes of those still alive, And if you call yourself a free-spirit then you lie, those truly free will never realize...why the dying sit in a waiting room, Somewhere an insomniac calls every infomercial comforted to hear promises repeated more than twice, And an atheist always smiles when you wake up to find that life's all in vain, when you discover the lies......and this distance is only time
