That Darn Wacky Crazy Dungeon
A Mouse Production
*DISCLAIMER: Please note that I do not own Kuja, Zuja, Aeris, Jennifer, or Joey. Jen and Joe are real people, and Kuja is the screenname of another real person. Zuja is fanmade by the same person who we call Kuja. And no, I don’t own Invader Zim, probably because I’m broke. I however do own Laura, because I am Laura. But Kuja and Aeris belong to Squaresoft. A Dungeon Deep was one of the games in Reboot, I know, but I wanted to add a few little twists of my own. Okay? Let’s move ahead.
*The scene is in... LAURA, THE FANFIC WRITER’S LIVING ROOM! Jennifer, Joey, Laura, and Kuja are all seated around the coffee table, playing A Dungeon Deep on the Playstation*
Kuja: Look out, Joey! Dragon! *Character (Who’s name is Kuja) points*
Joey: Eh?! *Character turns*
Dragon: *Spits flame at Joey*
Joey: AHHH! Joey! *Joey has about 12 HP left*
Jennifer: *Jennifer uses Moonlight to heal Joey*
Laura: *Laura performs a variety of fighting moves on the dragon*
Dragon: *Sweatdrops, unfazed. Knocks Laura aside*
Laura: *Laura hits a wall* ...you’ll pay for that... when I can get up...
Kuja: No! *Kuja draws sword*
Joey: Mwahahaha! *Joey pulls out a bow and some arrows*
Jennifer: *Jennifer charges a spell*
Laura: *Laura twitches slightly* My.... spine...
*Jennifer, Joey, and Kuja all attack the Dragon*
Dragon: *Dies*
Laura: *Puts controller down and runs off somewhere*
Kuja: Hey, where’d she go?
Jennifer: Ahh, who knows?
Joey: Hey, Laura! Bring back some Fritos!
*Several minutes pass*
Kuja: Where is she?
Jennifer: I dunno.
Joey: Maybe she was out of Fritos... Laura, Doritos would be perfectly fine!
Laura: *Comes back, holding something behind her back*
Joey: Fritos? Doritos?
Laura: Remote.
Jennifer: Uh-uh! NO!
Kuja: Laura... what are you doing...?
Laura: *Pushes Button*
*The group is zapped into A Dungeon Deep. No one is zapped out*
LEVEL 1
Laura: Yessss! I’m Laura!
Kuja: Whaddaya know... I’m me.
Joey: Can we leave? *Looks disgruntled*
Jennifer: I want to go home NOW! *Is Jennifer*
*Remote disappears*
Laura: Well, you know, in the game, the mystical chalice was in the bottom level. I bet the chalice was replaced by the Remote.
Jennifer: Well, let’s go get the Remote!
Joey: But, Laura...
Kuja: Have any of us...
Joey: Actually gotten to...
Kuja: The final level?
Laura: Nope. That’s what makes it an ADVENTURE! Cheer up!
Jennifer: We’re all gonna die.
Laura: Since I got us here, it is only natural that I lead the way.
Kuja: But doesn’t the Paladin (That’s me) go first?
Laura: *Finds she can’t move because Kuja hasn’t gone forward* Well, okay... but only if I can go second.
Kuja: Okay. I’ll go first. Laura the Demoness Berserker, you’re second, to help bolster our frontal attack force. Jennifer the Dark Elf Mage, you go third, so in case we’re attacked from behind, you won’t get wiped out, and Joey the Elven Archer, you bring up the rear.
*The group starts walking along aimlessly*
Laura: Stairs down. *Points at a set of stairs*
*The group walks down the stairs and into a very long set of stairs that spirals downward*
Joey: So, how many levels are there?
Laura: 66.
Jennifer: And what level are we on?
Laura: Level One.
Kuja: Um, isn’t this the part where the big spider attacks us?
*Huge spider scuttles toward them*
Kuja: *Trying to draw giant sword, having trouble pulling it from the sheath* AAAAAAH! CRAP! CRAP! Stupid sword!!!!!
Laura: Prepare to taste the blade of my... *Draws weapon* very... heavy... battleaxe. *Trying to lift axe, failing miserably* LIFT! LIIIFT!
Joey: *Shoots random arrows at Giant Spider*
Jennifer: *Throws random Fireballs at Giant Spider*
Spider: *Hit repeatedly by flaming arrows. It scuttles back in pain and bumps into Laura. It turns to see the evilly smirking Berserker, her battleaxe drawn*
Laura: Heehee. *Slashes Spider in an eye, proceeds to slash all its other eyes*
Spider: *Blind*
Kuja: *Succeeds in drawing sword. Charges at the Spider, yelling loudly*
Laura: *Simply cleaves Spider in the head*
Spider: *Dies*
Laura: *Puts axe away* Laura, the Mighty Warrior Goddess! Tonight at 8.
Kuja: *Sheathes sword* Well, whaddaya know.
Laura: *Does a bunch of heroic poses, looks cool. Suddenly ruins the effect by jumping up and down doing the peace sign* ^.^
All: *Sweatdrop*
Jennifer: Oh, that is so lame. Grow up.
Laura: Make me! Anyway, let’s get going.
Joey: Hey, after the first boss (The Big Spider), doesn’t Jen get a map?
*A map appears in front of Jennifer. She grabs it*
Kuja: Okay, Jen, where’s the way to the 2nd level?
Jennifer: *Looks at map* Just down these stairs.
Kuja: Okay!
*The little group finishes walking down the stairs. They come to a door*
Joey: Level 2, here we come!
LEVEL 2
*They go through the door and into the second level. It is a big, big... big... wow, did I mention BIG Chamber. 2 large statues stand on either side of the stairs down*
Joey: I forgot what happens in this level...
Kuja: Maybe it’s just a breather?
Jennifer: Or a trap.
Laura: ... What was IN this level...?
*The group walk across the room*
Joey: Hmm... it SEEMS harmless...
*Suddenly, the two big statues of the centurions come to life and advance upon the party!*
Kuja: AAAAH! They’re too big, we can’t kill them!
Laura: Jen! Make with the magic!!!!
Jen: Erm, yes... Uh... *Waves staff* Abracawhatchamacallitdabratypethingie!
*The centurions are shrunken slightly, but now there are FOUR of them! They advance toward the team, swords drawn menacingly!*
Joey: Oh, great job! Now there’s FOUR!
Jen: I’ll just try again! *Waves staff* Abracawhatchamacallitdabratypethingie!
*Again, the centurions are shrunken, but now there are- GASP- EIGHT!!!!! They advance toward the team, swords drawn menacingly!*
Jen: AAAH! That wasn’t supposed to happen!! *Points staff at the living statues* Abracawhatchamacallitdabratypethingie!!!!!!!
*Once more, the centurions are shrunken, and now there are SIXTEEN, but, by now, they are absolutely TINY! They hold up their teeny tiny shields and begin backing away*
*Joey and Kuja smile evilly at each other, then at the centurions*
Kuja: ATTAAAAAAAACK!
Joey: CHAAAAAAARGE!!!!
*The two run forward and start STOMPING the 3 inch high centurions into NOTHINGNESS!
Laura: With quick, lightning reflexes, Joey and Kuja keep the snaveling hordes at bay! But, for how long? For how long?! FOR HOW LONG?!??!?!?!!
Jennifer: Ah, shaddup. *Watches the boys finish smashing the centurions* And by the way, is snaveling a word?
Laura: It is now.
Kuja: Oh, let’s just go already.
Joey: Yes, let’s.
*The group walks down the stairs*
LEVEL 3
Laura: We’re doing quite well. No one’s even been hurt yet.
Kuja: *Mutters* By some miracle...
Laura: *Eye twitches* You didn’t just SAY something to the effect that you’re NOT ENJOYING this game I made all by myself, did you, MR. Paladin?!
Kuja: *Huge nervous sweatdrop* Uh... no, not at all! Wouldn’t DREAM of it! ^_^;
Laura: *Chuckles evilly* Heheh... good. You will keep your skin another level.
Kuja: *Sighs in relief*
Jennifer and Joey: *Snicker*
Laura: *Turns to look at them, face totally expressionless in a scary kind of way*
Both: *Stop laughing abruptly*
Laura: *Stares at them for a few seconds, then turns and walks after Kuja*
Jennifer: You know, she’s REALLY scary when she gets mad.
Joey: *Nods*
*Jennifer and Joey walk after Kuja and Laura. The group comes to a fork in the path. There are three HUGE doors to pick from. They all stop and stare, trying to figure out which door to pick.*
Kuja: Well, this should be easy. Laura, you made the game, didn’t you? So which door is it?
Laura: *Blue pointy demoness ears droop slightly* Well, I don’t know... it randomizes with each game...
Joey: You IDIOT! Why’d you design it that way?!
Laura: Well, I didn’t know this was going to happen... *looks down at the floor*
Kuja: That’s okay, you’re right. And after all, what would the fun be while we were on OUR side of the screen and we knew exactly what was going to happen?
Joey: Hey, Jen! Check the map!
Jennifer: *Looks at the map* It doesn’t say.
Kuja: Okay then, what could be behind each door?
Laura: Um... One is just a regular door to the next level, one is monster you have to kill, and the other... Ugh, it’s no use! I can’t remember!!
Joey: Oh, that’s GREAT.
Laura: Shut up, Joey!
Kuja: Stop fighting, you two! There’s only one thing we can do. Jennifer, get back into the center of the room. Laura, Joey, and I will each open a door. Jen, be ready to blast the monster.
Jennifer: *Backs up to the center of the room*
Joey: *Walks up to the first door* This really isn’t safe...
Kuja: *Walks over to the middle door* I know, but this is the only logical way.
Laura: *Walks over to the last door* Shall we?
*Each opens a door. Nothing is in Joey’s door but the way to the next level. The huge monster, a massive Zombie, runs out of Kuja’s door. Jennifer blasts the zombie with a few spells and Kuja chops it into pieces. Nothing comes out of Laura’s door*
Laura: That’s weird... what was supposed to- AHHHH!
*Giant shadow flames leap out at Laura. They grab her by the ankles and drag her slowly into the room*
All others: *Scream*
Laura: Get back or it’ll get you too! I remember this thing now! It warps the person or people captured into a huge series of traps! If I make it out-
Kuja: You’re crazy! Someone should go with you!
Laura: That’s just like you, but it’s a greater danger for two people! I don’t want any more people risking themselves than absolutely necessary. Just leave this to me. *Almost completely into the vortex now, only shoulders, left arm and head are visible* If I make it out, I’ll catch back up to you later!
Joey: Pull her out!
Jennifer: You heard her! She doesn't want us to risk our necks for her.
Laura: Thanks for understanding, Jen. I’ll see you all in just a bit... *Smiles. She is pulled completely into the vortex. The door slams shut*
Joey: You heard her. She’ll catch up later. Let’s go.
Jennifer: Yeah! Besides, she’s probably the best person to go through the Trap Field. I mean, she DID design the game.
Kuja: Let’s hurry on. *He walks down the stairs*
*Jennifer and Joey walk wordlessly after*
Level 4
*The team slashes through a giant horde of Mega-Rats*
Joey: Gee, Laura sure wasn’t very creative for THIS level.
Jennifer: I bet she ran outta Lizard Fuel when she designed this one.
*The team reaches a door, and Kuja throws it open. Joey and Jen run into the next level and Kuja follows, slamming the door behind them*
Several Level Later...
Joey: What level are we on?
Jennifer: 8!
Joey: ...Greeeeaaaat.
Kuja: Less talking, more walking.
*Both stare after Kuja momentarily and quickly walk after*
*They arrive at a huge, boring looking room. They run through. Arrows shoot out of the walls at them as they run*
Jennifer: AAAH!
Joey: AAAH!
Kuja: LESS SCREAMING, MORE RUNNING!
*They get past that room. Spikes rain out of a large doorway at them*
All: *Scream. Run faster*
*They finally get past that. Suddenly, Kuja stops*
Joey: What’s up, Kuja?
Jennifer: Yeah, what’s the story?
Laura: *Sitting on floor* Didja miss me? *Grins*
Kuja: You’re alive! We we worried you were dead!
Laura: I get that a lot.
Jennifer: Great, well, can we just go already?
Joey: Yeah! We’re all back together, so let’s get going!
Laura: *Stands up* The village idiots are right. We must keep going.
Joey: VILLAGE IDIOTS?!
Jennifer: That’s just mean!
Kuja: Heh...
Laura: Well, shall we, team?
Jennifer: Okay.
Joey: *Shrugs indifferently*
Kuja: *Leads the team to the stairs down to the next level*
Level 13
*The team comes to a big puddle of water. It sprouts up into a giant water golem.*
Jennifer: Deep Freeze! *Aims the black orb on the end of her staff at the golem. It freezes solid.* Niiiice.
Joey: *Grins and pokes the frozen golem in the head. It shatters into a BILLION teeeny tiiiny pieces, as dead as it gets.*
Kuja: Okay, let’s go!
Level 35
Kuja: AAAAAH!
Laura: AAAAAH!
Jennifer: AAAAAH!
Joey: AAAAAH!
*They are chased down the hallway towards the exit by a giant floating eyeball with tentacles*
Level 49
Kuja: *Opens a door. A giant dark knight tromps out*
Joey: *Shoots its head off with a well placed flaming arrow, the flaming part done by Jen, of course*
Level 52
Laura: *Using her battleaxe to chop through countless hordes of Goblins. The rest of the team runs after*
Level 65
Jennifer: *Jumps onto a large flying carpet. The rest of the team follows, and the carpet takes off, flying through walls of fire and frost*
Joey: What level?
Jennifer: 65!!!!
Laura: We’ve never made it this far before!!
Kuja: What’s ahead, Laura?!
Laura: I don’t remember!!!!!!!
*The carpet lands at a giant obsidian doorway. Giant statues of demons with glittering gems for eyes stare at the from the walls.
Kuja: Nice touch.
Laura: Thanks.
Joey: Get ready...
Jennifer: This is not good.
*The door slowly swings open. Nothing is visible but blackness. The team walks through*
LEVEL 66- THE FINAL CHALLENGE
*The team looks around the room. In the center of the room, the remote is visible on a glass pedestal studded with rubies, emeralds, and diamonds*
Joey: This is not good... It’s too simple, too quiet.
Laura: I’m sorry, but I don’t remember what happens...
Kuja: Let’s be careful, then.
Jennifer: Yeah... *Looks around suspiciously*
Laura: We’ll draw straws to see who goes to check it out, okay? *Holds up four straws* Short wins.
Joey: Okay.
Kuja: Fine by me.
Jennifer: Sure.
Joey: *Draws a straw. His is long*
Kuja: *Draws a straw. His is also long*
*Laura and Jennifer stare at each other momentarily. Each holds a straw in her closed hand. They open their hands at the same time*
Jennifer: ...
Laura: ...
Jennifer: *Backs up slightly*
Laura: *Throws her short straw to the side and slowly walks over to the ornate pedestal. She suddenly floats into the air, her hair being pulled upwards by some unseen force. She screams and is thrown viciously into a wall*
Laura: I remember now... it’s-
*Evil laughter is heard. Slowly a black vortex opens and a shadowy figure walks out. It steps into the torchlight to reveal...
Aeris: I am your final challenge. *Laughs*
All: *Scream in horror*
Aeris: Yes! It is I! You all are doomed! DOOMED! Boohahahahahahahaaa~!
All: *Scream in horror*
Joey: Why’d you have to make HER the final boss?!
Laura: I just picked the most evil thing I could think of. Something so EVIL...
Jennifer: Well, you DID pick the ultimate evil.
Aeris: Enough talk! Water!!
Kuja: *Is blasted with cold water* NOOOO! *He starts glowing*
Jennifer: AAAH! What’s happening to Kuja?!
Kuja: *Is transformed into.... ZUJA, The Invader Zim and Kuja Crossbreed!!!*
Zuja: Why me? *Standing there, sopping wet. Sneezes loudly.*
Laura: *Stands up, eyes glowing* NO ONE TOUCHES MY HAIR BUT ME, YOU UNHOLY MONSTER!!! *Charges at Aeris, axe drawn, held in one hand*
Joey: I can’t look!
Jennifer: *Charging spell*
Laura: YAAAAAH! *Swings axe at Aeris’s skull, ready to cleave her head open*
Aeris: *Her head is chopped open*
Laura: Well, THAT was easy enough.
*Suddenly, Aeris’s head reforms*
Laura: Why me...?
Aeris: *Uses Bolt3 on Laura to send her flying, extra crispy*
Laura: *Hits a wall* This happens to me a lot... ow... You’ll pay for that...
Jennifer: *Fires a beam of energy at Aeris*
Aeris: *Takes the hit right through her stomach and reforms again. She fires the same beam at Jennifer*
Jennifer: *Fried by the beam. She falls to the ground*
Joey: *Firing arrows like mad at Aeris*
Aeris: *Sends the arrows back at Joey. He runs around the room, being chased by his own arrows*
Zuja: *Grabs his sword at slashes at Aeris madly*
Aeris: *Chopped into pieces, but regenerates again. She hits him in the temples with her staff*
Zuja: Ow... *Stumbles back, holding head*
Laura: *Slowly stands up* That’s it...
Joey: AAAAAH!!!! *Still running around room, being chased by arrows*
Laura: *Slashes the arrows apart with her battleaxe*
Joey: *Stops running* Thanks. *Walks over to Jennifer and helps her up*
Jennifer: How are we supposed to win...?
Laura: I don’t know... I just don’t know.
Joey: Um... I think we’re doomed...
Jennifer: *Gulps*
Zuja: *Walks over to the rest of the group, holding his sword* I have an idea...
Joey: Great! Let’s hear it. I’ll try anything if it might work.
Zuja: *Whispers something*
Aeris: *Floating in the air, doing her nails and hugging a Cloud plushie*
Joey: *Runs a little way from the rest of the group* Hey, Ugly! Guess what! Cloud can’t stand you! In fact, he got married to Tifa after all the trouble was over!!!
Aeris: *Gasps* Tha-that can’t be! *Turns to Joey, eyes glowing darkly*
Laura: YAHHHHH! *Attacks Aeris, savagely cleaving her repeatedly with her battleaxe*
Aeris: *Jumps back, trying to get the time needed to regenerate properly*
Jennifer: Holy... Light! *Casts a spell on Zuja’s sword, giving it a holy energy*
*While Aeris is busy trying to escape Laura’s savage onslaught, Zuja sneaks up behind her, sword still glowing*
Laura: *Jumps away from Aeris* NOW!
Zuja: *Runs Aeris through with his sword, the Holy Energy destroying her because she is so evil*
Aeris: *Dies, turns into dust and completely disintegrates*
Laura: ...WOOOO!
Jennifer: WE WIN!
Joey: YEAAAAAH!
Zuja: AYE!!!!
*The entire team walks over to the pedestal. In one motion, each puts a hand on the pedestal. Joey puts his hand on the button. Jennifer puts her hand on Joey’s. Laura puts her hand on Jennifer’s. Zuja puts his hand on Laura’s. They all press down at once and are zapped out of the game*
Kuja: That was fun.
Laura: Yeah.
Jennifer: You two have an odd impression of ‘fun’.
Joey: *Snickers*
Laura: *Grabs the remote*
Kuja: You’re KIDDING!
Jennifer: We just got back!
Joey: I’m too tired to go on another crazy adventure!!
Laura: ... *Smiles. She throws the remote into the trashcan*
All: *Grin, wondering how long it will actually stay in there*
~*~FIN~*~