The Insane Battle Zone
“The Newfound Insanity”
*The scene is in a huge, dark arena. Suddenly, a spotlight shines down on the middle. Some rose petals fly through the center.*
?: Preserving insanity for all time, I am Laura, founder and commentator! *Sailor Moon Pose*
??: Likewise, I am Jennifer, also a commentator! *Different Sailor Moon Pose*
???: And I am Kuja, the referee. *Doesn’t Pose*
Crowd: Um... yay!
Kuja: Are you sure you needed the roses? The florist billed us pretty heavily for the flowers, and I don’t know if enough people purchased seats to cover it, much less the actual arena, commentators’ booth, payment for the fighters, payment for the staff, money for the hotdog stand, funding for the bathrooms, supplies, money in case we get sued, AND a little extra for us...
Jennifer: He’s right, you know.
Laura: Well... we’ll be okay. If not... we’ll just have to take it out of OUR salaries.
Jennifer: WHA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAT?!?!
Kuja: That wasn’t part of the agreement!
Laura: Let’s just see how everything turns out...
Crowd: *Sweatdrop*
Laura: Um, anyway, welcome to The Insane Battle Zone! This is one of the only places you can find Anime, American, Real Life, Comic Book, and Video Game characters pitted against each other in an all out, amazing, super-bloodfest!!!
Crowd: *Cheers loudly* BLOODFEST! BLOODFEST!
Jennifer: That’s right! A SUPER-BLOODFEST!
Kuja: And this is our very first episode, so when this REALLY becomes famous, you’ll all get bragging rights that you were here from day 1!
Crowd: WOOO! BRAGGING RIGHTS!!
Laura: Well, let’s get down to business! Today’s fight is between Sephiroth, that awesome villain from Final Fantasy 7, and Majin Buu, the terror of Dragon Ball Z! Who will triumph?!
Jennifer: Before we go any further, Laura and I are gonna head up to the Announcers’ Booth... *She and Laura run to the booth to avoid any potential danger from this clash of titans*
Kuja: ... I wish I had an Announcer’s Booth...
Laura: If things get too messy, head up here.
Kuja: *Nods*
Jennifer: My money is on Sephiroth. He’s got the power, the experience, the Masamune, the Black Materia, the cool hair...
Laura: I agree. I personally think this battle will just come down to brains, because in everything else, like power, speed, and mobility, they are almost completely tied. That’s why Sephy will win. Majin Buu thinks a lot like a child. Sephiroth thinks like the mature, responsible, psychotic adult he is. Besides, Buu is PINK! That color SUCKS! Kuja?
Kuja: *Laughs* There’s no contest here! Sephy’s gonna win!! Buu is a total, incompetent, moronic loser!
Laura: Well, some people in our neighborhoods voted, and that’s what we’ll go by. However, announcers’ and referee’s votes do not count for anything.
Jennifer: Battle on!
Buu: *Bounces in, chuckling like an evil demon child*
Laura: And there comes Buu. He looks pumped!
Sephiroth: *Flies in and lands. He immediately draws his sword*
Jennifer: And there’s Sephiroth! He looks as cool as always and ready to kick some!!!
Kuja: Now, I want this to be a good, clean fight. No trying to blow up the planet, set fire to the arena, *Glares at Sephiroth warningly* eat the other fighter or anyone working or watching here, *Glares at Buu warningly* and absolutely NO hitting below the belt, both of you. Let’s get it on!
*Laura and Jennifer both bang a gong in the booth*
Gong: BOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG!
Laura: Oh! And here it goes! Oh! Oh! OH! Buu opens with LASER BREATH!!! Sephy had better watch out!
Jennifer: Oh, and Sephiroth blocks it with his sword, but it’s hard! He’s skidding back a few inches! And he’s saying something! Can we get a microphone on this?!
Sephiroth: You are a little more powerful than I thought, Majin Buu, but the time... has come. I will destroy you.
Laura: You tell ‘im, Sephy!
Jennifer: WOW! Seph knocks that laser aside!!
Laura: NOOO! The laser hit the hotdog stand!!! Sephy, that’s coming out of your check!
Jennifer: Buu looks mad. What’s he doing?! Oh my God, get a mic on Buu!
Buu: Me gonna eat you up! Me gonna eat you up!
Laura: HEY! Sephy, run! Buu’s powering up to turn you into a cookie or some other eatery!
Kuja: HEY!!!! BUU IS DISQUALIFIED!! I DISTINCTLY SAID ‘NO TRYING TO EAT YOUR OPPONENT!’
Buu: Me gonna eat Sephiroth!
Kuja: He won’t listen to me, guys. *Looks up at Announcers’ Booth* Now might be a good time for me to head up there... it’s getting dangerous down here!
Laura: Hurry!
Kuja: *Runs into booth*
Jennifer: Oh my God, I can’t watch!!
Laura: *Gasps* Sephiroth just tore right through Buu with the help of his trusty Masamune! Buu falls! The eating spell is forgotten!
Jennifer: But Buu is up... he’s regenerating... and he’s REALLY PISSED!
Kuja: Seph’s in trouble now... Buu is powering up for one final attack...
Laura: But what’s that...? AHHH! SEPHIROTH HAS THE BLACK MATERIA!!!
Jennifer: You mean he’s gonna summon Meteor on Buu?!
Kuja: If he summons Meteor, it’s gonna destroy the whole planet!!!!!
Laura: I’m too young to die...! *Sobs*
Jennifer: *Writing will*
Kuja: The Meteor is visible... Buu sees it...
Laura: Buu uses his energy... Meteor is destroyed...
Jennifer: A piece flies into the arena... Buu is... SQUASHED! He’s not getting up... He’s dead... THIS FIGHT IS OVER, AND WE HAVE A WINNER! SEPHIROTH!!!!
Laura: W-we’re alive!
Kuja: Thank God! We’re alive!!!!
Laura: Yaaaaaaay~!
Jennifer: Will you two grow up and come down with me to congratulate Sephiroth?!
*All three walk out of the booth and over to Sephiroth, who sheathes his sword with a calm finality*
Jennifer: Congratulations, Sephiroth.
Kuja: A victory well-earned!
Sephiroth: *Nods silently, his theme playing in da background*
Laura: Can I have your autograph??? *Holds out a pen and little black book*
Sephiroth: Uh... sure. *Sweatdrops, signs a paper in the book*
Laura: Yay! Now I have Kuja’s AND Sephiroth’s autographs! *Hugs book, accidentally smudging the ink so it’s just barely legible* Oh, the kids at school are gonna think I’m SO cool!
Jennifer: *Gives Sephiroth his prize money*
Sephiroth: Yay! Now I can go and buy that car Mom’s been wanting me to have!
Jenova: *Jumps up in crowd* Yay! Son, go get yourself that car!!!
*Mother and Son both run out to buy a car*
Jennifer: Awww....
Laura: Well, sayonara, folks!
Kuja: Next match is... SEPHIROTH, who will be our returning champion, versus...
Jennifer: *Digs around in a little shoebox; pulls out a slip of paper and hands it to Kuja*
Kuja: ... *Reads name off paper* Pi-pickuh? Pickuhchoo?
Laura: Pikachu... PIKACHU?! A Pokemon?! Hahahaha~!
Jennifer: Seems like a foregone conclusion.
Kuja: Well, show up next time! I’m sure it will be an- uh- INTERESTING fight.
Laura: Toodles!
Jennifer: Buhbye now!
Kuja: See ya!
SEPHIROTH: 7 Votes
MAJIN BUU: 4 Votes