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3/14/2004
 
Meep.
3/13/2004
 
Eh...more relaxed now.
3/11/2004
 
People have been asking me "are you okay?" a lot lately and I always respond with a "yeah..." well I'm lying, stonewalling everybody who asks in order to avoid being violated and ripped to shreds like I've been many times before. Really, if I said "No, I'm not okay" what the hell is anybody going to do about it anyways? Huh? It all seems so insincere. My rage has returned, I want to hurt people over little things, I hate this, I hate myself....god dammit, it's happening again and I'm not going to do it this time. I won't let the demon inside me escape and I know what I'm going to do...so fuck you all. You know, I've always hated being the sensitive one in my group of friends, the one that everyone pushes around, takes for granted, and likes to hurt for absolutely no reason at all. What the hell did I ever do to any of you? That's it, I'm going to start it and actually finish it this time. Fuck loving people who don't love me back, fuck being sweet towards people when they treat me like shit, fuck me for being a fuck up, fuck living, FUCK IT ALL. I can't deal with this bullshit anymore---memories, flashbacks, random and misdirected anger. Goodbye, all of you, none of you will miss me anyways...goodnight moon, goodnight sky, goodnight earth, goodnight light, goodnight mom, goodnight dad, goodnight warmth, goodnight God...I"m sorry I never believed in you...

"I am watching your eyes
And follow my salvation
There's so much shit around me
Such a lack of compassion

I thought it would be fun and games
(it would be fun and games)
Instead it's all the same
(it's all the same)
I want something to do
Need to feel the sickness in you"

~Korn, "Make Me Bad"~
3/10/2004
 
My heavenly sire twisted me into submission, having her way with the dark red elixer flowing ever freely from the veins of my neck. Hissing and groaning sadistically at the extent of my discomfort, she slid her hands along the length of my abdomen, pressing her breasts firmly against my back as she continued to lap fiercely at the wound. She was in complete control, convincing me to bind myself eternally to her with nothing more than a fiery glare and a ragged whisper---she was in complete control but no longer did I care. I let her disdain for everything channel into me until I, too, became swollen with an unquenchable rage. For once permitting myself to be vulnerable, I glanced upwards into her passionate eyes, so sharply defined through the darkness of the midnight air, without fear or suspicion. Squelching and shivering, I took my last human breath, letting go of all but my most primal of instincts, thus willing myself to her...
3/9/2004
 
Blog...
11/12/2002
 
Bokey bo!