well. it's been a year. a year. since... well, you know. and i'm not sure exactly how to respond. in this past year, i've become a completely different person, at least two or three times. people would tell me that's normal for any teenager, but i think we can agree that circumstances made it quite unique. and unique-ly painful. and now, a year later, i look back on the date that started it all. do i wish none of it had ever happened? no. because i don't ever regret anything. everything i've done is a part of me now, for better or for worse, and i have to take it, learn from it, grow because of it, and move on. so i don't regret the domino chain of effects that began, but remembering still hurts. or does it?
i am so confused that i don't even know *what* i'm feeling. i guess what sums it up is, i know this is the day that set into motion a chain of events that changed the whole rest of my life. and i feel like that should upset me somehow. but i'm not *really* upset. because i needed a personality overhaul, anyways. i had to grow up, and i did.... haphazardly, messily, unevenly, prematurely, and painfully, but grown up just the same. now, is that good?
ahh, i do not need to ponder that right now. i am different and my friends are different and my life is different and that may be good or bad but i don't need to worry about it, because it *is*. and the fact that it *is* matters more than if "it" is good. i can't worry about that. what i *can* worry about is the fact that i am seriously in need of some closure. i don't know how i can get that, though. so i'm going to have some ice cream. which, i suppose, is the next best thing. or something. i need someone who understands my slightly cryptic ramblings. but mint chocolate chip will do for now.
July 12, 2003, oh fateful day
it's over. i can't believe it. i don't think it's sunk in yet because i'm not upset or anything. i mean, i know i will probably never see most of these people again, ever, but it hasn't quite hit me that that means that tomorrow, i can't go down to breakfast and complain about the food and then go to class late with the notorious hal and then endure aidehua with melissa. i'm here, by myself. but man, the memories... moving crew, truth or dare, the fountain, "detention," sweet tea/gatorade, the quest for the holy grail, and that unbelievable last night. thanks so much, you guys. i love you all. back
