Tell me, are you sick of having to fight? Want to leave your macho reputation behind? Do you feel like you've had enough of brawling? Well fear not my chums, for on this page in 10 easy steps, I give you...The Cowards Guide!
The Cowards guide does not accept responsibility for broken/displaced and/or removed appendages, loss of bladder/bowel control or people running very fast into street-lights while attempting anything described in this guide
10 Easy-To-Follow Steps to becoming a coward
Step 1: Take a day to familiarise yourself with the psychology of a coward. Try to remember that everything and everyone is out to get you (when this is accomplished you are also a step further to becoming extremley paranoid)
Step 2: Simulate dangerous situations in your own home. Try hanging up some bags of straw and telling them nervously: C'mon ol' chaps, lets try and sort this out sensibly, over some tea and biscuits perhaps?
Step 3: Study the art of running away very fast and remember it for future reference.
Step 4: To become a complete and total coward you must master the art of whimpering. Practice crying like like a 5 year old girl unashamedly in front of a mirror.
Step 5: Go to phobialist.com and print out the entire list, try to become afraid of as many things as possible.
Step 6: Introduce yourself to the world and put into practice all the things you have learned so far. Notice that it does not take long for you to end up locked away somewhere.
Step 7: Remember that in order to be a complete coward you must be frightened of everything. This includes sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll so its a celibate life for you i'm afraid my dear boy, naha ha (this is where many abandon the ten-step guide to cowardliness)
Step 8: .......eh? Your still here? Well...um....ok gimme a second to think of some more....weirdo.
Step 9: Test yourself by going into your local town on a friday night wearing loud clothes alone and allow aggresive, drunk people to approach you
