Math is my favorite subject. (yes, this is a lame one to start the new column off with, but bear with me, this was written on deadline.) I think it's the easiest subject there is. I mean, look at English. Hardest subject ever. It's all open to interpretation. You have to pay attention to every little detail and pick up the subtle clues. I mean, I like reading, but only if it's entertaining. These dramas and school stories bore me. My favorite kinda story is that one where you can read it 15 times and find some new type of foreshadowing each time. My favorite books have got to be A Series of Unfortunate Events by (pen name) Lemony Snicket. Now only are they full of foreshadowing and wit, the author is writing only to get a message across, not to evoke emotions (except laughter). You've got to read the books. Even better, get them on tape. Man, the ninth book on tape with Tim Curry narrating is great. This one part, in order to increase suspense, one character actually says, "I am now... unfolding the first fold... in... the PIECE OF PAPER!!!!!!" and Tim reads it just great, you have to hear it.

Back to math. Well, English. I can feel for people who string together sentences so perfect and use vocabulary so fitting that the author's mental image and that of all the people who read it match down to every last leaf and cobblestone, but that just doesn't interest me. I guess I never graduated out of children's stories. So, English is not my fave because it's not absolute. Math is. There is always one right answer. You may have different forms of it, and you may have gotten it a different way, but it's there.

History isn't so bad. The dates are hard to remember, but overall it's not that bad. It's just the critical thinking that gets to me. I guess the hard part is that you have to see the whole picture, and whenever I do that I get distracted and start thinking about stuff like, "But if he did that, wouldn't he have to raise taxes? Or would he just sell half of Poland to Finland?" So I usually bomb in that area. It's just really hard for me to put all the events together, especially when I can't keep track of when everything happened. Math is like this too, but there are often so many different ways to do one problem that you can find one of them, even if it is the longest way possible. You'll still get the right answer.

Spanish? Any other foreign language? Definitely much harder. I don't know anybody who's better at Latin than math. I don't think I do... anyways, Spanish and other languages, I'm sure, don't always follow a pattern. So, you've got hablar, to talk; and andar, to ride. You think they'd conjugate almost the same, right? No! Normally in Spanish, you just cut off the -ar or -er or -ir that the verb ends with and add on some other letters, like "I talked" would be habl-e (without the -), but Andar in the past (I rode) changes from and and- to anduv-. I'm sure you all know from experience that keeping track off all these is not easy, and then they add on vocab. Vocab! Some words, like tigre and tiger, have an obvious link, but words like onion and cebolla have nothing in common, save a vowel or two. Math always has a pattern. I mean, who's seen me play that little game where you've got a square and 15 numbered squares in it and you have to arrange them in a certain order? It's called the 15 Game, and I got it (a deluxe version) like two years ago for Christmas. I have mad skills at it. There's no denying it. I'm not saying you don't, I'm just saying I do. How, you ask? How did I get this mad skill? Well, I'd like to say that I played it for 32 hours straight and got super good at it, but I didn't. I have well developed finger coordination from playing video games for, what, 12 years now? Yeah, that's right, 12 years. I can move blocks like you've never seen. The other half, the strategy half? Putting blocks where they need to be? Well, it's all a pattern. Just like Rubix Cube (which I should probably master after I get bored with the 15 Game just to tick people off when I do it in 2 minutes), every single block can be placed in a certain spot using a pattern of moves. As I play, I think to myself, "Yeah, go there, okay, slide around, go down, shift over, next row..." and my fingers are trained enough to keep up. Patterns...

I feel uncomfortable here. This is going on a side-note, but I'm a really odd person, as you already know. I have, like, a deep-fear of society. I am afraid to make anybody mad for fear that I'll be completely ignored by everybody. I know that won't happen if I screw up and insult somebody, but I'm wired like that. So, I was just going to tell you that I'm awesome at figuring out patterns, but I stopped because I felt like saying so would put people who are bad at patterns down. So, I am making a rule. This column, Wit, Wisdom, and Stupidity, is brag-open. Anything I've written here only reflects my inner, random, bursted thoughts, and should not be taken very seriously. I am deeply sorry if I make you feel like crap at any time you are reading this. That was not my intention. I just wanted to make this column as a vent for all my thoughts that I feel I need to record, if only to analyze what I was thinking on any given day. So, in short, if you feel sad, my bad.

Well, there you have it. I'm good at math because, well, I'm wired to be good at math.

Wow, that was really dumb of me. I get off right in the middle of when I was writing and come back later to finish it. Oh well, I think I should finish this soon. I just realized a problem with this, and that's that people probably don't want (hey, I put an apostraphe in wan't when I typed it. Now I feel dumb. Anyways.) to read a really long story about my life. Well, that's why this isn't going to be my life. These be me thoughts. Any random idea that needs to be thought out gets written down here, so check back. I'll aim for 4 a week or so.

Okay, I lied, I have no clue where I am now. So I'm gonna finish the old math topic. I probably should have typed ol' instead of old because that makes it sound... somehow... better, don't you think? Man, I don't know why I think this stuff. Why am I so random? I don't try. I seriously don't. It's just everything I do reminds me of something else. Just that right there did, but I'll spare you and not tell you why. You're sick about hearing about me. I mean, if you've read this far, which I don't know why you would, you know more about me than most people, unless everybody reads this, in which case you'd know as much as most people. But I disgress. I usually do, and disgress is fancy for deviate or get off topic I found out a while ago. Moving on, this entry was an introduction where I told people stuff, even though it started out as being math. Who likes math best? I do, but I'm eccentric, so I don't count. I have accepted my wierdiality, just as Kenneth has accepted his geniusicity. So, in closing, make it a great day, or not. You really have no control.

RATINGS:
Wit:10%
Wisdom:45%
Stupidity:46%

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