i would probably be someone you'd more likely think lonely. i have about a dozen friends total, one best friends, and i've never had a boyfriend. i'm extremely introverted; yet, i'm happy for it, because i'm outgoing in a different way-- i'm not afraid to stand up for something, but i'm shy around people because i don't care about them. in a normal world that comment would be insensitive. but this is truth. today that topic fits in an abnormal category.
god, when am i going to get to the point?
i know better than anyone that loneliness is worse when you're comfortable in it. that probably doesn't make sense. let me put it this way... i have no problem with being by myself because i'm comfortable with myself. people don't like being alone because they're left to face the only person left to talk to. that's not even an issue for me anymore. if you ever see me walking or sitting alone, please don't pity me, i really don't need that. those are the times when i'm content.
but when you're comfortable in your loneliness, it becomes even more overwhelming because the feeling becomes more tangible--the loneliness is real, even though you accept it, and its reality makes it suffocating. so it takes a strong person to find solace in their own company.
and what of the person with hundreds of friends? maybe they feel even more alone in such a large population. maybe they seem even less significant in the midst of their entourage. maybe popularity's only a name. the difference with them is that they hide their loneliness in a string of fickleness, of boyfriends and girlfriends and trial & error best friends. i don't even think they know they do it; it seems more like they feel a compulsion to be with someone and they fulfill it, never thinking of what it means, or why they felt it at all.
there is always that time when a human is left to face himself. the face either stares back or avoids the eyes. but if a person does come to terms with himself, there is something both greater and worse that lies ahead. there is the self. and then there is the knowledge that we're missing something.