Topic: tweaked out
i am so sick of thinking and having all this nonsense in my head. i feel like im falling down this nasty pipe and everythign is going by hella fast. i just cant keep track of my emotions. and this boy is constantly on my mind. and no matter how much i pray and wonder aimlessly and pointlessly about all these speculations, i cant get james off my mind.
there i said it.
and i think he's beautiful.
and i doubt there's much i can do about it.
every time i hang out with him i stare at him and flirt with him constantly, and its so obvious its sickening... but i just cant help it.
and stacy is confused as to why. why do all this. why become infatuated with him, of all freakin people.
i guess im a bit confused by it myself. hes younger and more immature than me, and it used to bug me but i can put up with it.
no.
it goes beyond toleration.
i treat this "immaturity" as something i know will eventually go away, and over look it. i peer past the little boyish guise and see someone who is becoming a man (but still has a ways to go) and loves christ, and has so many admirable qualities that he hides. im not sure why, but he does.
he can sing.
he knows computers.
cars, photography, video games, god, music, and more.
shit, i feel like im selling him to somebody.
i dont want to sell you, james.
i just want to hold you... or something like that.
im so freakin pathetic.
somebody shoot me.