When you are blue -
I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile -
I will know you finally got laid.
When you are scared -
I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried -
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused -
I will use little words.
When you are sick -
Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall -
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
A good friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.
Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel!