I couldn't bear to stand by, only as a friend... knowing that
there would never be more then that between you and I. So I pushed you
away. I made myself the bad guy... and you, the righteous one. That's
the best solution I can think of, forgive me. I wish there was some way
or something I can say to make things different... to show you how
I feel inside. But we both know... what I want and what I desire will
never be possible. Heh, to complicate matters worse, even if you felt
the same, I wouldn't know where to go from there. I wouldn't
know how to be the man... the man of your dreams. Here I am,
thinking too far ahead again. In your heart, resides another... I
am not your best, this I know. It would hurt less to lose you now, instead of
when you realize I am not the one. This fragile body of mine wouldn't
be able to bear the feeling of loss again. What I did was cruel...
I've fabricated many lies, many false words to make you believe...
to make you think otherwise. But it's really for the best, you'll see in time. You'll
move on, I'll remain as I always have and all, will be well. It'll
be like a dream... just another nightmare. Could've possibly
have been a dream come true, but in this life-time... a nightmare
it'll have to stay. Regrets, so many regrets... not sure where to start.
In my heart, heh, I said heart. In what I possess that resembles a heart,
there are many things I regret... but none as great
as this one. But then again, that's aksi what I said back then. Perhaps
with time, there will be another one... and then... history will once again
repeat itself. It should get easier with the next, right? The past ten years
flew by quickly, the next ten should be the same. The only concern at hand
is with your welfare, but since I am no one and of little importance, there's really no loss on your part. Not
having me in your life will only make it less complicated for you. I've
been a burden to you long enough... enjoyed the hospitality of your
shade for too long. It's time for me to continue wandering again...
in search of a purpose, a place. Already, you have found a person.
You may not feel the same as he does now, but with time... you'll
come to see that he's the one for you and you will be happy...
happier then any happily ever after. Seeing and knowing that you're
happy will give me some comfort. I have lived my life a sin...
with every passing moment the same as the next. In the end, it's
only a passing thing. |
