This amzing peice of writing is unfortunatly not mine, it was written by Neil Simon in a play called "Jakes Women". Every time i have ever used this monolouge i have gotten a great part.
Aha! That you’re afraid of. I think you’re afraid to lose control in a relationship with a woman. To let a woman in so close, so deep inside of you, that she’ll just gobble you up and you’ll lose whatever it is that you think you are. You always have to be the master, Jake. Whether you’re the master, or the conductor, or the director, or the freakin attorney general! You don’t think it’s strange that you sit around here thinking about women and making up what they say to you? And then you think up that we make up that we come over here on our own? I mean come on Jake, how much more control do you want? . . . They love you, they leave you, they comeback to you, they worry about you, they die, they live, they grow up, they fall down, they fight for you, they cry for you- it’s a three-ring circus in here Jake! And all the horses, and lions, and elephants are women…. And you’re the star of the show, Jake! You’re the one they shoot out of a cannon and you fly around the tent with an American flag in your mouth. And all the women go crazy and then they faint and they just have to take them away to hospitals …. The trouble is Jake; it is very hard to get close to a man, who is flying around in a tent, with an American flag in his mouth!
And that, is what I call, trouble with intimacy…