New Year's
lots of events since i wrote last.
Quit horrid job and am in process of finding a new one. hurrah for me! though it's deadly scary.

new start to a new year.


house is mostly clean. resolutions are not written.
my blood pressure is up and rounding out the morning.
allready it's an insane day. just want silence.
peace. and lovely soft music. insense burning. curled up with a book or a video game.

lmao. as if it's going to happen. a thousand things to do a thousand ways to run all at once. i'll breathe deeper later.

clove smoke and sunshine
warm air and off to work
seems a betrayal to spend a day
like this in an office
with a job i hate and loathe
and choke down with repugnant bile.

ahh well atleast it's only till 2.
atleast the boys and brandy will be
here when i come home.
atleast the new lestat book is waiting
for my outstretched hands.
atleast there is a box of godiva
chocolates waiting for me on my return.

the earth will warm itself and i will
watch behind plate glass windows
life going by...and wish and hope
a new job will begin with the new year.

cross your fingers and send me love.

eternal darkness
eternally watching
waiting
the stars trip and
fall over my head
and spin me into
lands unknown to me
they pull me
drawing me into
tomorrow
that never comes
ball gags
and whips lay off screen
and taunt my skin with
belts with in me
wet and heady
waiting bend hands spread
and laying in agony
and praying in heavenly harp like tones
your slap your hand
comes down again
and the stars spin
and my eyes have no tears
for you have not given me that grace
yet
sweet space of consumption
let me live the hours in
a place of no regret
and find your hand on my ass
and welts before my eyes
and take what you wish
i will make it sweeter
than dreams
and wetter than oceans
or is that what you make
of the dreams i dream
awake under stars
while you slumber
so sweetly
so innocent
my love
my life
wake and take me
into heaven and your lips

Dec 28th a day of peace
The cycle of the past is broken,
Dec the 28th has come and gone and nothing
NOTHING NOTHING untoward has come into the
circle to ruin the perfect chain of peace
and love and happiness here.

The day was spent at a park clambering
through the woods and over trees, watching
her cute ass trailing ahead of me. Shopping
for large containers to hold all the rose
petals given both ways. Looking at future
purchases and aimless wandering in book stores.

The night is being spent with wedding soup
and fresh bread eaten in bed, watching the
movie THE HOURS, a game of hide seek
that will find me naked in the back seat
of her car, and hours of making love.

A contrast to the past Dec 28th's
is present. No misery. No tears.
Only peace and love and happiness.
Falling deeper into those ever changing
eyes of hers and this ever growing
ever sweetening love and lust
and eternity spreading out around me
and pulling me towards it in sweet
wet hunger.

First Entry
New journal. New site. New Year coming on.

Heavy thoughts today that leave me feeling light and free ~ having broken away from an old life and starting a new one with my woman.

Have a slightly sprained ankel that is giving me much needed sedintary time in this chair. Reflecting on the past year. So much learned and lost and gained.
So many valuable transformations and transfigurartions.

Most important loosing my job, and the stress of it,
having the summer in unemployement, refinding Kel,
and resolving the issues and creating a healthy and loving friendship there, finding a brother and best friend in Bill, creating a kinship and a lovely growth because of it in both of us. And then finding Brandy. Falling in love with her. Finding new realms
in side my head and soul. And now we are living togethor. The most wonderous experience of my life.

So this is love. So this is IT. So this is the way things are here and now and isn't it grande to be me,
to be a lesbian, to be who I am and finding a place
and space to explore and grow with in a healthy space in our relationship.

Any way life is good and I'm going to get out of the house and enjoy the sunshine and life and Brandy.