How to be Annoying
Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
Drum on every available surface.
Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.*
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.*
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Set alarms for random times.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.*
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.*
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
Wear your pants backwards.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.*
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.**
Pay for your dinner with pennies.**
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.*
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.*
Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Light road flares on a birthday cake.**
Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
Leave tips in Bolivian currency.*
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.*
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.*
Make appointments for the 31st of September. Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.*
Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.*
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
Drive half a block.
Name your dog "Dog".*
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Ask people what gender they are.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."**
Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.*
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".*
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.**
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.*
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.*
Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.*
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.*
Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.*
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.***
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.*
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Sing along at the opera.
Mow your lawn with scissors.*(My Neighbor Actually Does This In A Way- Which Is Hilarious To Watch)
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"***
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".*
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".*
Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."*
Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.*
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.**
Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.**
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.*
Seeing how you made it all this way on this page...go back up and look at the ones with the " * " next to it and those are my favorites or at least would be interesting to do. Tee hee.
This is hysterical!!! >> >> >> >> >> We have all had bad dates.. but this takes the >> cake. >> >> This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was >> on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. >> >> Jay went into the audience to find the most >> embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The >> winner described her worst first date experience. >> >> There was absolutely no question as to why her >> tale took the prize! >> >> She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite >> cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the >> mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day >> trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, >> and truly had never met before. The outing was fun >> but relatively uneventful until they were headed >> home late that afternoon. >> >> They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to >> realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were >> about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle >> of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did >> for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, >> there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let >> her go beside the road, or it would be the front >> seat of his car. >> >> They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside >> the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the >> deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let >> her butt rest against the rear fender to steady >> herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for >> traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. >> All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather >> embarrassing nature of the situation. >> >> Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of >> another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, >> the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly >> glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues >> frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she >> attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. >> It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new >> problem due to the extreme cold. >> >> Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor >> of the moment, she answered her date's concerns >> about "what is taking so long" with a reply that >> indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need >> of some assistance!" He came around the car as she >> tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as >> she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, >> got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, >> they assessed her dilemma. >> >> Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, >> they also were faced with a real problem. Both >> agreed it would take something hot to free her >> chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! >> Thinking about what had gotten her into the >> predicament in the first place, both quickly >> realized that there was only one way to get her >> free. So, as she looked the other way, her >> first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee >> her butt off the fender. >> >> As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize >> hands down... or perhaps that should be "pants down." ..And you >> thought your first date was embarrassing. >> >> Jay Leno's comment .. "This gives a whole new >> meaning to being pissed off."
