Yeah, you read the title correctly. RVD is scum.

If anything on all of WWE TV annoys me, it has to be the roof-blowing "RVD! RVD! RVD!" chants that erupt everytime this clown steps through the curtain. Honestly, what exactly does RVD actually do anymore that's worth cheering? Think hard.

Keep thinking...

A little longer... (I know most of you already gave up.)

Okay, that's enough. Now, I can almost guarantee you that you were unable to come up with a valid answer to my question. The bottom line is that Rob Van Dum hasn't done anything "innovative" and "new" in at least a year. Right about now, the only thing innovative about Rob are his outfits. And he didn't even make them.

When RVD debuted in WWE during the Invasion angle, I was thrilled. I never watched ECW, had never been able to see him, and only knew that he was supposed to be one of the most exciting, daredevil-high-flyers in the wrestling business. I was looking forward to finally getting to see what he could do, to seeing things I had never seen before. And for a long time with Rob, I did, and he was one of my favorites. Every match featured something new, moves I had never imagined. Unbelievable things that kept me on the edge of my seat.

Unfortunately, it didn't last very long.

Somewhere along the way, I can't pinpoint when, RVD simply ceased to impress me. He ceased to be innovative. Yeah, he still pulls off some amazing feats of athleticism. Rolling Thunder, the split-legged moonsault, the split across two chairs backstage- incredible. Yes, he's a human rubberband, and kudos to him for that. But really, how many times can you watch that crap over and over again before it gets old? What is there to cheer about when you see a Rob Van Dam match anymore? You see the same set of moves, over and over again, just (occassionally) in a different order. Woohoo. I could put a tape of an RVD match in during one of his matches on Raw, and basically see the same thing that would be taking place live at the same time. It's pathetic. Watching a Rob Van Dam match is like being stuck in a perpetual time warp, with the same RVD match playing itself out in front of you again, and again, and again.

Let's move on to the fact that Rob Van Dam hasn't cut a good promo in, um... okay, he's never cut one. Yes, the mocking of Triple H at the start of their feud long ago was mildly entertaining, with the posing and the water spitting. But that wasn't talking, it was just acting like an ass (something, as we will see later, that Rob is very good at doing, in and out of the ring). Rob's mic-work probably rates down there on the "worst ever" list. People wonder why this guy's not getting a main event push? Main eventers need to be able to talk. They need to be able to sell their feuds. Standing there like a drug-crazed 16 year-old and saying "DUDE" into the mic a few times is NOT a promo. Nor is it entertaining after the millionth time. Or even the fifth.

Now for my favorite section of this diatribe. RVD's carelessness in the ring. Let's look how often RVDrugs manages to hurt people (often), and how often he takes the blame for it (never). God knows how many people he hurt in ECW. I wasn't really keeping track during the Invasion angle either. The first major name on his list was none other than the Internet God of Wrestling, Kurt Angle, highlighted by the ranting and raving of Kurt's wife on Kurt's official site that RVD was stiff and careless in the ring and she didn't want Kurt working with him anymore. Then there was Triple H. The infamous Elimination Chamber frog splash where Rob landed, somehow, with his ankle in the throat of the Game. Rob showed no remorse, didn't have the manliness to even say he was sorry that he gave Hunter what was a very serious and potentially life-threatening injury. Instead, he gave the brilliant explanation, "He wasn't positioned right. It wasn't my fault." Okay Rob, suggestion with this one.:

  1. Rewatch the tape.
  2. Wave away the pot smoke from in front of your TV screen.
  3. When the smoke clears, you will see that Hunter was positioned just fine, and that your AIM WAS OFF, YOU MORON.

Then Rob proceeds to injure Trips again several months later- yet again, with a frog splash. This time his elbow landed on Hunter's quadricep, the same quadricep that Triple H missed eight months of ring-time for back in 2001. Just how in the HELL do you even do a frog splash where you land like that? Don't give me that "he was positioned wrong" garbage again. What a joke. Then the same thing just recently happened to Scott Steiner; good ol' Drippy Ass did another HORRIBLE frog splash and landed right smack dab on Scott Steiner's quad. Even that moron Dave Scherer pointed out that this was not the first time that Rob has done it, but had to stick the ludicrous comment in there that "of course" it was "not Rob's fault".


Explain to me how Eddie Guerrero can hit a frog splash perfectly on anybody, no matter where they're lying or how they're positioned, and NEVER HURT ANYBODY, but RVD can't seem to even execute the same move competently anymore? Is he too stoned to be able to do it right? Vince would have to be nuts to give this guy a main event push. Why would he want to risk having his entire heel main event roster shelved? Better strategy, send Rob to NWA-TNA. They'll make him an instant main eventer. Within a month, their main event roster will be depleted, and Vince will have no more competition for the time being.

Now we'll move away from injuries, and move on to Rob making an ass out of himself outside the ring. Being internet fans, we have the privilege of having access to transcripts of radio interviews Rob conducts all over the country. Some of his comments are downright mind-shattering. It seems like almost every show he takes some kind of petty, childish, jealous shot at Triple H and blames him for not getting his big push. He bitches and moans about being stuck "yet again" with the Intercontinental Title, which he says "means nothing" to him. He even had the audacity to blame SHAWN MICHAELS, one of the greatest of all time, for their match on Raw last year "going downhill" because, in Rob's own words, "I never have a bad match". What an arrogant bunch of BS. Shawn Michaels could have a good match with a CORPSE, but if his match with RVD isn't good, it's SHAWN'S fault? You've gotta be kidding me.

And of course you have to keep in mind that all of Rob's rants are made on a bunch of local radio broadcasts, behind the backs of the wrestlers he bashes and behind the back of Vince McMahon. Really ballsy, Rob, take shots at people when they can't defend themselves and most likely can't even hear what you're saying. What, is it therapeutic? I'm sure Vince, or some other higher-up, has seen some of the recaps of these shows though. Who just took your push away now, Rob? It wasn't Triple H. IT WAS YOU.

Lastly, and this is something that always bothers me... why does Rob Van Dam always have a constant puddle of sweat coming out from his ass? Get him some damn Depends, a Maxi Pad, or something. All the WWE needs is a World Champion who looks like he wets himself. Whatever he's wearing that's making him sweat down there, it needs to come off. Now.

So, when Rob Van Dum starts having matches that are actually fresh and exciting again, starts cutting decent promos, re-learns how to do his own finishing move, stops hurting people and then blaming them, and ceases to act like a coward and tear his coworkers down on the radio behind their back, maybe I'll start liking him again.

DUDE... It's not very likely.