And, with another year coming to a close, it's time for the Brutally Honest 2004 Year-End Awards. As I stated last year, these are not your typical wrestling awards. If you're looking for things like "Best Diva" and "Best Tag Team", go read the Pro Wrestling
Crotch Torch or something. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy. Or be offended. Either is acceptable. ^_^
The Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish Award: Tie- Bill Goldberg and Brock Lesnar
Few things send a pleasurable warm tingle through my veins than when parasites such as Goldberg and Lesnar, who are only in the wrestling business for the money and clearly have no passion for it, leave the business. Even if it's only temporarily, as it sadly seems to be with these two. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before one of these two apes pops back up on WWE TV again, unfortunately, but oh what a great day it was at Wrestlemania XX when the fans of Madison Square Garden, myself among them, gave these two a heartfelt farewell salute (read: two extended middle fingers raised in the air for about five seconds), shortly before both were laid out by Stone Cold Stunners. Finally, we no longer had to see a slug like Goldberg, too lazy to even work house shows, parading around as the God of Raw. Finally, we no longer had to listen to Brock Lesnar bitch and moan about how grueling the road schedule is and about how he didn't have enough time to work out. *sniffle* Unbelievable that in last year's awards I gave this guy "Most Improved".
Big-Screen Disaster of the Year: Bill Goldberg
Coming to a bargain bin near you- Goldberg as Santa Claus.
On-Stage Disaster of the Year: Bret Hart
Oh wait, I'm sure Bret was probably the best Genie there is, was, and ever will be. He's a Canadian hero, after all. *twirls finger*
Most Unappreciated: Triple H
After dropping the World Title to Benoit cleanly at Wrestlemania XX, tapping out to the Crippler Crossface an ungodly number of times throughout the year, making Shelton Benjamin, Randy Orton, and Eugene look like a million bucks, continuously helping to build up both Randy and Batista into the next big things, and having great matches with every single person he wrestled all year long, people still continue the haterization of the Game. Yet more proof that the majority of net fans are ignorant, biased slugs. "OH BUT SARAH HE'S MARRIED TO THE BOSS'S DAUGHTER LOL!!!1111!1!!!111!" Whoopdee-doo, asshats.
Mark-Out Match of the Year: Randy Orton vs. Mick Foley, hardcore match, Backlash 2004
Ho. Ly. Crap. What a match. From the barbed-wire baseball shot to Randy's crotch, to Randy landing barebacked on the pool of thumbtacks, to Mick's elbowdrop on Randy from off the ramp, just an incredible match that had me marking out like a 10-year-old the entire time.
Misnomer of the Year: The Diva Search Contest
A correct title for this would've been "The Search For the Skankiest, Trashiest, Most-Lacking-In-Dignity Whore On The Face Of The Earth", because that's basically all it was. Eating pie, posing in lingerie and bikinis, having to "seduce" Kamala, the ice cream bit? Oh yeah, this was really based off talent. WWE would've been better off sticking to the traditional Tough Enough contest that they used to do. At least those were entertaining and actually ended up with contestants who actually liked the business. *cough*Carmella*cough*
The "Wrestling Journalist Who Finally Got Owned" Award: Wade Keller
Kudos to JBL for calling out Wade Keller, in a letter posted all over the internet, after Keller ripped McMahon for *gasp* injecting a political thought in his promo to the troops during the Iraq tour. Because God forbid the troops are actually made aware that we support them or anything. JBL not only laid the verbal smack down on Keller for his mindless, typical anti-McMahon rave, but also got in the lovely parting comment that Wade could "go back to bashing me as a terrible champion, which is your right." Just beautiful. Keller probably soiled himself when he read it.
MVP of the Year: Triple H
You read that correctly. Part of this I explained above. The other part is with the simple fact that this man has almost single-handedly carried Raw throughout 2004, whether with the World Title or without it. He's remained the most solid and entertaining heel on either brand, ranging from being utterly demonic (e.g, his cage match with Eugene) to deviously hilarious (e.g. the Moonbounce segment). Hunter's work ethic transcended WWE television and extended into his part in Blade Trinity, and the absolutely mind-numbing schedule he took on in November and December to promote both that movie and his new book. Travelling across the country to meet thousands of fans at signings from California to New Jersey (where, in Ridgewood, I finally had the privilege of meeting him on December 18) and to conduct countless interviews ranging from Off the Record in Canada, to Howard Stern's show, Hunter has continued to represent not only WWE but also the wrestling business as a whole in the most professional, personable, and classy manner describable. No other wrestler has dedicated so much of his time and energy into WWE this year, and the fact that so few people seem to appreciate Hunter's contributions is a real shame.
There you have it, the Brutally Honest 2004 Year-End Awards, the only wrestling awards on the internet where the majority of the winners deserve to be derided, mocked, and lambasted. I hope you enjoyed this enlightening experience. Bring on 2005!