Well, here it is. The Brutally Honest 2003 Year-End Awards. Just a word of warning; these are not your typical wrestling awards. You want stuff like "Best Diva" and "Best Tag Team", go to another site. Otherwise, sit back, relax, and enjoy them (or don't, I really don't care).
Flopped Gimmick of the Year: "The Cat" Ernest Miller
He was a mildly entertaining heel in WCW- before the dance gimmick. When he was on the mic, ripping the crowd, making fun of the "fat boy" in the front row, he was fun to watch. Nevermind the fact that his wrestling ability left something to be desired. At least he had a good heel gimmick at one time. But this James Brown thing is just flat out god-awful. During his Smackdown debut, which WWE promoted for weeks in advance like it was the return of Hulk Hogan, you could've heard crickets chirp. The crowd was totally dead, up until Torrie came out to save the day. When a guy can only get a crowd reaction by doing his lame skits with a Diva, you know it sucks.
And that little disgustingly-cheerful guy with the afro needs to be pitched into the tenth row.
Journalist-In-Name-But-Not-In-Practice Award: Dave Scherer
He's had his share of dumbass quotes of the moment, and if I had started this site sooner, he would've had plenty more. From his immature bashings of "lesser" on-line wrestling publications which tended to scoop him, to his hypocritical shots at Triple H's being "out of shape" (see one of the many photos of Dave on this site), to using his "No-Name Show" to take potshots at people in the wrestling business behind their back, to gratuitous ass-kissing of his sheep on his message board, Dave Scherer and 1wrestlesuck.com are reason enough to make any knowledgeable internet fan long for the good old days of markdom.
Internet Worship Award: Kurt Angle
Yeah, he's easily one of the best wrestlers in WWE today. But does that justify the fact that 90% of internet fans would make pilgrimages to Mecca in his name if he told them to? Nope. When a wrestler goes out for neck surgery, comes back in six weeks, and gets ten times more press and praise than a wrestler who spent over eight months rehabbing a torn quad (Kevin Nash in this case), something is very, very wrong. Yes, Kurt is a great wrestler- but he doesn't merit all this damn worship. Get a life, people.
Wrestler of the Year: Shawn Michaels
Oh my god! I didn't give this award to Christ Benoit? Or Saint Angle? Or Brock Lesnar?
No one man in WWE, on either Raw or Smackdown, had the year that Shawn Michaels had. He went from being in doubt at the beginning of the year as to how many more matches he had left in him, to consistently putting on the best Raw and PPV matches around. From Jericho to Randy Orton to Batista to Ric Flair to Triple H- Shawn Michaels lit it up with them every single guy he worked with. He defied know-it-all net writers who said that he would be only a shell of his former self by taking bumps that most guys ten years younger than him don't often take, and he did it with the style of the HBK of 1996. On the last Raw of the year, he put on what was in my mind (and the minds of a good number of others I've talked to) the BEST damn match of 2003 with Triple H, period. His entrance music alone is enough to get the deadest crowd on its feet. In the absence of Triple H due to injuries and movies, Shawn Michaels WAS Raw. On the other hand, you can never say that any single wrestler "was" Smackdown at any point in 2003. HBK helped to carry Raw, had the best and most exciting matches, and helped to get over rising young stars like Maven and Randy Orton in the meantime. The Showstoppa lives- and hopefully his 2004 will be just as good if not better.
Most Overrated: Rob Van Dam
Crybaby of the Year: Rob Van Dam
If-You've-Seen-One-Of-His-Matches-You've-Seen-Them-All Award: Rob Van Dam
No need for a long rant with this one when I've already done a whole editorial on it. Bottom line: RVD is garbage.
Not-The-Worst-Wrestler-By-Far-But-Net-Morons-Will-Say-He-Was-To-Be-Cool Award: Triple H
In a sea of piss-poor wrestlers like Nathan Jones, Scott Steiner, Rob Van Dum, Matt Morgan, A-Trash, etc, Triple H obviously is not the worst, nor is he even close to being the worst. Yet it is amazing how many people have been quick to vote Trips the worst just because of a few bad PPV matches with the likes of Scott Steiner and Kane (like they were his fault, geniuses) and completely overlooking his work with Booker T, Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels, or even his match with the Hurricane for gods sakes. Anybody who actually is stupid enough to vote Triple H as "Worst Wrestler of the Year" is either a) doing it because they are a typical net sheep and trying to be seen as "cool" by other net sheep, or b) they are just a complete dumbass. Most likely the answer is both.
Most Improved: Brock Lesnar
Brock really stepped it up this year. He's really come into his own. A guy who most people wrote off initially as just another big man with a Psycho Sid level of talent (ugh), Brock has proved everybody wrong. He's improved greatly on the mic and in the ring. He's had great matches with everybody he's worked with, from Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania (where he did that brutal Shooting Star Press), to John Cena. Hell, he even had good matches with Big Slow- and that takes effort. Smackdown wouldn't be the same without him.
Confusing-Music-With-Inducement-For-Suicide Award: Tie- "Macho Man" Randy Savage & Joanie "Chynna Doll" Laurer
I can't decide which is worse- hearing a 50-something year-old man trying to rap about another 50-something year-old man (this being Randy rapping about Hogan in his "Be a Man, Hulk" pile of crap), or Joanie Laurer attempting to "sing" in collaboration with pop singer Reggie Benjamin in their song "Rush". Now, I actually have heard this song, and Laurer doesn't really "sing" at all, just screeches the word "RUSH" over and over again during the chorus, and you can barely even tell it's her at first as there are so many synthesizers and other noises going off simultaneously. No wonder they tried to cover up her voice. Bob Dillon singing with Patty and Selma from the Simpsons would sound more soothing than Laurer crooning into the mic. I'd rather stab myself in the ears with rusty nails than listen to either of these two goofs making fools out of themselves.
Disappointment of the Year: Bill Goldberg
WWE had big plans for Goldbarf before he even came into the company. Before the ink was even dry on the contract, he was just about set to be the top guy for Raw, the top babyface in the company, the Raw World Champion in almost no time flat.
And, he did all that. The problem is, he did it without actually being entertaining.
Goldbarf began his WWE stint by plowing over the Rock and beating him clean. In this match, he used not one, not two, but THREE spears. By the time he set up for the third spear, you could hear the crowd going nuts- BOOING. It was as though everybody watching was finally coming to the realization that this moron only has about five moves on a good day. Then he demolished another much more talented wrestler- Chris Jericho. After that, it was on to Triple H and the World Title. He beat Triple H clean TWICE, and always in their matches Hunter came out looking like the much weaker of the two. Hunter couldn't have made Goldberg look anymore godly than he did in their matches. Goldberg got the belt, but it never really felt like something special. Why? Because he's Goldberg. He's never made a real attempt to approve his wrestling skills; he came in expecting to be treated like he had in WCW (in short, to be allowed to wipe out every single guy on the roster without having to actually sell for anybody, or lose cleanly). When it became clear that he was not going to be treated like that, he repeated another of his WCW customs, and had a temper tantrum, reportedly even throwing a table backstage. At the same time, he claims to be a role model for children.
Believe the hype? Goldberg is a joke. And as Theodore Long would say, you betta belee DAT.
Here's to hoping that the early months of 2004 are the last months we'll have to see this clod on WWE TV.
There you have it, the Brutally Honest 2003 Year-End Awards, the only wrestling awards on the internet where the majority of the winners deserve to be booed and/or fired. I hope you enjoyed this enlightening experience. Now, on to 2004, starting with the Road to Wrestlemania!