Huh..
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Engel - Rammstein
I'm feeling very.. observant today. It's one of those days where I'm not actually part of society, I'm just sitting back and observing things.

Job's going well. I'm starting to get down this sales thing, and I know that as soon as I get some experience in I'll be hooked.

I got way too much information from Barb when we were doing our training workbooks, but that can be dealt with. I'm in an adult workplace now, I can't expect everyone to remember I'm still a "kid."

But the amusing part is that the interview and first day of training were all "we're creating memories for people and helping them to cherish each stage of their child's lives." Y'know, all the fluff stuff that every company has.

Then last night Jerry/Jerri/Geri (however she spells it), the District Manager, came in and started going over the sales section with us trainees. Suddenly it wasn't so cute and fluffy anymore. It was how to get more money, how to "talk" to them, how to draw out information.. lawyer stuff, really.

Honestly, I love it. I don't have a "persuasion" streak for nothing. ^_^ Really, we are creating memories. That's a major part of the photography section. But as for the sales section.. *Grin* I just have to make them cherish those memories even more.

That sounds pretty cold, doesn't it..? XD Oh, well. At the very least, I love my job. ^^

As for the other part of being all analytical and amused.. decided to finally go through Brad's blog archive.

I'm not sure whether to have hope or not. On one hand, I'm going through the uber-angsty stage right now.. she's four years older than me and WAY more angsty (I mean, almost every post was being mad, peeved, or depressed). That could look pretty bleak.

On the other hand, I'm not CONSTANTLY angsty. And I'm rarely mad, especially not at people in general like others are. But it doesn't help in the brewing problems..

I think Brad's awesome (gender issues aside), but the constant angst is kind of a downer.. and honestly, I hate how much and how easily things turn obscene. Especially when they laugh at me because I don't understand their innuendo.

I don't WANT to understand their innuendo! ><;;

Oh, well. I've been getting away more.. actually left to go study with Anna in the library today. We ended up making the beginnings of our own language, then had fun when Casey was standing there trying to figure out "lasira."

Then the most disturbing thought came into his mind, thus fragging and deeply disturbing mine. He pointed at me and Anna and gave us that weird look, then said something like, "..You're trying to be discreet, but you're not doing a good job of it."

He'd earlier been trying to use "lasira" for her and I. Each time, I twitched massively and tried to hide. I don't wanna know what he was thinking. I really don't. ><

Oh, by the way. Lasira, Gabe-chan. ^^

Which reminds me.. that whole blacking out and writing me poems thing is really creepy. I swear, that boy scares me sometimes. o_o;;

But at the core of it all.. I'm exhausted, my body's trying to retaliate to my lack of sleep. When I leave half an hour after waking up in the morning and don't get home until two hours before my (ideal) bedtime, that doesn't leave much time for studying.. let alone relaxing.

I will be so glad when this quarter's over. More hours at work, but that's just work. Work doesn't require massive studying or staying up freakishly late to cram.

Which reminds me, my stomach's doing that "thing" again.. telling me I'm up too late by making me feel sick.

I'm thinking Tuesday, being not a work day AND the day right after a quiz so therefore the only day I feel safe slacking off, I'll be taking a nap and going to bed freakishly early. Like, 8:30 or 9. I couldn't even keep my eyes open to watch freakin' Stargate Atlantis tonight. -_-

Alas, enough ranting! Cya later, peoples. Oyasumi! ^^

o_O
Mood:  happy
Doing better today, still missing Gabe.

But duuude, I got a comment. I dunno who posted it and I dunno what it means (if anything), but it's a pretty cool poem. It's vaguely familiar, but I dunno from where, and I've only given this link to two people..

o_O That's creepifying. All this angst 'n happenings I write down here so I don't end up ranting to Cake or Gabe are being read by someone (supposedly) NOT Cake or Gabe.

Oh, well. Let 'em read, I don't have anything to hide. If it's Cake or Gabe, I'mma kill them. I've had enough people screw with my head lately.

Casey decided to screw with my head again last night and say that his acting on Friday (the flirting) wasn't all that hard to act, and that I was right about him and Meep being in a slow spot.

Everyone keeps saying I must be easy to mess with, and I tried to tell him the paranoias he's playing with. I don't think he quite got it.

While I knew something was very wrong with the whole situation on Friday, for a brief moment I was terrified. It was Gabe and Miyu all over again, with me being in the middle and the girl being mad at me again.

I'm so glad they've done whatever they've done to make me like them so much. Or maybe I've got tougher skin now. If anyone had done this two years ago, I'd be a mess.

Anywho, I am now plotting my revenge. Anna I may let off the hook. Casey's the main offender now.

And I've got my first official day of work today. ^_^ I just wish I could get home before 8.. :/

Edit: Holy crap, I just went back and re-read the poem in my comment. It's almost Gabe's style.. o_O;;; ..Yah, random creepy observation. Deal.

I hate coming down off the high..
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Various shweet songs (Float On, Clubbed to Death, etc)
..I just realized something the other day. I have this incredible wish that I could have a big brother. Or at least a best friend who would be like a big brother. I envy Tiffany..

To make matters worse, I miss Gabe-chan. :/

*Curls up on the floor, sighing*

Whoo, stuff!
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Teen Titans AMVs.. again..
So much to rant about, so little will to do so.. *Sigh* Oh well, I'll cover the three major things. Surprisingly enough, none of them are angsty. ^_^;

Okay, thing number one: Gabe is so unbelievably sweet. ;_; Apparently, a short while ago he got this letter from some girl saying that she really liked him and just now got the courage to tell him.

He felt bad, because he hates telling people no. He finally concluded that he would (and I almost melted at this.. >_<) tell her he couldn't because he was already involved with someone else.

It was just really cool 'cause no matter how much I feel like I don't deserve him or that I'm somehow holding him back, he still cares about me.

I <3 my Gabe-chan. ^_^

Ahem.. this brings me to thing number two, which is very much so not as fluffy.

I'm going to kill Anna and Casey. >_>

The other day, I was talking to Anna on MSN. She asked if I noticed Casey looking at me more often than usual, and I was just kinda like, "...Huh? x.x"

Then ALL DAY, he was all flirty with me and stuff. The confusion was breaking my brain: "..He's with Meep, I know he's quite happy with Meep. He's flirting with me, but I know he's not the typical jerkish type of guy. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!"

Finally, they let me in on their secret.

They were making today April Fool's Day.

When they began going out, they were toying with the idea of letting everyone know they were together, then mercilessly flirting with others to screw with our brains.

It worked. >>

They mentioned April Fool's Day and I didn't get it until Meep said something about flirting with Traison. Then it dawned on me. Ya shoulda seen me when I realized it, I spazzed out on Anna so much.

Oh, and this is after Anna and I supposedly tortured Casey with talking back and forth in front of him about it without actually mentioning our subject. I felt so horrible when he went and talked with Brad, especially when she said he was on the verge of tears.

I honestly don't get myself sometimes. If there's one thing I absolutely despise, it's having someone toy with my mind. In most situations, it is the absolute worst thing someone can do to me, aside from brutally slaughtering all my friends and family in front of me.

But something about those three.. I just can't get mad at them, despite them pushing the worst buttons possible. Part of me is a teency bit miffed, but even that is subconsciously forced.

I do find it amusing that in my brain, Anna is the one to blame. Casey was the one who came up with the idea AND flirted with me, but Anna is the one who started the brain-fragging.

Oh, well. I also <3 mah Meep-chan, Anna-chan, and Casey-kun. ..Not as much as mah Gabe-chan, but I digress.

I'd give them the silent treatment on Monday for revenge, but I hate it when revenge plans backfire. I'll just try to drop it over the weekend.. *Whacks Anna again* >>

Now, thing number three. Much shorter than the other two. The 80's night was uber-awesome, my costume rocked. I got to show off playing DDR, laugh my head off at Joaquin doing his (awesome) Michael Jackson impression, and be scared at the 80's music.

I must get pictures of both Hallelujah Night and the 80's Party, there are uber-shibby pictures in there that I need to own! I still owe Cake my cowboy/mafia gangster-ish pose/costume pic.

Alas, I am exhausted and going to collapse. I'mma see how much more energy I can burn in MechG and see if I have more adventures on KOL, then hit the sack. Oyasumi nasai, minna-chan!

How quickly the tides turn...
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Sonata Quasi Una Fantasia (Moonlight Sonata)
Topic: School
Okay, so today went real sour real fast.

I kinda got emotionally lynched shortly before coming home.

Was walking with Brad and Casey up to Brad's car so..*sighs deeply*..she could take him over to driver's ed. On the way up, Casey accidentally referred to Brad as a she. For those of you who DON'T know, Brad considers herself a boy in every way except anatomically. She's saving up for the change.

But anywho, she corrected him. Then he noticed that she hadn't corrected him before, and she just said that his grace period for getting used to it was over. I commented on how it surprised me that I wasn't getting yelled at anymore.

Brad's first response wasn't that painful, it was the one that came a few seconds later that really hurt.

The first response was "That's because I've given up on you ever treating me the way I want you to."

I kinda sputtered that I wasn't trying to do that, it wasn't my motive, etc. I honestly don't remember what Casey said next, I was so busy trying to hide the "ow...."

Then came the salty lemon juice. I honestly don't remember the exact wording, because at that point I was fighting hard to keep composure. It was essentially something along the lines of "I consider you (Casey) a good enough friend that I expect you to comply." Essentially, I am no longer a good friend because I refuse to conform to her rules.

My personality is an uber-high S. Y'know, touchy, feely, and sensitive. S's base their entire world on loyalty. Everything we do, say, think, etc, is based off of loyalty.

Imagine for a second.. and it won't be hard, most of you reading this are also S.. how painful it is when those we are loyal to sever that loyalty. Now add to the mix the REASON why said person severed the loyalty.

Because my integrity and loyalty to my faith and beliefs is causing pain to those I care about.

I honestly want to go out into the utter middle of nowhere, collapse to my knees, and just scream.

The next-best thing would be to collapse in someone's arms and just be reassured that not everything I do goes horribly wrong, but that won't happen either.

For now, I'm resigned to the fact that my beliefs simply cannot happily co-exist with that which defies them. One of them is going to have to submit.. and one of them is already guaranteed to lose.

Now I know how Moses felt..

Quiz-time!
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Imaginary - Evanescence
Was doing random quizzes today while waiting for Brad to finish homework. Found one that was actually made by someone competent. Not everything fits me, but I'll go back over it later.


J:

Your Beauty lies
in Dreams. Day-dreamer, creative and forever lost in thoughts. You're a
dreamer, wanting more in your life than you have now. Though you a lot of your
dreams never seem to leave your own mind. You've created your own little world
inside that head of yours and you're most beautiful when your mind is in
the clouds with sparkles in your eyes. You'd rather be asleep than awake and
people find it hard to have long conversations with you as you mind often
wanders and you aren't a big fan of reality. You are long and almost child-like
probably with a great love for Fantasy or Science Fiction. You're very creative
and most likely love to write wonderful stories or draw and even sing, anything
creative that you can use that vast imagination of yours. You're a bit of a
puzzle to people love to wonder as to what is going in your mind.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Water, Wind Animal: Eagle Color:
Purples, Blues,
Pinks, Misty Colors Song: Imaginary by
Evanescence Expression: Blank Stare

Gemstone:
Rose Quartz Mythological Creature: Unicorn,
Fairy Sign:
Cancer Planet: Saturn Hair Color:
Strawberry
Blonde Eye Color: Violet

Quote:
"I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple skies fly over me."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..


You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at times, but it's only because you're not sure how to act. You give off that "I need to be protected vibe." Remember that not all people are good. Being too trusting will get you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?

Oh, MAN! This week is cool.
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Teen Titans AMVs
Topic: Stuff
Don't ask about the Teen Titans AMVs, I have no clue where the inspiration came from. o_O; But so far I have four, they all rock, and they all include (in some way) Terra and BeastBoy. Go figure.

Anywho, this week! Today was actually physically crappy.. my system decided it hated my lack of sleep and raised its standard protest.

And apparently, I REALLY worried everyone at school today. See, I have this habit of begging people's vegetables off their school cafeteria-made (don't knock it, we have a culinary program. GOOD. FOOD.) lunches and then asking to dip them in the people's ketchup. The classic one is tomato dipped in ketchup.

But anywho, Casey offered me his tomato and like.. five packs of ketchup. I had previously been laying my head on the table trying to rest and just kinda refused it, insisting I really was okay.

I didn't see it, but I imagine he got this really worried look on his face. Apparently, he did. Later when Brad and I were walking back from class, she told me that when I went to the bathroom everyone was really worried about me and asking a million questions about if I was okay.

I find this funny, in a cosmic sense. In my angstiness, I always wish people would be that worried about me. When it happens (in my happiness), it's not as gratifying as I'd imagined. o_O

Alas! Nothing much happens until Wednesday, which is a slightly irritating day.. the class at church is getting extended for another week, so that's another week before I get to be back in my beloved youth group. Oh, well.. it's a good class.

Thursday is an awesome day. No school and Value Village is having a 50%-off sale, so I get to go buy my 80's costume for uber-cheap! ^_^ Punk-rocker Ta-chan! Bright-colored hair in 80's style, 80's punk-rocker makeup, spike collar, black lace gloves (hopefully), messed-up tank top, plaid skirt with several overly-large belts, ripped fishnet tights, and boots. I'm really hoping Value Village has everything.. ><

Anywho, Friday is the awesomest night evar! Lizzy actually has two outfits, a preppy schoolgirl and a pop singer. Maria's gonna be another punk rocker, but methinks with jeans. Byron's thinking about going as Mr. T, dunno what Carolyn was thinking, and Joaquin's gonna be Michael Jackson. ^^

And I'm bringing DDR! ^__^ ....I need to do Planet Rock from DDR Extreme in my costume. Or possibly something on the 6th Mix, dunno. LE W00TAGE!

Oh, and tonight I'm taking my paperwork to Tammy so we can get some things more finalized. Still dunno when my first day is... W00T, JOB!

Okies, gotta go now so Mom can pick me up. W00T, LIFE!

WHOO-HOO!!
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: Dragostea Din Tei - O-Zone (I care not what anyone says, they're HOT!)
Aside from the loss of my dear guinea pig, Vejeta, on Tuesday , this is one of the bets weeks ever. And about Vejeta, don't think I'm being cold. I cried for a solid ten minutes when we found him, was in shock the entire next day, and almost started crying again when I told Cake. It still hurts to spend time with Trunks, though I can't bring myself to ignore him.

But since I've promised myself I'll try to be more positive and less angsty, here it is!

Sunday was uber-awesome, had tons o' fun doing drama with everyone. School was.. school. Wednesday was awesome, I got to eat again and see peoples. But I gotta say, today and tomorrow are the BEST.

Went in for an interview today with JCPenney Portrait Studio, and she actually hired me! Someone.. hired.. me.. FOR A JOB. The thought still scares me. ><

Granted, it's seasonal, but she knows me and my family. It sounds like if I can prove myself to her, she'll keep me. ^_^ She even said she was willing to take the risk of hiring someone with no work experience 'cause she likes what she's seen of my attitude towards people. That is such a huge w00t, I cannot even express it in words. I think I'll just sit here squeaking for a few hours.

Oh, and about tomorrow. We're having a cast/volunteer party at our house for the people of Hallelujah Night, which means I'll get to hang out with Joaquin, Tiffany, and Josiah for a while. ^_^

I gotta admit, though.. it's kind of a downer to think that after this week, I won't have that much new and exciting stuff to look forward to. I suppose there's the Christmas choir, job training, my trip to Michigan, and my new otouto. But still.. I hate it when the high ends.

Honestly, I'm SO hoping we get to do more drama stuff with the other team. It's awesome to see Tiffany again and how much she's matured, and Joaquin & Josiah are just awesome.

....Geez, I can't believe he's freakin' 14! I coulda sworn he was 21. o_o;;;

Alas, I need sleep or I risk being a physical/emotional wreck tomorrow. ..Doubtful, but possible. Oyasumi nasai, minna-chan! ^_^

Posted by realm3/arynna at 12:19 AM PST
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W00t!
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Misc.
Hey, life is actually good! Apologized to Casey for spazzing. >< It took him a few minutes to remember what I was talking about, so I felt better that it hadn't gotten to 'im.

Other than that, there really isn't much going on.. I have Christmas prezzies to start working on, but I'm not putting the list up here. People read. :ninja: I'm drawing piccies of everyone doing something that they either do a lot or that they love.

Got to talk to Gabe again, although I hate those awkward silences when no one knows what to say. I'll chalk most of it up to my tiredness. ><;

And once again I'm in the mood where I'm tired of entertaining myself and wanna go watch TV so someone else can entertain me for a while. It's funny, this is the busiest season of the year yet I feel like I have nothing to do.

Oh, and back on the subject of Gabe.. gave him the dates for my trip to MI, but he doesn't think he'll be able to make it. Lack of a license does tend to get in the way. If I wasn't so tired and relaxed about everything else, that would probably depress me. I've been wishing and ignoring the blaring plot holes for weeks now. Oh, well. Another year of day-dreaming, I suppose. *Sigh*

But so help me if stuff keeps me away from Otakon. I'm likely to explode at this rate. ><

Good Tasha or bad Tasha..?
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Hikaru Utada - Colors
Topic: School
Yah, so Meep and Casey are pretty much a thing now. Anna kinda screwed with my head, which leaked out into them wondering why I was freaking out so much over the thought of them kissing.

As I've come to realize, I use over-reacting as a defense mechanism. If I over-react, they think I'm just being a spaz and that I'll get over it. That nothing's wrong.

When I finally got an excuse to get out of there and to go think by myself, I went out and sat on one of the large rocks at the bus-waiting area, curled up in a ball.

Of course, when I left (as per the custom in our group) they both wanted a hug. I made a joke about doing a dual-hug (they were cuddling on the couch) and kinda lamely half-hugged them. When I stood up, Casey was like, "Ow, I'm shunned! What kind of a hug was that?"

I made one of the stupidest mistakes ever. I just gave a lame apology and walked off with Anna.

Both thankfully and unthankfully, tomorrow is Advising Day AKA no school. But it's gonna torture Meep the entire time until she sees me on Thursday. I hate doing that to her, but I had to get out of there. I couldn't think straight anymore and the longer I stayed, the more I was gonna hurt both of them..

When I see her again, I'll have to make it abundantly clear that I have issues and it's absolutely nothing against either of them. Honestly, I'm glad they're happy. That's exactly what hurts.

It reminds me that I have never, nor will I ever for a long time, have that kind of happiness. I've only fallen in love three times.. one of them never cared and actually came to me to talk about the girl he was in love with (and now is acting like kind of an immature jerk..), the second one ended up being a perverted jerk, and the third one.. is actually for once not a jerk.

But I have not had a chance with any of them, not even the crushes. The last two I physically had/have no chance with (curse you, internet), and the first one I just.. had no chance.

It just kills me when I get weirded out and make people worry about me, then I can't explain to them why I spazzed. It's moments like this when I wanna withdraw into myself again and (obviously) pretend that everything's okay.

But that leads me to my second reason for writing this, which is actually not whiny. On the contrary, it's uber-sappy. People obsessed with sap, be happy. People who hate sap.. you suck. XD

If I could just have one thing for Christmas, it'd be that Gabe wouldn't be haunted by Ashi's memory anymore.. And that wish doesn't have any selfish motives, even by a long shot. I just want him to not be sad anymore.

And for everyone who's going, "Geez, she's angsty AGAIN!" ...lemme tell you something.

#1, I thrive off of angst. I write angst stories, I read angst stories, I love angst movies/songs. Deal. XD

#2, I dump everything that's wrong with me into this so I don't have it floating around my head. There's a LOT of cool, happy stuff that happens every day that doesn't get mentioned in here. You have to actually talk to me to get that stuff, so nyah. :P

Now that I'm done with that, there is a happy note. Meridan/Jailbait came up when I was "thinking" on the rock and started telling me about how he doesn't get to see his girlfriend until the 11th, and his mom wouldn't let him go up there tomorrow. Long-distance relationship.

He ended with jokingly pouting and saying, "I'm just gonna sit here and be depressed."

I agreed with him, then joked about making a club. He had to go at that point 'cause his bus came, but he gave me a hug and ran off.

I dunno what he did, but that made me feel a lot better. Maybe it was just getting some contact with someone who knew the situation but was kinda.. outside it, y'know? Or maybe it was the fact that I'm not the only one having that problem. Either way, Meridan's a life-saver. ^^

So now that I've got less crap on my mind and I'm cheered up a little, I'mma go mess around on YTMND. :P Cake's probably gonna tell me to make more happy posts, which I may do. I hate depressing people through them reading my crap.

Oh, and about the "Good Tasha or bad Tasha", ask me and be prepared to yell at me for even thinking about the bad one. In my defense, I don't feel the urge as strongly anymore. ^^

Ja, minna-chan!