Mood:
hug meNow Playing: Hikaru Utada - Colors
Topic: School
Yah, so Meep and Casey are pretty much a thing now. Anna kinda screwed with my head, which leaked out into them wondering why I was freaking out so much over the thought of them kissing.
As I've come to realize, I use over-reacting as a defense mechanism. If I over-react, they think I'm just being a spaz and that I'll get over it. That nothing's wrong.
When I finally got an excuse to get out of there and to go think by myself, I went out and sat on one of the large rocks at the bus-waiting area, curled up in a ball.
Of course, when I left (as per the custom in our group) they both wanted a hug. I made a joke about doing a dual-hug (they were cuddling on the couch) and kinda lamely half-hugged them. When I stood up, Casey was like, "Ow, I'm shunned! What kind of a hug was that?"
I made one of the stupidest mistakes ever. I just gave a lame apology and walked off with Anna.
Both thankfully and unthankfully, tomorrow is Advising Day AKA no school. But it's gonna torture Meep the entire time until she sees me on Thursday. I hate doing that to her, but I had to get out of there. I couldn't think straight anymore and the longer I stayed, the more I was gonna hurt both of them..
When I see her again, I'll have to make it abundantly clear that I have issues and it's absolutely nothing against either of them. Honestly, I'm glad they're happy. That's exactly what hurts.
It reminds me that I have never, nor will I ever for a long time, have that kind of happiness. I've only fallen in love three times.. one of them never cared and actually came to me to talk about the girl he was in love with (and now is acting like kind of an immature jerk..), the second one ended up being a perverted jerk, and the third one.. is actually for once not a jerk.
But I have not had a chance with any of them, not even the crushes. The last two I physically had/have no chance with (curse you, internet), and the first one I just.. had no chance.
It just kills me when I get weirded out and make people worry about me, then I can't explain to them why I spazzed. It's moments like this when I wanna withdraw into myself again and (obviously) pretend that everything's okay.
But that leads me to my second reason for writing this, which is actually not whiny. On the contrary, it's uber-sappy. People obsessed with sap, be happy. People who hate sap.. you suck. XD
And for everyone who's going, "Geez, she's angsty AGAIN!" ...lemme tell you something.
#1, I thrive off of angst. I write angst stories, I read angst stories, I love angst movies/songs. Deal. XD
#2, I dump everything that's wrong with me into this so I don't have it floating around my head. There's a LOT of cool, happy stuff that happens every day that doesn't get mentioned in here. You have to actually talk to me to get that stuff, so nyah. :P
Now that I'm done with that, there is a happy note. Meridan/Jailbait came up when I was "thinking" on the rock and started telling me about how he doesn't get to see his girlfriend until the 11th, and his mom wouldn't let him go up there tomorrow. Long-distance relationship.
He ended with jokingly pouting and saying, "I'm just gonna sit here and be depressed."
I agreed with him, then joked about making a club. He had to go at that point 'cause his bus came, but he gave me a hug and ran off.
I dunno what he did, but that made me feel a lot better. Maybe it was just getting some contact with someone who knew the situation but was kinda.. outside it, y'know? Or maybe it was the fact that I'm not the only one having that problem. Either way, Meridan's a life-saver. ^^
So now that I've got less crap on my mind and I'm cheered up a little, I'mma go mess around on YTMND. :P Cake's probably gonna tell me to make more happy posts, which I may do. I hate depressing people through them reading my crap.
Oh, and about the "Good Tasha or bad Tasha", ask me and be prepared to yell at me for even thinking about the bad one. In my defense, I don't feel the urge as strongly anymore. ^^
Ja, minna-chan!