Hm..
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Enigma - not sure by who.. Rurouni Kenshin AMV
I feel very withdrawn today..

I wish I could just fade to the background. I feel that urge coming on again.. the urge to pull back and let everyone live their lives on their own. Of course, not literally. I very much so need the friendship of the people at school.

Sadly enough, I'm talking about MSN. -_-

And for the first time, I'm not angsty when I think about it. I'm not doing it because I thrive on emotional pain, I'm not doing it because I'm pretending to be a martyr.

I don't really know why I'm doing it. Maybe it's because it's easier to be lonely when I'm not trying to convince myself that people are supposed to be there for me.

Would they notice if I left? I stayed for only two reasons. Now both of those reasons are busy living their own lives with their own people. I've got to get out of the illusion that I really know them.

I've got to stop pretending this is C55, where our entire lives revolved around one little box of white space filled with words. I've got to pull away from the internet, where so many memories linger and constantly bring back the pain.

They'll never notice anyway.

....Okay, maybe I AM being angsty. But this is less "I didn't get enough sleep, fear my mood swings!" and more "...I give up."

Still, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to just.. not show up anymore. Who's gonna bring me back when only two people care, and neither of them notice?

Ami-chan.. not that you know/care, but I'm sorry I broke my promise.. I never did get around to forgiving myself for what I did.

Alright, there's my angst corner. Now it's out of my head and I can get back to reloading my OS. My computer oh-so-desperately needs a fresh start.