Hoo, boy..
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Diamonds - Gretchen
Doing better today, but I'm SO nervous about Wednesday. Apparently, Dionna's in town visiting her aunt and uncle, so the youth group's having a kind of welcoming party for her. Under normal circumstances, this would be awesome. But these circumstances are not normal.

The last time I remember seeing her before she moved to Arizona was when I almost broke down crying while letting her know if she needed anything, she could call me. She simply gave me a cold nod and walked away. And it was only because of Carolyn that she even looked at me in the first place.

Of course, I can understand. She went through the very kind of crap I have nightmares about. About.. 3 or so years ago, her mom died of Lou Gehrig's disease. Her body basically slowly degraded to the point where she couldn't even speak, then her organs shut down. I -think- this was right after they finally officialized the adoption for the boys, too.

Apparently, a little while ago Dionna finally got a ton of junk off her chest, and is now doing immensely better. But.. I dunno..

We were never -best- friends.. actually, we were at each other's throats most of the time. But we always made up shortly thereafter. Her parents watched me before and after school, permanently staying mad wasn't an option.

I actually got so mad at her I cussed her out once. Got yelled at big-time for that one.

But we're a lot older now, a lot wiser. It's just so surreal. We went from a rocky relationship to suddenly.. I was being shunned. She was mad at me for still having a mom..

And now she's back. Quite obviously doing much better, she went around church giving everyone she knew a hug.

But.. does she remember? Did she ever feel bad for suddenly giving me the cold shoulder, did she ever wish we could make up again? During all that time she was in Arizona, did she ever think about me..? I know I'm probably sounding selfish now, like I'm indignant for being shunned.

Honestly, I hold no grudge against her. If I lost my mom like that, under those conditions, I would've reacted just the same. Probably even worse.

My reason for all the questions is that I miss her. Obviously, we were never terribly close. But I was still there through everything, as was my parents.

I dunno what I'm gonna do if she wants to have a serious talk.. knowing how much I'm like Mom, I'll probably break down again. -.-; But then again, she may not want to talk about it. Either way, I'm both okay with it and nervous.

I just hope I don't cry..