Every child is unique and of course every situation they are in is also unique so everyoneís responses and behavior will be different as they mature but there are symptoms that are common with the disorder. They are in pink. There are many more I have not mentioned. My symptoms seem to be less dramatic then those you would find in some case studies. To meet me I would appear to be very ordinary. Iím somewhat of a perfectionist. I have many interests such as the computer, camping, crafts, decorating, antiquing, reading, music, cooking, pets, teaching and nursing.
†(Hyper-vigilant) I would have really enjoyed life but emotional pain seems to take a lot of energy to maintain. Iím extremely sensitive to other peopleís reactions and those are a constant worry for me. I tend to watch for facial expressions, changes in voice and body language to determine present danger or rejection.
(Guilt) I tend to think everyone hates me. I believe that Iím the cause of failed relationships. Because of this I believe that Iím a very bad person. I seem to be in the middle of most conflicts around me and yet I fear confrontational episodes. I go out of my way to accommodate people just to escape rejection and hopefully find acceptance.
(Depression) My thoughts are mostly unorganized. I have poor eating habits. Many times I have limited energy. I have poor sleeping habits. I have extremely poor judgment and decision-making skills. I am distracted and indecisive.
(Lack Of Self Confidence) Iím forever second-guessing myself. Iím afraid to go out by myself because I watch myself or am afraid the public is watching me. Iím extremely self-conscious about how I look and feel about myself. I never get comfortable because of this and appear to be stiff or tense. Iím rarely relaxed except if Iím alone. I prefer to be alone so as to escape dissatisfaction from people. I am critical and skeptical doubtful and oftentimes negative.
(Auditory Hallucinations) Sometimes I hear my name being called inside my head, a cry, or a plead for help. A separate voice will add to my thoughts with a phrase or comment. Sometimes there will be criticism for a task. When Iím fearful my inside voices will comfort and calm me at other times they fill my head with conflict.
†(Suicidal Tendencies)† Threat of rejection will sometimes cause a reflex type response to commit self-harm.
†††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††† Depression will also bring about suicidal tendencies.
†(Anxiety And Panic Attaches) I feel intense fear suddenly for no apparent reason. I loose my breath. My heart rate increases. I look for a route of escape. My legs feel like rubber. This can last for 30 minutes, subside and return.
(Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome) I will sometimes get a reminder of an abusive situation from my past in my head brought on††††††††††††††††††††††††† by an ordinary outer touch, word or comment. Nightmares that wake me up and seem real. Moments where past threats seem to be in the present.
(Somatic Pain) I have headaches, body aches and pains. Sometimes it will feel like phantom hands touching me. I experience tingling and numbing.
(Switching) I will occasionally stutter while speaking or even stutter in my thoughts. I become disoriented at times and canít recall how to do simple tasks such as driving (Example; suddenly forgetting what to do at stoplights or which side of the street I should travel on.) or similar feelings about household chores. These episodes are generally brief and I have always thought they were very normal or ordinary. I usually respond on reflex to situations, suddenly happy, suddenly creative, or angry, full of rage or suddenly very reasonable, then to sad, scared, or lonely. I can one-minute feel very clingy and the next moment want to be left completely alone. At these times I hardly remember or donít remember conversations or actions. There are different thoughts, many contrary and a whole new set of responses for each one of these emotions.
(Depersonalization) There are times life moves in slow motion and all most seems comical.
(Amnesia) I seem to loose bits of time. In retrospect it becomes large amounts of time lost that I didnít recognize.† A lot of the time when I recall a life event it will be sketchy, a frame work with missing parts.
(Denial) Past events involving myself are always pictured in my mind as somebody else is being evolved. Never me.
I will remember a situation but will not remember ever being there myself.
You may or may not recognize similar behaviors in yourself. I invite you to tell me about your symptoms or express what you have experienced. Please e-mail me.