Bits and pieces….in my own words.
Below is an excerpt from the book:
“Growing Through The Pain”
Who is responsible?.
Offenders usually blame alcohol for incestuous behavior. However it is not wholly responsible. It is most likely considered that the abuser uses alcohol as a facilitator,
Incest is usually premeditated. The place, time, and type of sexual behavior are carefully planned, with deliberate intent of commission and concealment. Very young children are easily seduced. Force is usually unnecessary since the child trusts the abuser. The child may want or need the special attention offered, even if the sexual acts are frightening to them. Whenever adult coercions are used to manipulate a child, force and violence are inherent. An abuser will minimize suggesting to the child no violence was committed so, the child tolerates the abuse of power and force.
Secrecy is secured by telling the child if disclosure were permitted the result would be imprisonment, or punishment or death. Possible threats of death of the abuser himself, is effective enough to keep the child quiet, especially if the abuser is deeply loved by the child.
A sense of guilt and responsibility will also cause the child to comply. With older children, the threat of blame for the act will cause reluctance to report, or even the threat of victimization of younger sisters scares the child into secrecy.
Profile of an abuser;
Studies show that alcoholics and incest abusers are both highly symbiotic (a relationship of mutual benefit or dependence, resembling or relating.)
The narcissism and immaturity of the offender is just one similarity between alcoholic families and incestuous families. Both families have considerable similarities.
Both systems are constructed around a family secret. Both wallow in denial, inadequate boundaries, rigid and inappropriate coping patterns, parentification of children, martial and sexual dysfunction, isolation, and physical and psychological abuse of other family members. Lack of nurturing and emotional deprivation.