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The fragile Human Mind

When I was younger I believed that I must be very resilient to mental anguish.

That psychological abuse must not affect me at all. That I just bounce back from trauma. And grow away from it. Over come it. Isnt that how I over came it? NO! I stuffed It, hid it, I subconsciously compensated for it. I thought I cured myself of this pain. But the last thing I ever was, was cured of the trauma!

It was my deep denial that tricked me into believing that it was gone.

Its only been in this last year that I spoke of the S abuse for the first time. Its difficult for me to even share as little as I have with you because I keep triggering myself with my own words!

I have been to four therapists in this year and 2 doctors, and have been prescribed three different kinds of medications.

My symptoms seem unlimited to me, like:

Disassociation

Chronic anxiety

Depression/suicidal thoughts

Headaches/dizziness, nausea

Auditory hallucinations/ disorientation

Memory lapses, Physical sensations,

Flashbacks

Abreaction

Amnesia

(You can get term definitions for these at: Hot Coffee on the main page or you can also visit My Symptoms on the main page for further explanations)

I was first diagnosed with depression then schizophrenia and finally DID, or Multiple Personality Disorder. I feel a bit more comfort in knowing that I fit into a designated area. And that there are reasons for my walking to the beat of a different drum all my life. I had to. I was a tiny little girl victim forced into a big sick adult situation that my healthy innocent immature mind could not fathom, so I comforted myself and coped every single day with disassociation a natural healthy response to severe, daily and compounded abuse. Disassociation has served me well into my adult life. Although it causes my present family and myself a lot of confusion because of conflicting inner opinions and memory loss but we are becoming more aware and learning to cope and accept the personalities that make my behavior so unpredictable.

 

If you are searching for answers like me. Then I understand the pain you must be feeling. Its what keeps us searching pages like this one, trying to find answers for ourselves and trying to help us make sense of the cruel insanity in various people.

Selves~