These are a collection of a few funny things that have happened to me during casting, meditation or just being witchy.
1) Having short hair - I have little or no fear of my hair catching fire from altar candles. However, I have had my fair share of red hot candle wax dripping on my fingers or on the carpet.
I quote: 'Lady and Lord, above so below...AARRGGHH!!! CRAP!!'
Candle holders are probably a good idea.
2) Being the complete crouton that I am, I have no sense of direction. So needless to say I have often called in the Guardians of the East facing South.
3) Wearing a pentacle is a common practise amoung many wiccans. It's the consequences of having it out in the open that can be dangerous.
I had totally forgotton that mine was in full view when I was dragged to one of my Dad's social functions. So needless to say, one loudmouthed (and probably drunk) patron sees my necklace immediately yells, 'So, Mike. I see your daughter's a witch.'
Silence. All eyes on me. Humiliation. My life is over...
4) Doing a ritual requires SOME degree of concentration am I right? **Waits for shouts of agreement from fellow Pagans** So, needless to say - when I am casting or meditating I turn the radio in the kitchen off. However, my Dad has different ideas.
There I am, happily chanting away when suddenly.. "...Hello and welcome to the nine o'clock news! Tonight in the stock market...." So I am forced to do an entire ritual with the stock market blasting through the kitchen (which is right next to my room.)
5) Incense is a nice touch to a meditation session, ritual or just relaxing. However - just choose the right type for the right occasion.
I had bought a new type called 'Poison'(very well named, as you will see..) that I thought smelt nice.
So I get home at about one thirty in the afternoon and try this stuff out.
Five minutes later and the sweet smelling smoke is filling my room - I am getting drowsy.
Ten minutes later, and I have lost all ability to think straight.
After a while I wake up fully clothed, thinking that I only nodded off for about twenty minutes, I go to the fridge to get some lunch. Only to get strange looks from my Dad who tells me that it is seven at night. Have not had the courage to use it again!
6) I have the memory span of a dead cockroach, so it is necessary for me to write down the incantations necessary for a ritual.
So, one particular day I decide to do a nice little spell that I found. So I get the needed ingredients together, cast circle, light the candles - and then realise that I have left my book outside the circle. Not wanting to close circle, then open it again I did the entire ritual off the top of my head, it went a little something like this...
'Uh...Goddess Bridgid..I invoke thee...bring me....uh.....erm...**long pause** oh shit....'
7) Ok, this isn't really anything to do with me as such, but it's just too funny to leave alone! In the Southern Hemisphere, Beltane falls on the 31st October (kinda screwed up...as that's commercialised as Hallowe'en - which is supposed to be Samhain..) and on that day, we were all raving on about how it was Hallowe'en etc, So during Religious studies, the following conversation took place..
CLARE: Rev Lorraine, can we meditate today? It's a Celtic Fire festival today and they only happen four times a year!
LEXIE: AND IT'S PUMPKIN DAY!!
REV LORRAINE: Well, considering I am neither Celtic, Fire nor am I a pumpkin we will not meditate today.
LEXIE: **mumbling** You are a pumpkin...
8) I have said it once, I will say it many many times. My incense burner conspires against me. I will light a stick of incense in my ultra new, shiny very expensive incense holder/burner and go off to visit the faeries in my head, only to find that the evil thing has dripped ash everywhere as opposed to catching it and saving me cleaning up all the mess.
9) Long skirts and candles don't mix. I do not feel it is necessary to elaborate.
10) Wax, not only hurts when it is spilt on ones hand, but it's impossible to get out of the carpet/clothes. (Suggestions of how to get it off would be most welcome!!)
11) Athames, aren't they wonderful? Lovely sharp pointy things that are easy to step on/drop on foot during ritual. While visiting my Nanna, I aquired my first Athame. So, eager to try out my new toy, I did a ritual using it.
It was all very dramatic, with the full moon, and me casting circle using a (rather small) witches dagger until I decide to thrust the blade up at the sky and yell 'SO MOTE IT BE!!" The bloody thing got caught up in the washing line that was hanging above my head...I hadn't seen it!
12) My book says that once a ritual is over, I should snuff out candles rather than blow them out, as it blows away the magick. So, being the pyro that I am, I entertain myself for the next few minutes by bravely snuffing the candle flame with my fingers. (Shouts of 'Guardians of the...SHIT! North, hail and...AAGH!!...farewell, Until in the ....OUCH!...circle again we dwell')
13) During an Imbolc ritual, I wanted to invoke the Goddess Bridgid, so I wrote a poem in her name. But alas, I realised just WHY I got such a shocking English report - I am completely hopeless at poetry! Poor old Bridgid...
14) Faeries, I have found are tricky little buggers. Any beliving Pagan will agree.
15) I scare Jehova's Witnesses!!
This was totally unintentional, but during one of my 'Black' phases I opened the door to some Jehova's Witnesses all done up in a long black skirt, medieval corset top and buckets of black eyeliner/lipstick. The rest is history!.... But the expression on their faces was classic. Mine was probably funnier! Imagine having two guys dressed all in white knocking on your door, then paling, throwing a leaflet at you and bolting.
More coming soon....I just need more time to scare some more Jehovas Witnesses, drop an Athame on my foot, ruin my carpet and write more bad poetry!
Blessed Be*!
Please ask before using this material. Copyright 2002, Le Chat de la Lune
