DREAMS & SCHEMES

PIZZA PARTY, COURTESY OF WESTCHESTER COUNTY JAIL...by Terri

John came wearily in the back door of the kitchen. El and Marilyn looked up from their evening coffee. "You look like death warmed over. Where's the little gladiator-ette?" John plopped himself down in the chair, folded his arms and put his head down on the table. "Still in jail."
"What?"
He lifted his head up. "Still in jail. With Wanda Sue Skaggs. In the same cell."
Marilyn and Eleanor's mouths dropped open. "NO! Why don't they just give them both some hemlock and end it?"
John looked around. "Shhh! I don't want Will to hear. Or William, for that matter."
Marilyn said, "What did you do to end up in the slammer, John?"
John ran his hands over his face and got up to get himself a beer. He put it back.
"No, this calls for a shot of Chivas's best!" He poured himself three fingers of scotch.
He took his jacket off, put his feet up on the next kitchen chair and leaned back.

"I ran into Montgomery in Starbucks. Seems that jacket---" he pointed to the one draped over the chair, "--was HIS jacket. Rosamond gave it to me. I had no idea where it came from. Turns out Montgomery did. He tried to rip it off my back and one thing led to another. I guess we kind of made a mess of that Starbucks on Crescent Street. Before I knew it, the police were there and we got hauled off. Rose came down to bail me out but Wanda Sue Skaggs, our very own Susan Hemingway, showed up to bail Billy Bob out. Now Rose still harbors a lot of resentment. She feels Wanda Sue had the upper hand on us through that whole blackmail thing. So she let her have it. Right in the kisser!"
Celeste by this time had joined the girls. John continued. "One thing led to another and before we guys knew it, RARRHHHH! Catfight--claws extended. Rose gave but she also got in return. Both women are sitting in jail, no bond because they can't find a judge until tomorrow morning to set bail. I saw Rosamond--not a happy camper! It's going to be a looong night down at the station! Carson is babysitting them. Where's Will?"
"He's asleep."
"Hopefully his mommy will be home by the time he wakes up. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a hot shower."
Celeste grabbed his arm as he walked by. "Want anything to eat, John? I'll heat you up some of my potroast."
John smiled. "That's the first good thing to hear all night, Celeste! Always a mom, right?"


Rosamond sat on her cot. She looked over at Wanda Sue with disdain. "I've got to tell you, Skaggs, I've spent the night with better people than you! I just want to go home!"
Wanda Sue snarled, "You're not exactly my idea of a fun date, either, Rosetramp! We'd better make the best of it!"
Rosamond rattled on the cellbars. "Hey, Alan, can I see you a minute?"
Alan came over. "Hey, Rosamond!" He laughed. "Guess now it's MY turn to spend the night with you!"
Rose said, "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that! Is Travis McGee around?"
"You can't possibly want HIM?? He's pulling night duty with me. Yay for me. I've got to tell ya, I'd rather be by myself. He's sitting at his desk with an ice bag on his, uh, uh..."
"Conjones?" Wanda Sue supplied.
"Exactly!" Alan said. "So what can I do you lovely inmates for?"
Wanda Sue said, "Can we have beer and a pizza?"
Alan said, "How about Pepsi and a pizza? My treat!"
Wanda Sue and Rosamond looked at each other. "OK-but no Pepperoni."
Wanda Sue said, "I'll have hers."
Rose said, "Finally--something we can agree on!"
Alan went out and got them a large pizza with everything and slid it under their jail cell door, along with paperplates and napkins.
True to her statement, Rosamond picked all the pepperonis off. "Uh, Rosetramp, can I have those?"
Rose said, "If I can have your mushrooms, ho-bag."
"It's a deal." They swapped toppings.
Rose looked over at the john. "You know, I think we should have some privacy."
She got up and yelled, "Hey, Alan! We need you again!"
Alan came over.Rose said, "First of all, here's a couple slices of pizza."
"Hey, thanks, Rose!" He drew up a chair and sat down so he could talk to the girls.
Rose jerked her thumb back. "Second of all, we need a large blanket and a staple gun."
"What for?"
"We need a little privacy. I don't know about the skank here, but I want my privacy. If you give me a blanket, I can staple it to the wall. Please? Pretty please?"
Alan looked around. "OK, but I have to watch you staple it and you have to give it right back to me. I'm only doing this because you two should have been out of here and because you are John's wife."
Wanda Sue made a face. Rosamond turned to her and said, "Didn't I tell you, Trashcan? I get what I want. Always. Now you are benefittig by it."
Alan gave her the blanket and the staple gun. Within a few minutes, Rosamond had draped the blanket across two walls. "There! It's not the restroom at the Plaza but it will do!"


ONE RINGEE-DINGEE, TWO........by Coralynn

WandaSue sits on her cot, depressed. OK, Babydoll, she thinks, So BB Montgomery isn't willing to bail you out, and the goons who run this place say the bail amount won't be set till tomorrow morning, but it can't be over a thousand. The guys got out of here for a thousand, why should I have to pay more? But who do I know who would come up with that amount of money? Hmmmm, wonder if they take personal checks. Probably not. Wish 'Belle' were still around.....I'd have her go to an ATM machine, draw out the thou and be here bright and early in the morning. Let's try Slim!
She dials his number, and when he comes online, she uses her most pleasant voice, "Hi, brother of mine!"
"What is it now, WandaSue?"
"There was a terrible misunderstanding and somehow I was thrown in jail. Can you bring a thousand dollars down here first thing in the morning?"
Slim can hardly stop laughing long enough to answer, "No way, kid!" and hangs up. What did I ever do to him to deserve that?! she wonders. Could he still be angry because I didn't share my million with him? Is he still steamed about that old Falcon junker he thought was so great but was really a piece of garbage? Well, babydoll, think up anther plan!
I know, I'll phone Sally Jennings at the house on Winding Willow and hope she picks up instead of one of those rich snobs she lives with. It's chancey, but it's the only game in town!
She pulls out her cellphone and pushes in the numbers. It rings but once before a loud male voice answers, "Hello, William here."
Aaahhh crap, William! She clicks off.
Wonder how long he'll be standing on top of the phone? I don't have all night!! Well, let's try again. She pushes in the redial button and the phone rings twice. Good! William must have gone outside. This time a woman's voice is heard, "Hello, have you found her yet?"
What's this? Found her? Found who?
"No." she answers and clicks off. Apparently they've lost one of their housemates. With so many, who can keep track anyway? Are they missing Rose? Nooooo, John knows where she is, so it can't be her.
She pushes redial again. This time another woman's voice answers. "Hello."
"I wish to speak to Sally Jennings, please," WandaSue uses her 'cultured' voice' which usually throws people off.
"Well, dear, she isn't here. She seems to be missing."
"Rats."
"Are you a friend of hers?"
"I guess you'd say so."
"Do you know where she might be?"
"If I knew that, why would I be calling you?" WandaSue lapses back into her rough, gravely voice with the Texas accent, and thinks, Whooooops!
"Don't be abusive with me!" the voice comes right back. *Click* and the other woman disconnects.
OK, babydoll, let's figure this out. They've lost her. So what chance do I have to find her? A-ha, just a minute! I remember the number of the cellphone she used when she called me. Having a photographic memory sure comes in handy!
WandaSue pushes in those numbers. Pick up, Sally, pick up!!
On the fourth ring, she hears a woman's soft voice, sounds like someone out of those old Marilyn Monroe movies, "Hello?"
"Can I please speak with Sally?"
"Who is this?"
"A friend."
"The same friend who she called using my cellphone yesterday?"
"Your cellphone?"
"Yes! And how can she have a 'friend' when she's been with us less than two days? Where did you meet her? Are you responsible for her disappearance?"
"Ohhhh yeah, sure, I threw her body in the Hudson River!" WandaSue clicks off.

Rats. Sally Jennings has disappeared, it must be true. Didn't she mention something about living in 1733 when we were talking before? Yeah! She has to be one of the time travelers. I used to be one too untill that ninny Belle lost my amulet! Wonder if Sally went back to 1733. Why would anyone with any sense do that, though? She was my only hope to get the hell out of here, too. I may have to rot in this stinkin' place till the hearing whenever that is. Maybe I can put a touch of Rosebud over there........awwwwww hell, forget it!

MEANWHILE, somewhere in the desert:

Sally Jennings is leading her troops in calisthenics. "Pick your legs up! Run in place, but run faster! Oh come on, ladies, surely you can do better than this!"
Several of the women have collapsed on the ground and are rubbing their ankles.
"If we're going to rule the world, we have to be strong! Get up off your duffs and let's put some muscle into it!"
Most of the women go to the watering place and drink, leaving Sally standing there with only 5 women to bully. One of them asks, "What world are we going to rule, oh fearless leader?"
"We already rule this oasis. We can spread out to........to......whatever other oasis is around, or .....maybe......to a town. How far is it to the nearest town?"
"Two days journey in that direction!" Sarah tells her, "But men rule that place. How could we take it over when we have no weapons?"
"Wellllllllll....." Sally ponders, "We could drug them! Then when they wake up we'll already be in charge!"
"Yeah, " Mara says wryly, "And they'd make quick work of us, throw us into a jail and there we would remain for the rest of our lives unless one of them wanted to increase his staff of slaves."
"Or concubines!" Sally brightens, "How about we forget about drugging them and I send some of you to that town. You become concubines in the households of the richest men in town, then you kill them all and stage a revolution."
"With 18 women against maybe 500 men? That's insane!"
"Not if you make good use of your time and get all the women in the town on your team. How many women do you think live in the town?"
"Each man has between 2 and 20 wives or concubines, so ohhhhh, maybe ten times the number of men."
"There you have it! You'd have them outnumbered! I'm liking this plan more and more."
"But what would become of Bloomingdale's Oasis if we were all in town?"
"You have a point. We do need this as a base of operations. OK, so half of you go into town, and the other 9 stay here with me. Sarah, you could be the Leader of the 9 who go to town to stage the revolution. When you've done it successfully, send someone, anyone, out here to let us know. The women who join you in overthrowing the oppressors could take turns working at Bloomingdale's too, so we could tie the two places together. We could even name the town Jenningsville, after me."
Mara finally speaks up, "Then we could take over, one town at a time, and before you know it....."
"Right! We rule the world!" Sally smiles triumphantly.


MIDNIGHT CONFESSIONS....by Terri

Rosamond sat there on the cot wondering who Wanda Sue was whispering to on her cellphone. Sounds like she's making a few phone calls for bail.
After the two of them had finished their pizzas in silence, they shoved the box and paper plates under the cell door for Alan to dispose of. They had spent the last hour talking to Alan--but not to each other.
Alan picked up everything. "Hey, ladies, I hate to do this, but lights out! It's past eleven and it should have been lights out an hour ago. But I was having such a nice time talking to such charming jailbirds. One question I've GOT to ask...where did the two of you learn to fight so well? I mean...WOW!!"
Wanda Sue said, "Oh, Alan--it's just something women learn in the cradle!"
Rosamond nodded her assention. She added, "I learned alot by watching John and Daniel go at it. Those two are aces! Hands on training, I guess you call it!"
Alan laughed. He turned the lights off. "You ladies need a nightlight?" Both said no.

Rose kicked Wanda Sue off the cot. "Get lost, ho-bag, this is mine!"
Surprisingly Wanda Sue moved. Rose threw a blanket at her. "Here's the extra one." Rosamond stretched out. "Damn. If it wasn't for you, I'd be snuggled up next to my husband! Thanks alot!"
Wanda Sue punched her pillow. She said, "At least you have someone to snuggle up against."
Rose's eyebrows went up in the dark but she kept silent.
After about fifteen minutes, Wanda Sue said, "Hey, Supertramp--how did you end up with Billy Bob in the first place? I'm just curious."
Rose was silent a few minutes and Wanda Sue thought, I'm either being ignored or Rosebud is asleep. But from the other side of the cell she heard Rose give a sigh.
"I accidently slept with John's twin brother Daniel."
Wanda Sue propped herself up on her elbow. "NO!! Really?"
Silence from the other side again. Wanda Sue said, "Aw, come on, Tootsie! You can't throw a bone out like that and expect me not to bite at it!"
Rose said, "OK, I know you know about the time travel thing. John went back and fetched Daniel. Daniel saw me. He liked me. He wanted me. He slipped his brother some drugs and zonked him out for 48 hours. In that 48 hours, nature took its course. I thought he was John."
"You mean they were that much alike in their....uh, lovemaking?"
Rose was quiet and murmured something.
Wanda Sue said, "What, Rosebud? I can't hear you!"
Rose blurted out, "John and I had not been..intimate...up to that point!"
Wanda Sue said, "Wow! I would have been all over him before that! I mean, that's a fine piece of real estate, Rosetramp!"
Rose said, "Don't I know it? When I found out, I got even by going on the shopping spree to end all shopping sprees. To the tune of 100,000.00. I went to the Dew Drop Inn, drank too much and struck up an acquaintance with Billy Bob Montgomery. He put on this real 'aw, shucks' act. He kept that up for quite a while until the real Billy Bob emerged...in the form of William Robert Montgomery, senator's son from Texas. Not the good old boy that he pretended to be. That night, John hauled me out of the bar. We both drank too much that night...and that's how I ended up with Julie. It's a long story, and one I don't care to divulge, but Billy Bob asked me to marry him and I thought I was taking the safe course. Boy, did I make a mistake! And that's all I'm going to say to you about it!"
Wanda Sue was dead quiet. Then she asked, "Hey, Rosetramp....is he still good?"
From the other side, after a few minutes, Wanda Sue heard, "Yeah, Ho-bag. He's still good."

After a few minutes of silence, Rosamond said, "Hey, Low-rent, want to tell me your sad tale of woe? How'd YOU ever get hooked up with the cowboy?"
Wanda Sue sat on the edge of the cot. "Oh, HO! So now you're interested in ME?"
Rose said, "Not really. Goodnight."
After a few minutes, Wanda Sue said, "I guess it's only fair...since you told me."
"Hey, don't force yourself, dirt-bag. I was only being polite."
Wanda Sue waited a few minutes. Then she said, "I came from the wrong side of the tracks..."
"Oh, now, THERE'S a surprise!"

Wanda Sue got defensive. "Hey, I didn't insult YOU, did I? You know, everyone thinks you're so classy. Yeah, right. You're full of sarcasm and disdain for everyone who doesn't measure up to your rich-bitch standards. Some of us weren't to the manor born, you know. You know who you remind me of? Mary Ellen Montgomery. Nose so far up in the air that if it rains, you run the risk of drowning."
Rose jumped up. "You take that back!"
"Will not! You ARE snobby!"
Rose said, "I know that, take back the Mary Ellen part! For Pete's sake, I LIVED with that woman. She helped put the nails in the coffin of that marriage. Not that it wasn't dead. But she stood there dressed in undertaker black, poised with a shovel."
"Yeah, tell me about it! No one was good enough for her precious 'William', were they? I mean, Rosebud, if YOU couldn't measure up, no one could!"
Rose said, "OK--you tell me. How did you get hooked up with Billy Bob?"
Wanda Sue said, "Biology."
Rose said, "Yeah, well, mine was chemistry. That was about ALL we had going for us."
Wanda Sue said, "No, no--I mean literally biology. He sat one row over and one seat up from me. We were both in tenth grade in Davy Crockett High in Austin. He was on the junior varsity football team..."
"Don't tell me, let me guess--you were a cheerleader?"
"Hell no, babydoll#2! I worked at the Dairy Queen. Me and my girlfriend. Carol Ann McAllister. She was hot after Bobby Joe."
"Is that the Carolyn that he married?"
"No, that was another one. A snooty cheerleader type. Like you, Rosebud. Anyways, the two of them used to come to the Dairy Queen. They'd wait for us to get off work. Then we'd get burgers and swipe a couple six-packs and end up at the meadow. Lots of groping and making out. Anyways, I wanted out of my house. Really a trailer.
So I told Billy Bob that I was preggers. I thought he would give me money to get rid of it. Would you believe he offered to marry me?"
Rose yawned. "Yeah, I believe it."
"So I thought, hey, even if I wasn't, I could fake it and by the time he realized he'd been had, I really WOULD be pregnant. But that dumb Creole grandfather of his--ever meet him? Pierre?" Rose said, "Yeah, I ran into him once or twice."

"He ranted and raved in that French dialect of his. Couldn't make heads or tails out of what he was saying. Mary Ellen actually put her head in the oven when she found out that Billy Bob and I slipped off to the next county and got hitched. We were only sixteen. To make a long story short, Pierre arranged an annulment. I high-tailed it out to Waco to stay with Slim. Then I went out to California for a while. I guess they tried to deliver the divorce papers to me. Finally got them a couple years down the road and just stashed them in a drawer, thinking he already got my signature some sneaky way with a dishonest notary. He had a friend, Francois LaGrange. He'd do anything that way for the Montgomerys. So I drifted around doing waitressing jobs. Then I read that Mr. High and Mighty had a nice Thoroughbred racehorse farm in New York and had married some actress. The paper ran your picture. One of your pictures from the soap magazine. I had heard from my sister Charlene that Senator Montgomery was grooming his progeny for a political life. I figure he'd give me a couple thousand to keep my mouth quiet and get lost. Imagine my surprise, Babydoll, when I found out he never got the annulment! So I told Slim I need to see my girlfriend in New York, she was in trouble. Slim thought I was donating a kidney or something. He lent me that rag of a car, that Falcon. I came up here, observed your rich-bitch lifestyle and saw that little baby of yours, your SUV, your leather coat. What really hurt was that Billy Bob was in Grand Union and didn't even recognize me. So I decided to make you both pay and pay and pay..."
Rosamond said, "I have to ask you. Why did you blackmail John and I? What did I ever do to you?"
"You had everything and I was still scrounging around. But that wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to have more. You had to have that stud on the side. And the fact that Montgomery was willing to pay a million smackers to keep me quiet made me even more pissed off! Because he was in love with you."

Rose yawned. "Nice, Wanda Sue. Real nice. I didn't do anything to you and you made my life totally miserable. Well, thank you very much!" Wanda Sue yawned too. "No charge, Rosebud!"

Wanda Sue propped herself up on her elbows and said, "Hey, Rosetramp, I have to ask you. Since you lived in the 13th century and was the main squeeze of Henry2. Did you ever run into Robin Hood?"
Rose started to giggle in the dark. "Run into him? Hey, Babydoll, I dated him!"
"DATED HIM?"

"Yes, I used to go riding in Sherwood Forest when I would go to Nottingham to visit my aunt Mathilda de Clifford. I was always supposed to go with a groom or two, it was considered haunted. I was only 17 at the time and had been with Henry for about a year. I told him I needed to get away. Actually I wanted to get away from HIM! I needed a break. Well, I dumped the grooms and went riding in Sherwood by myself. The woods were so thick, sunlight just dappled through it. I stopped because my horse got lame. So I jumped down and saw a rock lodged in his hoof. I took a stick and tried to pry it out. That rock was so imbedded in there, I couldn't dislodge it.
About that time, a man in a woodsman's outfit came by."
"Robin Hood?"
"Actually, he was called Robin of Locksley."
"Hey, did he wear green tights? Look like an overgrown lepruchan?"
"Don't be daft, Douche-bag. No, he wore a woodsman's oufit, complete with arrows, bow and quiver."
"And did you, Rosetramp?"
"Did I what?" "Quiver."
Rose groaned. "I expected better from you, Sleazoid. No, I didn't quiver! My face got hot, though!"
"That's all?"
"All what?"
"All that got hot?"
"Hey, do you want to hear the story or what?"
"Oh, yeah, this is a kick-ass bedtime story! What happened?"
"Robin dislodged the rock and we led our horses to the stream for water. We sat and talked on the rocks while the horses drank. I had no idea who he was at the time. Just said his name was Robin. He asked me to stay for a meal with him and his band of men. There were a few women. The wives of some of them. Little John was such a sweetheart. And Will Scarlett was a big flirt. Anyway, they passed around mead and we had a fine spread of turkey legs, all sorts of vegetables. It was a regular camp. Afterward, there was a bonfire and dancing. Seems like we danced all night long! I slept in one of the tents."
"And did Robin come to you?"
"Hey! Space cadet! What do you take me for?"
"Well, I just figured, you took on a king, a cowboy, twins.."
"I DO have my standards. Different from yours but I do have them! No, I slept a few hours in a tent of animal skins. At daybreak, Robin walked me to the edge of the copse of trees. It was at the edge of the lake where the Lady of the Lake resides. Although I never saw her."
"And did Robin kiss you?"
"Damn right he did. You think I was going to pass that by when I knew how much Henry and especially John Plantagenet hated him? Just a little memory that kept me warm on a cold winter's night in Windsor Castle. Besides, I heard Maid Marian kept him on a short leash."
Wanda Sue whistled. "Rosebud, I'm impressed. I don't like you any better, but I am impressed."
"Thanks, Wanda Sue. I don't like you any better either. But at least we passed the time without killing each other. John would be proud of me."
From the other side of the room, Rosamond heard snoring. Yeah, you can never make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
She punched her pillow up and went to sleep.


WANDA/SUE gets SPRUNG and other misdeeds.......by Coralynn

After having spent a fitfull night trying to sleep on the hard cots, Rose and WandaSue awaken at about the same time. It takes a few minutes for them to adjust to the fact that they're in jail, then, when it fully registers, they both groan.
"What're you moaning about, Rosebud? You'll be getting out of the clink this morning. I may live out the rest of my days in this hellhole!"
"Stop being so dramatic!" Rose shoots back as she pulls on her sweater and jeans.
"Like you're not?" WandaSue retorts, "You who have slept with Robin Hood, for Pete's sake!"
"I didn't say that, did I?"
WandaSue snorts, "Yeah, like you and Robbie were just platonic friends! In a pigs-eye!"
This banter is interrupted by Alan Carson, who walks into the jailcell area and tells Rose she's free to go.
She smiles for the first time since all this started and gathers her belongings. WandaSue calls after her, "Go ahead, desert me! Go back to your fancy house with your fancy friends and tell them that scummy old WandaSue is still rotting in the slammer!"
Rose exhales loudly as she is escorted from the cell, and taken to the Office where she sees John waiting for her. She rushes into his arms and gives him a bone-crushing hug.
"Glad to see me, are ya, hon? I like your enthusiasm. Maybe we should get arrested more often!"
Rose laughs, "And spend the night with the skank? I don't think so!"
"She was that bad?" he asks as they walk out into a bright late October morning.
"She has no scruples and is capable of doing the worst things, though I feel somewhat guilty about leaving even her in that awful jail. Hey, why don't we bail her out?"
"HUH?!"
"No, listen. If we bail her out anonymously, she'll be free to make Montgomery's life a living hell. She'd never know it was us."
"You get out, then 10 minutes later, she's released? She'd know we did it."
"Not if we tell Alan to wait a couple hours before telling her."
"You want to do this?"
"Sure! I'd like to see the expression on BB's face when she reappears at the ranch! He'll go ballistic!" she laughs as she walks back into the Office.
"Forget something?" Alan asks light-heartedly.
"No, but we're paying WandaSue Skagg's bail."
"Why?!"
Rose whispers, "If she's out of jail, she'll go back to the ranch and be a major thorn in Billy Bob's side. I can't resist!"
"No problem, then."
"Just don't tell her for two more hours; then, when you do, tell her it was anonymous. With that much time having gone by, she won't think it was us."
"Like she would anyway?" Alan chuckles.
Rose shruggs, gives Alan the thumbs-up, and re-joins John, who is waiting for her by his car. Jumping in, they take off toward home.

When they arrive at the house on Winding Willow, everyone is eager to hear all about this odd sequence of arrests. Rose fills them in, adding a few spicy details that cause them all to roar with laughter.
"Is Wandasue also known as Susan Hemingway?" Bess wants to get the whole story straight. "I heard awful things about Susan Hemingway!"
"One and the same!"

Celeste serves them a hearty breakfast. They dive into the bacon and eggs and toast, Rose commenting, "At least I didn't have to eat prison-house breakfast! Ugh!"
Celeste looks at her intently and says, "We still haven't located Sally Jennings. Do you have any ideas about where she might have gone?"
Rose is wiping the butter from the toast off the sides of her mouth, "Geeee, Celeste, how would I know? I've spent most of the last 12 hours at that jail for one reason or another!"
She senses that Celeste is not satisfied with that answer. She smiles at the other woman and hopes that ends the interrogation.
"Well!" Celeste says briskly, "It's about time to have the authorities called in. They'll have to drag the lakes and streams in the area as Sally hasn't shown up on land anywhere."
Rose feels uneasy. This scenario could be sticky if the lakes are dragged, but then she shruggs and thinks, "No way can they connect me with this thing, so go ahead, drag away!"

MEANWHILE:

"You're all cowards!" Sally yells at the women assembled for her hastily-called meeting. "No one wants to go to that town and take it over?"
Mara stands, "I seem to be the only one! I am not doing it alone!"
A redheaded woman stands and says in a loud, clear voice, "None of us are that interested in ruling the world, Sally Jennings. We're just happy to be at Bloomingdale's Oasis. What more could we want?"
"POWER!" Sally yells, "Raw power! Like men have! Wouldn't you like to lord it over them and make them into the slaves, the lower class, the step-n-fetchit group?"
The women look at each other and either shrug or say "not really," or both.
Sally is out of ideas for how to mobilize this group, and tells them, "Alright, but we have to stay lean and hard and muscular in case we ever have to fight off any marauding caravans!"
Sally is disappointed in her success with these women and begins to wonder if she will spend the rest of her life on this oasis. It's not a bad life, but she still wants to buy a house in Westchester County! She wonders if anyone back there knows she's missing, and if they do, if they'll ever find her. What about Celeste and the crystal ball? I know, I'll concentrate on her.........send her mental messages. Now, let's gather up all my energy and think.....Celeste, contact Sally!......Celeste, contact Sally.......Celeste......"

BACK on Winding Willow:

Celeste gets a nagging feeling that she should go to the crystal ball, so she casually walks back to her room and takes the cloth off the ball. Sitting down, she closes her eyes to ascertain just what to ask for. When she sees the word "Sally" float before her mind's eye, she opens them again and instructs the ball, "Find Sally Jennings."

Almost immediately she sees Sally's face. "Sally, can you hear me?"
"YES!" Sally yells back, "Celeste! Rose took me to back when Moses walked across the desert......you know......to the promised land.......that's where I am!"
"I don't sense Moses in the vacinity...."
"No, no, no, he went that way, and I took a bunch of women this way. We're on an oasis. See? See that sign over there that says 'Bloomingdales'??"
It all clicks in place in Celeste's mind, and she tells Sally, "Wait there! Someone will come and get you."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you....." fades out as the ball goes dark again.

Celeste walks back into the kitchen where everyone is enjoying a hearty breakfast and looks pointedly at Rose, announcing,
"I found Sally Jennings!"
Marilyn and El and Bess and Marthy are excited and clamour for details.
"Seems someone took her to the 40-year trek across the desert led by Moses. I think they call it the Exodus. She needs someone to bring her back...."
Quickly both Marilyn and El get up and run for their magic coins. "I'll get mine, El......", though Eleanor has already gotten hers as well.
Rose shrinks down in her chair, as Celeste is fixing her with a knowing stare. Then she thinks, NO! No matter what that miserable Sally Jennings accuses me of, I will deny it, I will deny it to the end! After all, how could I have done it? I didn't get a magic coin! William didn't think I was trustworthy enough to give a coin to. Welllll, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it.......if I keep telling myself that over and over I will start to believe it. I didn't do it.......I didn't do it.......

John, William, Jack and Marthy run to the window when they hear a car-horn blasting away....."Look at that crazy woman drive! She's waving out the window at us.....then they all say "WandaSue aka Susan Hemingway?!"


WHO'S THAT MAN IN THE GREEN TIGHTS MAKING TIME WITH MY GIRL?.....by Terri

Wanda Sue breezed down the road in her Acura, singing along to the radio. She sang in an off-key voice, "Oh, I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key..." A good day to be alive...and out of jail! She stopped off at KFC and got a bucket of chicken with the trimmings.
She pulled into the drive at the ranch guest house. Ah, I see Loverboy has his truck parked oh, so carefully! Wanda Sue got out, let the car door fly. Oh, isn't that a shame? A parking lot ding! She shook her head. Happens all the time. She shut the door with her butt.
Wanda Sue came barreling into the house. Billy Bob was sitting back in his new Laz-E-boy, remote in hand, a beer and a sub sandwich beside him. He had the football game on. Wanda Sue crept up behind him, covered his eyes and said, "Guess who, Loverboy!" Billy Bob almost flipped over in the chair. "YOU! What are YOU doing out of jail?"
Wanda Sue said, "You didn't have a change of heart and post my bail? And here I was going to thank you in the best way I knew how!"
Billy Bob fumed, "By moving back to Texas?"
Wanda Sue grabbed her phone and called Slim. "Talk to me!" Wanda Sue said, "I see you had a change of heart. I'll have your thousand ready for you in the morning."
Slim said, "What ARE you talking about, Wanda Sue?"
"The bail money. The thousand you posted for my bail."
"Wanda Sue, are you sniffing stuff in the garage again? You KNOW how that fries your brain!"
Wanda Sue looked at the phone, shouted "Thanks for nothing, James Wesley!" and punched her cellphone off.

Could Sally Jennings have come through for me? Naw, she probably doesn't have a pot to....She punched in another phone number. A voice came on. "Bobby Joe? Hey, how did you find out I was in jail?"
"I didn't. I came in late last night and pulled the afternoon shift to bar-tend at the DDI. What did you do?"
Wanda Sue explained. "I went to the jail to bail my honey-bunny out. Turns out he started scrapping with Rosetrash's husband over a jacket..can you believe it?"
Bobby Joe groaned audibly. "John had that jacket all along? Damn! If I knew that, I would have lifted it somehow. All this would have been avoided. JOHN had it? How could Rose do that?"
Wanda Sue said, "Well, I saw the jacket and it fit him nice..."
Bobby Joe said, "I have no idea who bailed you out, Wanda Sue. Maybe they have some sort of charity welfare bail fund. They must not know about your illicit bankroll."
"That must be it. Who else would? No one I know of!"

Wanda Sue grabbed a chicken leg and sat down on the arm rest of Billy Bob's chair. One could almost see the thundercloud over his head. She got chicken grease on his leather. He grabbed a napkin and rubbed it off. "Hey, BB. Rosetwirp and I spent a meaningful evening together."
"Who cares?"
"You do. It was like a pajama party. Truth or Dare without the dare. OH! And guess who was a topic of con-ver-sa-tion?" She sing-songed.
Immediately Billy Bob's ears perked up. But he had to play it casual. "You're just pulling my leg, Skank!"
Wanda Sue traced his ear with her finger. "Cut it out!" "Oh, don't be a prude! You used to love it!"
Billy Bob took a swig of his beer and tried to ask off-hand. "So what did she say?"
"Ohhh....let's see...we talked about recipes...what fabric softener was the best...the inability of men to commit...why she married you..the advantages of oil-free moisturizer....why she left you.. oh, yeah, Cowboy, it was one big slumber party!"
"I know why she married me. There are millions of reasons. And they are all in the bank. And I still think Julie is my baby. She's trying to pass her off as Gwinnett's so I will be out of her life completely. I'm going to see an attorney, too."
"Want to know why she left you?"
"Wanda Sue, I was married to the woman for almost a year. She wouldn't tell you."
"Maybe not in so many words. But the flames of passion can burn hotter than the fires of hell. Did you know about Daniel?"
"NO!"
"No, and you aren't going to either. Code of the sisterhood." Wanda Sue was making all this up as she went along.
She said, "BUT here is a little tid-bit that I will tell you, oh husband of mine! Now, that bad little girl went playing in the forest. Sherwood Forest, to be exact. Did she run into the Three Bears?" Wanda Sue tapped her finger on her cheek and looked up at the ceiling, as if the answer was written there. "Was it Little Red Riding Hood? Nooo...Rosebud isn't that kind of a girl!

"Hmm...now who lives in Sherwood Forest? He wears green tights....Oh! I know! Peter Pan! Yes, that must be it! She was Tiger Lily--a little fantasy role-playing! Yep! That was it! She must have been Peter Pan's main squeeze!"
Billy Bob said, "Now I KNOW you're lying!"
Wanda Sue looked down at her nails and buffed them on her shirt. "Oh! Wait! It's that other guy...Robin something-or-other...Robin Jacket? Robin Cloak?"
Billy Bob frowned dubiously. "Robin Hood?"
Wanda Sue snapped her fingers. "THAT'S IT! That's the guy!"
"So what about Robin Hood?"
"Ohhh...nothing. Except that she had a torrid affair with him! I believe she called him Robin of Locksley."
"YOU LIAR!"
Wanda Sue looked surprised. "Au contraire, mon mari. She 'fessed up. Figure it out. She lived in the 13th century. She was familiar with King John's father. Robin was a nemesis of both. Now if you were Robin of Locksley or Robin Hood or whatever--what better way to get even with King John and Henry?"
Montgomery sat down with a thud on his chair? He shook his head disbelievingly. "I--I was married to a woman who had an affair with Robin Hood?"
Wanda Sue cocked her thumb and forefinger like a gun. "BINGO! You catch on fast. And now, I'm going to take a shower!"
Billy Bob tried to clear his head. Next I'll find out there was Little John and Will Scarlett....


BACK FROM BLOOMINGDALES........by Coralynn

"Can we go, too?" Marthy is begging. "We won't be any trouble, we promise!"
Eleanor thinks it over, then replies, "You and Bess can go if you stick close by us and don't say anything. We aren't sure what the mood will be like on that oasis Sally Jennings has herself parked on. Whoever she's with may not be too happy to see her leave."
"Can Jack go, too?" Marthy asks.
"We don't dare take any man with us," Marilyn answers, "Because Sally doesn't trust men, so we won't take Jack. Another time, to another place, yes, but not this one."
Marthy is disappointed, but bounces back, "Do we go right now?"
"Sure! Just hold on to one of us....touch our arms or hands."
They do so and in a blink of an eye, find themselves in the desert, on a good sized oasis where there are what looks like about 20 women.
Sally sees them arrive and rushes over, "Oh thank you! I need to go back to Westchester County and buy that house I told you about. Now, I'm the Leader here on Bloomingdale's Oasis, but I think Mara could take over for me. Let me tell them."
Sally calls out in a loud voice, "Everyone......we're having a meeting."
The other women cluster about, staring at the four newcomers in clothing similar to Sally Jenning's garb.....shirts and jeans. They whisper amongst themselves on this strange phenomenon.
"Where did they come from?" Sarah asks.
"That's why I'm calling this meeting, women of Bloomindale's. We need to pick a new leader, as I'm going back with these women."
"Back? Back where?!"
"Back to my own country and time. Never mind the details.......just, believe me, in a few minutes I shall be gone. Now who do you choose as your new leader?"
"MARA!" almost every voice calls out.
Sally looks at Mara and asks, "Are you prepared and willing to lead the women?"
"Yes, I'll do it, but.........but........look yonder.....three camels approach."
Not wanting to leave the women in the lurch when visitors are about to arrive, Sally stands and waits for the camel-riders to dismount and, leading their camels, approach the group.
"You may water yourselves and your camels for the payment of coin or jewels or trinkets," Sally tells them, just as she has told others.
The man who seems to be the leader of the small group puts many coins in Sally's hand and says "That's for all of us."
Sally nods and lets them pass. But the leader hangs back, and, looking at Bess and Marthy, demands, "We take the two young ones with us when we leave!"
"No. You water your camels and go. That's all."
"Who's going to stop us from adding these two young ones to our harems?"
He grabs Marthy around the waist and is about to haul her up onto his camel when he suddently feels great pain in the groin area.
"Uhhhhmmmph!" he doubles over, as Marilyn stops kicking and grabs Marthy back. "I'M going to keep you from adding them to your harem, that's who!" she snarls at him.
Marthy is trembling from the close call she just had, and says to Eleanor, "Please, let's leave!"
Eleanor decides a circle would work best, so they all take hands. Sarah runs up and tries to get into the circle with them, but Sally pushes her away and says, "They need you here, Sarah. You're the only one who can write. I may be back for a visit. Remember: Bloomindale's RULES!" she yells out as the four of them disappear.

Mara takes charge, "All right now, men, be on your way!"
The nasty one leers at her, "And who's gonna make us?"
Mara kicks him in the groin as she saw Marilyn do, and yells, "Be on your way!" All three men mount their camels, though the one does so in pain, and when his body rests upon the hard camel's back he yells out in pain. Soon they are but a dot in the distant desert.
"That'll teach them to mess with US!" Mara declares loudly, "Now, ladies, string up that volley ball net and let's get tough!!"

Eleanor, Marilyn, Marthy, Bess and Sally suddenly appear in the back yard of the house on Winding Willow. Celeste sees this from the kitchen window and calls out, "They're back!" which brings the others into the kitchen, then out into the back yard.
William calls out, "Good job, ladies! Now........let's find out how Sally ended up in the Exodus. You must be starving, Sally. I think we have some breakfast food left. Come inside, everyone!"
When they've all entered the house, and Sally is busily eating breakfast, she starts in on her tale.
"What happened was that Rose touched me and we both went to the desert. She dumped me there and disappeared again. At first I was frightened, but soon I found out that other women weren't all that eager to follow that fool Moses across the desert, walking in circles for 40 years. So we walked in the other direction till we found an oasis, where we set up our business of charging travelers to water their camels. We were doing quite well, too, but I want a house in Westchester County, so I decided to leave there. Celeste contacted me in her crystal ball and sent Eleanor and Marilyn and these two young ones to get me back."
"Do I understand this correctly?" William's voice becomes intense, "Rose took you there?"
John asks, "Rose? Did you?"
"Absolutely not!" Rose answers, "I don't have a time travel coin, how could I? Why would I? I did not!!"
"Why? Because you hate Sally!" Mike's voice is heard.
Mike usually doesn't voice his opinions, so they all pay attention. "I've seen how these two act toward each other! I've even heard them plot and scheme against each other. It has to be you, Rose; you're the only one with a motive."

Rose looks imploringly at Celeste, then thinks, ooooops, not a good move, she's wise to me. Celeste just snorts and shakes her head and goes into the other room.
"If I say I had nothing to do with it, then that's the last word! I suggest you interrogate Daniel if you want to find your culprit!" Rose decides to feign indignation. "Coming, John? We have an appointment!" she gathers up her jacket and drags John out the front door.

"She did, though," Sally's voice is low.
"How could Daniel have done it? He has no coin." Marilyn speculates.
"Mind if I lie down and sleep for awhile? I didn't get any decent sleep in the desert. Sand may feel soft, but it makes a very hard bed." Sally stretches and yawns.
"By all means, Sally. I'm going out for awhile so you can sleep undisturbed in our room," Marilyn tells her.
"I have to run over to the dressmakers in a bit myself," Eleanor looks at her watch, "I found someone local who does alterations. Can you believe my Wonder Woman sportscaster outfit has to be let out again?"
"You may have to join William and Henry at Jenny Craig if you keep this up," Marilyn kids her.
"Ahhhhh yes, the glories of approaching middle age! At least I won't get any older!"
"Why's that?" Sally asks.
"No one told you that time travelers never age? They don't. You will never look a day older than you do right now, which reminds me......gotta see Celeste before I go....." Eleanor goes back to Celeste's room.
She taps on the door and Celeste calls out, "Come in, El!"
Eleanor laughs and goes in, "You know who's knocking before they come in, I keep forgetting that, Celeste. I came to find out if you have a potion for Roger, to keep him from aging. Bethia won't age, but he's from this timeframe, as you know, and it would be a horrible thing for him to get old and die while Beth is still in her prime, which she'll always be."
"I just perfected a potion last night," Celeste goes to a shelf upon which are bottles of various liquids with labels reading, "Sleep draught," "Temper tamer," and "Protection from Ghosts," and on and on. She reaches for the one labeled "Age Stabilizer".......and shows it to Eleanor.
"Will he have to take this every day for the rest of his life?"
"That would be most inconvenient for him. No, if he takes a teaspoon a day for a month, he'll be set. Once it reaches that level, it's permanent."
"Bethie will be thrilled about this!" Eleanor smiles warmly at Celeste, "Whatever would we do without you?"
"HA! Even with me your group has a talent for getting into all sorts of mischief and mishaps! I'm not pleased about what's going on between Rose and Sally, I'll tell you that. The storm clouds have not lifted."
"I wish Rose would relax. After all, she and John will be in their own house soon, and Sally is determined to buy her own house. They won't be living under the same roof, that should help."
"Where is Sally right now?"
"Sleeping it off in Marilyn's room. She said sleeping in the desert wasn't very restful."
"I can imagine!" Celeste shakes her head as Eleanor goes into the living room, finds her coat and goes to the dressmakers.

Good! Marilyn left her cellphone! Sally picks it up and punches in the numbers. It's picked up on the second ring, "WandaSue, mistress of the house!" comes over the line.
"Oh, WandaSue! I just got back from the desert, so this is my first chance to call you."
"The desert?!"
"That awful Rose sent me time traveling to the desert......the one where Moses wandered around for 40 years...."
WandaSue snorts, "No!! That scum! We have to get back at her, friend of mine. But I lost my time travel amulet in Paris......it's a long story, but it looks like we'll have to get revenge in this timeframe."
"I have one!" Sally says enthusiastically.
"You have a time travel amulet? No shit!"
"Yes, I have one. I've never used it, but I know that's what it is."
"I am dancing around in glee! Where will you take her? You are going to take her somewhere and dump her, aren't you?"
"Of course! It's only fair! But where?"
The silence only lasts 30 seconds before WandaSue says triumphantly, "The California Gold Rush! 1849! Miss fancy-pants won't last a day in that rugged place! It was muddy and disgusting, full of raunchy, and I mean really, really raunchy men who would jump on any female that moved. No fine cosmetics, no bubble baths, no visits to the hairdresser........"
"I wish you could go with me...."
"Man, that sounds really hard! How can we two get where she is and zap her off? I am persona non grata around the house on Winding Willow. I know......find out when she goes somewhere in public. We can both show up and before she knows what hit her.......bammo......No Name City!"
"How can we know where she is?"
"We've gotta lure her out....I can phone and tell her that her fake fingernails are in at the Classy Lady Salon. Then, just as she's about to go in......we grab her!"
"I'm stuck at the house here, though..."
"I'll pick you up. All you have to do is stand on the other side of that lilac bush near the sidewalk at the front........no one will see you there........but I'll be able to from the road and take you with me."
"OK. When are you going to call and tell her to come to that place?"
"I'll do it right after we get off the phone. I'll leave a message on her answering machine."
"What if she didn't order any fake fingernails, though?"
"Hey, it's the chance ya have ta take! I got a good look at her hands recently, and those nails are not hers!! Call me up tomorrow morning, OK? By then I should have heard from her. As long as she doesn't check the number I leave against the number listed in the phone book for that place, we're fine."
"Good. Talk to you tomorrow morning, then." Sally clicks off and lies down on the bed and actually goes to sleep.


IT'S NOT A LIE--IF YOU BELIEVE IT!...by Terri

John and Rosamond had gone over some details with Murphy. The house was starting to take shape. Rose threw her arms around John and exclaimed, "It's really coming along, darling! In a few months we will be out of William's house and into our own! No more looking over our shoulders! We will be a normal family with a couple kids and a couple dogs and cars in the driveway and a swingset in the back yard. We can do whatever we want!"
John carefully detached Rosamond's arms from around his neck. He cupped her face in his hands and looked at her carefully. "You have a black and blue mark on your cheek. Another one under your jaw. And a couple of scratches on your cheek. Rose, you're starting to look like Rocky. No more fighting, alright, darling?"

He kissed her nose. "Alright. As long as Wanda Sue Skaggs stays far away from me."
John threw down a cushion that was lying on an old chair, grabbed one for Rosamond and patted it. She sat down. He opened up a bottle of Chardonnay and filled two glasses.
Rose laughed. "I wondered what was in your little brown bag!"
They plugged in their portable CD player and listened to some jazz. Rose and John pored over wallpaper books and paint samples, agreeing and disagreeing. Narrowing down the choices (John) and vetoing them (Rosamond).
After several hours and finishing off the Chardonnay and making romance in the dining room in a sleeping bag, John traced his finger along Rose's collarbone.
"Darling?"
"Mmm?" she said drowsily.
"I have to ask you and I want you to answer me honestly. Did you have anything--- anything at all--to do with Sally Jennings' trek in the desert?"
Rose rolled over and looked at him with her guileless blue eyes. "John, I am crushed that you could even think that! After all, I went to jail for you!" With that she whipped up some tears. "Everyone is taking her side against me. El, Marilyn, Celeste--even William! And I am--was--his favorite! Even Mike who hasn't even been here that long! NOW YOU!"
John put his arms around her and drew her to him. "I was sure you didn't have anything to do with it, I just had to know for myself, darling. We won't mention it again."
Rose hugged him tightly and thought, damn right we won't mention it again! And remember, Rose, it's not a lie--if YOU believe it!

Billy Bob Montgomery was starting on his second sixpack when a FedEx truck pulled up. The driver rang the doorbell. "Are you..." he looked at his shipping ticket "...William Robert Montgomery?"
"Yep--more papers to sign?" Dang, Dad was certainly thorough.
"Nope--package. Insured. Local."
Billy Bob took the package. He shook it. He listened to it. No ticking. Guess the newlyweds didn't send a bomb.
He carefully unwrapped the package. Nestled inside the package was something that took his breath away. It was his Smith and Wesson pearl-handled gun. The one that the Sundance Kid owned.
A note accompanied it. It read--
Don't think I'm being a nice guy by returning this. It is registered in your name and I don't want to be responsible. I think we would all sleep better knowing my wife doesn't have access to it. Or the ammo.
Signed, J. Gwinnett

Son of a gun! The prodigal returns.

Rose and John came in the back way through the kitchen at the Big House. Rose ignored everyone and ran up the stairs to their bedroom. John hesitated and then grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down. "We went over paint samples and wallpaper and stuff like that. Rosamond's kind of stressed out, you know, from spending the night in jail. She's really exhausted."
El raised her eyebrow and said in front of everyone, "Yes, I'll just bet she is. By the way, John, your shirt is buttoned wrong."

Rosamond looked in her Granny's potion book that she kept in the little wooden casket under the bed. Darn, it's all the way in the middle. She inched her way on her elbows under the bed. I can just about reach it...."WHAT THE HELL....?"
Her legs were being grabbed by the ankles and she was being dragged out.
"OW! OW! OW! The bed slats! Watch it! Watch it! Watch it! OW! OW! OW!"
Rose then looked at the shoes of her husband. He was sitting on the bed with his arms crossed over his chest. "OK, Rosamond, what were you doing under the bed?"
"I was looking for my necklace. The heart-shaped locket. I had it on last night..oh, no, last night I spent in jail..well, one night I had it on and I wore it to bed. Now I can't find it. I thought it might be under it." She scrambled up and put a big smile on her face and put her arms around him. "Darling, I think you are perfectly right. The white porcelein appliances instead of the stainless steel. And you are right about that second bathroom. Yellow striped wallpaper is the way to go!"
She jumped off the bed and said, "I'm going to take a shower! I'll be out in a minute. Would you see to Julie? She's starting to fuss in her room!"

When John left the room, Rosamond shoved the potion book back in its box under the bed. She went to her dresser drawer and got out fresh clothes and slipped into the bathroom.
She never saw John peeking out from the semi-closed door of the bedroom. Now what is so all-fired important that she has something hidden under the bed? And Julie wasn't fussing--she was sound asleep!
John waited until he heard the water running. OK, my little pumpkin, let's see what you're hiding from Papa Bear. He reached under and drew out the wooden box. Ah, the infamous potion book. He found a bookmark on the section entitled, "Spells and Incantations." Why does she have that marked? Rose doesn't know Jack Squat about magic--I don't THINK she does! He found the page she had marked. "DISAPPEARANCES". Whoa, little girl! Need to put the brakes on!
As John skimmed the list of ingredients, he very carefully tore out a small piece that had two or three key ingredients listed. Now, that should fix your wagon, Rosamond! And restore harmony to the manor!


SALLY STRIKES BACK.........by Coralynn

Sally casually wanders out the back of the house, then meanders to the lilac bush in the front yard; stands on the far side of it and waits.
Sure hope WandaSue's luring Rose out in public worked! she thinks, but she said she'd pick me up here regardless. At least I'll get to meet her!
She sees a late model car approach, slow, and the passenger side window lower. A woman gestures to her. Must be WandaSue!
Sally walks over to the car, which, by this time, has stopped. Yes, the woman is gesturing for her to get in. She pulls straight out on the handle and nothing happens. Dang! These newfangled things are hard to work! She presses down instead and the door opens.
The two women look at each other.
Sally thinks, "this woman is rough looking. I thought she'd be prettier than this, but oh well. Looks like she could trim down her hips. "HI!" she greets WandaSue.
WandaSue thinks, "dang, this one is a beaut! Look at all that curly black hair and those enormous blue eyes. Sure looks innocent. HA!" "Hi, Sally!" she greets her, "Wanna stick it to old Rosetrash?"
"Sure do! Did she bite on the call you left on her answering machine?"
"We'll soon see, we'll soon see," WandaSue says as she drives toward the beauty shop. "We'll be there a few minutes before Rosetramp, so we gotta hide somewhere so she doesn't freak out and bolt."
They park behind the beauty parlor and walk around to the front, looking for a good place to hide. The store next door has set out a display for Halloween, which WandaSue thinks may do the trick, so the two women crouch behind a large sign displaying a witch on a broomstick.
Several women go into the beauty parlor before they spot Rose approaching. WandaSue makes sure that she and Sally get behind Rose so they aren't seen, and just as Rose is about to open the door to the establishment, her enemies grab the back of her hair. "OWWW!!!" she yells out, but before the sound has even penetrated the air, she notices she's standing in mud.
She whirls around and sees her worst nightmare come true: WandaSue Skaggs and Sally Jennings, grinning at her.
"Where are we?" she yells, panicking.
"That's for us to know and you to find out, Rosebud!" WandaSue growls at her.
"This will show you what happens when you dump ME in the desert!" Sally yells out, just as both women vanish.


WandaSue and Sally find themselves on the sidewalk in front of the beauty parlor again.
"Did you see the look on her face!? There she stood in that silk outfit with a long leather coat..... in the mud!!" WandaSue laughs.
"She was scared to death! I wish we could have stuck around and enjoyed seeing her suffer, but I have to hurry back before the others miss me."
"Yeahhhhh, can't have them rich snobs at the big house think you're up to something, aye what, Sally, oh pal of mine!"
"Exactly!"
They drive back to the lilac bush in the front yard of the house on Winding Willow, where Sally gets out, waves goodbye and saunters slowly from there back to the yard in the back.
Look caual, she tells herself, No quick moves. You're just out admiring the autumn colors. OH, there's William on the back deck. She waves at him and walks over to the steps and climbs up to the deck where William is enjoying a cup of coffee.
"Beautiful day, isn't it?" she smiles at him, batting her 'innocent' big blue eyes.
"This is heaven!" William exclaims, "But tell me, Sally, how are you enjoying your stay with us? You know we were all frantic when you came up missing."
"I appreciate that, William. Celeste is the one who saved me.....she's marvelous!"
William nods and smiles.
"I'm going out looking at houses with Jerry later today, you know, and soon I'll have my own house, too."
William leans back and stretches out his legs, "Ahhhh, pride of ownership. Nothing like it! We'll give you a HouseWarming party after you move in, too."
"How wonderful of you!" Sally exclaims, then thinks to herself, But you'll be minus one person. This is going to be fun!!!


WELCOME TO......SAN FRANCISCO??.....by Terri

Rosamond looked around. OK, don't panic, she thought to herself. Heck yes, I'm going to panic! Dirt and mud were everywhere. Where's the cars? All I see are...horses? What did those two do, send me to Texas? Rose did a quick scan around. Mercantile Store. Advertising shovels and pans and sluicing equipment. Chewing tobacco? Calico?
A stagecoach sped towards her. Well, there's something you don't see every day in Chappaqua. "Aaaaah!" she screamed and dove for the nearest plank sidewalk. Plank sidewalk? Wait...where am I? Never mind that..WHEN am I?
A tall lanky man in jeans and a heavy flannel shirt walked over to her. He tipped his hat. "Howdy, ma'am...you'd best watch your step in these here roads. Lots of sh..lots of horse manure, beggin' your pardon for my rough language, ma'am."
Rose stood there bewildered, looking around. "Sir, can you please tell me where I am?"
Mr. Lanky spit on the ground. "Ma'am? Did you get off the stagecoach at the wrong stop? Because this IS the last stop. San Francisco, ma'am."
"San Francisco? But I was just here with my husband. We were here not less than a month ago and now I've lost him...."
Mr. Lanky's ears perked up and he looked her up and down. "A widder-woman? I'm sorry you lost your husband, ma'am. Downright shame, you being so young and pert. When you get settled in, ma'am, mind if I call on you right proper on a Sunday?"
Rose ignored his game plan. "Can you please direct me to the newspaper office?"
Lanky took off his hat and scratched his head. Then he pointed his finger. "Over on yonder Pacific Avenue, ma'am."
Rose started off in the direction he pointed. "Uh, Ma'am? Beggin' yer pardon, but no decent--proper--woman crosses to the other side of Pacific Avenue!"
Rose said over her shoulder, "Who said I was proper?"
As she walked on the other side of the street, Lanky broke out in a wide grin. "OH! OK, I get it now! Then I'll DEFINITELY be seein' ya, honey...most likely on Saturday night! I'll even take a bath!"
Rose didn't pay any attention to him as she heard him yell out, "Going rate still an ounce of dust?"
What the heck is he talking about? She stood outside the news office, put her hand on the knob and pushed the door open.
The editor stood with a cigar in his mouth. "What can I do ya for, little lady?"
"May I see today's newspaper, please? Just for a moment."
"Why sure!" He handed her a yellow newsprint paper. Rose quickly scanned the front page. Shoot-outs, cattle rustlings..she located the date. October 24, 1849. Wait! 1849? Those two sent me back to San Francisco, October 24, 1849? Rose threw the paper down.
"Problem, little lady?"
Rose said, "Yes. But nothing that won't be corrected. Just when is another matter."
She walked out and stood with her hands on her hips. Oh, great--just what I needed. The Wild West in 1849. California Gold Rush? I must say, those two were very ingenious. I guess I can cope for a few hours until John realizes I'm gone.
Living with Billy Bob Montgomery is about to pay off...big time!

Rosamond stood on the plank sidewalk and shielded her eyes from the searing sun. Even though it was October, it was warm. She put her sunglasses on. Oops, better not. They wouldn't understand that. She looked down at herself. At least I landed here wearing the part. She had on her new jeans, a pair of black boots and her leather coat. She looked in her purse. At least I have some makeup! And deodorant!
Yes, Rose carried a large purse. Because she was used to putting Julie's things in there. Julie! And Will! Obviously Wanda Sue and Sally Jennings never had kids!
Well, I'd better hang out in a place that John can find me. Hope he doesn't take very long. Rats! I did tell him I was running some errands and wouldn't be back until this afternoon. And he was leaving for the fitness center, said he had to put in a full day.

Isn't that the way it always is? She took her cellphone out of her purse and punched in the number to the gym. Nothing. Duh, Rose! she thought. No cell towers. OK, Rosamond, don't get nervous. You survived Henry, Daniel and a year with Montgomery. You have been in jail not once but twice. You birthed a baby at home. You can take on the world.
She crossed the street, if that's what they call it, she thought. Hmm..this is where the stagecoach stopped. She stood there. Two handsome but rugged-looking men came up to her.
Uh oh, kickboxing 101--1849 style. Do you yell 'draw, partner, or you're racked where you stand?'
"Ma'am?"
Rose put on her most proper voice. "I beg your pardon, were you addressing me?"
"You've been expected, Ma'am. Your wire said you would be here today." Rose stood there not knowing what to do. Best to play along, I guess. "Yes. And so I am here."
The men stuck their hands out. And spit in the street. "Ma'am, I am Marshall Dillon and this here is my deputy, Winslow."
Rose got a smile on her face. "Dillon? Really?"
Dillon got a quizzical look on his face. "Ma'am?"
"Never mind."
"Do you have luggage, ma'am?"
"No, I, uh, I think it got lost when I transferred in Dodge City. You know how it is."
They looked from one to another. Obviously they didn't know how it was. "If you will follow us, ma'am, we'll take you to your lodgings at the hotel."
Rose wondered, what have I gotten into? I sure hope I'm not the new schoolmarm.
How do you teach these kids about sex education? I mean, properly?
They walked over to a hotel/saloon. The desk clerk was a mild-mannered little man.
Marshall Dillon walked in and said, "Hiram, this here is Miss Katherine McGuire. From Boston. She's the one that is going to run the gambling house and the uh, the uh, saloon and its amenities.
Rose could barely contain her giggles. Katherine? Am I actually..? No, it can't be! I can't possibly be Miss Kitty? And this is Marshall Dillon? Is this actually the forerunner of the show? A pilot time-travel? Marshall Dillon tipped his hat to her and said, "Ma'am, if you please, we'll let you go freshen up. I'll be back in an hour and escort you over to the Mercantile store to buy what you need in the way of clothing to get you through until your trunks can be located."

Rose said, "That would be fine." Hey, I get to see what it really looks like! Hiram led her to a second floor room. It faced the street. In the room was a brass bed that looked sunk in the middle, a chair, an armoire, and a dresser with a pitcher and bowl.That was all. Rose looked around the room. They should get Murphy in here. Needs a skylight. Rose poured some water out. Yuck! What an odd color! How can they expect me to drink this swill? I need Perrier or at least Evian! Looks like I'll be drinking brewskis until John picks me up. She looked at her watch. It's only 10:30!
How long will it take someone to miss me? She stretched out on the bed. The sides came up and swallowed her up. ACK! She crawled out to the edge of the bed but it caved in on her several times. Hopefully I get rescued before sundown!
Within the hour, Marshall Dillon came to call on her. She met him down in the lobby. He offered her his arm and led her across the street to the mercantile store.
A rosy-cheeked apple pie of a woman bustled forward. Marshall Dillon introduced her as Mrs. Milner. "And this is Miss Katherine McGuire from the East. Boston."
Rose extended her hand. "Please. Call me Miss Kitty. Everyone does!" Mrs. Milner brought out lots of calico. Rose tried to express enthusiasm. Calico? Why don't I just cut three holes out of a burlap bag, stick my head and arms through it and tie a rope around the middle? If Daniel could see me now, he'd be laughing his butt off at me. And John would play it serious. I can just hear him say, "Now, Miss Kitty, I think the yellow one with the sprigged flowers would be right becoming on a woman of your...dimensions."
Rose bit her tongue and ordered several bolts of the calico. She said to Mrs. Milner, "Do you have any lingerie?" Mrs. Milner looked at her blank. "Uh, silk, you know..things?" Mrs. Milner just shook her head uncomprehendingly. Rose searched the thesaurus of her mind and blurted out, "How about drawers?"

Mrs.Milner gasped and Marshall Dillon turned several shades of red. He turned his back. Mrs. Milner brought out women's..er, drawers. Rose held them up. Marshall Dillon had swung around just then and continued to blush. Rose held them up to the marshall and said, "Wow! When they said 'drawers' they meant a whole bureau!"
She said to Mrs. Milner. "I'll take five pair. Just in case. And do you have a pair of scissors?" Mrs. Milner, dumbfounded, handed her the scissors. Rose proceeded to cut them down to size. By the time she was done, she had whittled herself bikini underwear. "There! That's do-able, now!"
Marshall Dillon said, "We'll have everything delivered to your room."
Mrs. Milner was in shock as she gathered up the scraps of silk. Marshall Dillon offered Rose his arm again. "May I take you to dinner tonight, Miss McGuire?"
"Please, call me Kitty! And what may I call you?"
"Raymond." Ha! Fooled you, didn't I?
Marshall Dillon said, "But no one ever calls me that but my mother. My middle name is Matthew, most folks call me Matt."
Rose shook his hand at the lobby. "So! We shall be Miss Kitty and Matt! How fortuitous!"
"Shall we say...8:00, Miss Kitty?"
"Eight o'clock it is, Matt!" Rose headed up the stairs to her room. Hopefully John will be here before 8:00 to pick me up. I've got to get home and give the kids a bath!

After being in her room for a half hour, Rose started to get that closed in feeling.
I think I'll walk the town, see what it's like. As long as I am stuck here for the afternoon. I mean, John WILL start to miss me, won't he? And he'll get Celeste to use her crystal ball to find me. Unless she is so ticked off at me she refuses to.But I can't see that. But what if she lets me stew here a few days to get even for what I did--excuse me, Rose, what did you say?--uh, DIDN'T do to Sally Jennings. It's not a lie if you believe it, it's not a lie if you believe it, she kept saying to herself over and over again.

Rose picked up the parcel that was sent over from the mercantile store. She dragged out a calico dress. She sighed. May as well fit the part! She slipped it on. Can this dress be any baggier? She pulled down the dress. A bit of cleavage. Yeah, that's better! She took the belt off her jeans and cinched her waist in. Not exactly what I am used to, but definitely better. She looked down. Guess I can still wear my boots.
Hey! A bonnet? Give me a break! I can't wear this! I'll take my chances with the sunscreen. Rose descended the stairs. She rang the bell at the front desk. Hiram came bustliing out. Like a little mouse coming out of his mousehole, Rose thought as she tried to suppress a smile.
"Hello, Miss Kitty! What can I do you for?"
Rosamond thought fast. Uh, oh, they know me as Kitty.

"Hiram, I am expecting a gentleman possibly today. His name is John. He may come looking for me under the name of Rosamond Gwinnett." She scribbled her name down on a piece of paper. "That was the name I used when I was working in Boston. He's a cousin, that's why the last names are the same. He is on his way to pick up his wife in California and we promised each other we'd spend a quiet evening together conversing on old times and talk about how we both ended up in California. But I neglected to tell him where I was staying and since you are the only hotel in town, I expect he will stop here. Would you please show him my room and tell him he can wait for me there? I'll check back with you every few hours. I really am looking forward to seeing him."
Hiram smiled. "With pleasure, Miss Kitty!"
"Oh, and Hiram? Please don't tell him what I was hired to do here. He's very proper. He just wouldn't understand."
"Mum's the word, Miss Kitty!"


OH NO, NOT AGAIN!!..........by Coralynn

John arrives home from spending the day at the fitness center and calls out, "Rose! I'm home!"
No answer. He goes to their room upstairs and looks in. Empty.
He goes outside and looks in the front, side and back yards. No Rose.
William, Celeste, Eleanor, Marilyn, Mike, Marthy and Bess are on the back deck having a barbeque. The aroma of grilled meat and fish makes John's mouth water.
As he approaches the group, he asks, "Anybody see Rose?"
"Not since she left for the beauty parlor," Eleanor replies. "I thought maybe she was running errrands..."
"I don't think so!" Marilyn says, "She told me she planned to work on a business plan for her herb and potions today."
John sits on one of the benches and shakes his head, "It's not usual for Rose to be out this late in the day. What's the phone number of the beauty parlor?"
"I think she wrote it in the leger by the phone in the kitchen," Marthy answers.
"I'll ring them up and see when she was there......maybe she had to wait.......but this long?!"
John goes into the kitchen, finds the phone leger and is soon dialing up the beauty parlor. "Classy Ladies!" a cheerful voice announces.
"Uhhhhh, this is John Gwinett, Rose Gwinett's husband. She had an appointment with you today and I was wondering when...."
"One moment, I'll look!"
He hears pages being flipped, which goes on longer than he'd expected.
"Noooo, Mr. Gwinett, she didn't have an appointment, at least there is none written in the book here. Are you sure it was for today?"
"That's what she told me this morning. Did she drop in without an appointment?"
He hears her asking the other beauticians, then comes back on the phone, "No one here saw her. I'm sorry I couldn't help."
"Oh, well, thanks anyway," he says as he hangs up. Now this is weird, he thinks, Rose doesn't just go off someplace without an appointment. So she never went to the beauty parlor. Could she have been lying? But why? Where could she plan to go that she'd lie about? We don't have secrets. Maybe I should call the Police. With my luck I'd get that fool Travis McGee.......but I could always tell him I only want to speak to Alan. Yes....."he dials the Police.
Alan's voice is heard, "Chappaqua Police station!"
"Ohhh, hi, Alan, I seem to have uhhhhh, misplaced my wife. This is John Gwinett. She said she was going into town and hasn't returned. You don't by any chance know where he is, do you?"
"Well, John, she isn't in the pokey!" Alan laughs, "Do you want to file a Missing Persons' report?"
"If she isn't back in another hour I may just do that. Thanks!"
"Think nothing of it. If we see her, we'll give you the heads-up."
John hangs up.
Little Will runs up to him and gives him a hug around the legs, "When's Mommy getting home?" he asks.
"Soon, Will, soon...." John tells him, rumpling his hair, then lifting him up, "My, you're getting to be such a big boy! I can hardly lift you anymore!"
Little Will laughs and puts his arms around John's neck then rumples John's hair, causing John to laugh, but it's an uneasy laugh.
They go back out onto the deck and fill up plates of food. Everyone is smacking his/her lips over how delicious the grilled food is.
"I love corn on the cob!" Bess enthuses, "I never had it this way before! Yum!"

John glances over at Celeste, who is doing her darndest to avoid making eye contact with him. He wonders if Celeste knows more than she's saying. Actually, she hasn't said a word about Rose, not one word.
Celeste is worried, but tries not to show it. That fool Sally must have taken Rose to another time-frame, she thinks, as she looks over at Sally, who returns her glance with that innocent expression. I will not get involved in this. I feel sorry for little Will, though, because he's going to be getting upset if Rose doesn't return pretty soon. It's always the innocent who suffer when the adults misbehave. I don't feel sorry for Rose, though......this is karma......she's getting back what she put out. It would be amusing were it not for the children. And I won't use the crystal ball, at least not yet. Rose has to learn her lesson here, and whisking her back right away would cut short the lesson she needs to learn. Wherever she is, I hope she's thinking this over......."


SET 'EM UP, AMOS!.....by Terri

Rosamond walked down the street. If that is what you could call it. Everywhere she went, the men nudged each other. They tipped their hats and said, "Howdy, Ma'am" and "Nice day, isn't it, ma'am?" She wasn't used to it. What's with these men, haven't they ever seen a woman before? She looked down at her calico dress. Big deal. Who could look at a woman wearing a tablecloth? I look like those women on that TV show that Celeste watches, "Little House on the Prairie."
Rose opened the doors to the saloon. She walked confidently up to the bar. "A bottle of water, please." The bartender looked at her. "A WHAT? Little lady, if you want water, you have to go to yonder pump and pump it out yourself."
Rose asked, "Is it that same stuff that is in the pitcher in my room?"
The bartender said, "Shucks, no, ma'am!" Rose replied, "That's good!" The bartender said after her, "The stuff in those there pitchers are premium stuff. From the cisterns. The stuff in the pump is just our regular well-water."
Rose stopped in her tracks. "You mean it is worse than that brown stuff?" The bartender scratched his chin. "I don't know about worse, just different. The pump water has alot of iron in it."
Rose came back and sat down. "What do you have to drink? Evian? Perrier?" The bartender scratched his head now. Rose was thinking, I sure hope he doesn't have lice!
"Don't know much about those brands, ma'am, no ma'am. But since this is the saloon that you'll be supervising, I reckon you can requisition it." He held out his hand. "Name's Amos, ma'am. Hope you intend to keep me on, yes, Ma'am."
Rose shook his hand and smiled. "Don't worry, Amos. You'll stay. And I'll see to it you get a raise!"
Amos broke out in a smile. "YES, MA'AM! And can I set you up with our special of the house?"
"Sure, Amos, why not?"
He poured a glass of whiskey. "Best in the house, Miss Kitty, ma'am!"
Rose took one gulp and started coughing. A hand patted her on the back and said, "Best to sip it, little lady. Stuff will strip bark off a canoe!"
She looked up and there stood the lanky man who she first saw on the streets when she was unceremoniously dumped.
He smiled and said, "Did you hurt yourself?" "No, just a bit strong for me."
"No, I meant when you fell from heaven!"
Rose looked uncomprehendingly at him. "What?" The man extended his hand. "Name's Shadow. Because when I was a boy, I was no bigger than someone's shadow. Name kind of stuck." Rose took another sip of her whiskey and looked at her watch. What' s taking you so long, John? I've got to give Julie a bath and read those two Dr. Seuss books with Will. Or rather he will read them to me.
Shadow leaned back on the bar's top. "Remember that name, Ma'am. 'Cause you'll be screaming it later!" Rose groaned. Another one. Where have I heard all this before? She said, "Well, Shadow, it's been...real. But I have to be somewhere."
Shadow grinned and said to Amos, "Oh, yeah, I just love the hoe-downs on Saturday nights! And then letting off a little steam! Worth the ounce of gold dust."
Amos shook his head. "Think that will take more than an ounce, Shadow. That's Miss Kitty McGuire, hired to shape up the place around here. Shadow leaned back, tipped his hat back and said, "Well, ya don't say! I'll see her Saturday or my name isn't James Wesley Skaggs!"


THE PISCES...............by Coralynn

Celeste comes up behind Sally Jennings and whispers, "I know what you did."
Sally is striken, oh no! But covers, "I know! I bought a house today! Jerry showed me a whole bunch of them and I picked the one I liked the best. It's only two streets over from here, too! Isn't that lucky?"
Celeste says nothing.
"He says that buying a house is ever so much smarter than renting an apartment, because you can write it off on your income tax, whatever that is."
"Before you do that, though, you need a Social Security number, Sally."
"How do I get one of those?"
"First you need a birth certificate." Celeste is still not smiling.
"Why, I don't have one!! I think I had one back in 1733. Do you mean I have to go back to 1733 and get it and show it to them""
"That would make you look too old. You need one that says you were born in.......1965, let's say. That would make you in your late 30s. What day of what month were you born?"
"March 3rd."
"Ohhhhhh, I should have known."
"Known what?"
"You're Pisces, the sign of the dreamer."
"Well yes, I dream of owning my own home, and it's going to happen, too! You know what Eleanor got me for my box of jewels and coins?"
Celeste just stands there. Sally is obviously dying to tell her.
"One million and two hundred thousand dollars!" Sally claps her hands in glee, "But I'm only spending 425 thousand on the house. Got to buy furniture, too. Jerry told me all about what I should do. For a man he's very helpful. But, as you were saying, I need a birth certificate that says I was born in 1965. HEY! Why not make it 1968 so I look even younger? How do I get one of those?"
"See William. He knows how to do things like that. But, Sally, getting back to what I said....."
"Thanks, Celeste!" she runs off to see William.
Celeste sighs and goes back to cleaning up after the dinner. I give up, she thinks, let them send each other all over the world all over every timeframe that ever existed. I wash my hands of them!


NEW DEALER IN TOWN.....by Terri

Rose walked down the street after leaving the saloon. She looked at her watch. It's 6:00 pm at home, 3:00 pm here. John should be getting home from work pretty soon. She looked at the sky, shielding her eyes from the sun. It' still bright. John, you'd better come here before 8:00 pm or I am going to have to keep my date with Marshall Matt Dillon. She unconsciously stamped her feet. NOT FAIR! I'm only married a month and already I have a date. Damn those two low-rents! Sally Jennings belongs in a trailer. With Wanda Sue.
"Miss McGuire?" No response. "Ma'am? Miss McGuire?" A tap on Rosamond's shoulder. She jumped a mile. "Sorry, Miss McGuire, I didn't mean to startle you. I'm Mark Hopkins. I own the Land's End Saloon. You were highly recommended as a er, organizer when Charles Crocker was back East. Glad you could make it."
He extended his hand and Rose took it. "I'm sorry, Mr. Hopkins, I was thousands of miles away." Yeah, and 154 years away, too. "Has Mr. Crocker explained to you what I want?"
"I am to understand that you want your saloon and your girls organized. Also your gambling house."
"Have you any experience?"
Rose laughed out loud. "Yes, I would say so. I am accomplished at faro and poker."
"Then let's go to the gambling house first." He offered Rosamond his arm and she took it. Boy, the men in Westchester could take lessons from these men!

Hopkins led her into a sumptuous room. Red velvet drapery and plush overstuffed furniture filled the place. Crystal chandeliers hung from the celing. Rose looked around. "I can't see where there's a problem, Mr. Hopkins. You seem to have it decorated just right."
Hopkins removed his hat. "It needs a touch of class. Which you lend. Please! Follow me!" He led Rosamond to a back room. In it was a closet filled with elegant evening clothes. "Here are the finest evening clothes from Paris. I'll bet the size is right."
Rose fingered the fabric. The best. "What I need is for you to deal faro and monte."
"Why not get a man to do that? Surely there are many professional gamblers more qualified to run it?"
"There are, but we are looking for a novelty. The miners will throng to see a woman dealing cards and you are a might pretty addition, I must say. Men outnumber the women twelve to one. Inflation is so severe here a breakfast of bread, cheese, sardines and a beer cost 43.00."
Rose thought, what could it hurt? And it would be easy for John to find me here. I just hope he won't be too ticked off. After all, it's not my fault. Maybe I can manage to not go home with empty pockets, too. She said, "If you will excuse me, Mr.Hopkins, let me try on the dresses before I give you my answer."
"Certainly!"
Rose raised an eyebrow and cleared her throat. "Ah-hem!"
Hopkins turned red and said, "But of course! Your privacy!"
She closed the door and tried on the red velvet dress. It was form-fitting and low in the front. Sequins sparkled. This dress was made in heaven for me! she thought.
Maybe I can make enough to buy some rubies. At least it will give me something to do while I wait for John to get his butt in gear and pick me up. The way that crystal ball was taking so long to log on, I may be here a couple of days. Hope the children will be OK. She tried on the royal blue one, the black one, the emerald green one...they all fit like they were custom made for her, like Cinderella's slipper. Putting the calico back on reluctantly, she stuck her head out the door. Hopkins turned to her.
"Mr. Hopkins? We have a deal!"


PANIC TIME..........by Coralynn

"William! Rose left this morning and now it's getting dark out and she still isn't back! I suspect foul play!" John implores, "Can't you do anything about it?"
"My boy, what can I do? Call the Police? I will if you want me to....."
"No, not yet. I have one place to check out before we get the Police involved."
"And that would be....."
"Montgomery's ranch! She had an ominous feeling when she found out he was back in the area, so for whatever reason she felt threatened, I'm going to take it seriously and go out to that ranch and turn it upside down until he tells me where she is!"
William purses his lips, "I can't see him kidnapping her, but go out and look, if only as a process of elimination."
John runs to his car and is soon speeding down the highway toward the ranch. The further he drives the more angry he becomes. How dare Montgomery kidnap Rose! She knew, oh yes, she had a premonition something awful was going to happen, and now it has!

John speeds up the driveway to the ranch and slams on his brakes as he reaches the parking area. Jumping out, he sees that the main house has a Bed and Breakfast sign on the front, so he checks out the guest house, which looks like it has lights on in every room.
That has to be where he's holding her! John races to the door and pounds on it.
The door opens just a crack and half a woman's face is seen. "Ohhhhhh Johnny boy! welcome to our love nest! Come in, come in, won't you?"
As John enters the house he gets a better look at the woman, and is surprised to see WandaSue of all people. "What are you doing here?" he asks her.
"Why Johnny, you of all people must know that I am Billy Bob's legal wife, now.......don't you? Oh yes, and his legal wife I intend to stay!"
"Where's Montgomery?"
"He'll be in soon, sugar, after he tends his horses. Till he does, may I interest you in a cup of ......whatever it is we have around here? Or, better yet, a drink of Southern Comfort? That stuff is cheap, but it sure packs a wallop, and you look like you could use a good wallop, if you get my meaning."
"Cut it out, WandaSue! Where's Rose? What has he done with her? Where did he take her? I'll tear this ranch apart, but I'm not leaving without her."
WandaSue smiles crookedly, "You're looking for Rosetramp? And you think you'll find her here? Ohhh contrare, mon ami, she is back in the 12th Century with the love of her life....."
"What?!"
"A-ha, you must think she went back to Henry the Second. No, no, no, he was just a toy to her. Her real love was Robin of Locksley!"
"Sounds familiar, but not familiar enough. She's never mentioned him. You're a congenital liar anyway, pig!" John can't believe he just called a woman a pig, but this one is the closest thing he's ever seen to animals of the porcine persuasion.
WandaSue laughs hysterically, "OH....oh.....John, you must practice up on your name calling! "Pig" is so sophomoric! But I digress: You wanna know who Robin is or was? Try Hood!"
"Hood as in neighborhood?" John is confused.
"No, you simple tool........Hood as in Robin Hood! Surely you've heard of him. Rose says he leaves a woman.... satisfied......."
John sits on the couch, "Garbage!! I'm going to stay here till Montgomery shows me where Rose is."
WandaSue sits on the arm of the couch and fiddles with John's hair, "You forget, lover boy......Rose and I were cell mates.......and we talked......she told me everything.......stuff she never told you and never will. You know, girl talk."
John shoves her off the armrest, which causes her to almost fall on the floor, but she rights herself just as BB comes in the door.
"Well, husband of mine, you have a visitor. He thinks you kidnapped that useless baggage, Rosetramp."
BB stands there trying to size up the situation, and asks John, "Why? Is she missing? I sure don't know where she is. She's your wife now, Gwinett, and you're welcome to her!"
"She knew you were going to harm her......she had a premonition. Now where do you have her tied up?" John starts going from room to room, turning on the lights, looking in the closets, under the beds, with no results.
"She isn't here!" BB says loudly and angrily. "Get over it! She isn't here!"
"How about that Bed and Breakfast? That has a basement, doesn't it? I'm going over there and getting her out of that basement where you have her tied up!"
"Why would I tie her up? To hold her for ransom? Like I need any of your money? Don't be absurd."
"You come with me and prove she's not in that basement!" John is determined to look everywhere. He moves out of the guest house, BB and WandaSue right behind him.
Juanita sees them come in the B&B and smiling broadly, sings out, "Well, well, Mr. Montgomery! We're honored by your presence, and I see you brought some friends. May we seat you in the dining room? The special tonight is pot roast. I make the finest....."
"No thank you, Juanita. This guy just wants to look in the basement. I'll be over another time to sample your fine cooking, though. Keep up the good work!" he says cheerfully as he and the other two go down the basement steps.
John turns on every light switch he can find and moves things around, all the while calling out, "ROSE? Are you down here?" But after going through every nook and cranny and not finding her, he stamps back up the stairs, out of the B&B and is striding toward his car so rapidly that WandaSue can hardly keep up with him, even as she runs.
"You haven't lost much, Johnny blue-eyes! She's nothing but a whore anyway...." WandaSue tries to keep him from getting into his car. He flings her down and gets in, starts the motor, and roars off.
WandaSue picks herself up. dusts off her backside and remarks, "Hey, loverboy, you didn't even kiss me goodbye!" and laughs wickedly as she goes to the guesthouse for another evening of trying to seduce BB. "One of these days he'll weaken, and when he does....I put my brand on that puppy!! Hmmm, wonder how Rosebeast is doing in good olde 1849 SanFran? Hey, he'll never find her there!"

MEANWHILE:

Marilyn and Eleanor are becoming worried about Rose. "Celeste? Can you check your crystal ball for us? See where Rose is?"
"I'll give it a try," she tells them as they go into her room. She takes the cloth off the globe and frowns, "This thing has not been functioning well for the last week. Let's see if I can get something, though." She waves her hands over it for quite a bit longer than usual, but all she sees are clouds. Shaking her head, she says, "I'm going to have to take this in for a cleaning."
"A cleaning?!"
"Yes. There's an establishment that does that. Of course most people have no idea it offers that service; how many crystal balls are there in Westchester County?"
"How many?" Marilyn asks.
Celeste laughs, "This one and three or four more. I'm not at liberty to tell you where they are, though."
"Some kind of code of honor?"
"Right. We don't want another run-through of the Salem Witch Trials now, do we?"
"So we're stumped!" Eleanor frowns, "I hate this. I feel that Sally Jennings knows where Rose is. She's getting back at Rose for dumping her in the desert. I can almost sympathize with it, but Rose has two young children! This is way past a practical joke!"
They hear John come into the house and go out to see what luck he may have had, though they know his trek out to the ranch was in vain.
His expression is about as dark as any they had ever seen. He sees them and asks Celeste, "Can you find her in your crystal ball?"
"It's not operating properly right now, John. Bad timing. Believe me, though, she is not gone forever. These things have a way of working themselves out."
He stomps up the stairs to the bedroom he shares with Rose, leaving the three women standing there shaking their heads.


NO-SHOW JOHN.......by Terri

Mark Hopkins escorted Rosamond back to the hotel. "You start tonight around 10:00 pm, Miss McGuire. We'll see you then. I'll send a man to escort you. Wouldn't do for you to be on the streets alone."
Rosamond nodded. "I'll be ready." Unless John comes to pick me up. Where the heck is he? If he doesn't come soon, he's going to get the silent treatment. Or I'll freeze him out.

As she walked into the hotel, Hiram gave her a note. JOHN! He's here and he's waiting in my room for me! She ripped open the envelope. It read: Please to meet with you in the saloon at 4:30. Sincerely, Lil Weston." Rosamond checked her watch. 4:25. Five minutes. She asked Hiram, "Did my cousin John show up to meet with me?"
Hiram shook his head. "No, ma'am. No one by that name."
Rose fumed. Is Celeste that ticked off at me that she would let me stay here..possibly forever? Oooh! I rue the day that Sally Jennings entered our lives! She ripped the note up and stuffed it in her bodice. Walking through to the saloon, a woman with hard eyes sat at the end of the bar. Rose walked up. "Lil Weston?"
"That's me." She looked Rose up and down and burst out laughing. "HA! We expected someone really..tough-looking. You give the name 'frail sister' a new meaning. How old are you, 19? 20?" Rose shook her head. "I'm 22, almost 23."
"Yeah, well, you look like a schoolmarm. So go on back to ringing a school bell. You certainly ain't one to tell us 'soiled doves' what to do!" She went back to her whiskey.
Rosamond grabbed her by the neck and said, "Let's you and me do a little talking, Lil, OK? By the time I get done with you, 'painted ladies' will take on a whole new meaning."

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