NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK..........by Coralynn

William fully expects the worst as he gathers up his five morning newspapers, and they don't disappoint.
He rushes inside with them and lays the first one open.
"A-ha!" he thinks, "Here we go: this says 'The Rich and Famous and Degenerate in Trouble Again,' well, isn't that rather general?"
He looks at the text, which says the Police raided a possible drug deal, but didn't say it was all a false alarm, of course not. Then there's a picture of William standing on the table with the caption: 'William the Conq Chef entertains by dancing on the table'.....then a picture of Grace twined around the newspaper reporter with the caption, 'Sexy beast on Winding Willow seduces reporter'......

William hopes that's the worst of it, and it is. The other newspapers bring out that rumor has it Bethia Adams, lottery winner, is now declaring bankruptcy, and that the Marilyn Monroe clone is beginning to look wilted, similar to that sheep in Scotland.

This is par for the course, William thinks, but wonders why the police were there in the first place.
The others are trickling into the kitchen one by one, filling their coffee cups, glancing at the newspapers and wincing.
"Anyone know why the cops busted up our party?" he asks. No one says anything. That's no help.
"In other words, you're as in the dark about it as I, right?" he asks.
The others nod and sit at the table.
"We had some trouble at the party," Bethia announces, "That Susan woman who works at the Grand Union was there and she must have brought along her cell phone, because when John and Rose went into the house briefly, the phone rang and it was her doing her gutteral "babydoll" routine."
"Did anyone see her after that?" John asks.
"NO! Could she have left on her own? Must have; she didn't ride back to Elmwood Avenue with the others," Eleanor informs them.
"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she also called the police," William concludes, "She had a cell phone on her, and she's blackmailing John, so she has no regard for the rest of us either. Well," he says, looking at Marilyn and Bethia and Celeste, one by one, "Are you going to pay a visit to the Grand Union this morning, ladies? I would suggest you do so. Check her out again. I don't think direct confrontation is necessary, at least not today, not until we've had time to figure out this entire mess, but keep tabs on her; let her know we're suspicious if only by being in her face every day she goes to work."

"It's a plan!!" Marilyn agrees, as she gets up to refill her cup.

"So, let's do it! Bethia declares, "It's warm and sunny, so let's jog over there in our lightweight exercise clohtes."
They go to their bedrooms, and shortly thereafter emerge in said clothes.
Bethia laughs at Marilyn, "Look at you! A peasant blouse with lace, and long pants with lacy on them as well. No one said you couldn't be smashing as well as fit!"
"That's what I say, too," Marilyn agrees as Celeste joins them and they exit the house.
"Smell those lilac bushes!" Celeste pauses to get a good whiff.
"Hey, Celeste, you're breaking stride!" Marilyn complains.
"I'm not as fit as you are, dear, so if I stop and get high on the smell of the lilacs, it's my way of jogging without passing out!" Celeste tells her.
"OK, we could slow down, I'm getting pretty winded myself," Bethia says with a grin.
They jog and stop, jog and stop, and eventually get to the Grand Union.

"Hmmmmm, I don't see Susan's old wreck of a car in the parking lot," Bethia observes.
"Could she have walked?" Celeste suggests.
"All the way from Elmwood Avenue? Not likely!" Bethia concludes, "Let's check inside. Oh-oh, there's a Help Wanted sign in the window again."
They enter the store and don't see Susan.
There's a woman they haven't seen before working the register where Susan used to be.
"Pardon me, but does Susan Hemingway work here?" Bethia asks the woman.
"Well, she did until she phoned me early this morning to say she was quitting!" the woman says bitterly.
"Sorry to hear that," Celeste tells her, then, as the three women walk down one of the aisles, she says, "I wonder if she's even at the house on Elmwood Avenue anymore, we'd better look."
"We can't jog that far," Marilyn pants, "I might be able to make it back to our house, but we'd better drive over to Elmwood."
They jog back.

William meets them at the door, "WELL???"
"She quit her job," Bethia tells him, "Now we're going to drive over and see if she's still living in the house on Elmwood."
"HA! Fat chance!" he blusters, "She's a hit and run type......but yes, go over and see."

Eleanor volunteers to drive, and soon the four women are pulling into the parking lot of the house of Elmwood.

"Her car isn't here either," Eleanor notices, "Let's check the apartment upstairs and see what's in it."
As they approach the house, Bess and Marthy run out and greet them.
"Looking for Susan?" Marthy asks, "I think she moved out. I heard her car in the middle of the night, it is a loud car you know. It roared out of here."
"Come with us," Bethia suggests, "Let's see what's up in her apartment, if anything."
The five women climb the stairs and enter the apartment.
It is bare. The cupboards have been stripped of even the dishes Bethia furnished; the linens have been taken from the bed; the closet is empty, as is the dresser.
"She sure cleaned the place out!" Bethia says angrily, "She even took the microwave! I should have been a better judge of character when I first met her, but she had this sad story about why she had to leave Texas, and I bought it hook, line and sinker!"

Celeste sees something the others have missed: "Here's a note on the table, it says.....'Fooled you, suckers!'" Bethia is seeing red about this time. "We'll track her down.....she couldn't have gone far.....or could she? She did get money off John, so maybe she went to the airport......"
"Let's check out the local area first, though," Celeste suggests, "Now, where would I go if I were on the lamb? Where would I go in this general area?"
They all pause and think.
"Cheap motel!" Marilyn and Bethia say at the same time.
"Let's look in the yellow pages and hit every one of them!" Marilyn is getting excited about the plan.
"We'll have to drive home first, though," Bethia frowns, "She also took the phone book."

Across town 'Susan' aka Wanda Sue Skaggs, is on the phone with her brother.
"Slim! Things are getting kinda hot around here, and I need you to wire me some of that money. I had to quit my job and move into a Motel 6.........what?!.......you bought a monster truck to enter in the monster truck rallies?.........why?.......how?.......How did your name get on the bank account?...........oh, very clever, now send me as much money as you can via Western Union.......how much is left?!........a dollar seventy eight?.......I can't believe you'd do that!........I was going to give you a cut when all the money had come in.......yeah, that half mil isn't for sure yet........Well, sell that truck.......you can't because you wrecked it?.......did you put insurance on it?........why am I not surprised........from here on out you are cut out of the scam, Slim.........that's right........I'm going to have to get the money in cash now because of you.........hell NO I don't trust you near that bank account........"

She slams down the phone.
Now what do you do, babydoll?
I have to have enough cash to fly out of here, can I pull off another touch on John? Montgomery is getting kinda testy, but if John doesn't come through I'll have to get it from Billy Bob, who IS after all, still legally married to me. What a mess!"

She takes some time to think through how she's going to put the squeeze on John again, and as she does she glances around her 'sumptuous' surroundings.
This is more like it, she thinks, too bad I have to leave soon. I could get used to living in a room with two beds and beautiful artwork on the walls....lookeee here, even the bedspreads match. OK, so there are cigarette burn holes in them. It hardly shows because of the lovely flower motif in the material. Ohhhh yeah, feel that carpet! Haven't seen green shag in quite awhile. It was my favorite. Yes sireeeee, I could live here quite happily.

Taking a deep breath, she dials the big house, hoping John picks up.
It rings and is picked up on the third. She hears "Hello" in a familiar male voice.
"Is this John? OK, don't hang up, do NOT hang up! I still have that tape, you know, and I can even run it out to Montgomery after we get off the phone, so don't get on your high-horse with me, Johnny boy!.......you are to give me one last payment of 50 thou.......no, not to the bank.......meet me. Have it in large bills. I'll be at the Roadhouse Restaurant near the Motel6 at noon. BE THERE!"

She slams down the phone and laughs, "Oh yeah, this is going to work out yet!"


Across town at the big house, John calls out, "EVERYONE, meeting! meeting!"

Most of them are still in the house, so there's a rush for the good seats around the dining room table.
He tells them about the phone call he just received, and asks "Does anyone have any suggestions?"
Jack volunteers, "I could rig up a tape device, I think they call it a 'wire' so you can record everything she says."
"That would help in the evidence department, thanks Jack, good thinking."
"Should we trap her and march her off to the Police?" Marilyn inquires.
William speaks up, "She's not going to be staying in the area much longer if she's asking you to bring cash to her, so we need to grab her while we can."
"I KNOW!" Marthy is getting excited, "Let her be my replacement back at the court of Henry 2nd. Let him chase her all around the kitchen forever."
"Now you've brought up an interesting possibility, Marthy," Eleanor takes it from there, "We could find a period of history, a most unpleasant period would be preferable, and time-travel her back to it and leave her there. Forever."

The others are buzzing with this idea. When and where would be a good place for the likes of that scum?
"We'll need three or four of us, that way we'll have plenty of people to make the coin bring us back," William is thinking out loud, "Now, we've done the French Revolution a couple times, anyone have another time and place to suggest?"
Eleanor gets a bright look on her face and tells the others, "I have it!! The Salem Witch Trials; 1692, Salem Village, MASS. I was doing some research on it on the internet. Considering Susan's Texas drawl, her odd clothes, the cell phone she obviously has with her at all times, and that incriminating tape which they'll think is a witch device, why, she'll fit right in!" Everyone claps and laughs.
"OK", William stands, "How many people vote we take Susan to 1692 Salem Village, Mass?"
All the hands go up. "We have to get her there, though," John brings up, "If I show up with other people, she'll run."
"Tell ya what," Eleanor says, "She would recognize the rest of us unless.....unless....we went with disguises. We could be at that roadhouse around 11, that's in an hour, wear wigs, dark glasses, whatever, and when we see John and Susan come into the place, we can go to where they're sitting and grab her hands and off we'll go! Think so?"
The others nod.
"OK, then," John stands, "Who wants to go with us? We need myself, William and two others, who will it be?"

"Could I go?" Marthy asks timidly, "I want to see other places."
"Fine, then one more woman: Eleanor??"
"Sure, count me in!"
Bethia gets an idea: "Why don't we dress you like they did back in 1692 so you don't stick out like a sore thumb, but she does? I could manage to put old fashioned clothes on you, and when you go to the roadhouse, just cover them with a more modern jacket or something, then, right before you activate the coin, throw off your jackets and arrive in Salem looking like regular folk!"
"Great idea!" John nods, "Let's get moving on it, we have one hour till the advance force goes, that's William, Marthy and Eleanor, then an hour later I'll show up and you know Susan will, too. The greedy little......"
"WITCH!" everyone ends his sentence.


MOMMY-IN-LAW-DEAREST........by Terri


The next morning, the senator and Billy Bob were both nursing hangovers. Rosamond made a pot of coffee but she wasn't speaking to her husband. Billy Bob got two icepacks and filled it with ice, giving one to his father and keeping one for himself.
He picked up the newspaper, trying hard to focus his eyes. "Well, well! Looks like your friend William had a grand old time at his house last night. The paper alludes to a drug bust! Good thing I took you out of there! HA! William dancing on the table?
Oooh!" He adjusted his icepack.
Rose looked out the window. "Would any of you semi-sober gentlemen know why there is a cab pulled up in front of our door?"
Billy Bob and Dad looked out the window, wincing because every little move brought spasms of pain.
Their response hung in the air like helium. Which is what they sounded like.
"Holy-----! It's Mother!"
The senator took his icepack off and squinted through his bloodshot eyes. "What the HELL is she doing here?"
Billy Bob got up and went out on the porch and greeted his mother.
"MOM! What are you doing here? I would have picked you up at the airport if you had called!"
Mary Ellen Montgomery offered her cheek to her son for a kiss hello. She waved her hands. "Well, I don't have to guess what kind of shape your father is in. If it is anything like you, the fumes could ignite a forest fire!"
Mary Ellen Gwinnett radiated class. Real class. Long Island class. DAR class.
She was a small but intimidating figure. Her blonde hair was stylish in a French twist and her blue eyes were piercing. Her skin was porcelein. She wore a navy blue suit.
Billy Bob gave her a hug around her shoulders. "It's just that we didn't expect to see you. I thought you were busy with the garden club and your DAR meetings. After all, aren't you the president of your chapter?"
"Darling, are you going to let me stand here or are you going to pick up my luggage and lead me into your house?"
Billy Bob dutifully picked up her luggage and opened the door for her.
J.R. Montgomery rose and planted a kiss on her offered cheek. He winced in pain.
"Well, I see you can take the wildcat out of Texas but you can't take the wildcat out of the man. You two must have had quite a reunion."
They both grinned sheepishly.
Rosamond was in the nursery upstairs nursing Julie.
Mary Ellen said, "Well, I have a new daughter in law to meet. I am assuming she is here somewhere?"
Billy Bob called out, "Rosamond?" He went upstairs. "Honey? My mother is here. She's anxious to meet you. Come on downstairs, honey"
"I'll come down when I am good and ready."
Billy Bob lost his temper. "Listen, honey, you'll get your pretty little bottom down there pronto. Or I drag you down there kicking and screaming. Now it's your choice."
"Why, darling, are you intimidated by your mother? Oh, yes, it's like that old saying, 'The hand that rocks the cradle is the one who rules the world.' Well, kicking and screaming seems to be more your style anyhow. OH, vey well! I'll be right down.
Just don't give me any grief."
Billy Bob gave her a look of fury and she gave him a cold stare.
He turned and went downstairs. "Mother, she's just finishing up feeding the baby. She'll be right down."

Rosamond changed her clothes. Julie fell back to sleep so she put her back in her crib. She tenderly stroked Julie's back and straightened her covers. Oh, sweetheart, I wish your real daddy could be here with you!
Rosamond checked the mirror. Yep, make up in place, hair brushed, tasteful earrings, hope she doesn't expect white gloves and a hat.
Rose went downstairs. There in the living room drinking tea was Mrs. Montgomery. Mary Ellen Gwinnett Montgomery. Mrs. Manners. The two of them surveyed each other like two alleycats sizing each other up for a fight. Within those thirty seconds, a line in the sand was drawn.
Billy Bob and his father were looking at the two of them like they were watching a tennis match. Look to Rose, look to Mama, look to Rose, look to Mama....
The two men looked at each other with bated breath.
Mrs. Montgomery got up and extended a cool hand to Rosamond.
"Well, my dear! It certainly is a pleasure to meet the woman who finally roped in my son's wayward heart! And in such an ingenious way! Who would have thought a PREGNANCY to get married?"
Billy Bob groaned, "Mom, let's not get started..."
Rosamond accept her hand. "Th--thank you. I can see where Billy..er, William, gets his endearing qualities."
Mrs. M raised her eyebrow. "I WAS surprised at the speed and haste of the wedding! Not even a proper announcement of an engagement! And that the family was NOT invited to the wedding! Tsk, tsk!"
Billy Bob was blushing. "Aw, now, Mom, let's not dredge that up. Haven't we had enough phone conversations about THAT?"
Rosamond raised her eyebrows now. "Really? I had no idea your family was that upset about the rush to get married." To Mrs. Montgomery she said, "I AM sorry, Mrs. Montgomery. I guess you could blame it on the jasmine in the air and the full moon over the River."
Mary Ellen said, "Really! Not to mention the fact that you were two months pregnant!"
J.R. Montgomery held up a hand to his wife. "Please, my dear, let's not do this now!"
His wife said, "What I mean is, in this day and age I was just surprised you weren't a little smarter, my dear. After all, there's a drugstore on every corner in America."
Rosamond stood there with her mouth open.
J.R. Montgomery said quickly, "Mary Ellen, would you like to meet your little granddaughter?"
"Why, darling, yes I would! Imagine! ME! A Grandmother!"
J.R. took his wife firmly by the hand. "Rose, is it alright if I take my wife up to see the baby?"
Rosamond stood there wordless. Billy Bob said, "By all means, Dad, let's all go up."
As Billy Bob walked by, Rose grabbed his arm. "What is going on? What did I ever do to HER?"
Billy Bob looked after his mother. Then to Rose he said, "You married me."

The four of them entered the nursery. Mary Ellen looked at Julie's sleeping form in the crib. She touched her blanket and pulled it back from Julie's face.
"My, what a beautiful child! I never thought I would see the day when my baby would be a father. But she doesn't look like a Montgomery!"
Billy Bob tensed up. "She's a Montgomery, Mom."
To Rosamond she said, "How old are you, my dear?"
"Twenty three.'
"My, you ARE young. I hope you are not intending to have a baby every year! After all, this IS the 21st century!"
"MOTHER! That's enough!"
Rosamond said cooly, "Oh, I wouldn't worry about THAT, Mrs. Montgomery. Who knows? Julie just may be an only child!"
The silence hung in the air so heavy you could slice it with a knife. The senator scrambled quickly to recover the bumble.
"Oh, hell, Mary Ellen, I wouldn't worry about it! And Billy Bob, Rose just feels that way now because she's tired from having this baby! Isn't that right, sweetheart?"
Mary Ellen raised her eyebrow again. Sweetheart? My, he seems quite taken with this new daughter in law.

The four of them went downstairs. Billy Bob whispered to his father, "For God's sake, do something, Dad!"
J.R. Montgomery took his wife's luggage and said, "Mary Ellen, dear, let me show you where we are staying."
To Rosamond she said with a smile, "I hope we are at the end of the hall. We wouldn't want to get in the way of newlyweds."
The senator grabbed her by the elbow. "This way, my dear!"
As they went up the stairs, Mary Ellen was heard to say, "Careful, dear, you are squeezing my arm too tight...."

Rosamond whirled on Billy Bob. "What was that all about? That woman definitely dislikes me! What did I ever do to her?"
Billy Bob poured himself another coffee and followed it with a swig from his Maalox bottle. "Mother doted on me. I guess she feels any woman wouldn't be good enough for me. I'm sure Donna filled her head with stuff. Donna is still ticked off about losing Sundown to me. All because of the baby."
Rose sat down with a thud at the table. "How long did you say your parents would be here?"
"About a week."
Rosamond moaned and banged her head against the table several times. "Longest week in my life, it looks like."
Billy Bob could only nod his head miserably in agreement.

Upstairs, J.R. took Mary Ellen aside. "What is all this about, Mary Ellen? I will not have that snooty Long Island attitude! This is your daughter in law, not one of your lackeys on one of your gardening or Mayflower committees. You will treat her with respect!"
She whirled on him. "Oh, REALLY, darling? Do you know what our William has impregnanted and married--and yes, in that order?"
She reached into her luggage and pulled out the September issue of Playboy.
"Mary Ellen, where did you get THIS?"
"From Lyle."
"I didn't think good ol' Lyle had the gumption to even go into the store to buy this! Must have put a skicap on and stolen it! He'd never risk his reputation going up to a newstand and purchasing it!'
J.R. took the magazine out of Mary Ellen's hands. He thumbed through it.
"So?'
"SO? That's all you have to say is 'SO?' Doesn't it bother you to learn that millions of men all across America are drooling over Billy Bob's wife? Why, even little Ralph
Brooks Jr. has her pinned up to his closet door. Sylvia told Donna! What kind of woman takes her clothes off for the Ameican male public?"
"A right pretty one, my dear. This comes as no surprise to me."
"IT DOESN"T?"
"No, my dear. I saw this copy back in September!"
"YOU MEAN?...."
J.R. sighed. "Mary Ellen, you MUST get the mail more often!"


NO DEAL FOR YOU, MISSY......by Coralynn

Bethia has Eleanor, Marthy and William duded up in old 17th Century garb, and stands back to admire the results.
"Looks good to me!" she pronounces, "And, since we had to do it in about 45 minutes, I must say it's a blazing success!"
Wiliam views himself in the mirror, "Not bad, Bethia. I think clothing design is defintiely your forte."
The three go out to Eleanor's car and get in.
"Drive sensibly, please," William requests, "It would never do to be stopped by the cops in getups like these!"
She smiles and smacks his upper arm, "OK, then, put on that jacket, because I'm not making any promises! At least with the jacket over top, you won't look too quaint!"
"I feel like I'm going to a costume party!" Marthy exclaims.
As Eleanor pulls into the parking lot of the Roadhouse Restaurant, William and Marthy don their modern jackets, as does Eleanor after she parks and gets out of the car.
"Here goes nothing!!" she says gaily, "You do have the coin with you, do you not, William?"
"Of course I do! Now let's get this show on the road!!"

As they enter the restuarant it takes their eyes a few minutes to adjust to the dim lighting. There are no windows except for one small one in the front, so the sunlight of mid-day does not penetrate the room.
"Hmmmmm," Elearnor comments after they've been inside a few minutes, "This place is a real dive. What are we going to do in here till John arrives and that Susan woman as well?"
"We could eat french fries," Martha suggests, "I love those! We didn't have them back in the 12th Century!"
"French fries are about the most fattening thing you can eat, Marthy, though you don't look like you're in imminent danger of becoming fat. I, on the other hand, have these hips that get larger just at the mention of the words 'french fries.'"

They sit in the booth farthest back in the restaurant so that they have a view of all the other booths.
Sure enough, when the waiter comes to take their order, Marthy orders a double of french fries.
William and Eleanor just order iced tea, but, after while, seeing Marthy scraf down the fries, begin to reach over and pick out a few and eat them.

The hour goes agonizingly slow.
William keeps checking his watch. "I'll have to slide this watch way up my arm when we're in Salem......they could think it an evil device. They had evil on their minds a lot back then. Makes me shudder."

Finally, finally they see John enter.
Not more than 20 seconds later, they see Susan enter as well.
She and John wordlessly sit in a booth on the other side of the room, about half way back.
Good, William thinks, we have a clear shot of them from here.
They sit down and John hauls out a very large manilla evelope which he told them ahead of time was stuffed with news clippings.
Susan reaches for it.
"That's our signal!" William says as the three quickly take off their jackets and head for the other booth.
They reach it just as a waiter is making his way over to take John and Susan's order, and, when he sees William, John, Eleanor and Marthy reach for Susan, whose eyes become terrified, and force her to take their hands, he tries to intervene on behalf of this poor woman who is obviously in mortal danger, so he puts his hands on William's, to break Wiliam's hold.
It does not break William's hold, but as the air spins and changes color, the waiter finds himself being whirled back in time. It happens so rapidly he has no time to let go, either.

Everyone looks around their new environment.
Susan begins screaming, and the waiter, Chuck, is startled. What just happened?!

"Where the hell are we?" Susan yells frantically.
John stands right in front of her and explains, "Susan, you blackmailed me to the tune of 100,000 dollars. You were after another 50 thou, as you well know. Now, I'm a patient person, but even I reach my limits when someone blackmails me. You tried to dip into the well just one too many times, so we've decided to remove you from our midst. You are in 1692 Salem Village, Massachusetts. Surely you notice how differently these people are attired. Even someone as stupid as you are has to see that."

"YOU'RE all dressed like that, too, though, except for him," she points to Chuck the waiter who is still standing there in shock, saying nothing.
William takes over, "You see, we knew where we were going and dressed accordingly; you, on the other hand had to be taken by surprise. Now, Susan, we are going to leave you now. Yes, we are going to go back to the 21st Century without you. You blew it in the 21st Century, so now let's see if you have better luck with these folks."
"Salem!" she's overtaken with fear, "What did I hear about Salem? It was something bad!!"
"Yes indeed, you may have a vague recollection of the Salem Witch Trials. Anyone who seemed the least bit vulnerable was hung as a witch. Ya know, you look pretty vulnerable, Susan. Good luck!" William salutes her mockingly.

He feels a tug at his sleeve. Chuck the waiter asks, "What am I to do, sir? Can I please return with you?"
"Of course, young man," William assures him, "You did nothing wrong. Take hands with us again now and we'll be back at the Roadhouse Restaurant within seconds."
Chuck takes hands with them willingly.
As the air turns colors and spins, the last thing they hear is Susan screaming, "Just a minute! Let's make a deal!"


Susan is frozen with fear. The others have left her behind, as they said they would.
She feels for her cell phone. It's there, but who can she call? Can you call *out* from this place? She puts the phone to her ear and pushes in familiar numbers. Nothing happens. DAMN, babydoll, maybe this is 1692!

Some teenaged girls come up the path in their long dresses and when they see Susan, one of them begins to roll on the ground uncontrollably and scream, "WITCH! This woman has put a curse on me. WITCH!"
Some very stern men approach Susan and hustle her off to a large, ugly building, and push her inside.
After her eyes adjust to the dim light, she sees that people are in prison cells in this building. She panics and tries to make a dash for it. They catch her easily and throw her down on an old rough chair.
"What is your name?"
"Susan."
"Where did you get those clothes?"
"Wal-Mart, if you must know! They're from the Kathie Lee Collecion!"
"You talk oddly. What country are you from?"
"Texas, in the United States of America!" she says proudly.
The men look from one to the other, "we never heard of that country," the oldest man tells her.
"Well, you people really are backward, aren't you?" she snaps.
"Yon girl has accused you of witchcraft; how do you plead?"
"Innocent, of course! What kind of travesty is this? Let me go, I want to return to Westchester County!"
This means nothing to them either. They seize her cell phone and examine it.
She can't hear everything they're saying to each other, but she does catch an occasional phrase, like "....of the Devil"....."instrument of Satan"......"practices the black arts...."

Susan laughs hysterically. They all turn and stare at her as she declares, "OK, OK, where's the camera? I know, I've watched Candid Camera......this is a great joke.....now, come on, where is the hidden camera?"

She is thrown into a cell where two other women are slumped, sitting on the floor.
Apparently this is not Candid Camera, but hey, babydoll, it was worth a shot!
She approaches the woman with the long, dark hair, who seems to be rocking slightly.
"Hi toots! What's the deal here? What are you in for??"
The dark haired woman stares at her and would back away were her back not already to the wall.
The blond woman just sits there crying.
"HEY! Cheer up, how long can they keep you here anyway? So you got caught working in a brothel. In my day, prostitutes went in and out of jail like it had a revolving door. They keep you 24 hours and let you go. So, cut the whimpering."
The blond woman holds up two crossed fingers like you would if a vampire was near.
"Hell, how does a person go about getting a decent meal in this hick town?" Susan asks them.
Almost in answer to her question, bread it passed through the bars; 3 slices. Susan takes one and tries to bite on it.
"DAMN! this thing is stale; does the health department know what kind of food they're feeding you? They should shut this place down!"
The bread is inedible. Susan goes to the bars and yells out, "I want to see my lawyer! Get me a lawyer! You haven't even read me my Miranda rights! What kind of one horse town is this anyway?!"
Susan is getting nowhere fast.
She thinks, there must be a way out of this hell, there must. God, what I wouldn't give for a real bed about now. Look at those straw pallets on the floor. Damn, I don't want to sleep on one of those. Euuuuuu, I even see a rat scuttling around in the corner. No, I shall not sleep in this place. I must escape, but how? HOW?


HUSH, HUSH, SWEET MAMA.....by Terri

After Mary Ellen Montgomery was settled in, Billy Bob said, "How about lunch? Dad and I haven't eaten yet."
Mary Ellen said, "You mean you were in no shape to eat this morning. I am surprised the two of you can look at food. Really, Rosamond, how did you ever let them get in this condition?"
Rosamond was astonished. "I wasn't even with them!"
Billy Bob looked imploringly to his father. J.R. Montgomery just shrugged as if to say, what can I do? You know what she's like!
"i must say, Rosamond, that Judy is one beautiful child."
"Julie"
"What?
"Julie, not Judy."
"That 's what I said. Julie."
Mary Ellen dished up some salad. "I was really surprised to hear my own son was married. And married a month before he even called his family to tell us the good news. He always was uncontrollable."
J.R. started to laugh. "Yes, I'll never forget that time of your DAR charity ball that you had about ten years ago." J.R. started to laugh uncontrollably.
A smile played on Billy Bob's lips in remembrance. The more he tried not to laugh, the harder it got. His father was totally rolling on the floor.
Mary Ellen sat there with lips pursed. "I was never so humiliated in my life."
Rosamond looked to the two men."Would you like to tell me what's so funny?"
With Billy Bob hiccuping, he waved his hand to his father. "I can't! I'd lose control again."
J.R. took a deep breath. "Well, back in 1992, Billy Bob and Bobby Joe got wind that Mary Ellen here was hosting a charity ball at Sundown plantation. VERY high class and formal. The boys were home on spring break from Texas A&M. Bobby Joe and Billy Bob were pretty wild in those days. They got really ripped, saddled up a couple of horses, and crashed Mary Ellen's soiree."
"Oh, but we did it in style!" Billy Bob laughed.
"This is NOT funny!" Mary Ellen scolded.
J.R. continued. "They came in to this black tie affair wearing jeans, boots, and their Stetsons and proceeded to ride their horses up the stairs during the party! All the time singing, I've Got Friends in Low Places' ". If you look at the third step on the grand staircase, you'll see it is dented from the horse's shoe."
By this time they dissolved into uncontrollable laughter.
Mary Ellen was visibly upset. "Well, your Grandpere Pierre thought it was tacky. Funny but tacky! He was always bailing you out of your messes, William Robert Montgomery! Especially that lulu of a mess when you were sixteen!"
Billy Bob's head jerked up. J.R. shot a warning glance at his wife.
Rosamond asked, "What happened when you were sixteen, William Robert Montgomery?"
"Nothing."
Rose looked at J.R. and Mary Ellen. Her mother-in-law sat there with a determined look on her face but said nothing.
J.R. mumbled, "Oh, just kids being stupid."
"Did you get yourself kicked out of school?"
Billy Bob frowned. "Yeah, something like that."
Just then Julie cried. "I'd better take care of her. It's about time for her feeding and changing."
She jumped up from the table. Thank you for the reprieve, Julie!

Billy Bob groaned and put his head on the table. J.R. shot his wife a disapproving look.
"What is THAT look for?"
Billy Bob pounded his head on the table.
J.R. explained, "Rosamond has no idea of Billy Bob's previous, uh, venture into matrimony."
Mary Ellen was shocked. "Really! Didn't you have to produce divorce papers to get a marriage license in N'Awlins, darling?"
Billy Bob ran his hands over his face. "No, because Grandpere had the marriage annuled. It was sited as 'underage and under duress' so he told me it wiped the slate clean. Besides, I had to pull a few strings in N'Awlins to get my marriage license."
"Really? And how is that, darling?"
"Never mind, Mother."
"So the new Mrs. Montgomery is totally clueless as to the Wanda Sue episode?"
"Yes, and what is said stays in this room and away from Rosamond. Is that clear?"
"Oh, crystal clear, darling."


MEANWHILE, BACK IN TEXAS.............by Coralynn

Slim frowns and punches in WandaSue's cell phone number yet again.
"Why isn't she answering?" he asks aloud to the empty room, "We've been in touch every day; now she won't pick up! Why? I'll try a few more times today, and if I don't get through to her, I'm going to have to go to New York and find her. Could those people have put her in jail? Or.....could they have killed her? I've gotta find out! I need more money so I can have my monster truck repaired!"

Slim keeps trying and keeps trying, and soon he even stops getting a ringing sound on the other end. This is a bad sign, a very bad sign!!


THEY'RE WHERE?!......by Terri

"Hello?" Bethia answered.
"Beth, it's me. I really need to talk to John. Is he available?"
"Uh, no, he's not here, Rose."
"Bethia, where is he? Billy Bob's mother just blew in to town, riding on her broom! I--I won't be able to see John until she leaves."
"Rose, he---well, it's like this. He went timetraveling!"
"Time traveling?! OH, NO, Bethia, please, PLEASE tell me he didn't!"
Rose was close to tears. "What if something goes wrong? What if William loses the coin? Where did they go?" She was starting to panic. Bethia sighed. "Eleanor, William, John and Marthy went to Salem, MA 1692."
"But Beth, isn't that the scene of the Salem Witch Trials?"
"'Fraid so, Rosamond."
"Bethia! Are they out of their MINDS? What if they never come back? What if I have to raise Julie all by myself? What of the other children John and I talked about having?"
Beth said, "Rose, do you hear yourself? Don't even think of having another baby! All little Gwinnetts with Montgomery names? "
"Beth, please, I need to know when they get back! Would you please call me? Obviously John can't call. It's too risky. This Mary Ellen Montgomery is the mother in law from HELL. She makes Mathiilda look like a walk in the park! Why did they go to SALEM of all places?'"
Bethia explained, "That BABYDOLL was putting the bite on John for another 50 thousand dollars. He was finally fed up so we all planned a sting operation. Babydoll wanted John to meet her at some sleazy greasespoon so the others went along, they were going to dump Susan there and come home."
"But that's totally against William's ethics! I mean, he refused to dump Daniel there.
And if anyone should be dumped, it's Daniel--the names he calls me!" Bethia said, "Sticks and stones, yadayadayada...Susan was maliciously hurting someone she didn't even know. You know William thinks of John as a son. He figures creep that Daniel is, he's kin. He doesn't want John worrying every day of his life wondering if he did the wrong thing by dumping his brother. Susan--well, no one knows or likes her so there is no emotional attachment."
"Bethia, please call me and let me know he's alright."
"Will do, honey. After all, we have a wedding to plan!"
"Beth, you will be the most beautiful bride ever!" Then she said bitterly, "Not like me.
I was wearing jeans and a tank top. Billy Bob bought some daisies from a street vendor and then we went right back to the hotel. Not even a fancy dinner. Just some po'boys---and they were takeout! He DID grab a bottle of champagne on our way up to our room. I wanted a long white dress...a lacy veil...a bouquet of roses....John waiting for me at the altar...Instead I get a slam-bam-thank'ee ma'am ceremony on the muddy banks of some river to a cowboy with boots--even though he is great looking---with a two month pregnancy under my belt. Henry would laugh his butt off if he knew..I guess he does know, though. And the two of them buddying up!"
"Rose, don't worry. I'll call you when they are back, I promise. Try to enjoy your in-law's visit."
Rose said, "AS IF!" Click!


BACK AGAIN..........by Coralynn

They land right back in the Roadhouse Restaurant in the dim lighting and the greasy aroma.
Chuck the waiter looks most relieved, as he takes up his tray and proceeds on with his job as though nothing had ever happened.
William has a word with him before the group leaves, "You won't tell anyone what you just experienced, will you? It's important that you not."
Chuck grins and lifts one eyebrow, "As if anyone would believe me? No, I surely won't!"
"Good boy!" William claps him on the back and rejoins the others.
"Time to get back," John says as they gather up the jackets they left behind and walk back out into the sunshine. They get in Eleanor's car and she heads for Winding Willow Lane.
"I feel a little sorry for Susan," Marthy says softly, "I mean, what are those people going to do to her?"
"I know it seems harsh, Marthy, but this woman is, or was, a scourdge. She had no sympathy for anyone, just greed. I think the punishment fits the crime," John tells her.
"They'll have their hands full with that one!" Eleanor laughs.
As they arrive back at the big house, Bethia sees them and runs out.
"John," she tells him, "Rose phoned and is worried about you, because I told her you went time traveling with the others. You need to contact her and put her mind at rest!"
"Will do!" he says cheerfully, "Thanks, everyone, you don't know how relieved I am that all that blackmailing has come to an end!" and he bounds into the house.


BUT, IN TEXAS.........by Coralynn

Slim slams the radiator cap back on, shuts the hood of the truck and climbs back down the ladder he positioned so that he could reach the extremely high workings of the monster truck.
"It should run for ya!" his friend Nick tells him, "It's looks like hell, but it runs!"
"Yeah, right now I'm not worried about how it looks.....I just need to get across the country. Thanks for your help, Nick!"
Nick gets in his car and leaves.
Slim is thinking: I'll try Wanda Sue's cell phone one more time, and if I don't reach her, I'm taking my copy of the tape, and my copy of the unsigned divorce papers and heading up to this Westchester County place. Damn, I hate to have to deal with Yankees; they think they're so smart, so much brighter than us, but.....if they were so durned smart, how come Wanda Sue got that money from them? Well, Slim old boy, there's more where that came from!" He punches in her cell phone number again.
It doesn't even ring.
"That's it!" he says to his truck, "Come on, old fireball, we're a-headin' up to enemy territory."
He affixes his Confederate flag on the hood and away he roars, due north.


THE PRISON BREAK.........by Coralynn

Wanda Sue aka Susan, is pacing the cell. The blond woman continues to hold up her fingers in a cross, keeping it in front of her eyes, between her view and where Susan is pacing.
Susan feels like smacking the stupid woman, but that wouldn't get her anywhere, so she tries not to notice.
The dark haired woman doesn't seem as hostile, though, so Susan squats down beside her and whispers, "How would you like to get out of this place?"
The woman's eyes light up, "I would love to be out of here. I've been here for so long I've lost count of the days."
"If you do as I say, you may be free very soon."
A questioning look comes over the other woman's face, "How?"
Susan drops her voice even lower and gets her mouth near the other woman's ear, "Those guards go to church every day, don't they?"
"Ohhhh yes, they are very religious!" "Is there a time when there may only be one guard here, while the others are at church?"
"Yes, in the early evening."
"By the way, what's your name?"
"Samantha."
"Great, now, Samantha, when there's just one guard, we'll stage something big, like I'll pretend to go into labor, you know, to have a baby. That'll get him to open the cell door, won't it?"
"It might. It's hard to say. But you don't look like you're with child."
Wanda Sue, aka Susan, stuffs hay up her blouse, then stuffs more down into her pants.
"Now?"
"Well, you look with child now, but they'd remember when you came in you didn't look like that."
"When does a guard come on duty who wasn't here when I got here?" Susan is really struggling to get the info out of Samantha. This may take ahwile, she thinks.

"See that young guard? He wasn't here a few hours ago when you got here," Samantha tells her, "But I don't know if he'll be the only one left when most of them go to church.
"Let's hope," Susan tells her as she stuffs her front with straw.
This sure is scratchy, babydoll, she tells herself, but if that's what it takes........

Two more hours elapse.
Finally the guards go off to either church or their own homes, and the newer guard is the only one left on duty.
Susan whispers to Samantha, "Get ready, because here I go....." as she begins to moan and clutch her back and her abdomen, and writhe around.
The guard, who heretofore hadn't been paying much attention to the prisoners, looks in the cell and sees a pregnant woman moaning in pain.
Oh, no, he thinks, not that! Now I have to either ignore it and put up with her screaming, because before long she will be screaming, or fetch a midwife or......
Susan holds her arms out through the bars, "Merciful sir, can you help me? I need a chair, any chair, and I will be able to birth this baby, but without one I will scream. Ohhhhhhh, the pain!"
The guard has no idea why a chair would assist in childbirth, but sees that simple move as a way out of having to make a harder decision, so he lugs one of the heavy chairs toward the cell, opens it with his key, and ........ohmagod, those two women just ran out, they all but ran over me! Oh no.....oh no......

Straw is still spilling out from Susan's blouse as she and Samantha run into the woods and keep running till the town is but a speck in the distance.


I LIKE MY WOMEN ON THE TRASHY SIDE.....by Terri


"....a slam-bam-thankee ma'am ceremony on the muddy banks of a River..."
This was what Billy Bob heard as he was passing the hallway by Julie's nursery.
"Well, sorry it wasn't the Westminster Abbey, Princess. It was the best I could do on such short notice. Remember, YOU were the one who wanted to get married right then and there."
"What did you expect? I was pregnant, damn you!"
"Whose fault is that, anyways? Huh, Wan--"
"What?"
"Nothing. What is with you, anyway, Rose? Before we were married you were a real hottie. Now if I get near you, you threaten to scream. That is, if you aren't dumping me on the side of the road or out in the meadow."
"If you don't like it, why don't you just go to Tulsa to that rodeo like you are itching to go to. Read my lips! I AM TIRED! I just had a baby six weeks ago! Now you come in here demanding your marital rights. Give me a break!"
Billy Bob started yelling, "All my life I've never found someone I couldn't resist, couldn't turn down. I could walk away from anyone I ever knew. But I can't walk away from you. I've never let anyone have this much control over me. I've worked too hard to call my life my own, Rose. And it makes me pretty damn mad--at you and myself--that I can't handle you."
Rose yelled, "Go to hell, Montgomery!"
With that, he turned on his heels and stormed out of the house.
Rose looked out the window and saw him ride off in a fury on Brutus. She sighed and went downstairs.
Mary Ellen was sitting in the living room reading her Martha Stewart magazine and saying to herself, Huh! Think THAT'S a good thing? I'd move the couch over there, paint the walls celadon...
She looked up at Rosamond's face. "Oh, dear, is there a problem? My son just stormed out of here in a fit of temper."
"No, he just had to exercise the horse. Brutus needs running and often."
Mary Ellen looked Rose up and down speculatively. "You know, dear, if you don't give your husband what he wants, he just may seek it elsewhere. I am sure you don't want him frequenting prostitutes. Although William did have a proclivity for trash. Oh, I'm sorry dear, present company excepted, of course."
Rose stood there dumbfounded. She opened her mouth to answer and her cellphone rang.
"Hello?"
"Darling, it's me. Back safe and sound."
"OH! BETHIA! Hold on a minute, please." To Mary Ellen she said, "It's my sister Bethia. She's needing a receipt for a gift we bought our parents and I have to look for it in Billy Bob--er, William's den."
She went into the den and shut the door.
"I told BETHIA to call me. It's too risky having you call. This is the mother in law from hell. Everything she says is a double-edged sword. So what were you doing in Salem?"
"Dumping that piece of white trash off with the Puritans. We can finally put this episode behind us, Rose. I just wish I knew what she did with the 100,000 I paid her.
She was demanding another 50,000 in CASH this time. I was to meet her in some greasy diner. Now we don't have to worry about her 'babydoll' calls and we can go on meeting like we had been. This episode is behind us."
"John, I can't meet you. My every move is being scrutinized. This woman is serious trouble. Something weird is going on."
'But Rosamond..."
Click!

A few hours later, Billy Bob came back in the house. He was dirty and smelled of leather, liquor and horse sweat. Mary Ellen exclaimed, "My lands, darling! You must be working off some frustration. Now, Rosamond, we just can't have this, can we?
I have an idea! I would like to see Jed and Verla. Even a visit with Bobby Joe would be nice. After all, he did call me 'Mom' all the time he was growing up! Land's sakes alive, he practically lived at our house since he was five! Now, let's all go down to that establishment that Jed took over. 'Raindrop something'. "
To Rosamond she said, "I take it you DO have a babysitter on call? My heavens, you don't want to be strapped down with a child!"
J.R., to keep peace, said, "Hey, that's a hell of an idea! Kids? You up for it?"
Billy Bob gave Rosamond a hopeful look. She returned it with an even stare.
"I suppose I could see if Juanita would want to watch Julie. I'll call her."
Phone calls later, Juanita was delighted to watch the baby.
"I'm going up to take a shower." Billy Bob said.
Mary Ellen put her hand under Billy Bob's chin. "I've been meaning to ask you, dear, where did those nasty scratches on your face come from?...."
Rosamond had enough and went up to feed Julie.

Putting a sleeping baby back in her crib, she went into their bedroom. Billy Bob was getting dressed.
"I really don't feel like going out."
"That's tough because going out we are."
She sighed and headed for the shower. When she got in the bedroom wrapped in a towel, Billy Bob was putting on his boots. He looked up at her expectantly and smiled tentatively.
"Forget it, Montgomery. Your parents are just down the hall."
She grabbed her clothes and slipped into the bathroom. She put on her white shorts and pink cashmere sweater. Matching pink sandals and hoop earrings. She brushed her hair into a ponytail. Billy Bob was already downstairs. Mary Ellen was wearing expensive jeans and an oxford shirt.
"My, dear, won't you be chilly in those shorts? Just be careful when you lean over. Wouldn't do for everyone in the place to see a Montgomery wife's panties. That is, provided you are wearing them! Oh, dear---no bra? Well, this is a different generation but we certainly don't want to get talked about, do we?" Rose was speechless. Certainly she was wearing underwear! Rose stood there looking to Billy Bob to defend her.
Silence.

Final instructions were given to Juanita and the four of them got in the car. When they arrived there, Verla ran up to Mary Ellen and gave her a hug. "You look wonderful, Aunt Mary Ellen!" Mary Ellen gave her a hug back. 'You do, too, Verla."
Rosamond shook her head unbelievingly. Verla was in a halter top and Daisy Dukes, loaded with eye makeup and huge hoop earrings. THAT was acceptable but I am dressed like a floozy? Bobby Joe came up and gave Mrs. Montgomery a big hug.
"Hey! My surrogate Mom!" They all sat down for a round of beer. All except Rosamond and Mrs Montgomery. Rosamond ordered a double Tequila Sunrise and Mary Ellen ordered a vodka martini with an onion, not an olive.
To Rosamond she said, "My, do you always drink those tequila drinks, dear? Not good for a mother's milk, you know!"
Rose stood up and excused herself when she saw some friends. "Oh, there's Tanya and Rob. I'm sorry, I'll be right back." Billy Bob got up with her to greet their friends.
Bobby Joe blurted out. "Hell, that's how she got her nickname, 'Tequila Sunrise'. She came in here trying to drown a man out of her system and started dancing with Billy Bob. He started following her around..."
Mary Ellen said under her breath to her husband, "Yes, like a ..."
J.R. gave her a stern look. "This IS your daughter in law and Billy Bob's choice. NOT yours."
To her husband she said,. "Well, it could be worse. It could be that Wanda Sue Skaggs we'd be sitting with. At least this one is a classy tramp.'
J.R. said, "She is NOT a tramp, Mary Ellen. She's a beautiful young woman."
Mary Ellen lashed out. "And she's yanking Billy Bob's chain like he's some sort of yard dog! John Robert, you just wouldn't believe what I heard when I passed their bedroom door..."
"Mary Ellen, are you eavesdropping?"
"Heavens, no! But she used all her charms to get my son and now she's hardly a wife to him. The language I heard coming out of each of them!"
"It's not our business!"
To Bobby Joe she said, "How are they getting along?"
Bobby Joe had had a little too much to drink and his lips were flapping. "Well, a few weeks ago, she kicked him out of the car and drove off. The other day, she dumped him in Harper's meadow and he had to walk home. He threatened to kill her ex-lover but he was pretty tolerant of her sleeping with the guitar player. Even if he was her ex-lover's twin brother. BUT I take it from Billy Bob that it's an exciting relationship. They bury the hatchet but leave the handle sticking out!"
Mary Ellen pursed her lips. "She can't be any worse than that Wanda Sue Skaggs!"

Throughout the evening, Rosamond did her best to avoid her mother in law. She danced with every guy that asked her. Billy Bob sat there downing beer after beer. His mother was making him feel like a little kid again. When it came time to go home, Rosamond walked over with a flushed face. Rob walked over with her, his arm around her waist. They had just got done dancing the two-step.
"Whew! This little lady can sure give you a work-out!" He winked at Billy Bob.
"Lucky you!"
Rosamond sat down out of breath. Her face was flushed. Obviously she had a good time, especially away from her mother in law. "My goodness, Rose, you really danced up a storm and left your poor husband here!"
Rose had a few Tequila Sunrises herself. She drew herself up and said, "Billy Bob had the opportunity to join me whenever he wanted to. He chose to sit here and drink beer after beer after beer. So if I have to pour him in a car, it is his own fault. I don't want to hear another thing about it."
Mary Ellen's lips went in a tight line. But she said nothing. It was almost midnight when they pulled up to the ranch.
"Juanita, how was the baby?"
"Oh, just fine! She took a bottle and went right back to sleep."
Mary Ellen said saccarine sweet, "Are you SURE she's a Montgomery, dear? My children were always little hell-raisers from the time they were born. I certainly hope there is nothing WRONG with her!"
J.R. Montgomery stepped in before Rose could spout off at Mary Ellen. "Of course there is nothing wrong with her! She's a perfect little angel."
He took Mary Ellen by the arm and led her up the stairs. "It's time we said goodnight.
Goodnight, kids!"
"Rosamond called after him. "Good-night, Dad. Good-night, Mrs. Montgomery."
Billy Bob said, "Goodnight, Mom and Dad."
As they went up the stairs, Mary Ellen said, "Well, I still say she DOESN'T look like a Montgomery...for heaven's sake, dear,. will you PLEASE stop squeezing my elbow so hard....?"

"I'm going up to bed, too." Rose walked by Billy Bob but he grabbed her as she walked by. He pulled her into his lap.
"I'm sorry--sorry as hell about Mother. She's always been very territorial."
"Yes, like a pitbull. And you did nothing to defend me. You just let her go on and make her cultured, snide comments. She could tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they would look forward to the trip. Maybe your average simpleton, but not me."
She jumped up and went upstairs. She flung herself down on the bed. How much easier it would have been to be married to John! At least his mother is dead!

Billy Bob started up the stairs. In the hallway, his father came out of his bedroom.
"Boy, we need to talk. Have you heard anymore from Wanda Sue?"
"No, Dad. And that is what is so strange. That check for half a million is sitting in the drawer and not a word."
"Where is the uh, offending picture?"
"I tore it in half and shoved it into the wall safe with the divorce papers she didn't sign."
"No news is good news. You'd better go upstairs and make up with your wife."
J.R. Montgomery grinned. "And don't worry--I put the ceiling fan on and closed the door!"
Billy Bob grinned back. "Now to just convince Rose of it....!"


SLIM'S PICKINS........by Terri

Slim pulled into a rest stop in Tennessee the first night. He pulled out a ham and cheese sandwich from a 7-11 and unscrewed the cap off a Mad Dog 20/20.
When I find Wanda Sue, we'll work our way up to Denny's! Not even the early bird special! We'll spring for the 2.99 breakfast special. First thing I'm gonna buy are some new boots.
He punched his pillow on the passenger side and laid his head down. His coat covered him up. Who to hit up first? Wanda Sue never did tell me that guy John's last name. Guess I'll have to put the bite on Billy Bob and his honey.
Billy Bob---good ol' William Robert Montgomery! Living in that big house up on the hill! All that acreage! Looked like he owned half of Texas! Who'da ever thought Wanda Sue would have married him!
And that he'd technically be my brother in law! HA! I remember when we were teenagers, I used to sell him and Bobby Joe pot!
He couldn't possibly have KILLED Wanda Sue, could he? I mean, he COULD--but WOULD he? Find out soon enough, I guess! Maybe she forgot to pay her cellphone bill--wouldn't be the first time! Yeah, Wanda Sue sure played him for a fool that first time! Told him she was pregnant and he got scared and didn't even question it! Nos he's got a cushy life with a big Thoroughbred ranch and a young trophy wife--well, let's see who breaks the bank first, Billy Bob or his sweet wife! And Slim went to sleep as visions of video tapes and unsigned divorce papers danced in his head!


BURNED BACON & BUCKING BRONCHOS......by Terri

Billy Bob groaned and pulled his pillow over his head. Would that damn bluebird ever shut up? Whoever called them the bluebird of happiness had ....oh, damn!

What the heck happened last night? And did I enjoy it?
Rosamond came in with a filled icepack and threw it at Billy Bob's head without a word. "OWWW!" He looked down and saw his jeans and boots on the floor. Guess that answers my question!
He let the hot water from the shower run over his face. There wasn't a muscle in his body that wasn't sore. He dried off, dressed and went downstairs.
Rose was standing at the stove trying to cook breakfast. The bacon was already smoking. Mrs. Montgomery was opening a window and fanning the smoke out. Rose was biting her lip and trying hard not to cry. The senator was holding Julie and talking babytalk to her. Rose thought, isn't this weird? Usually it is the grandmothers that are doting on their grandchildren. This woman must have vinegar and ice water in her veins. How can such a nice man stay married to such a.....
"Rose! Did you burn the bacon again?" Billy Bob asked.
"OH, NO! I JUST THOUGHT EVERYONE WOULD LIKE IT EXTRA CRISPY, LIKE THEIR CHICKEN! Of course, I burned it AGAIN! I give up!"
Mary Ellen said calmly, "I am sure you can learn, dear. Just remember, kissing doesn't last, but cooking does."
Billy Bob muttered under his breath, 'looks like I have a shortage of both'
Mary Ellen said, "Rosamond, dear, do you think you could boil water for tea?"
Rose held back what she really wanted to say. "Oh, I don't know, Mrs. Montgomery. I'll have to look to see if it is in my cookbook!"
Billy Bob shot her a warning glance. "Dad and I are going to be looking over some facts and figures in the den all morning. Mom, what do you plan on doing?"
Mrs. Montgomery scraped the burned crumbs off her toast, gave up and threw it away. The effect was not lost on Rosamond.
"I thought I'd meet your Aunt Janie for shopping. It's been a long time since we got together, since she and Jed moved up here."
Billy Bob tried to smooth things over with Rosamond. "Honey? Any plans today?"
Rosamond smiled sweetly. "Oh, yes, I thought I'd go down to the docks and cruise for sailors. You know how I like seafood!"
Billy Bob was trying hard to keep his temper in front of his father. Mary Ellen sat in shocked silence. The senator let out a laugh that startled Julie and got her crying.
Billy Bob held his hands out to his dad. "Here, Dad, let me take her." He cradled the crying baby in his arms and tried to soothe her into silence.
Rose immediately felt sorry for her outburst. She reached out to take Julie from Billy Bob but he waved her away and said, "She's MY child, too, Rose. I can take care of her, too."

Since the bacon, eggs and toast were ruined,. J.R. fixed omelettes all around.
Rose gave him a sweet smile and said, "Now I know where my husband gets his cooking expertise, Dad. This is just fabulous!"
J.R. grinned. "Thank you, ma'am! Don't let Mary Ellen fool you. She can't cook a lick, either. Some things you just overlook."
The fact that Rosamond called J.R. 'Dad' and Mary Ellen 'Mrs. Montgomery' was not lost of Billy Bob's mother. Both were like cats fighting over the same saucer of milk, like puppies establishing their territory. Except that the house was Rosamond' back yard and Billy Bob was the bone. And Mama had years of experience on her side.
With Julie snuggled in J.R.'s arms, Rose and Billy Bob loaded up the dishwasher.

Mary Ellen handed Billy Bob a Heft bag filled with trash and said, "Dear, would you please be a lamb?" To Rose she said, "He always DID take the trash out!" Billy Bob turned beet red and J.R. shot Mary Ellen a warning look.
Mary Ellen stood up. "I MUST be going! William, dear, I am going to borrow that silver car in the garage and meet Janie." She gathered her purse up and was gone in a puff of perfume.
Thank the Lord for small miracles, Rosamond thought.


J.R. stood up and stretched. "Billy Bob, are you ready to go over those facts and figures now? I'd like to see how my investments are paying off."
Billy Bob stood up. "Dad and I will be a few hours, honey. Don't bother your pretty little head about us. We'll be fine. Anything we need we can get ourselves."
Pretty little head! What do they think I am, a moron? I managed to escape from the 13th century in a very ingenious fashion and survive in the 21st century. Yes, I did get in a spot of trouble at that brothel in New Orleans and almost got us all shot. OK, so I managed to muck it up a bit with a misguided affair with Daniel, an impetuous marriage, a sleazy affair with the man I love, get blackmailed twice over and deliver a baby at home, but hey, who's perfect?

Billy Bob and the senator went into the den and locked the door.
"OK, boy, show me what you have." J.R. lit a cigar.
Billy Bob dialed the combination to the safe and drew out the divorce decree along with Wanda Sue's cryptic note. He held the ripped pictures back from his dad.
J.R. looked the divorce papers over carefully.
"Looks just like an omission of signature. That's all. Everything is in order. Just to be sure we'll fax a copy to Ben Shepherd, my lawyer in Austin. Possible we could waive the signing and get Wanda Sue on desertion. Or irreconcilable differences. Hell, boy, you two haven't lived together for 14 years---and that was only a week! HA! Can't believe the two of you, all of 16, ran to Fayette county and then hightailed it to N'Awlins for what you two called a honeymoon!"
The senator slapped his thigh and laughed. "Hell, boy, what is it about that town and you? That's the second honeymoon you spent there!"
"Shh, Dad. I don't want Rosamond to know about any of this. We have been having a few problems, especially since Julie was born. I can't risk losing her."
The senator narrowed his eyes at Billy Bob. "Why DID you marry her so fast?"
Billy Bob didn't want to reveal the terms of Grandpere's will. "We spent a few days in Austin, Dad. She got pregnant there. But I fell in love with her the day I saw her in the Dew Drop Inn."
"What's this about another man? She was trying to wash his memory away? Bobby Joe mentioned it."
Billy Bob said darkly, "That's over and done with. She worked with him. They sort of 'lived together' for a while. Closed chapter. Out of the picture. I made sure of that."
Then Billy Bob asked, "Dad, am I a bigamist?"
"Don't know, son. Ben will know."
"Dad? Please don't let it slip to Rose. I have enough trouble controlling that woman."

Rose spent the day going through her clothes that were still in boxes from Jack bringing them over from the big house. Don't need this, don't need that....yuck! I can't believe I bought THAT!...too big....too small.....out of style.....
Before she knew it she had a big pile of rejects and a small pile of keepers.
At least she had all those shoes that she bought on her wild spending spree. And enough perfume and bath salts to last a lifetime. She played with Julie when she was awake.
She had thought about calling John but it was too risky. Mommie-in-law dearest was watching her like a hawk. What was that business about taking out TRASH?

Rosamond didn't even try to cook dinner after her disastrous breakfast burnt offerings.
J.R., being a Texan, threw the steaks on the grill. In fact, he and Billy Bob took care of the whole dinner. Mrs. Montgomery fixed a picture of sangria.
Mary Ellen sat down and poured everyone a glass of the wine--everyone except Rose.
"My dear, I think alcohol is a bad idea for you. You overdid it with those Tequila Sunrises last night. You don't want to develop a chemical dependency on them, do you?"
Rosamond wordlessly turned to Billy Bob but he just shrugged his shoulders and ignored her wordless questions. Mary Ellen said, "I talked with Janie and Jed and they want us to come out to the Dew Drop Inn tonight. William, darling, I understand you have quite a following out there with your group."
"Mom, I've backed off from that quite a bit now that I am a married man. I just want to spend my evenings with my bride and my baby. Alot of the guys still get together and jam down there."
"We're going tonight. Jameson and Anastasia will probably be there, too. And I made arrangements with Juanita to watch Judy....Julie."
Rosamond groaned inwardly. Jameson was one of the last people she wanted to see.
After dinner, Rose slipped upstairs and changed her clothes. She pulled on her jeans, boots and lace pullover. Oh, this will be a real fun evening. BORING!

"John, my Jeep won't start. I think it's the alternator. I REALLY need a ride to the Dew Drop Inn tonight. I can catch a ride home with Clint, he drives right past here. But I need you to drop me off. I wouldn't ask you but I really need to be there." Daniel pleaded.
John sighed. "OK, just this once. Don't make it a habit." John went upstairs and changed into his jeans and pullover. Within an hour, he and Daniel were heading down Highway 141. Daniel said, "I really appreciate this, John."
John said, "Let me ask you something, Daniel....how can you be kind of nice sometimes and 95% of the time be a bastard?"
They both laughed as John parked the Corvette. "Want to come in?" Daniel said.
"I don't know....."
"Aw come on! They never come here. Come on! Have a beer with me!"
John reluctantly agreed. "Alright, one beer and then I'm gone. I have to go to work tomorrow."
They sat at the bar and Daniel ordered them two longneck Buds. Bobby Joe looked from one to the other. "I swear it's like looking at the Double Mint Gum commercial!"
Verla came up and sat next to Daniel. "Introduce me, Daniel!"
Daniel turned and said, "This is my twin brother, John Gwinnett."
"John...John....where have I heard that name before? OH,yes, from my cousin Billy...
whoops! I have to go!" She hastily slid off the stool.
John shrugged. "Guess she's heard the story."
The door opened. Daniel turned around and said, "Well, I'll be! Look who just walked in! Little Mama herself!"
John turned around and his heart stopped.
Rosamond had walked in with Billy Bob's arm possessively around her. She was with an older couple and looking very uncomfortable. Quite a few people came up and greeted her and her husband.
John turned to the bartender and said, "Set 'em up again. And keep them coming."

Billy Bob, Rose and his parents made their way to a table where Jed, Janie, Jameson and Anastasia were seated. Rose felt very uncomfortable around Jameson, since he knew of her beach romp with John and had turned her in to her husband. Drinks were ordered all around.
Jameson introduced Rosamond to Anastasia. She was an ice-cool blonde who looked like her hair was never out of place. VERY high society. Jameson always looked at Rose like he knew her secrets.
John sat at the bar and watched the whole family scene in the mirror over the bartenders's station. Rose looked very uncomfortable and looked like she was pounding the Tequila Sunrises back. After a half hour, she got up to go to the ladies' room. John timed it so he headed back to the hallway the same time she did.
Her back was to him. He grabbed her by the hair.
"What the hell..." she started to say as she turned around and looked up into his hazel eyes. "Jo----" she started to say as he held his hand over her mouth.
"Meet me out on the deck. Think of an excuse to go out there."
She nodded her head in agreement and he took his hand away from her mouth.
He turned and walked out the French doors onto the deck that overlooked the lake.
Rose came back to the table and said, "It is so stuffy in here, I feel like I can't breathe!" She grabbed the neck of her shirt and fanned herself, trying to cool off.
Billy Bob frowned, "Sugah, it isn't that hot in here."
She said, "I need to get some fresh air. I'll be back in a few minutes."
Billy Bob watched her go out the side door. Mary Ellen said, "William, darling, does Rose have a...problem we don't know about?"
"What do you mean, Mother?"
"I mean, does she have a drinking problem? Really, William, I would hate to see someone of her age go into rehab...."
"Oh, Mother, cut it out! NO, she does not have a drinking problem!"
"Well, I just want to make sure little Jody is taken care of properly."
"Julie."
"That's what I said. Julie."

Rose went out to the deck and stood at the railing, looking over the lake. John sat in the shadows in one of the deck chairs.
"No! Don't come over near me and don't acknowledge that I am here or that we know each other! Please, John, it's too risky. Jameson Osgood is in there. He'll recognize you and so will my husband." She continued to gaze over the lake, never turning around to look at him. "Do you know how much self-control it is taking for me not to fling myself in your arms and damn the consequences? To hold you and never let you go?"
John whispered from the shadows, "About as much self-control as I have. Rose, who's watching the baby?"
"Juanita, our housekeeper. I trust her implicitly."
"Who are those other people?"
"You remember Jameson Osgood? It turns out he's Billy Bob's cousin. He's here with his wife. Giving me the 'look'. That's Billy Bob's parents, Senator and Mrs. Montgomery from Austin TX."
"THAT Senator Montgomery? Well, I'll be!"
"With him is the mother-in-law from hell. She hates me. The rest are aunts and uncles. Verla is Billy Bob's cousin and Bobby Joe is his best friend."
"So you are outnumbered."
"John, you'd better go back inside. I'll go back in about five minutes. I wouldn't be surprised if my husband came out here."
He stood up and in the shadows went quietly to her side. He touched her hand briefly and whispered, "Kiss my daughter for me."
He went inside the bar and a tear trickled down Rosamond's face. She wiped it with the back of her hand just as Billy Bob came out.
"You alright, Sugah?"
"Yes. I just needed a break from the family togetherness."
Billy Bob slipped his arm around Rosamond and drew her to him. He kissed her on the cheek and said, "Then let's go back inside."
John had just reached the door and turned back to catch that little scene. He went up to the bar and ordered another drink.

As the night wore on, Rosamond and Verla both had too much to drink. Mary Ellen Montgomery was giving them both disapproving looks but Rose was too mad and upset to even care. Billy Bob and his father were doing no better, alcohol-wise.
Rose and Verla stood up, swaying.
"I'll bet I can longer than you!"
"Bet you can't!"
"Care to put your money where your mouth is, Verla?"
"Take you on, Mrs. Billy Bob!"
They both dissolved into giggles. They went off arm in arm and went up to the bar.
John was still sitting there, several drinks later. Rose covertly reached over and pinched him on the butt, no one being the wiser. She looked right at Bobby Joe and said, "Crank him up, Sweetheart!"
John was staring at the mirror over the bar and silently he was pleading to Rose with his eyes to stop it. Whatever it was she was up to."
Verla grabbed a cowboy hat for herself and put one on Rose's head.
"Bobby Joe, wanna keep tabs on the bets placed?"
Bobby Joe hit a red buzzer. The regulars knew what that meant.
SOMEONE WAS GOING TO RIDE ALPHONSO, THE MECHANICAL BULL TONIGHT!
Everyone gathered around. Bets were being placed. Who would stay on the longest?
Would it be Billy Bob's hot little wife? Would it be Billy Bob's sexy little cousin Verla?
Verla and Rosamond drew from a card deck to see who would go first. Verla won.
She climbed on the back of Alphonso. Verla swayed and lasted all of four minutes.
She slid off in an alcoholic fog.
Rose's turn. John stood at the edge of the crowd and was afraid to watch. This was his Rose about to kill herself.
Rose hopped on Alphonso's back. "Hey, Bobby Joe, crank him up to full speed!"
A murmur ran over the crowd. No one had ever requested that on the first time!
Bobby Joe looked at Billy Bob and gave him a look that said, Whatever she wants!
The 'bull' kicked and bucked but still she held on.
The crowd cheered. After six minutes, she waved to Bobby Joe to stop it. When she got off, Verla extended her hand to her. They gave each other hugs and returned to the table with their arms around each other's shoulders.
The senator said, "Where did you ever learn to ride like that, Rosamond?"
"In England. I learned with the best of them."
Bobby Joe walked over with his hands full of cash and dumped them in front of Rose.
"Looks like you won, honey!"
Rose cut the money in two and said, "Give half to Verla. She earned it!" They smiled at each other, allies in spite of the fact that Verla was Billy Bob's cousin.
Mary Ellen Montgomery stood up, quivering with righteous indignation, the result of blue-blood breeding. "I have never been so embarrassed as I have at the actions of the two of you tonight! Imagine! Acting like two-bit chippies and getting men..MEN!...
to bet on you!"
Rosamond and Verla dissolved into more laughter. Bobby Joe and Billy Bob couldn't help but laugh.
Mary Ellen Montgomery turned to go to the ladies' room, furuious at the wanton behaviour and the fact that Rosamond had disgraced the family.
As she walked towards the hall, she didn't see John's leg resting to the side.

She fell. The result was a compound fracture in both her legs. The remedy?
Three weeks bed rest followed by six weeks rehabilitation--no travel!


THE FUGITIVES.......by Coralynn

Susan (aka Wanda Sue) and Samantha huddle in the woods. They can hear yelling from the jail, and, though they're too far away to see anything clearly, know that the guard is sounding the alarm and chances are is forming a posse.

"What do we do now?" Samantha pleads.
"Welllll, if we can get across that meadow without being seen, we can find a house where the people will take us in."
"Why would they do that, though? Everyone is scared to death of the magistrate. They could get in trouble. They'd probably turn us in right away to avoid that."
"It's our only chance!" Susan insists, "Let's make a break for it before they find us here!"
Susan runs across the meadow with Samantha following. The light is beginning to fade from the day, and, being cloudy, makes it easier for them to avoid being seen.
They run to the first house they see and crouch on the back porch.
"Here's goes nuthin'!" Susan says bravely as she knocks on the back door.
They see a candle being lit in the room on the other side of the door.
An old crone opens the door and gestures them inside.
"Well look at you two!" she exclaims, "Fugitives, are ye? And what are you wearing, girl? Looks like something from the far future to me!"
"It is, but how did you know?"
The old woman cackles, "I know everything. Witch, you know. I mean a real one. The people in Salem Village just think I'm an eccentric old lady and leave me alone, but I can conjure, I can cast spells, I can..."
Susan interrupts, "Time travel?"
"That's one of my favorite things!" the old hag slaps her knee and cackles anew.
Samantha is confused, "What are you two talking about? You're frightening me. They arrested me for witchcraft, which I know not, and here you are, a real one. What is all this about time travel anyway?"

Susan explains, "I was brought here from 2002......"
"I knew it!" the old crone yells in glee.
".......and left here by some very unkind people....and I wish to return to May 20, 2002 as fast as possible."
"HA! No problem! Piece of cake!" the hag says happily.
"Piece of cake?!" Susan realizes this old lady is using more modern slang. "How do you come by that expression?"
"Ooohhhhh, I time travel on boring days," the old hag tells her as she rummages around in one of her large chests. "I thought the 20th Century was a hoot!"
"Can you help me get back to my own time?" Susan is almost begging, then turns to Samantha, "Would you like to come, too? That way the Constable will never find you and you'll be safe."

Samantha is afraid of the unknown, but the situation she is currently in is even more frightening.
"I guess so....."
"Here it IS!" the crone holds up a locket, "This is a magic locket. Since I have three of them, I can spare you this one. All you have to do is stand in the middle of the room here, right here where the "X" is marked on the floor, turn around 3 times east, 3 times west, and say 'Off I go to May 20, 2002' and you'll be off! Simple as that!!"

The old crone hands the locket to Susan who grabs it eagerly and stands on the "X" in the middle of the room, gesturing for Samanatha to do likewise.
Samantha holds back, however, so Susan, never one to wait on fools, turns 3 times east and 3 times west, says the words and is gone.

Susan finds herself in the back yard of the house on Elmwood Avenue.
Well, babydoll, they thought they'd gotten rid of you, did they? HA! I won't live in this house anymore, no no no, I will hide out so they think I'm gone, but I'll be watching them and waiting my chance!


BURNED BACON (two)......by Terri

Mary Ellen Montgomery turned to go to the ladies' room, furious at the wanton behavior of her daughter in law and the fac that Rosamond had disgraced the family publicly.
She didn't see John's leg resting at the side of his barstool She stumbled over his leg and grabbed a couple of bar stools on her wild ride down to the floor.

"Aaarrggh! My leg!" Billy Bob and his father sighed and ambled over to pick her up. They hoisted her up and she crumbled like a chocolate chip cookie. Jameson reached over to his cellphone and dialed 9-1-1. "Please send an ambulance to the Dew Drop Inn on Highway 141. A woman with a possible broken leg. Thanks!" Rosamond stood at the bar and whispered to John without looking at him. "What happened?" John whispered back, "She tripped over my leg." Rosamond started to giggle and then couldn't stop laughing, "Look out, Austin bound!"

The paramedics came in and made a quick diagnosis. A compound fracture in both legs.
They bundled Mary Ellen on a stretcher and carted her off.
Billy Bob came over to Rosamond. "Come on, sugar, we have to take Dad to the hospital and follow the ambulance."
Rose said, "Why don't you go, darling? Take the car, I'll call a cab. You don't know how long you are going to be and I need to get home to the baby."
"Well, I don't know....."
"I'll be fine, darling. I'll be home before you."
"If you're sure...."
She watched as her husband and his father pulled out after the ambulance.
John was seething. He had been standing in the shadows and had watched the whole exchange.

John seethed. "I didn't spend $100,000.00 on you so you could call him 'darling'!"
Rosamond said calmly, "Number 1--he IS my husband and I have to keep up a civilized appearance. Number 2--you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. And Number 3--hey, cabbie! Take me home tonight! Just give me ten minutes and meet me by your car!"

John slid the keys across the bar and Rose caught them expertly without even looking at John. She got up discreetly and left by the side door. She unlocked the passenger side and slid in. Within ten minutes, John came out and opened the driver's door, climbed in and started the car. As he pulled out of the parking lot, Rosamond slid down in the seat. John grinned. "Where to, ma'am?"
Rose said, "I don't care---just drive! It's so beautiful out and I have an hour to spare!"
John drove for about fifteenminutes and then drove down a dirt road that led to the lake. He killed the engine, reached over and locked Rosamond's door and said, "I do believe this is what the teenagers call a 'lover's lane'?" She gave him a bemused smile and put her arms around his neck and drew her to him.

Not fifteen minutes had gone by when a flashlight shone in the car and a police officer said, "OK, kids--come out of the car with your pants up and show me some indentification!"

Rosamond and John scrambled out of the car. John's hair was rumpled and he had Rosamond's lipstick smeared on his mouth. Her sweater was all twisted and one shoe was off.
"Honest, officer--we weren't doing anything but talking!" John tried to explain.
The officer narrowed his eyes. "Un, huh!" he said doubtfully. "Let's see some ID.
John reached on his car visor and pulled out his driver's license. Rose told the officer she had to get her purse out of the car. She handed him her license.
"John Gwinnett--224 Winding Willow. This your correct address?"
"Yes, sir."

He looked at Rosamond's and said, "Little lady, you live on Rt.9. What's this name?" He held his flashlight on it. "Rosamond Montgomery. Montgomery.... Montgomery....where have I heard that name? Oh yeah, the Double B Ranch. Right fine spread. How are you related to the owner?"
Rose panicked but thought quickly. "I'm his kid sister. The one they never talk about. I just moved here from Austin a few months ago. I--I was sent to live with my brother because, uh, I disgraced the family. Officer-please don't mention this to my brother!
If he found out I was here he would send me off to..." Rose shuddered. "It's too horrible to think about!" She grabbed his arm. "Please, officer! I don't want to be a NUN! I would look terrible in one of those wimples!"
Rose whipped up some tears in a hurry. The officer turned a stern eye to John. "You taking advantage of this little lassie? I see by your license you are 30. Old enough to know better. Since you both were still dressed, there's really nothing to charge you with! So go on-but don't let me catch you down here again!"
He walked back to his car and waited for them to pull out.
John said to Rosamond, "Do you think he'll tell your 'brother' on you?"
Rose said, "If it gets to that point, I WILL join a convent!" They pulled into the drive of the Double B ranch. They had left an hour ago.
"John, if you drive down by the barn and wait, I'll get rid of the babysitter and you can sneak up and see Julie. But just for a few minutes. Keep your car on the other side of the stables, it's impossible to see from the house. Listen for the phone in the barn. I'll ring once, hang up and ring again. Pick it up then."


ON THE ROAD AGAIN..........by Coralynn

Wanda Sue, aka Susan Hemingway, makes her way across town to where her car is parked outside the Motel 6.
She owes the Motel for the stay, but decides she doesn't have enough cash on her to pay up plus live for the next week or so, so she slips her key into the motel room lock and enters.
Gathering up some of her clothes, she ducks back out and throws them in the car on top of the stolen microwave.
Where to now, babydoll, she asks herself, where can I hide out and still be in the area? I'd stay at this Motel 6, but they'll want me to pay. That will never do!!

As she starts the car, which, miraculously, it does on her first attempt, she tries to back out of the parking spot, but, when she puts it in reverse, it goes forward.
"Ahhhh helllll," she yells to the empty car, "How am I going to get this tin can out of here?"
She puts it in neutral, gets out and pushes it backwards. It moves slightly. She pushes harder; it moves a bit more. She keeps pushing till she thinks it's out far enough to drive forward if she makes a sharp right turn.
She gets back in and does so. It just barely misses nicking one of the posts holding up the overhang on the motel.
As she roars out of the parking lot, the Motel employee on duty runs out to see who it is, and, noticing it's the person from Room 12, sees on the leger that the bill hasn't been paid, nor the keys turned in. He dashes out into the parking lot too late, as the car is now belching black smoke, heading out of town. He looks on the register and sees that she hasn't given her license plate number. Oh swell, now I'm gonna get fired! he moans. But.....how many ancient Ford Falcons could there be in the area? He phones the police and tells them to be on the lookout for a criminal who skipped out on her motel bill. There!! That oughta at least show the owners that I tried!

Susan sees all this from her rearview mirror and concludes:
(a) I'd better not bring this car into town again.
(b) The Police may be looking for me if that jackass clerk calls them.
(c) No more Motel 6's for me!! It could be back to Motel 4's or even 2's. At the thought she shudders.
(d) I have to get my hands on more money and fast. But how?
(e) I have to go to another town and start over. Rats!
(f) I'd better dye my hair black, the sooner the better.
(g) Wonder how the Mass Transit is in these parts, because, babydoll, that's how you're going to have to get around from now on!


WHOSE BED HAVE YOUR BOOTS BEEN UNDER?....by Terri

Officer Travis Malone sat in his patrol car writing up his reports. He kept thinking back to that couple down by the river. Damn, she was cute! He sighed. Maybe some day I will just go out there and ask Mr. Montgomery if I can take his sister to dinner....maybe the movies, too....

Rose hurried into the house. Juanita said, "Why, Mrs. Montgomery, I didn't hear you pull up!"
"I took a cab, Juanita. Mrs. Montgomery--the other one--broke her legs and is in the hospital." Rose then related to Juanita what happened to Mary Ellen at the Dew Drop Inn. They should be home before too long. So you can go."

"OK, the baby is sleeping. She should be down for the rest of the night. Goodnight!"
When Juanita pulled out onto the highway, Rose called once, hung up and dialed again. Within two minutes John was on the back porch. Rose opened the door and drew him in quickly. "This is really risky and you can't linger. Ten minutes. That's all." She took his hand and led him into the nursery. Julie was stirring.
"Rosamond, can I please just hold her?"
"OK, but try not to wake her up."
John bent over and picked the baby up. "Her hair is turning blonde. I am so glad there's alot of it. She looks so much like you, Rosamond." He cuddled the baby and touched her little hand. She curled her fingers around her daddy's finger. After a few minutes he kissed her tenderly on the forehead and reluctantly put her back in her crib. He looked at Rose and smiled. She smiled back and then said, "OH NO!"

"We never did get to finish 'making out' at the river. Imagine that officer calling us 'kids' ! I had to be at least five years older than him. He had to be a rookie! A real eager beaver!" John said.
John put his arms around Rosamond and drew her to him. "John! No! This can't be! It's too dangerous!"
No sooner were the words out of Rosamond's mouth when the front door opened and a voice drifted upstairs and called out those three words a woman hated to hear when making love (or about to!)
"HONEY? I'M HOME!"

Rosamond and John both froze.
John whispered frantically, "Where can I hide? How can I get out of here? I mean in one piece?"
Rose was a study in absolute terror. She feared for both their lives.
"I-I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN,DARLING!" she shouted.
"Darling?" John hissed.
Rosamond shrugged helplessly. She motioned under the bed. "Here! Here! Don't get up, don't even sneeze until I tell you to!"
"Rosamond, are you out of your mind? This isn't a 1940's screwball comedy!" he whispered.
"Do you want to get us both killed? Make Julie an orphan? PLEASE!" she said frantically.
From downstairs they heard, "I'm coming up. I've already locked up. I'm really beat!"
They heard Billy Bob's boots coming up the stairs.
John dove under the bed and Rose pulled the dustruffle over the edge just in time. She sat primly on the edge of the bed. "How-how's your mother?"
"The doctor wants to keep her overnight. She has both her legs in casts. Dad is staying overnight down there with her. So it looks like it's just you and I tonight, little girl." He grinned.
This thought never even entered Rosamond's mind when she hid John under the bed.
He took off his boots and dropped them one by one just inches from John's nose.
"Why-why don't you take a shower, darling?"
"I took one before we left this evening, remember? Rose, are you starting to stutter? Or is being this near to me making you breathless?" he laughed throatily.
He took off his shirt and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
Rose reached down and looked under the bed. She looked at John with fear in her eyes. John gave her a questioning look.
Billy Bob came out. "What are you doing down there, hon?"
"I'm just picking up your boots. You know, you really should keep your things picked up."
Billy Bob's jeans dropped where his boots had been. The mattress sagged slightly with his weight and creaked a bit. John had rolled over to the other side.

"Come on to bed, Sugah." Billy Bob pulled the cover down on her side of the bed.
"I need to take a shower. I'm all sweaty from that ride on the mechanical bull."
"What have you been doing the whole time you were home?"
"I had to take care of the baby. She woke and needed feeding. I just got her to sleep right before you came in."
"Well, hurry up."
Rose took her robe off the hook. What have I gotten myself into? She stood under the hot shower. Five minutes later, the shower door was pulled open.
She stifled a scream and grabbed for her towel.
"Are you out of your mind?" she asked John incredulously.
"He went downstairs. What am I going to do?"
"Slide back under the bed until he goes to sleep, I'll let you out then. Now GO! GO!"
Rose thought she was going to faint in the shower. What do I do if Billy Bob puts the moves on me with John under the bed?
She dried herself off and wrapped herself in her terrycloth robe. Billy Bob was already in bed and he had two glasses filled with champagne.
Rose walked over to her side of the bed and dropped the towel she had used to dry her hair. She reached down to retrieve it and glanced under the bed. She saw John flattened against the floor. He gave her a little wave and a smile.

Rosamond scooted onto the bed, getting as close to the edge as she could and drew the covers up to her neck. She closed her eyes. Billy Bob let out an amused laugh. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Going to sleep. Goodnight."
He pulled her over next to him. "Honey, this is not an 'I Love Lucy' episode! Here! Have a glass of champagne to relax with." She sat up and gulped it down. Billy Bob said, "Sugah, champagne is for sipping, not guzzling!" He laughed. He poured her another drink.
"I thought I saw that John Gwinnett there at the Inn tonight," he said.
"Oh, I doubt that very seriously. He wouldn't want to tangle with you. That's a closed chapter. You probably saw Daniel."
"Damn well better stay a closed chapter if you know what's good for both you AND him! If he gets near you, I WILL kill him."

To change the subject, Rose said, "So what's the deal with your mother? When will she be able to travel back to Austin? I'm sure she will recover quickly in her own home. Will she be leaving when she gets out of the hospital?"
"Uh, I have to tell you something, Rose. She'll be laid up here for the next six weeks. No travel, they had to put some pins in her legs. She took a pretty bad fall. Tripped over someone's leg, she didn't say who. She has to stay quiet. The doctor that set it wants to follow through on it..."
"WHAT?! That woman is staying here for the next six weeks? NO! NO WAY!"
"Rose, this is not an option. She IS staying."

"But she doesn't even like me! She can't even remember the name of her own granddaughter! She insults me every chance she gets...."
Billy Bob sighed and then reached over and cupped Rose's face in his hands.
"Can we discuss it tomorrow? My parents are not coming home tonight..."
"And you think this is some high-school teenage seduction scene? What are we, sophomores in high school? Oh, I can just re-live it now! 'My parents are away all weekend..we have the house all to ourselves, come on, honey, if you love me, you'll prove it...' PLEASE! Do you think I just fell off a turnip truck?"

Rose grabbed her champagne glass and guzzled glass #2 down.
Billy Bob got mad. "You're right! This is no high school romance. This is a normal marriage! And I expect certain things in a marriage...."
Rose jumped out of bed. She was wrapped in a sheet and she yelled, "Trying to butter me up and then drop a bomb like that about your mother staying? Then you expect me to get the warm and fuzzies inside and melt all over you? HA!"
Billy Bob shouted, "It's not my fault! This has been rough on me, too, you know, especially with...."
"With what?"
"Nothing. Never mind." He almost let his blackmail with Wanda Sue slip. He grabbed her and threw her back in bed. "Look, honey-we've got enough on each other to wage a full-scale war." He tried to placate her. "Come on, Rosamond. Let's be nice to each other for a change."

"Half the time we don't even remember what we were fighting about. Look at us! We started out with champagne in bed and we ended up arguing about that damn Gwinnett guy, my mother, what you perceived as a back-seat seduction....I just want to take advantage of the fact that we have the house to ourselves and that Julie is asleep."

He pulled her to him and stroked her cheek. "I have to tell you one thing, though. I was impressed with your mechanical bull skills. Everyone was. They couldn't believe that such a little lady could conquer Alphonso. Many a man has tried and just couldn't stay on. Some wanted to see if you could do it again!"
Rose calmed down a bit. "Forget it! My bronco busting days are over-and it only lasted one evening! It was just the result of one too many Tequila Sunrises and Verla challenging me."
"You get along with Verla, don't you?"
"I really like her." Rose laughed. "But she's a bad influence on me!" Billy Bob started to kiss Rosamond on the neck. Rose almost forgot about John under the bed. Suddenly she remembered and bolted upright. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"
"No-nothing!" Gotta think quick, gotta think quick.....

She jumped out of bed. Rosamond could see where the night was heading. She could either fight some more with her husband and upset John or she could give in and REALLY upset him! NO! That was totally unthinkable! "What are you doing?" Billy Bob asked. He sat up.
"I'll be right back." She went into the bathroom and closed the door. She hunted in the medicine cabinet. It has to be here somewhere! She found a bottle of sleeping pills. Let's see....Montgomery's 6'3" and about 200 lbs.....four of these should do the trick! She sprayed some perfume on and came back to bed.
"What were you doing?"
Rose said in a very sexy voice, "Oh, just setting the scene for a bigtime seduction, darling!"

Underneath the bed John was livid with rage and a sense of betrayal. Is this what goes on everynight? It took all his self-control to keep from getting out from under the bed and killing both of them!
Rose leaned over and said, "How about another glass of champagne, darling?"
Billy Bob smiled and reached over to get Rosamond another glass of champagne.
At last! She's being co-operative!
While his back was turned, she slipped the four sleeping pills in his half full glass.
As he turned to her and handed her a glass of champagne, he topped his own off.
They clinked glasses. John tried to control his temper under the bed.
His hands were clenched. That's MY woman, not Montgomery's. John failed to remember that Rose and Billy Bob WERE married!
Rose sipped her champagne slowly, stalling for time. Billy Bob drank half his.
"Hurry up, sugah."
Rosamond purred, "What's the rush? We have all night!"
John was incredulous. I can't believe this crap!
Billy Bob finished his and started to put the moves on Rose. She responded by kissing him. Within a few minutes he began to slow down. WAY down!

"Darling? William?"
His response was "ZZZZZZZ...."
She tried to budge him. She couldn't. She pushed on him.
"John? JOHN!" she whispered. "Help me!"
John slid out from under the bed. He was outraged. "I should just leave you like this!"
Rose hissed. "I gave him some sleeping pills. He's passed out and I can't move!"
John was mad. "Does this go on all the time?"
Rose whispered, "Of course not! Now help me roll him over!"
John grabbed Billy Bob by the shoulders and Rose pushed. Billy Bob landed on his side of the bed. Rose gasped for air.
John said, "Well, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes."
Rose grabbed her robe and stood up. "You've got to get out of here."
John followed her down the stairs. She opened the door and kissed him goodbye. "That was one close call!"
John held her. "What will you tell him in the morning?"
Rose whispered, "That it was fantastic....that the earth moved....."
John gave her a little smile and a dynamite kiss and went off into the night.
Rose closed the door and just about fainted.
I certainly can't keep THIS up! It's going to be a looong six weeks!

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