Part 140: And the Winner is................by Coralynn

"Come see the new gown I bought for the Emmy Awards, Beth!" Eleanor tugs Bethia into her room.
She opens a large box and out comes a gown of gold with a beaded bodice.
"I'm all but blinded by it!" Bethia kids, as she covers her eyes with her arms.
"Even if I don't win Best Sportscaster, I'll be the most magnificent looking one!" Eleanor laughs and puts the dress on a hanger.
"Aren't all the other sportscasters men?" Bethia asks.
"Sure are! I have integrated sportscasting. That probably means no one will vote for me, but this is only my first year after all."
"Are they going to telecast it?" Bethia asks, "I want to see you when you walk into that auditorium and knock them all off their feet."
"But you're going to be there!" Eleanor is surprised Bethia didn't know that. "You're my 'date'."
"Ohhhh great," Bethia groans, "Now they'll start asking me again if I'm a lesbian."
"Who cares what those bozos think," Eleanor assures her, "If I made sure everyone approved of me before I did anything, why, I'd be back at the French Court married to that miserable Louis!"
"Sometimes I forget how long ago you started out, El," Bethia is pensive, "You've seen it all!"
"And the best is yet to come!!" Eleanor smiles.

Rosamond knocks on the bedroom door and is let in.
"Can I hide out in here?" she asks.
"Hide? From whom? Those wonderful Gwinett twins? From William who is constantly laying down rules as fast as you can break them, uhhhh, let's see who else?"
"Oh El, you joke, but it isn't funny. Wait till I tell you what happened last night!" and she runs through the events of the evening.
Bethia's eyes get big. "WOW, no wonder you need a place to hide!"
"On to a more pleasant topic: what colors are you wearing to the Emmys tomorrow night?" Rosamond asks.
"El has gold, here look, doesn't this knock your eyes out? I'm wearing blue; El says I can go as her date. Anything to fuel the rumor mill. How about you?"
"I'm wearing red, fire engine red, red as in the Scarlet Letter, red as in........" Rosamond ponders.
"Who are you taking as your date, Rose?" Eleanor asks.
Rosamond groans and puts her head in her hands.
"NO ONE!"
"I thought because you and John both star in As The Planet Turns, you'd sit together," Bethia remarks.
"Not if I can help it," Rosamond gets up from the chair she's been sitting in and goes to the door, then, with a gleam in her eye, adds, But if I win my category and John doesn't win his, that'll make me feel better."



The limo lets them out in front of the Auditorium. Large groups of people are clustered about waiting to see their favorite celebrities.
"Ohhhhhh, there's Eleanor, the Wonder Woman!" a cheer goes up.
"William the Conquering Chef!" another cheer goes up as someone yells out his name.
"There's whats-her-name from As The Planet Turns!" a few of the women standing closeby yell.

Rosamond turns to Eleanor, "What's her name?!"
"Don't let it bother you, Rose, just remember, stand tall and make sure you have your acceptance speech with you."
"I didn't write out an acceptance speech, El, I didn't know you were supposed to."
"Never mind, when you get up there just say whatever comes to your mind," Eleanor tells her as they sweep into the auditorium.

All eyes turn to see these striking women in their gold and red gowns. A murmur goes through the crowd.
Bethia is overcome with the scope of the place, "Man alive, Ro and El, look at the chandeliers in this place; look at the tapestry all over the walls. This is better than your castles, isn't it?"
"You better believe it!" Eleanor tells her as they all take their seats.
John and William, who've driven separately, are already in their places.
Since Rosamond has to sit by John so that their cast can be in the same row, throws him a dirty look and turns back to Eleanor and Bethia.
"Let's see, who can I thank?" she asks them.
"Oh oh, looks like it's beginning!!" Eleanor signals to Rosamond.

A large orchestra plays a stirring theme, followed by the Master of Ceremonies taking center stage.
"Hello, hello, I'm Kelsey Grammar!" he says as the audience claps enthusiastically.
"Who?" Bethia whispers to the others.
"Shhhhhhh," is all she gets back.

"We begin tonight with the Emmy you're all eager to witness, the best actor in a daytime drama!"
A hush falls over the crowd.
"The nominees are: Buck Harwood of General Prison, Sam Sloan of A Few of My Children, John Gwinett of As The Planet Turns, Trevor Holland of The Bold and the Brassy, and Peter Seton of Port Huron.........and the winner is:
BUCK HARWOOD!"
A man several rows behind our gang gets up and makes his hasty advance onto the stage.
There is great applause, Rosamond being one of the most enthusiastic clappers.....she claps till she is the only one left doing so.
Eleanor pulls her hands back into her lap, "OK, you got your wish, John didn't win," she tells Rosamond in a very soft voice.

"We will return to the daytime drama awards later, but right now we're presenting the Emmy for Best Information Show.
The nominees are: Build Your Own Bomb Shelter, Martha Stewart Live, This Old Shack, Time to Clean out Your Gutters, and William the Conquering Chef! And the winner is............William!"
The place goes wild as William slowly shoves his way out of the row into the aisle and up to the stage.
Kelsey Grammar is smiling broadly, and as William takes the statue in his hands, says "Congratulations!"
"Thank you!" William responds, "And thank you all for watching! I want to thank......"
There is the sound of a harsh female voice coming from one of the front rows, "That should have been mine!!! Now I have to go to Prison without an award, what kind of crazy world is this?!" and the blond woman stomps up the aisle and when she reaches the large doors, slams them as hard as she can.
Regis Philbin, who is in the audience, thinks, "Hmmmmm, her again!"
William continues....."I wish to thank all my friends and especially you, the loyal viewer!"
He then clambers down the steps on the side and returns to his seat, looking very self satisfied.
John and the 3 women smile at him. Good. One down, two to go.....

Several categories pass before Kelsey Grammar announces the Emmy for the best local sportscaster.
"The nominees are......Stud Bangs, Rod Shover, Eleanor, and Bugsy Graves, and the winner is.............Eleanor!"
Everyone's eyes are riveted on Eleanor, resplendent in her gold gown, as she sweep regally up to the stage.
She takes the status and smiles at her buddies down there in the third row.
"I wish to thank the best friends a Wonder Woman ever had.......my friends, and thank you all for accepting me into your homes as a sportscaster. I know I'm the first woman to have this job, just as the original Eleanor was the first woman to ride to the Crusades, just as Sally Ride was the first American woman to go into space.....just as......"
Kelsey motions for her to wrap it up.
"Thank you ever so much!" she ends.

An hour goes by, in which some rather uninteresting categories are presented.
William has by now begun to nod off. John shakes his arm to waken him when the snoring begins.
This gives Eleanor an idea, the same idea she had the night before at the banquet.
In the middle of some dull person's acceptance speech, she reaches down and pinches John's thigh.
"DAMN!" he blurts out, then quickly covers his mouth with his hand.
The person giving the acceptance speech stops cold and looks into the audience. John tries to look inconspicious.
Rosamond stifles a giggle and she and Eleanor exchange "high fives" glances.

"Back to the exciting presentation of the best actress in a daytime drama," Kelsey Grammar says loudly, which our gang has been waiting for it seems forever, as it's the last category for which one of them has been nominated.
"The nominees are........Gwendolyn Willis, Rosamond Clifford, Judy Palionini, and Sharon Malone........and the winner is...........Rosamond Clifford!"
Even though Rosamond had counted on winning, it is still a shock to hear her name called.
She leaps up and skootches down the row, stepping on John's foot, disappointed when he doesn't let out a howl, and up the aisle she goes to the stage.
She takes the statue in her hands and says, "This is a beautiful statue!! Wow! Thank you. I can't wait to put it on the mantel at home!!" she flashes her brightest smile and returns to her seat.

The music swells again, telling everyone the presentations are over.
The house lights come up brightly and people begin leaving the auditorium.
Kelsey Grammar approaches our group and shakes hands all around.
"You look familiar, too," he comments to Bethia. "Didn't I see you on TV a few weeks ago? I know......you won those millions of dollars in the lottery!"
She smiles, embarrassed. Kelsey gives her a big hug while the cameras pop.

When Rosemond, Bethia and Eleanor return to their limo and shut the doors, they start to cheer in excitement, waving the Emmy awards over their heads.
The poor driver almost swerves into oncoming traffic.
"Where to, ladies?" he asks.

"Sardis, driver!" Rosamond says gaily.
"Isn't that where celebrities hang out?" Bethia asks.
"Yep! And that's what we are now!" Rosamond smiles trimumphantly, then adds, "Do you think John is upset because we all won and he didn't?"
"Hard to say, Rose," Eleanor answers, "John doesn't show his feelings easily."
"That's the truth!" Rosamond agrees, "If I waited for John to act passionately, I'd be old and gray! So onward to Sardis! Who knows who may be there!"
"I'd like to meet Peter Jennings," Bethia puts in, "I like watching his newscast."
"Peter Jennings?!" the other two women ask, "How exciting is he?! How about someone hot?"
"I don't know who the hot ones are," Bethia admits, "Who would you like to meet, El?"
Eleanor ponders that one. "Ohhhhhhh, let's see, how about Colin Firth?"
"WHO?!"
"Didn't you two see 'Bridget Jones' Diary'?"
"I kinda liked the guy in there who turned out to be a rat, is he Colin Firth?"
"No, you're thinking of Hugh Grant, he played the rat."
"I still wanna meet Peter Jennings, though."

By now the driver is chuckling. Bethia says loudly, "Can you wait for us while we go clubbing? I'll pay you an extra thousand."
"Sure, lady!" the driver is only too eager to accomodate.
"Better yet, come in with us," Eleanor suggests.
"That's not the usual arrangement," the driver says back.
"Who cares? Come in with us and I'll pay you an extra thousand on top of what Bethia is paying you."
The driver parks the limo, and helps the women out, extending his hand gallantly.
He's a surprisingly good looking man.
"Here," Eleanor takes off his cap and jacket and tosses them into the limo. Go in as our guest, not as our limo driver."
"What is your name anyway?" Rosamond asks as she flounces out of the limo holding her Emmy aloft.
"Jerry," he says.
"Well, Jerry, welcome to the celebration!" Eleanor and Rosamond each take one of his arms and the proceed into Sardis.
The moment they enter the restaurant the Matri'D comes over and kisses the women's hands.
"We are honored by your presence," he tells them.
'Sure", Eleanor thinks, 'You see the Emmys, so how far wrong can you be?'
Soon the four are seated.
Bethia and Rosamond want to look around at everyone, but are afraid to gawk.
Eleanor has a small compact mirror out and is spending more than the usual time looking at it.
"Just checking out who may be behind us!" she grins.
They order small entrees and a lot of wines and cocktails.
Jerry lifts his glass and proposes a toast, "To the ladies trimumphant!"
They all click glasses and take sips.
"I say there, old chap, is there room for me at this table?" comes a British accent.
"Sure, put it down right there," he's told, as he sits by Bethia.
"I know you from somewhere," he starts, "Where have I seen you before, except in my wildest dreams?"
Eleanor and Rosamond groan....not that old cliche.
Bethia, however, is gazing at this guy.
Eleanor and Rosamond look at him more closely and both realize it's Hugh Grant, speak of the devil.
"Dance with me, beautiful lady," he insists as he tugs Bethia to her feet.
She tells him in a small voice, "I don't think you dance in this place. No dance floor."
"We don't need a dancefloor to make the rhythm of the spheres!" he declares as he holds her closely and nibbles her neck.
'POP' go the flashbulbs.
He then sees some of his friends enter the restaurant and quickly lets go of Bethia. "Hold that thought," he says as he rushes off.
Bethia sits down.
"What was that?!"
"More phony baloney celebrity junk," Jerry tells her, "These people are so shallow they don't have a reflection."
Bethia begins to giggle, "My first movie star!" she tells them jokingly, "Anyone else out there want a piece of me?"
"Better not drink so fast," Eleanor tells her, "Your system isn't used to it. Remember?"
"Ohhhh yeah, Southold, 1640, who could ever forget?" Bethia keeps giggling.

They can't help seeing William and John enter the place.
"Oh-oh!" Bethia laughs, "The foxes have arrived in time to guard the henhouse."
They are seated within sight of the women's table, but not close enough for them to converse.
"Look at the old poops," Eleanor remarks, "One is over the hill and the other one is so stiff he can't even pedal half way up the hill!"
Rosamond thinks, 'If you only knew, El. If HE only knew. If I only totally remembered. Seems to me he pedalled just fine the other night. But then dusted his hands of it as though it meant nothing. More like: ooooops. Sorry. A pox on him. A pox on them all.'
She then feels strong hands on the back of her shoulders. She turns around and looks into the blue eyes of Russell Crowe.
"Congratulations, darling!" he says and gives her cheek a peck, then moves on.
She shakes herself like after a dream you don't believe you had.
"Did you see what I just saw?" she asked the others.
Bethia and Eleanor tell her they did.
Jerry explains, "It's like this, Rosamond, may I call you Rosamond? Thank you. These people you think are such big celebrities feed off the celebrity of the newest, hottest celebrities. Makes them feel in touch. Makes them feel they aren't passe and hasbeens. Right now you are a hot new celeb, so many of these people will want to touch you, similar to what ballplayers do before they go out to play an important game.......they rub the goodluck person's head."
"How did you get to be so knowledgable?" Eleanor sincerely wants to know.
"I'm getting my PhD in sociology and history," he tells her, "I drive limo some evenings to supplement my income. Pin money, you might say."
Eleanor is obviously impressed and begins a conversation with Jerry while the others start chatting with all these celeb-touchers who are now coming to their table in an unending stream.
Rosamond, in her fire-engine red dress, stands out like Marilyn Monroe, and some of her admirers compare her to the other actress. Of course she doesn't know who Marilyn Monroe was, but figures she'll research it tomorrow to see if it's a compliment.
Woody Allen is all over her. 'POP' go the cameras.
She glances over at John and William's table. They aren't being deluged with admirers. HA!!! Just a few people stop to converse with them, but nothing like the attention she's getting. This is the life, she thinks, I could get used to this!!

Eleanor glances at her diamond encrusted watch and tells them, "It would be a good idea to head on back home about now. You ready?"
The others agree that it's a smart idea. Eleanor takes Jerry's arm as they start toward the door. Just as they are almost to it, Bethia gasps, "Peter Jennings!"
She shyly approaches him and shakes his hand, "I love your show," is all she has the nerve to say. He smiles as he and his wife make their way to their table.

Once they get outside, Bethia is all atwitter, "I actually got my wish! Isn't he elegant?"
"Yes," Rosamond has to agree. Why argue? To each her own.
Then Rosamond catches Bethia's glance and tips her head to where Eleanor and Jerry are walking ahead of them. She raises an eyebrow, and Bethia raises one back.



Part 141: .................by Terri

......by Terri


The limo pulls up at 224 Winding Willow Drive. Eleanor is driving the limo, wearing Jerry's chauffeur hat. Jerry is in the passenger seat, snoring away. Rosamond and Bethia are in the back, sipping champagne.
As they pull up, they see William and John getting out of William's Lincoln.
Eleanor slaps Jerry. "Hey, Jerry! Are you still alive?"
Jerrry snorts away. "Oooh, my head! You ladies party too hearty. Bet you will find your phone number scribbled on the bathroom wall at Sardi's!"
Eleanor kisses Jerry goodbye and sends him off with a wave of her hand. "Jerry-maybe we can get together and discuss that envy theory we were talking about. Call me for coffee soon!"
Jerry blows her a kiss goodbye and drives off.
Rosamond kicks off her shoes. "Hey, who were they comparing me to, someone named Marilyn Merlot?"
William said, "Monroe..Marilyn Monroe."
"Oh, who is she?"
"Only the woman every one wanted in Hollywood. And had!"
Rosamond whirls on William. "What are you implying, that I slept my way to the Emmy?"
Williams says, "I don't have the rose bushes anymore, do I? How else did you win? Your talent? Haven't you ever heard of a casting couch, Rosamond?"
Rosamond threatens, "Be careful what you say, William. Your peonies are in danger."
William yawns and starts up the stairs. "Is that Peony envy, Rosamond?"
Rosamond turns to Eleanor. "What IS he talking about?"
Eleanor says, "I don't know but I will ask Jerry when I see him."
Bethia goes up to John and in a quiet voice says, "I am really sorry you didn't win, John. I thought you deserved it."
John gives her a little secret hug. "Thanks, Bethia. I was disappointed too."
Bethia in all her innocence, says, "El said you were so stiff you couldn't even pedal halfway up a hill but I heard Rose say you probably didn't even remember but you pedaled fine. So when did you get a bike?"
John turns red. Rosamond, taking a sip of wine, sprays wine all over Eleanor.
Eleanor and Rosamond dissolve into laughter and Bethia says, "WHAT?" then a very quiet "oh".
Eleanor nudges Bethia. "It's time we went to bed, little one! You had a busy, busy night! Goodnight you two!"
As they started up the stairs, Bethia whispered to Eleanor, "Why are we going to bed right now? I'm not even tired?"
Eleanor whispers, "Because I think John and Rosamond need to be alone to straighten out their feelings. If she and John kiss and make up that leaves Daniel out in the cold! And John is so totally wrung out from everything. I am rooting for John. Besides, Rosamond could do alot worse."
Bethia whispers, "Have you noticed Rosamond has been humming and listening to alot of country stations now? What is going on?...."
Their voices fade up the stairs.

Rosamond pours another glass of wine. "I'm going, too."
John grabs her arm. "Not so fast, Rosamond."
She jerks her arm away. "Let me go!"
She runs up the stairs and locks her door.

John can't unwind. It's bad enough he lost, but why did Rosamond have to win?
He loosens the tie to his tux and pours himself a brandy turning out the lights and going outside to sit in the night air. It is a full moon night, the moonbeams scattering across the pool. He sits down and breathes deeply. Hard to believe I was in Southold not a year ago. Married to Elizabeth, hunting squirrels with Little Feather and Daniel. Caleb beating the snot out of Bethia. Now look at us! He sighs. I lost my wife but gained a...whatever Rosamond is. A girlfriend? Lover?
I've timetraveled into the past, the future...why is the present such a mess?

Rosamond slips out of her dress and into her robe. She tries to relax but can't.
It was quiet downstairs. She creeps into the kitchen and pours herself a scotch on the rocks.
She is ashamed of herself for treating John like she did. If he had just left Daniel in the seventeenth century, and let nature take its course with us! Now that cute Billy Bob is involved. She smiled when she thought of him. I'm having so much fun singing with him. Why did Daniel have to get involved too? Once again, Daniel mucks up everything in my life.
Daniel came in quietly. "Well, hello, sweetie sweet!"
Daniel's cold hands slip down her robe front. Rosamond stifles a scream and jumps a mile. She turns, grabs his waistband and dumps the ice from her drink down his pants. Now it was Daniel's turn to howl.
Rosamond says, "THAT should cool you off, you lecher!"
Daniel grabs a towel and mops his pants. "You are going to get nothing that way...SUGAH! Nothing dampens a man's ardor like ice in the pants! By the way, your friend looks like he could have used some cooling off. He was pretty het up."
"What ARE you talking about?" Your cowboy was pretty antsy looking for you. No one to sing to. Funny thing, I like the guy."
Rosamond said derisively, "Yeah, I'll just bet you do! You are just afraid you will lose your job if he finds out about us! Well, I have news for you, Daniel. There is no 'us'.
You have used and abused me till I felt that I wanted to die."
Daniel took a step closer to Rosamond and her heart skipped a beat. He put his arms around her and whispered, "You've created a need in me that only you can satisfy. So let's not fool around with a fancy name like love. Come on, Ro' no one will be the wiser if I don't go back to my own room tonight. John will be out celebrating his victory till the break of dawn."
Rosamond said, "That's where you are wrong. John lost and I won. And John is probably up in his room right now."
Daniel drew Rosamond close to him and kissed her long and hard. He whispered, "Does your cowboy ever kiss you like that?" Her knees went weak.
Rosamond slaps him across the face, hard. Daniel rubs his face and laughs.
"I take that for a NO? Quelle domage, ma petite!"
He chuckles and walks up the stairs to his room.

Rosamond sits down at the kitchen counter. She puts her head down on the counter and tries to draw in deep breaths. She hears a movement and looked into the hazel eyes of John.
"What do you want, John?"
John says "I want to talk, Rosamond. No anger, no sarcasm. Come outside with me. It's a beautiful night. We can just sit and talk. Hands off, no games."
Rosamond's eyes began to tear up. She follows him outside. John sits in the lounge chair and props his legs up on the table. Rosamond sits down in the reclining chair.
"How did we get this way, Rosamond? Too many people in our lives. Now I hear there is a new man to add to the mix."
Rosamond starts with a smart reply but John holds up his hand. "Please, don't deny it. I think he cares for you. But he doesn't know you like I do. And Daniel, well, he is just in it for the physical part of it. Don't deny that, either. But I love you, Rosamond. I think I fell in love with you in Southold. I let that cowboy think you were married to keep him out of the running. But I think it doesn't matter to him. Please tell me where we stand."
Rosamond stares into the shadows. "I wanted the love you denied me for so long.
You must pay for the lonely nights that I walked the floor for you. I think I love you too, John, but I don't know if that's enough anymore. I'm not saying yes, I'm not saying no. I am so confused. I need to sort out my feelings."
"Can we work together without it hindering us?'
"I think so, John. That love scene next week? Draw on your own experience. You will be fine."
"Think so, Rosamond?"
Rosamond gives him a small smile. "Oh, yes, John. I know so."
John gives her a winning smile. "Thank you, Rosamond. Nice to know I can still pedal uphill!"
Rosamond stands up. "Goodnight, John."
"Goodnight Rosamond."


Part 142: Roll the Presses!!.........by Coralynn


Part 142:.......Roll the Presses!.......by Coralynn


Eleanor is up early. She peers into the refrigerator.
"We're out of almost everything," she mutters to herself.
No one else is up yet, after having a big night at the Emmys the night before.
"Looks like I go to the store," she sighs as she goes upstairs and throws on some jeans and a shirt.
She figures she'll be back before anyone else is ready to eat breakfast. Considering how little she does on the domestic front, this is the least she can do.
Soon she's pulling into the Grand Union parking lot.
She hops out and quickly walks inside. Grabbing a cart, she gathers up eggs, milk, bread, bacon, and a few other things that strike her as tasty.
"Never shop when you're hungry they say," she tells herself, "well, I'm starving!" and throws a few more packages of Danish pastry into her cart.
Even at that early hour there are a couple of people in front of her. The man who's at the checkout must know the cashier because they talk on and on and on like there's no one else in the store.
Being bored, she lets her eyes rest on the new tabloids that have just come out that morning.
"HOW did they get these out so fast?! she asks anybody and nobody as she yanks off a copy of a tabloid with a big photo of Bethia with Hugh Grant nibbling on her neck, with the title: "Hugh Grant to marry Lottery Millionairess!"
Her gaze also falls on another one with a photo of Woody Allen draped all over Rosamond. This one says in large type: "Woody to leave Soon-Yi for Soap Opera Tootsie!"
After her initial shock, she realizes there are still a whole pile of these for people to see and buy, so she grabs all the copies in the rack by the checkout, and, when she finally gets to the cashier, asks,
"Where are the bundles you have of these tabloids?"
"Ohhhhh, lezzeeee, I think back there, yeahhhhh, see in the corner?"
She sees.
She wheels her cart back and loads it up with all the incriminating bundles of tabloids the store has.
When she plops these heavy packages on the checkout counter, the guy manning the cash register looks at her like she's insane.
"You wannn 'em all!?"
"Yes."
"I donn know how many are in each bundle, so howz can I charge ya?"
"I'll pay $75 per bundle, surely that will cover them."
"Wellll, I should checkkk with the mannnnagr."
"Please make it snappy," Eleanor is getting impatient.
"Wellll, I guess 75 per will do it then," he says and rings everything up.
After all the food is put in bags and the bundles of tabloids are stacked high in the cart, the cashier looks at Eleanor and asks,
"Somebody you know in the National Enquirer?"
"No!" she snaps, "I just want to use these to wallpaper a bathroom. Goodbye. Have a nice day!" and she beats it out of there.
She opens the trunk of her car and thumps in these big heavy bundles, one after the other.

When she gets back to the house, she only takes in the food and leaves the tabloids in the trunk.
Someone else has gotten up. She can hear movement in the kitchen.
Sure enough, there's somebody, either John or Daniel. Whoever it is appears to be reading the National Enquirer.
"Where did you get that?" she says angrily, and yanks it out of his grasp.
"I subscribe, do you mind?!"
"You must be Daniel, am I right?"
"How'd ya know?"
"Ohhhhh, just psychic, I guess."
"Did ya see this picture of Rose with that skinny geeky guy all over her?"
"YES! It's Woody Allen, and would you please forget you saw that?"
She wads up the tabloid and shoves it into the waste container.
Eleanor sits down heavily on a chair, "Listen, Daniel, this is not amusing. We have to go to all the stores in the area and buy up every stinkin' one of those. Plus another one that has a picture of Bethia and Hugh Grant."
Daniel whistles softly, "Bethia and Hugh Grant? Wow, now there's a matchup I would never have suspected."
"It's all lies," she grabs Daniel by the collar, "And I don't want anyone else to see them."
"They will, though, of course they'll see them," Daniel insists, "They even show this National Enquirer stuff on TV."
Eleanor puts her head down and moans.


Part 142: I'm Your Own Grandma.........by Coralynn


Eleanor goes to her room and picks up the phone. She has to tell someone what she found in the Tabloids; someone not in any of the shocking photos.
On the second ring, she hears Jerry's voice, "Hello, Jerry Palmer here!"
"You sound chipper this morning," she tells him.
"I've been up for awhile. The drive home from your place took all of 5 minutes. It isn't that far from your place to mine. In fact, if it weren't for those tall trees in my back yard, I might be able to see your house from where I'm standing."
"Really?" Eleanor is pleased, "You didn't say anything about that last night."
"Dear lady," Jerry laughs, "You got me tipsy last night. We had a great time, though. Glad you called. How are you this morning?"
"I was fine until I drove to the Grand Union and saw what a couple of those tabloids were featuring on their front pages. Photos from last night!"
"Already?"
"They must have had the presses primed and ready to roll minutes after the pictures were taken! One is of Bethia with Hugh Grant nibbling her neck and the other one is of Rosamond with Woody Allen draped all over her. Would you like to know what the headlines are?"
"I can just about imagine!" Jerry exclaimed, "How about, 'Hugh Grant to Marry Lottery Millionairess' and 'Woody Allen leaves Soon-Yi for Soap Opera Tootsie!"
She laughs, "You saw them then, didn't you?"
"Afraid so. Went to put gas in the car, and inside the station is a rack of tabloids."
"Ohhhh noooo, then my buying out the Grand Union of its entire supply didn't put a dent in it!"
"Nope, probably not. I'm curious to know why it upsets you so."
"These two women have had some rough patches in their lives, and I hate to see them victimized again."
"Just be there for them is all I can suggest. When you become a celebrity you attract papparazzi like flies to a garbage pail."
"I phoned you so that you might make me feel better, and you have," Eleanor says in a more relaxed tone.
"Tell ya what," Jerry sounds excited, "Let me make you a big lunch. Come over at 1 and see my place and let me whip up a nice big salad, how does that sound? Maybe you can help me with my genealogy research, too. I think I have my line back to another Eleanor, this one of Aquitaine. I'll bet she was a lot like you. How does that sound?"
Eleanor gulps. My God, this man is her descendant. How weird!! But this is the 21st Century, so let's get over it, she thinks.
"Sounds wonderful to me!" she copies down his address and hangs up.
She thinks, "Let's see, would I be his 18th great grandmother? Well, I'm sure he'll show me and then I'll know. This I hadn't anticipated, meeting up with my own descendants. Wonder if we have the same blood type......stop it Eleanor, you're getting absurd!"


Part 144:.................by Terri

Bethia stumbles down the stairs, she is more tired than she thought.
Eleanor beckons her to the hallway. She has saved one to show Bethia.
"Look! LOOK! Can you believe those vultures?"
Bethia is impressed. "Wow, will you look at how handsome Hugh Grant is?"
Eleanor throws her hands up. "Have you been hanging around Grace too long? Do you know what is plastered over all the tabloids? All of America will see this!"
Rosamond comes down the stairs and yawns. Eleanor says, "Look at this picture of you and Woody Allen."
Rosamond's eyes widen. "Oh, YUCK! What is Soon-Yi, something from the Kama Sutra?"
Eleanor throws the tabloids down. "So that's what's been coming in the mail to you in plain brown wrappers! What else is there, "How to Keep a Man Satisfied Everytime?"
Rosamond gets very indignant. "Have you been going through my dresser drawers?"
Bethia intervenes. "That's besides the point! What are we going to do?"
Eleanor says, "We are going to grab every one in a ten mile radius."
Rosamond says, "Oh, Eleanor for once be practical! What does it matter? It's nationwide. Besides, next week there will be another story everyone will be talking about. They'll forget this little episode by next week. There is always a bigger and better story to follow!"
Eleanor sighs. "I suppose you're right. Let's just hope that next week's paper has an even juicier story so that people will forget about this one!"
Rosamond agrees. "As long as we aren't in it, who cares?"
Bethia fixes them all a cup of coffee. "So how did it go with John last night?"
Rosamond takes a deep drink of her coffee. Behind her cup she says, "What makes you think I was talking to him?"
Bethia says, "I felt sorry for him, losing last night."
Rosamond smiles secretly. "Well, we did talk."
Eleanor and Bethia both lean in. "Tell, tell!"
Rosamond says, "We called a temporary truce to the fighting."
She sighs. "I just don't know what to do."
Daniel comes down. "Do about what?"
Eleanor says, "YOU! How we can get rid of you! This was a pleasant house until you showed up."
Daniel pours a cup of coffee. "Well, I'm rooted here like a turnip and I am a productive member of society now. I have a job!"
Eleanor and Bethia both turn to him."YOU? A JOB?" "Doing WHAT?"
Daniel says, "I am the new guitarist/fiddle player at the Dew Drop Inn. I play with that rising star, what was his name again, Rosamond?"
Rosamond blushes. "I..I really can't..can't remember."
Daniel smiles wickedly, "Oh, I'm sure you can if you try, SUGAH!"
John comes downstairs. "Rosamond, they have settled the strike and Marty Henshaw wants us to come down today to shoot that scene. He wants it ready for sweeps week. We have to be there by 10:00 AM. Do you want a ride?"
Daniel raises one eyebrow. "What scene is this?"
John looks at Daniel and maliciously says, "It's the one where our characters, Daisy and Brad, finally consummate their relationship."
Daniel looks darkly at John. "Lucky you! You get to videotape it!"
Rosamond looks at Daniel disgustedly. "Can you imagine anyone's private life getting on videotape? I can't think of anything more embarrassing! I can't understand how you can watch some of the stuff you do on video, Daniel. You are a debased person! Can you imagine any self-respecting woman being filmed in the altogether for public viewing? How humiliating!"
Bethia and Eleanor exchange worried glances. Bethia whispers, "But what about..?'
Eleanor whispers back, "Oh, that will just be swept under the rug. We don't even know if there was any tape in it. Don't upset Rosamond. It's nothing."
John asks Rosamond. "Do you want a ride to the studio? Makes no sense to take two cars."
Rosamond gulps down her coffee. "Give me five minutes to jump in the shower."
Daniel pipes up, "Ten minutes if I jump in with you!"
Rosamond dumps the rest of her coffee on his head. Daniel sputters and says, "It was worth it! She likes me!"

John is waiting for Rosamond by the car. He opens the door for her. They drive out the carpark and towards Manhattan.
Daniel stares out the window. Bethia has gone upstairs to get dressed. Eleanor sits there drinking her coffee and eating the Danish pastry she picked up.
"Aw, what's the matter, Daniel? No one to come out and play with you?"
Daniel sighs. "What do you know about me, Eleanor? I mean, really know about me? Have you taken the time to get to know me?"
Eleanor doesn't even look up from the newspaper. "I know enough to know I don't like you, Daniel. You use women like they were Kleenex."
Daniel peers over the newspaper. "Aw, give me a chance, El. You will see I have my good points."
Eleanor folds the paper down. "State your case."
Daniel says, "What do you know about Rosamond and me. I mean, really?"
Eleanor sighs and said, "I know you pretended to be the man she probably is in love with and should have been with a long time ago. You have complicated things."
Daniel folds his hands like a schoolboy. "I am sorry. Things got out of hand. What I am telling you next is in confidence. For your ears only. Do you know anything about her and this Billy Bob Montgomery?"
Eleanor shakes her head. "That's a new name to me. Who is he?"
"Some cowboy down at the Dew Drop Inn. Nice guy. I really like him. But I think John has some competition. He likes her.. I mean REALLY likes her. I think she may be seeing him on the side. So I don't think she is all that serious about John."
Daniel sighs. "I just hope she isn't playing John for a fool."
Daniel gets up and pushes his chair in. "Please don't say anything, Eleanor. Especially to John."
Eleanor says, "Of course I won't."
Daniel smiles, "Thanks, Eleanor. I know who I can trust to keep quiet."
Daniel chuckles as he leaves the room, thinking, 'yeah, Eleanor, I know I can trust you to keep quiet...NOT!"
Daniel says to himself, 'divide and conquer, that's the name of the game. Then Sugah will be right where I want her and the field will be wide open!'


Part 145: Soap's On!!..........by Terri

John pulls his Corvette into the ABC studio parking lot. Rosamond reaches back for her canvas bag.
"I can't understand, Rosamond, why you lug that gymbag all over? All our wardrobe and stuff is here."
Rosamond smiles. "Oh, John, what you don't know about me would fill a book! I go to the studio gym and work out every day. A great stress reliever."
John looks her up and down. "Well, it certainly paid off!"
They take the elevator to the 22nd floor where the set of As The Planet Turns is filmed.
Marty Henshaw, the producer, hurries forward to greet them. "I'm sorry there wasn't much notice. I wanted to rush to get this to sweeps week. With the electrician's strike and all, we have to move on it. By the way, congratulations on your win, Rosamond. Sorry you didn't win, John. You really deserved it. I guess it's because your character was lost at sea for six months. Out of sight, out of mind, you know.
Rosamond, Gwen is waiting for you in your dressing room."
Rosamond goes into the women's wardrobe room. Gwen, a pert young woman with pins in her mouth, mumbles for her to get out of her clothes.
Rosamond looks around. "Where's the outfit I am supposed to wear?'
Gwen laughs, almost swallowing her pins. "Outfit? What outfit? Marty wants you to wear this moleskin to cover your bits and pieces."
Rosamond stands there and looks at the little bits of fabric. "Wait a minute! You expect me to parade around in THIS?"
Gwen helps her out of her clothes. "Hurry up! I don't have all day! We just paste the molekin on here..and here...and here."
Before Rosamond knows it, she is pasted here...and here.. and there.
"I'm not so sure about this, Gwen..."
Gwen says, "Look, it was good enough for Janet Leigh in Psycho!' She throws a short robe to Rosamond. "You can wear this when you go over to makeup down the hall."
"I can't leave the room looking like this!"
Gwen is abrupt. "It's a minimal crew todahy. Only the essential people. Marty doesn't like alot of people around when he shoots scenes like this. He says it's voyeurism."
Rosamond is shocked. "Voyeurism? What sort of scene is Marty expecting?
John and I kiss passionately, he picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. Fade to black. Go to commercial! Right?"
But Gwen has pushed her out the door and closed it.
Several crew members are standing around staring at Rosamond. She hastily put the robe in front of her and sidled down the hallway, keeping her back to the wall.
Someone let out a wolf whistle. On to makeup.

John and Phil are getting him ready for the scene. Phil said, "Lucky you! I heard Rosamond is a really hot dish. Too bad it is only on screen and not real life, huh?"
John smiled cryptically. "Yeah, too bad."
Phil narrowed his eyes. "Hey, this is PHIL you are talking to. I'm as good as a hairdresser! Are you holding out on me?"
John feigned innocence. "Would I do that to you, Phil?"
Phil just shrugged and said, "OK for now--but you and I will go out for beers and have some 'locker room talk'."

"OK, its' five minutes to taping! Everyone on the set!" Marty stands there and claps his hands. Rosamond sits in her director's chair. John is on the set and the makeup man is rubbing baby oil on his muscular shoulders and chest.
Rosamond whispered to Deirdre, the makeup woman. "What are they doing that for?"
Deirdre explained, "That's to give the appearance of sweat. After all, your scene is supposed to take place during an electrical blackout! 'Daisy' and 'Brad' are stuck in a penthouse and the automatic locking system is shut in the locked position so they can't get out of the apartment. No TV, no phones, no A/C...."
Deirdre spritzes Rosamond down with water. "Hey, what's that for?"
Deirdre spritzes her in the face. "Well, if you used baby oil, you'd slip right out of his arms!"
Marty shows them where their marks are. John says, "Uh, Marty, we just got the revised scripts. Rosamond and I haven't rehearsed the part."
Marty groans. "Well, I guess you are just going to have to ad-lib it.You both basically know how the scene goes. You are both professionals. Go with the flow and when I yell 'cut' we wrap it up and you each go your own separate ways at the end of the day."
The set is lowlit with a few candles. It is very romantic.
There is a hush over the set. The cameras start to roll.
'Brad' grabs 'Daisy' and draws him to her. 'Brad' said, " Daisy, I can't believe you would be so low as to seduce my brother! You really are a tramp!"
'Daisy' raises her hand to slap 'Brad'.
'Brad' grabs 'Daisy' by the hair and passionately kisses her. She returns his kiss with equal fervor.
Marty stands there mesmerized. The assistant director is frantically looking over his script. "Should I yell 'cut'? That wasn't in the script!"
Marty whispered, "Let it go! They are doing fantastically! Look at the passion! The love! The realism! If I didn't know better, I'd swear they weren't acting!"
Finally Marty yells, "Cut! CUT! Hey, that's enough!"
Rosamond and John stop. There is a hush over the crew and dead silence.
Then the camera men and lighting gaffers give them a standing ovation. Gwen stands there with her mouth open, Deirdre looks at her spray bottle and throws it away with a 'won't be needing this!' and Phil smiles like a proud papa and says, "That's my boy!"
Marty says triumphantly, "Sweeps week is in the bag. If this doesn't get John an Emmy next year, nothing will!"

After they have taken their showers in their respective dressing rooms, John knocks on Rosamond's dressing room door. He says quietly, "Are you ready to go home?"
Rosamond is blushing. "Yes, let me get my things."
As they head for the car, John says, "Would you care to stop for dinner on our way home?"
"Why, John, are you asking me out?"
"Yes, I guess I am! Funny, we 'live' together, we work together, we even...well, we never went out, just the two of us."
Rosamond laughs softly. "So this is our first date!"
On the way out of Manhattan, they stop at a little out of the way place for dinner.
John orders a bottle of champagne. "To celebrate your winning the Emmy!"
Rosamond looks down at her watch. It read "5:30" She says, "I'll be right back."
She gets up and goes to the ladies' room."
Hastily she calls the Dew Drop Inn. "Talk to me!" Bobby Joe says.
"Bobby Joe, this is Rosalie."
"Rosalie?"
"Tequila Sunrise!" she says impatiently. "Is Billy Bob there?"
"Sure, hold on!"
She hears Bobby Joe yell out, "Hey, Billy Bob--the phone call you've been waiting for!"
Billy Bob gets on the phone, then cautiously says, "Hello?"
Rosamond smiles, picturing him in his white Stetson."
"Hi, Billy Bob! It's Rosalie. I don't know if I can make it in tonight. I got stuck in the City and the traffic is heavy. If I can, I'll come in to see you. Maybe do a duet with you!"
Billy Bob hesitates. "Rosalie, I was afraid I had scared you off by kissing you goodnight the other night. When you didn't come in yesterday, I was afraid maybe I had offended you by being too forward!"
Rosamond smiles tenderly and says softly, "Billy Bob, you are every inch the gentleman. Don't worry."
Billy Bob says, "Uh, Rosalie...are you covering up for trouble your husband is giving you?"
Rosamond bites her lip and lies. "Don't worry about it, honey. I'll try to see you later. Bye!"
Billy Bob smiles widely. She called me honey!

Rosamond slides back in her seat. John has poured them champagne.
"So where do we go from here, Rosamond?"
"Back home to Winding Willow Lane"
"That's not what I meant."
"I know what you meant."
"I won't pressure you. And I will keep an eye on Daniel."
Rosamond frowns. "He does say some of the most awful things to me, John. Mostly when you aren't around."
John seethes. "What he did when he knocked me out was despicable. Rosamond? Rosamond?"
Rosamond sits there. "Oh, I'm sorry! I was in reverie." She blushes.

"Daniel was born five minutes after me and has never forgiven me for it. Even though Charles was our older brother. Charles got the land, Daniel and left for the New World. Daniel always had a malicious streak in him."
"I don't want to talk about Daniel anymore." Rosamond felt her face getting hot.
"Agreed!" John said.
To change the subject and to make polite conversation, Rosamond said, "I think that El has a new beau! Jerry, our chauffeur last night, called her this morning and they made arrangements to meet. He's a great guy, looks like Paul Newman!"
John said, "I don't want to talk about anyone but us, Rosamond."
He reached over and held Rosamond's hand. Rosamond started to tear up. She had an emotional day. Calling Billy Bob, she felt like she was cheating on John. But darn it, John had no exclusive rights to her!
She withdrew her hand. "I think we should order now. What shall we have?"
John laughed. "After our scene, some Vitamin E and oysters!"
Rosamond laughed. "I thought Marty's eyes were going to pop out of his sockets!"
Rosamond said, "You should have won the Emmy, you know, John."
John shrugged. "There's always next year."
"If that scene is any indication, you are a shoo-in for next year."
They clinked glasses.
"I have to say one thing, John."
"What is it, honey?'
"Fantastic pedaling, John."
"Why, thank you, Miss Rose! Thank you very much! In more ways than one!"


Rosamond and John pull into the driveway at 7:30. They had a pleasant dinner, finishing off a bottle of champagne. Rosamond was feeling no pain, leaning slightly on John's arm for support.
Daniel is standing there, nuking cold pizza in a microwave, getting ready to head to the Dew Drop Inn.
Rosamond and John are laughing, and Daniel is beginning to show his jealousy.
He snarled, "Have a good time at your taping?" and John replied, "Very satisfying!" to which Rosamond dissolved into giggles.
"Where is Eleanor?" Rosamond said. Daniel jerked his thumb towards the game room. "She's in there looking at a computer on the Palmer family. Said something about bloodlines and grandmothers."
Rosamond threw her gym bag down and went into see Eleanor. El looked over her reading glasses and said, "Well?"
Rosamond smiled and said, "Well, what?"
El said, "WEEEELLLL?"
Rosamond smiled dreamily and said, "That man can pedal forwards, backwards, feet on the handlebars...."
El laughed. Rosamond asked her, "How goes it with the very eligible Jerry Palmer?"
El bit her lip. "I am his 24X great grandmother." To which Rosamond laughed delightedly. "Don't worry about it, El, I am sure it's not incest! For all I know I may be the ancestress of Daniel and John!"
She started out of the room. El said softly, "Or Billy Bob Montgomery?"
Rosamond froze in her tracks and whirled around. "What do you know about..about him?"
Eleanor motioned her to close the door and sit down. "Daniel couldn't wait to tell me ALL about it! Have you been sneaking out at night to meet some man, Rosamond?
You are playing with fire if you are. Isn't John enough for you?"
Rosamond fidgets nervously. "Billy Bob came into my life when I was so messed up with what the two of them had done to me, Eleanor. He is about the sweetest, most sexy man I have ever met. And a voice that reaches out and touches me in a place that no one else ever has."
Eleanor laughed. "Is there such a place, Rose?"
Eleanor then asked her, "Taping run overtime?"
Rosamond said, "No, John actually took me out! It was our first date!"
Eleanor said, "And you never ever kiss on the first date!"
Rosamond motioned Eleanor forward and said softly, "If he doesn't get an Emmy for his performance today, I don't know what will! The crew was astounded. Funny thing, he was sober. I wonder if it was like that the night we..oh, well. I am exhausted and I am going to run a hot bath and soak. Then I am going straight to bed."
Eleanor said "Goodnight!"

Rosamond took her bath alright. But she didn't go straight to bed. She changed into a short leather skirt and halter top. Quietly she sneaked down the balcony stairs. She had parked her car far enough away from the house that no one would know she had left. The car turned down Hwy 141 South--almost automatically.

Billy Bob was anxiously scanning the crowd when he caught sight of Rosamond walking through the door. He hurried over to her and drew her to him. He whispered, "If you aren't a sight for sore eyes, darlin'!"
Taking her hand, he took her over to the table where he and Daniel were having a beer. Billy Bob said to Daniel, "You remember Rosalie, don't you, Daniel?"
Daniel said "I never forget a pretty face!" and so only Rosamond could hear, "or a fantastic body!" She kicked him under the table.
"Owww!" he yelled. Billy Bob said, "What's the matter?"
Daniel said, "Charlie horse. Get those leg cramps once in a while. Not enough milk I guess. Does a body good!" to which he added to Rosamond under his breath, "bet you drink a gallon a day, sugah!"
Rosamond pinched his thigh and he yelled "Oooh! OOOOH! OWW!"
She said under her breath, "Too bad I didn't pinch higher, Daniel. You could sing my part tonight then!"

Rosamond went up and sang with Billy Bob for the songs he needed a female partner. The crowd cheered and Daniel seethed.

After the end of the night, Rosamond walked out with Billy Bob to his truck.
He had his arm around her waist. He said "I have to check on that mare. She's doing well and that is the handsomest colt I ever saw. He'll make a fine stud someday."
The full moon was out, casting shadows and moonbeams on the lake out by the parking lot. "Let's go for a walk by the lake, Rosalie."
Rosamond held his hand and they walked by the lake. Billy Bob said, "Isn't it about time you tell me your real name, Rosa-LIE?"
Rosamond was glad he couldn't see her face in the moonlight. "I--I am really sorry, Billy Bob. It's RosaMOND. I told you Rosalie because I am an actress and I wanted you to like me for myself. Not for a 'glamour star' as you would think I was."
Billy Bob drew her into his arms. He said, "I have to go on a buying trip/ rodeo out in Austin Texas late tomorrow. Why don't you go with me?"
Rosamond drew back. "I..I can't. I...I have to go back to work."
Billy Bob scuffed the dirt with his boot. "I'm sorry-I didn't mean to sound forward or like I expected something from you. I was just flying out and thought you might want to go."
Rosamond said, "Who will take your place with the band?"
Billy Bob said, "Last night we tried Daniel out. He's pretty good. So he is standing in for me for the next five days."
Rosamond frowned. "I just might stay home."
"Well, why don't you ride out to my place tomorrow morning? I would love to show you that little colt. If you don't have to work."
Rosamond smiled, "I don't have to work and I would love to come! Give me directions and I will be out there early tomorrow."
They got back to Billy Bob's truck and he cupped Rosamond's face in his hands.
He kissed her a little more fervently than before but with the same sweetness and gentleness. Rosamond felt her knees weaken. Billy Bob climbed in his truck and said, "See you tomorrow about 8:00!"
Rosamond waved goodbye as he headed out.
She turned to go back inside to pick up her purse. Out of the shadows Daniel appeared and said, "We need to talk...Sugah!"


"Daniel, I'm getting a little tired of you popping out of shadows and bushes at me."
"Then stay away from the shadows and the bushes. And the lake."
"What is it you want, Daniel?" Rosamond said impatiently.
"I suppose you know that Billy Bob is going to Texas tomorrow and I am taking his place singing. What I want to know is, do you intend to still come in? If you do, you can sing with me. I mean, we could practice after hours."
"Where? In my room? No way, Jose!"
"Aw, come on, Sugah! It could be great fun! You might even enjoy me better than Billy Bob!'
Rosamond went to kick Daniel in the groin but he grabbed her foot and pulled her leg out from under her. She landed on her butt on the concrete.
"OH! You bastard!"
"Well, that will teach you a lesson. You did it once, Rosamond. You gave me a kick I felt all the way to my throat! You'll not do that again."
Rosamond looked up and was a little frightened to see the look on Daniel's face. It reminded her so much of Henry's that last night.
She extended her hand to Daniel. "Would you please at least help me up?"
Daniel smiled self-satisfied and reached for her hand. Rosamond clasped it firmly and flipped Daniel to the ground. She dusted her hands together and said, "Kickboxing 101, Daniel!"
Daniel sat up and laughed uproariously. "Now I know you are my kind of girl, Rose!"
Daniel pulled Rosamond close and kissed her hard. Then he marched her over to her car, sat her in the seat, closed the door and leaned in.
"See you at home......Sugah!" He sauntered over to Henry's Cadillac and got in.
Rosamond felt her face getting hot and started her car up. She pulled out of the drive with Daniel following her. They both started north on Hwy 141.

Bobby Joe stood by the dumpster emptying the bottles in the recycled bin. He had stood quietly in the shadows, watching the exchange between Daniel and Rosamond.
Just what the heck was going on? And for how long?

Rosamond pulled into the carpark and Daniel pulled in next to her.
Rosamond said, "I think you and I shouldn't go in at the same time. I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea about us."
"You mean someone like John?"
"I mean EVERYONE! There is no US, Daniel. Never has, never will be. At the time in question, I thought you were John!"
Daniel sauntered over to Henry's to jam. "I don't want you that way, Rosamond. Not now. The next time you come to me, there will be no mistake. You will know it is Daniel you are with."
Rosamond turned on her heel and ran up the balcony stairs, slamming her door.

Where the Blacktop Ends....by Terri

Rosamond slipped downstairs before anyone was up. She was wearing her jeans and boots. Hurriedly she grabbed a cup of coffee and tore through her mail. There was a little letter from Will. He was having fun at camp. She bit her lip. I am a terrible mother, she thought. All this turmoil and I haven't given a thought to what is best for Will.
Rosamond slipped into her Miata and headed north on Hwy 141. Well, Billy Bob wanted to show me his little farm. Can't be much, why else would he work at the Dew Drop Inn?
Rosamond followed directions, turning right up the dirt road by the forked tree just 2.5 miles past the Creamery Dairy Farm. There was a neat white sign hanging from a fence that said "The Double B Ranch". Rosamond kept the car at a steady pace. She kept passing rails and rails of white fencing. Whoever owns this land sure must be doing something right! At the next turn, she came across a huge white house that reminded her of Tara. The sign read "Double B Ranch" Billy Bob was waiting for her.
He was freshly shaven and wore a t-shirt and jeans with his boots. No hat today. What gorgeous hair he has!
Billy Bob, every inch the gentleman, opened her car door and held his hand out to her. "I hope you are hungry! I had the cook make some pancakes and hash browns."
Rosamond stared in wide wonder.
"What's the matter, Rosamond? What did you expect? Oh, I see...you thought I was a hayseed living in a trailer with a barn! Two things you should know about me. I am very rich...and I am very wealthy! Inherited money and I turned this ranch around. It is in the top five thoroughbred ranches in the country. Shall we go in?"
He held her hand. "Juanita, this is Rosamond. She's someone special that I hope you will see alot more of!"
Juanita smiled and shook Rosamond's hand. She set breakfast down on the patio for the two of them. It overlooked the hills. Rosamond sighed. "This is just beautiful, Billy Bob. Billy Bob--is that YOUR real name?"
Billy Bob laughed. "Well, it's really William Robert Montgomery."
Rosamond looked around. "Well, it's just so peaceful here, Billy Bob. Makes me want to stay here forever!"
Billy Bob smiled behind his coffee cup. "That's the idea, Rosamond."
Rosamond blushed and dropped her fork.
"Come on, I'll show you the new little addition to the family!"
Billy Bob put his arm around Rosamond's waist. "Dang, woman, you are so little bitty!" They walked into the barn. Inside was a beautiful chestnut mare and next to her was the sweetest little colt, wobbly on his legs. Billy Bob went to the mare and whispered sweetly to her. He unwrapped the sugar cube and gave it to Rosamond to give to her. "What's her name?" Rosamond asked.
"Lucinda and the colt is named Merovin."
Rosamond dropped the cube and fumbled for it nervously. "Merovin? Where did you..you hear a name like that?"
Billy Bob shrugged. "I don't know, must have stuck in my mind from somewhere."
Rosamond gave Lucinda the sugar cube. "Come on," Billy Bob said. "I'll show you around." They got in a jeep and went up and down the pastures. Before Rosamond knew it, they were laughing and talking and the thoughts of Merovin, Henry's horse, left Rosamond's mind.
Billy Bob pulled back up to the barn. "Time to feed them and clean out the stalls."
Rosamond helped him get the feed buckets. "Where do you find the time or energy to do this and play at the Dew Drop?"
"Oh, I guess I was blessed with a good constitution and alot of energy." He playfully threw some hay at Rosamond. She responded by throwing some down his back.
They went back and forth until Billy Bob grabbed her feet out from under her and she landed on her back. She kicked her legs out and nailed him in the back of the legs and Billy Bob fell down next to her. Billy Bob plucked the hay out of Rosamond's hair, kissed her and said softly, "Isn't this what hay is for....to roll in?"
Rosamond sat up quickly.
"I'm...I'm sorry, Rosamond. I don't mean to be moving so fast."
Rosamond put her head down in her folded arms. "That's not it, Billy Bob. You are the sweetest, most gentle, sexy man I have ever met."
Billy Bob threw handfuls of hay down. "So what is the problem? You are married. You wouldn't be the first married woman to do what I think we were about to do. Just how happily ARE you married? Because my guess is that it's not too happy or else you wouldn't be at the Dew Drop and you wouldn't be here with me today..here in the barn. Like the song says, 'Don't kiss me like this unless you mean it like that'. "
Rosamond's eyes filled with tears and she was truly miserable. "It..it's complicated."
Billy Bob got up and walked over to the mare. "He came to see me last week. Warned me to stay away from you. Told me not to even look at you." He turned to her."What would he say if he knew where you were right now, Rosamond?"
Rosamond said softly, "I can only imagine."
Billy Bob turned to her and kissed her and said, "Don't worry, honey. We will work it out. Now dry those tears."
Billy Bob went into the house with his arm around Rosamond. He said, "I have to take a quick shower. I'm all packed. I've got Uncle Jed coming over to take me to the airport."
Rosamond smiled. "No need for that. I'll take you to the airport. I have to go into the City to pick up my scripts for next week. Now that I won the Emmy they beefed up my scripts."
Billy Bob said "Great! Come up and keep me company while I shower. You can talk to me through the door!"
Rosamond wandered around his room while he was in the shower. Such a nice masculine room. Not like that mess Daniel and John lived in! Juanita must be one heck of a housekkeeper.
Billy Bob came out, a towel wrapped around him. Rosamond sneaked covert glances at him. Billy Bob was one handsome specimen. She had no idea a chest like that lurked beneath that shirt! BillyBob grabbed his clothes and changed in the bathroom.
He ran a quick comb through his hair and grabbed his suitcase. "Let's go!"
Rosamond and Billy Bob went downstairs. He threw his suitcase in the Miata and they drove out and towards the City.
Rosamond parked the car in the short-term parking lot and walked hand in hand with Billy Bob through the airport and to the gate. He looked into her eyes. "It feels nice having you see me off at the airport. I could get used to this..I could get used to alot of this stuff!"
"FLIGHT 29 NOW BOARDING AT GATE 71" the intercom said.
Billy Bob sighed. "I have to go now, that's my flight" Billy Bob gave Rosamond a goodbye kiss that left her weak in the knees. Billy Bob picked up his bag, grinned and went down the ramp.
Rosamond sat down and tried to think. "Billy Bob thinks I have a husband and no children. How do I tell him I have no husband and a child? And I have five days to decide what I am going to do."
With that, she turned and walked back to her car and her life in Chappaqua.



****************************************************

Part 146: Eleanor Wings It!........by Coralynn

Eleanor checks the address again as she drives down Pleasant Lane. Oh, there it is: 1502. She pulls into the drive.
Jerry is out front weeding some of his flowers and stands when he sees her alight from her car.
"Easy to find, wasn't it?" he greets her as he peels off his gardening gloves.
"Yes, quite!" she answers and stands admiring what he's done with his flower bed. "You do this all by yourself?" she asks.
"This year I have," he answers as he escorts her into the house, "My ex-wife used to do it, but you notice I said "ex"......she lives in Cincinnati now, a bit far for commuting to the flower beds."
"I'm divorced, too," Eleanor says without thinking, "Louie. A pathetic man, that one."
"Louie?" Jerry seems surprised, "Did you know that Eleanor of Aqitaine was also divorced from a man named Louis, as in Louie the 7th?"
"Really!" Eleanor recovers from the shock that she'd let that one slip, "Talk about coincidence. What was your ex wife's name and why is she in Cincinatti?"
"Her name's Doris, and she's in Ohio because she and the Priest she fell in love with decided to go back to his family stamping grounds."
"Priest?" Eleanor is curious.
"Ohhhh yeah, Dan was a Catholic Priest in the area here and soon after he arrived, Doris developed a huge crush on him which eventually became mutual. He left the Priesthood and now he owns a Hardware Store, the family business."
"Was there quite a scandal?" Eleanor imagines there must have been, as this town isn't large enough for much anonynimity.
"Huge scandal," Jerry laughs, "that's one of the reasons they moved to Ohio. Good decision. Gets me out of the eye of the gossip mongers, too."
"I imagine people felt sympathy for you," Eleanor reasons.
"They sure did," Jerry goes to the fridge and brings out a salad he must have made up earlier. "I hate that, too. Everyone thought I must have been destroyed by the divorce. I wasn't, though; Doris and I hadn't been getting on well together for the last several years. It was almost a relief."
"That's honest!" Eleanor admires his candor. "Do you have children?"
"I have a 24 yr old daughter living near Buffalo named Gwen, and a 22 yr old son named Brad in graduate school in California."
With that he begins to put the salad bowls and flatware on the table.
"You don't look old enough to have grown children," Eleanor sincerely tells him.
"I am...oh I most certainly am!" Jerry kids, "Do you have children, Eleanor?"
She gulps. Oh-oh, now what do I tell him? Do I make up some fictitious children? What else can I do??
"I have a daughter living in Rhode Island named Kate," she fibs, "She'll be 26 her next birthday."
"Do you see her often?" Jerry inquires.
"About once or twice a year when she takes a vacation, usually Christmas."
"Any grandchildren?"
"No, you?"
"Not yet."
Eleanor breaths a sigh of relief. Dodged that bullet! All I need are fictitious grandchildren as well.

They begin to eat the salad.
"Yum!" Eleanor remarks, "This is the best salad I've ever had!"
"Secret family recipe," he tells her, then, changing the subject, "I notice you have an English accent. Were you born there?"
OK, think Eleanor, think fast, how do you explain the accent?
"My father was in the Air Force and was stationed in England when I was small. I picked up the local accent, then was never able to get rid of it."
Whew, that was inspired! she thinks to herself.
"It's lovely, don't get rid of it," he smiles. "I was born in Niagara County, you know, near the Falls, one reason my accent has such long A sounds, so piercing that glass falls out of windows and shatters on the ground whenever one of us says a word with a hard A in it!"
Eleanor laughs at his hyperbole.

Eating slows down the conversation a bit, and gives Eleanor time to get her wits about her. This is the first person she's made friends with who doesn't know her true identity. This man is really nice, too, fun, basically what they call "cool." How am I going to make up a life history that hangs together? I've never had to do that before. What will happen if Jerry and I are still buddies at Christmastime and he wants to meet 'Kate'???
"How often do you work as a chauffer?" she asks him, as that subject will at least not lead to her having to make up responses.
"I just do it for huge events," he says, "A friend of mine has this Limo service and whenever there are big events in Manhattan, like the recent Emmy Awards, remember??" he laughs, "I help him out because the requests for limos sky-rocket at those times. But this is not my real job. I'm a Real Estate broker. It's an interesting job because, if you like to look at houses, and I do, this one supplies you with a never ending stream of places to look at."
"That would be interesting!" Eleanor agrees. "If we'd known you a year ago, you could have been our agent."
"Who all lives in your house, Eleanor? I noticed that Rose and Beth also went to your house when we returned the other night.
"You noticed? I thought you were dead asleep!" she ribs him.
"I was conscious enough to see all of you go into the same house," he defends himself.
"There are several of us living there, all introduced by friends of friends, and connected in various ways. Since we got along so well we decided to share expenses."
"Like a commune!" Jerry concludes. "Remember those hippie communes back in the 70s?"
"Well, yes and no."
"OK, who lives there? William the Chef?"
"Yes, he does, and John Gwinett who you saw last night, you know, the guy who didn't win the Emmy for the Soap that Rose won for?"
"They both live there? Are they romantically involved in real life?"
"Hard to say. Rose has a rather tempestuous love life. I think they might work it out if she ever decides to concentrate on just John."
"She has a lot of boyfriends?"
"It's beginning to look like it," Eleanor comments.
"Did you see the Castle next door to us?" she asks.
"Yes, I've noticed that place before. What's the story there?"
"An old friend of William's, named Henry, thought it would be a kick to build a castle, which, as you can see, he did. He got it pre-fab from a place called Castles R Us. It went up in less than five days."
"You're not serious!" Jerry reacts.
"Fraid so!! Henry is a real character, that one. He and Bill Clinton and a man named Luke have a jazz band and they jam over in Henry's castle all hours of the day and night!"
"Bill Clinton? That's a hoot! Have you met him?"
"Several times. He seems to have adopted us as his special project. He and Hillary had us over for dinner back ohhhhh 6 or 8 months ago. They're a lot of fun. They were also at our place a few nights ago when William had his Banquet. There's this TV show called 'Spend A Day With_________'fill in the blank, and they were covering William's day. Of course everything that could go wrong, did. It'll be televised in another 5 or 6 days. You'll have to watch! I think you'll especially enjoy the food fight we had at the table."
Jerry narrows his eyes and smiles, "Who started the food fight, El, was it YOU?"
"Nope, it was Rose. Once she got started the rest of us just joined in. Even Bill and Hillary were tossing food around. I wonder if they'll actually show that part on TV?"
"I would if I were producing the show," Jerry laughs, "They won't be able to resist showing a food fight at a banquet. I can imagine the people producing the show are tickled pink."
"What bothers me is that now the tabloids have made fodder of Rose and Beth at Sardis, they'll go after whatever they find on the tape of that TV show. I don't have too much trust in the ability of the media to resist splashing embarrasing things all over the place."
"That comes with the territory," Jerry agrees, "But they have yet to get anything on you, Eleanor. You must be one of the better behaved people, am I right?"
"Not really. I appear in a Wonder Woman outfit when I do my sportcasting gig. Surely you've seen that!"
"Yes! But you still carry it off with dignity!"
"I try."


"I'm also Eleanor of the Renssaisance Festival," she tells him, "but this year I only go in when I feel like it. I think the novelty has worn off. I know it has for me. Besides, every once in awhile someone unseats ME and landing on the ground is getting to be more painful than it's worth"
"Don't they bill you as Eleanor of Aqutaine?"
"They do, but, like I said, the novelty is wearing off. People don't attend just to see me anymore. Fine with me; I want to quit before I break something."
"I've been thinking about what you told me....about Henry and Bill and Luke having a band. Think they need someone on percussion?"
"Don't tell me......you play the drums!"
"Yes, and if I promise not to play them so loud I drown out the music, do you think they'd be open to having me audition?"
"Bet they would!" Eleanor encourages him, then thinks, 'The only one in that band who knows how to keep his mouth shut is Bill. Henry is a loose cannon and I'm not all that sure about Luke. This could spell disaster, but it's out of my hands.'
Jerry writes down the phone number over at the Castle, then, clearing away the dishes, brings up his interest in genealogy.
"Come see what I've done so far," he suggests as they walk into his computer room, "I think I have my line back to Eleanor of Aqutaine, you know, the real one. She'd be my 24th Gr/grandmother if I have this lineage done correctly. See?"
He shows her a printout of his line and sure enough, there she is at the top of the page, and he at the bottom.
"Hmmmmmm," she comments, "I see you descend through King John, that trouble making sonofagun."
"What can I say?" he throws his hands up in mock surrender, "He's far enough back that I doubt I've inherited any of his traits."
"Richard was nicer," she muses, "But alas, had no children, but...then he wouldn't, would he?"
"Not if he was gay," Jerry says matter-of-factly, "Wonder how his parents adjusted to that?"
"You try to ignore it as long as you can," she says, then decides this subject is too dangerous to explore, as soon she may start answering questions about her relationship with her chldren for real, so changes to another topic.

"Which generation came to America?" she asks.
"Welllll," he points to a place on the printout, "I think it was John Meigs, b 1612....looks like his son was born in CT, so in order for that to happen, he and Tomasina Fry must have sailed across the Atlantic."
"I can't imagine sailing across that ocean," Eleanor says, "Those boats couldn't have been very good back then."
"You never sailed the Atlantic?" he asks.
"No, I always flew," she answers, thinking to herself 'we flew alright!!'

"Thanks for the delicious lunch, Jerry," she gathers up her purse and takes out the carkeys, "I hope you can visit us soon."
"I definitely will," he agrees, "Being a sociology student, I'm always curious about group interactions and you have an intriguing setup in your house. However, more than that, I like you, Eleanor. I hope we can get to know each other well."
"Me, too, Jerry," she goes up on her tiptoes and plants a quick kiss, then, as she's almost out the door, says, "Let me know when you start jamming with the boys in the Castle! That place is a sociologist's dream!!"
He smiles as she gets in her car and slowly backs out of the drive.


Part 147: The Day the S___ Hit the Fan...........pt 1 by Coralynn

Eleanor yawns and stretches. Several parts of her anatomy hurt.
"That's it!" she declares, getting out of bed, "No more Renaissance Festivel for this kid!"
Bethia is already in the bathroom taking a shower. Eleanor hears the water turn off, and soon Bethia is dragging into the room in her robe.
"Don't know why I should be tired," she says, "All I've been doing is designing clothes. Wonder who I can persuade to manufacture them?"
"Better contact some company before they forget you won that huge lottery. Maybe they can call your line The Jackpot line!"
"That would be cute," Bethia is still toweling her hair dry. "I'm going to go on a run; that usually wakes me up. Wanna go?"
"I suppose I should," Eleanor agrees, "Just wait for me to get on some clothes. Should we run all the way to the Grand Union?"
"I think we can do that," Bethia says, "It's not that far. Let's just grab a cup of coffee and go."

They're the first ones in the kitchen, and since the coffeemaker is on automatic, the brew is fresh and the carafe full.
They quickly polish off a cup.
Rosamond enters the kitchen and sees them in their jogging clothes.
"You gals go without me this time," she yawns, "Now that the Soap is going full steam ahead, they're working us like dogs!"

Bethia and Eleanor take off on a nice easy lope. Pretty soon Eleanor is beginning to feel it in the area on which she landed yesterday when some big bone crusher of a man unseated her from her horse.
"I'm done with the Renaissance festival!" she pants to Bethia.
"Good! Now you'll be around more!"
They continue to run and make it to the grocery store just before Eleanor is totally out of breath.
"Whew! Let's get another cup here!"
They enter the store and go to the coffee decanters. After they help themselves to large cups of coffee, they mill around the store, cooling down their muscles the way you do a horse who has been ridden fast and hard.

Bethia is the first one to see the National Enquirer.
"LOOK! OH NO! There's a picture of Rose totally naked, lying by the pool!"
Both women approach the rack of tabloids.
The headline screams, "Soap Opera Hussy Poses Nude for Cameramen!"
Eleanor is trying to figure this out, "Hey, that must have been taken by the TV camera crew. They're the ones who had the camera out by the pool. Those rotten bastards have sold us out!"
"Not a good sign, El. Tonight we get to see the Spend A Day with Wm the Conquering Chef show and now I'm wondering how bad that'll be!"
"I hate to support these people by buying their garbage, but we'd better buy a copy of every single tabloid here. How many different kinds are there?'
"There's the Star, the World News, the......oh my! there are a bunch of different ones. OK, let's take one of each and see how bad they are."
"This one says that they have it from an inside source that Rose is having an affair with 8 men......at the same time!!"
Eleanor thinks, Probably the 'inside source' is Daniel, that creep. He tried to set me up to tell John about Rose and some cowboy, thinking I'd blab to John. He has another thing coming!! But he could have told those TV guys a lot of junk, it sounds like something he'd do!
"But at least nothing about me," Eleanor says, feeling guilty that she is escaping this humiliation.
"Oh-OH, El, look at this!!"
Sure enough, a photo of Eleanor in her underwear with the caption, "Wonder Woman Sportscaster Attends Banquet in Her Skivvies."
"There's no way we can gather up every copy of every single one of these awful rags. At least they have nothing on you this time, Beth."
"Except this picture of Kelsey Grammar giving me a hug with the words saying, "'Frasier' Star in Love with Richest Woman in New York. I AM NOT!!"
"We know that, Beth, but they have to grab people's attention. What garbage."
"We'd better get home with these horrible things and see what the others say."
"This time we walk, though," Eleanor says, rubbing her calf muscles.

"So how's Jerry doing with the jazz band in the Castle?" Bethia asks Eleanor as they walk home.
"He's having a great time with it, but he's wondering why Luke looks like a dead ringer for Beethoven," Eleanor replies.
"Really? How would he know what Beethoven looked like?"
"There are paintings of him, quite a few done at various times in his life. Jerry took a digital photo of Luke, then took it home and superimposed it over a photo of Beethoven he found online and it matches exactly!"
"Whew! How does Luke explain himself out of that one?"
"Jerry hasn't said anything about it to Luke yet, but he's very curious. He asked me if I knew why the dead-ringer appearance and I feigned ignorance. After all, why should I know?"
"Yeah, why should you?"
"What makes me nervous is Jerrry's questions about me!" Eleanor frowns, "You know how, if you meet an interesting person, you want to know all about their lives? It's perfectly natural. Well, let me tell you, the stuff I've had to make UP about myself makes my head spin. You know how I put Eleanor Clark on my Drivers License? Now he's researching the Clark family to see what my genealogy looks like and do we have any common ancestors. If he only KNEW!"
Bethia giggles, "Are there any paintings of you online?"
"No, thank goodness!" Eleanor exclaims, "People have done research, you know those people with nothing better to do with their lives? They've tried to find written descriptions of me in lieu of actual paintings, and come up dry. That's a break!!"
"Yes, but isn't it pretty much understood that you have red hair, Eleanor?"
"I'm not sure how that got started. The fact that they got it right is scary, though."
"He doesn't see how Eleanor of Aquitaine-ish you look?"
"He did comment once on how easy it must have been for me to pretend to be her at the Renaissance Festival. But that's all."
"Didn't William tell us that since we're time travelers we won't age? What would happen if you and Jerry were friends for 20 yrs and he got older looking and you didn't?"
"One of those bridges we'll cross if and when we get there," Eleanor muses.
"What about children, though? Will Little Will stay that little because he's out of his original timeframe?"
"I asked William about that, and he said that children age up until they look to be about 20 to 25, then stop."
"Good! Can you imagine having a child who never grows up?"
"HA! I left several of them back at Court!" Eleanor quips as they turn into the driveway and make their way into the house

As Eleanor and Bethia walk into the house, the first thing they see is William's broad smile.
"Tonight is the big night!" he announces, "Tonight we see our Spend A Day With program on TV. I can't wait!!"
"Just how much of the evening's festivities went according to plan, though, William?" John asks.
"Almost everything! They'll show the best parts and leave out the parts where some of you got out of control. They promised."
"Well, William, if this is any indication," Eleanor slaps the tabloids down on the talbe, "You're in trouble!"
William and John and Rosamond reach for copies of the various tabloids.
"WHAT!?" Rosamond shrieks, "They can't SHOW stuff like that!" and she holds up the tabloid with the picture of her nude by the pool.
William moves over to see what Rosamond is referring to. His mouth flies open. "Where did they get that!!!"
Bethia sits down on a chair and tells him, "You'd better sit down, too, William. This is just one tabloid! There are more!"
"But how did they get a picture like that of Rose?" he is still flaberghasted.
Rose looks crestfallen and tells him, "I went out to catch a few rays by the pool, and didn't realize they'd planted a camera in the bushes, William. But they had. They would have gotten even more if El and Beth hadn't called it to my attention."
"Keep your damned clothes ON!" William storms, "What is it with you? You notice they don't have any pictures of me? Why do you think that is? Why? Because I behave with decorum! Would that you all did!"
Eleanor says nothing, but slides one of the tabloids across the table to William.
His eyes grow large. The headline says "William The Conquering Chef Has Mental Breakdown over Ruined Rosebushes."
In the photo it clearly shows William crying, holding a few dead pieces of the plants.
"How did they get that picture, William?"
"One of the TV crew asked me about the bare spot out back so I took him out and showed him. I should have known it was a setup, but at least my clothes were on!!" he tries to justify himself.

Daniel comes in the room laughing, carrying a stash of tabloids.
"Where did you get those?" Eleanor demands.
"I subscribe, do you mind?" Daniel grins, then says,"well, looks like they published your pictures. Tsk tsk. Fame has its price, you know."
Everyone glares at his insensitivity.
"Go away!" Bethia yells at him. "YOU must have been the 'inside source' that said Rose was having affairs with 8 different men!"
"Eight, huh? Could be true for all I know...." and he ducks out of the room to avoid a saucer that almost clips him on the forehead.

"What can we do about this?" Rose asks.
William has nothing to say; he is still in shock that anyone would dare take his picture while he was weeping.
"They said one thing then did another, let's see, what's in those release forms we signed?" Eleanor is curious.
She goes to a drawer and pulls out one of the forms.
Everyone glances at her expectantly as she looks through it for anything that would comdemn what the camera crew had done.
"We're sunk," she concludes, "There's even fine print that says they have our permission to publish any part of the filming to other media outlets. We didn't see that, though, because we were all in such a hurry to sign and get on with the party. There is nothing we can do now. We have no legal recourse."

Bethia has been reading the articles that go with the photos and is emitting sounds of distress the more she reads.
"It says here that Eleanor went to the banquet in her skivvies because she has signed on with the KitKatKlub as a topless dancer and it's a publicity stunt!"
"That makes no sense!" Eleanor is incensed.
"Doesn't have to make sense!" John tells them all, "People like them have no scruples!"
"Yeah, but in the release form it didn't say they could make up lies, did it?" Rose insists.
"Are these sneazy guys the one in charge of the TV program tonight?" Bethiah asks.
"Not exactly," Eleanor explains, "But the Producers of the show can only work with the material given to them, so fasten your seat belts!"
The phone rings and Eleanor answers it.
"Yes, William lives here. No, he doesn't wish to talk to you at this time. Who am I? Just the maid, Hilda. Rosamond? Rosamond who? No one here has any comment, thank you very much!" and she slams down the phone.
The phone rings again.
This time Rosamond answers it, "No, we are not interested in joining your Swingers Club. Oh, you read that in a tabloid? Get a life!" and she slams the phone down.
The phone rings again.
Everyone looks around at the others, then Eleanor yanks the reciever up and yells, "What do you want from us? Leave us alone! Oh......Oh....sorry Jerry, but we've been getting crank phone calls. Yes, we can hear you jamming at the castle. Sounds wonderful. Sure, drop over, all three of you. We'll make French Toast. Ohhhhh yeah, that's right, this IS the night of the TV program. You want to watch it with us? Sounds good! See you in a bit!"
Eleanor flings herself down on a chair.
William groans.

John is standing by the windows that face Henry's castle counting the cars parked in that driveway and even some parked on Henry's front lawn.
"Henry has more than the usual number of people touring his castle today," he comments, "I thought the deal he made with the real estate people had expired, you know, the one that gives the real estate guys permission to use Henry's castle as a Model Home for prospective buyers. The last few days there have been no cars at all at the castle, but today......come, take a look!"
The others group around him at the window.
"Those people aren't there to see Henry's castle," Rosamond says in alarm, "Look! They have binoculars and they're looking this way!"
Eleanor reaches around and yanks the drapes shut.
William groans.

A few minutes later they hear banging at the back door. William goes to it and quickly lets Henry, Bill, Luke and Jerry into the house.
Behind them the crowds that had congregated at the castle race to catch up. They mill around the back yard. Some even go to the door and pound on it.
Faces peer in through the window in the kitchen door. William quickly pulls the curtain over it.
"Whew! Made it!" Bill exclaims, "We never had the town turn out like a linch party before, though. What's been going on over here?"
Bethia motions for him to come sit at the table, which he does, and she puts the pile of tabloids in front of him.
"How well I remember THESE!" he says in exasperation.
Henry, Luke and Jerry crowd around Bill, and soon they have passed each of the tabloids from one to the other.
"No wonder some of that crowd had binoculars," Jerry says, "Look at this one!" holding up the picture of Rose naked by the pool, "And what is this, Eleanor?" he motions to the picture of Eleanor in her underwear.
"They swiped those pictures off the tapes for the TV show," Eleanor explains, "The shots they felt they dare not show on TV, they sold to the tabloids."
"Hmmmmm, Eleanor, lookin' good!" Jerry laughs.
"You think this is funny?!" she glowers.
"Not at all. But, since the dastardly deed has been done, all you can do now is decide how you're going to respond to it."
Bill strokes his chin, "Good thinking, Jerry. True, too."
"So how DO we react to it?" Eleanor is pacing, "How do we react to people in mobs standing in our back yard?"
"First off, pulling the drapes and curtains was smart. If there's nothing to see, the group out back will eventually tire," Bill advises, "Then, in time, you'll be able to leave the house unmolested."
"In time!??" Rosamond is alarmed, "You mean we're prisoners in here till those people give up? I can't do that, Bill. I get crazy if I'm cooped up in the house too long."
William gives her a killer look and comments, "You mean you're addicted to lying nude by the pool?"
"Oh stuff a sock in it!" she yells at William and goes into the living room and disappears within the folds of the soft leather couch.
John joins her and the group in the kitchen can hear him trying to calm her down.
"And you thought I would attract too much attention by building a castle," Henry8 puts in, "HA!"
"I suggest we all chill out. We're going to have to stay inside most of the day, so let's watch some videos, play some board games, Trivial Pursuit for instance, and have a good time. Where's the French Toast I was promised?" he looks at Eleanor, who smiles and shakes her head.
"Thanks for putting it in perspective, Jerry. I agree. Let's eat, enjoy the day and keep all the blinds drawn. It might actually turn out to be fun!"
"We plan to watch the TV show with you tonight, so just consider we arrived a bit early," Bill suggests.
"OK, then, the party starts as of now!!"
Luke looks forlorn and says quietly, "It won't be a party without Grace, though."
Bethia thinks, Oh yeah, all we need around here is Grace!

The phone rings again. Nosy neighbor. It sings again. Local newspaper. Again. Pervert looking for some fun. Again. Telemarker hoping to persuade them to change long distance phone carriers. Again. Outraged neighbor protesting the noisy crowd in their back yard....
"I would suggest, Madame," William informs her, "That you come over and tell them you would like them to disperse. In fact, please do. Thank you for your helpfulness."
"Think she'll do it?" John asks. He and Rose are back in the kitchen; Rose having calmed.

The French Toast is delicious, everyone puts double the amount of maple syrup on top. Whipped cream is dolloped over that. Eleanor puts a bunch of it on Jerry's nose, who in turn paints a mustache on her.
"Are we about to have another food fight?" William's nerves are on the raw.
"To quote my pal Ro, 'stuff a sock in it William'!" Eleanor laughs, "Where is your sense of humor?"
"Yes, William," Luke finally speaks up, "Don't be a party poop!"
They all laugh.
William groans.

The day is spent more pleasantly than any of them had thought possible.
Similar to the fun people have when they're forced to sit in the dark during an electrical outage.

As the afternoon passes, it's time to think of dinner.
"Welllll, we couldn't go out to the store for more supplies," Bethia tells everyone, "So we'll have to make do with whatever we have on hand," and, after looking through the refrigerator and cupboards she announces, "We have a couple old boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese, A huge bag of cheese puffs, a jar of marshmallow whip, a few cans of peaches, half a jar of pickles, three hotdogs, and a whole bunch of microwave popcorn. What's your pleasure?"
"Popcorn for me!" Jerry says enthusiastically.
"Me, too!" from Eleanor.
"Pickles and a hotdog for me!" from Bill.
"Peaches and marshallow whip for me!" from Luke.
After everyone gets their food, which mainly consists of popcorn, they sit down at the dining room table and start in on it.
Henry flips on the overhead light.
"Better put that out, Henry," William tells him, "It's easier to see us with the light on."
"How about candles?" Rosamond suggests.
They look around and come up with several which, after being lit, do lend a festive atmosphere.
"This may be the best disastrous day I've had in a long time!" Eleanor announces.
"The group in the back yard is almost gone, now, too," Henry notices, looking through the back window. "Just a few more and we're homefree."
All the wines and after dinner drinks are put out on the table with an assortment of glasses.
"I propose a toast!" John stands up, "To the best crew of a sinkling ship I have ever had the pleasure to go down in the briny deep with!!"
"Here, Here!" Jerry adds.
"I just wish Grace could see this!" Luke intones. Bethia wants to throttle him.

William turns on the TV at 6:55pm.
"NOW.....to cap off a perfectly dreadful day, something GOOD....Spend A Day with William the Conquering Chef!"
Everyone cheers. Eleanor and Bethia give each other dubious looks, smile and shake their heads slowly.


The theme music of the TV show is played. The announcer begins: "Welcome to another installment of Spend A Day With! Tonight we are spending time with William the Conquering Chef and his group of artistes at his house on Winding Willow Lane in Chappaqua."
The music begins to fade.
"It's morning, and our host, William, is reading the morning paper, as is his usual practice."
The announcer stops talking and the next thing they see is Eleanor and Bethia in hippie clothes, talking like someone out of Gone with the Wind. They giggle and disappear into the kitchen.
"William enjoys the many advantages of having creative people in his domicile."
A woman's voice yelling "CRAP!" can then be heard.
"At least he usually enjoys it. But wait! He has a guest!"
Grace is shown racing into the house yelling about the 'evil man.'
"William counsels people of all types. He is always ready with a helping hand."
The woman yells "....then send me back to 1650!"
"No doubt her address. William knows the townsfolk so well that he remembers where each lives. He is a great help to many troubled souls."
"Now who could this be? Looks like the jazz band from next door!"
The music begins, then the TV viewers hear Grace outside screaming again.
The music stops.
"The musicians have been called away." the announcer tells everyone.

The scene shifts to the kitchen and John's interrogation of Rosamond.
The announcer says nothing but lets the scene proceed. Rosamond flashes her backside at John, her backside being hash-marked, but obvious.
"The residents of the house settle their disagreements in lively, creative ways!" the announcer says with a smile in his voice.

William is stiff with anger. He glares at Rosamond. As they go to commercial, he demands, "There you go again, little Miss naked! When I say keep yourself clothed, I mean it. You're tenure as a resident of this house is close to being revoked!"

The show comes back.
"Being an actress, Rosamond has to keep her skin tanned at just the right color."
The TV screen shows Rose naked with hash marks over part of her torso. Of course the group has already seen that....in the tabloids, sans the hash marks.
"Each member of the household has his or her special talents. Bethia Adams is an excellent seamstress."
The screen shows Bethia sewing Eleanor's Wonder Woman outfit, then pans over to Eleanor, who, by that time has the drapes on.
She undulates toward the camera asking if anyone wants to see some flesh, and pulls the drape down over her shoulders, plus up on one leg.
"ELEANOR!" William is shocked. "I expected better from you!"
Then part of a conversation fades in: "I can't be constantly bailing Grace our of her problems. We can't send her back to 1650 Southold, either, that would put her in danger."
The announcer comes on again, "1650 Southold must be the address of a woman in peril. We're hoping she knows to call the Crisis Hotline.
If any of you are in this danger, call - 1-800-555-ouch. This has been a public service announcement."

The next scene shows Rosamond with her bathing suit back on, pouring crab dip on William's head and stuffing his mouth with cocktail weenies.
"There is an atmosphere of fun and joviality in the household. Many practical jokes are played, like this one."

William is now riveted to the screen, almost shaking with rage.

Next the screen is filled with Daniel telling them his experiences with Rose by the pool at various times.

"How do they get away with showing that?!" Rosamond is aghast.
"Remember those release forms we signed..?" Bethia reminds her.
Then the scene shifts to William telling the camera crew how Rose totalled his rosebushes. He tears up. The camera zooms in close.
Watching this, William's lips are beginning to turn blue from being clenched so tightly together.

Another commercial break.
No one is happy about what has been shown so far, but they are all too leery to say anything at the moment, as William is about to blow like a volcano, and no one wants to be the one to set him off.

Music fades in, announcer continues:
"Here we have a special banquet in honor of William. Notice the beautiful gowns and tuxes. This group has real class!"
The screen shows them all standing about looking elegant, then, after they are seated at the table, the announcer resumes:
"The dinner of lobster and steak has been carefully prepared by Cramer's Classic Caterers. The table is set to perfection, the mood set with music by Debussy and Ravel.
The camera spends a few minutes panning around the table.
"Being Artistes, William and his friends enjoy a few moments of levity."
That's when the food fight begins. The camera gets every last moment of it, even the part after Hillary joins them.
"Senator Hillary Clinton unwinds after a week in Washington D.C." the announcer says, "with her best friends. Her husband, Bill, is William's best friend and most ardent fan."
The food fight rages on.
They don't show William standing up and denouncing everyone for having trashed his dinner.
Eleanor thinks, Creative editing, that. This makes it look like William approves of it, which, I suppose is better than showing him throwing a tantrum, but does nothing to firm up his image as a pillar of the community. Ahhhh well.

Another commercial.
The hour is almost up. Looks like all they have time for is a wrapup segment.
Sure enough:
The announcer comes back: "We have enjoyed our visit with William the Conquering Chef and his friends. A good time was had by all. This proves once and for all that Artist Communes really can work out well. This is Arny Peterson signing off for this week....join us next week for Spend A Day With Martha Stewart!"

Silence.
William stands up and dusts off his pants.
"Well, well," he mutters and goes upstairs to his room.
Everyone else remains silent till they're sure he is safely behind a closed door, then they begin to laugh....tentatively at first, then louder and louder till tears are rolling down their faces.
After about 10 or 12 minutes of that, Rosamond asks, "Why are we laughing? That was awful!!"
"Ohhhhhh, Rose," Bethia pats her hand, "The Genie is out of the bottle! Might as well laugh as cry."
There's tapping at a nearby window.
They turn out the lights, and Jerry creeps over to the window to look out.
"The unholy gang of curiosity seekers is back," he tells them.
They all crash on couches and the floor.
Rosamond whines, "I'll never be able to leave this house again!"
Daniel can't resist saying, "Our gain, the cowboys of route 141's loss!"
Eleanor crawls over from her position on the floor to where Daniel is lying and pinches him on the thigh.
"Damn! Must you keep doing that?" he yells.
"It appears I must, you creep!" she sneers at him.
The people milling around outside the house hear the voices, and start ringing the doorbell insistently.
John gets up from his position on one of the leather couches which has almost swallowed him whole, strides to the front door, flings it open and booms out, "BOO!" then slams it shut again.
William, who has spent the last 30 minutes up in his room, reappears.
He sizes up the situation, deliberates, then goes back to his room, slamming the door.
Bethia suggests, "Anyone here wanna play Monopoly in the dark on the floor with me?"
Several of them crawl over to where Bethia is setting up the Monopoly board.
"I get the ship!!" Bill puts in his dibs.
"I get the shoe!" John goes next.
"Do they have a shotgun in that bunch of markers?" Daniel asks.
"How about a big cannon?" Luke adds.
"How about a can of mace?" Jerry laughs, "That might get rid of that gang out there!"


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