COULD THINGS GET
ANY CRAZIER??

Part 130 or 131: Crisis at the Blue House......by Coralynn


Gilda has fallen asleep on the couch and, as morning arrives, is snoring peacefully away when she is bolted upright by a scream coming from the upper flat.
"Whaaaat?" she sits up and tries to orient herself in time and space. Why is screaming coming from upstairs?
She hears Grace's voice yelling "You are an evil man!" as footsteps sound on the stairs.
Grace soon comes bursting into the room looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
"Lovers' quarrel?" Gilda asks.
"Did that beastly man come down here and abduct me? How did I end up in his flat? And.........in his bed!!"
Grace covers her face with her hands, sits on a chair and begins to cry.

"Don't you remember how you went up there of your own choice?" Gilda is really confused, "He came to the door and said you were almost an engaged couple, and it was your idea to go up to his flat, remember?"
"NO!" Grace is aghast, "How can that be?"
"Something is strange here," Gilda says as she picks up the phone and dials the big house.
It rings a number of times, and just before she concludes no one is going to answer, a man's voice says, "Hello."
"This is Gilda over at the blue house," Gilda begins, "Can I please speak to Bethia?"
The phone is laid down and in a few minutes Bethia's sleepy voice comes online,
"Gilda? Is there a problem?"
"YES!" she blurts out, "Grace woke up this morning in Luke's flat and has no idea how she got there, which is odd, as it was her idea to go there in the first place, not his."
"Ohhhhh noooooo," Bethia sits down suddenly, "Gilda, did you read every page of the instructions I left for you in the folder?"
"I read the first two pages," Gilda answers, "why?"
"On page three it tells how Grace must never have even one sip of an alcoholic beverage, as it makes her behave like a nymphimaniac. The next morning she remembers nothing."
Gilda goes to the counter and flips open the file to page three. Sure enough, there it is all spelled out.
"I am so sorry," Gilda is contrite, "I should have read the whole thing. I hope you don't fire me for this."
"No, you're not fired, Gilda, though I must say you aren't off to a flying start. Think of Grace as a baby whose every move must be monitored."
"How did she get that way?" Gilda is now curious.
"Just born that way," Bethia confides, "Dumb as a post, but very pretty. Not a great combination. But manageable if she is kept away from drinking spirits."
"I see. I gave her some wine because she said it looked like Communion grape juice, that's how it happened."
"Now you know, so now it won't have to happen again, right? Is she still all upset about being in Luke's flat?"
"Yes, she's sitting here trembling like a leaf," Gilda reports.
"How about the children, do they know?" Bethia is hoping the answer is no.
"They seem to have slept through it," Gilda guesses. "Do you know that child Rebecca is a sharp little cookie?"
"She probably has a genius IQ, which is strange considering who her mother is. She has to know she's more intelligent at 4 than her mother is at 22, which I hope doesn't cause her to lose respect for Grace. We can't have Grace going off like a Wild Woman anymore, though, or Rebecca will conclude her mother is a mental case. OK?"
"Absolutey," Gilda agrees, "Well, it's been good talking with you, Bethia, and I promise to do better."
They both hang up.
Grace is still sitting in the chair wringing her hands in her lap.
"I need more of that Communion grape juice," she tells Gilda, "I didn't get to Church yesterday, and I need some."
"No more for you, dearie!" Gilda says firmly, "I'll buy you some Welch's grape juice, and you can drink the container dry, but no more of that stuff you had last night!"
Grace's eyes grow large, "Why?"
"Because, my dear, it makes you go crazy, that's why!" Gilda figures a bit of reality can't hurt.
Grace squints up her eyes in confusion.
Gilda tries another tack, "It's like a poison for you, OK? Not for me, just for you."
Grace backs away in alarm, "Poison?"
Then, after trying to understand everything that's been said, Grace adds, "Luke is an evil man. He must never come here anymore. He gave me the poison drink and dragged me upstairs!" and with that she seems satisfied.
Gilda lets out a large breath of air and shakes her head.
What kind of job is this going to be? What has she gotten herself into?

Ludwig VanBeethoven, or Luke as they now call him, is still sitting on the side of the bed confused.
What has he done wrong that his Lady Love has again fled in alarm? As far as he knows she didn't drink any alcholic beverages as Bethia warned him of. No, she came of her own sweet will.
"Love is just too complicated in this century," he muses, "But she has captured my heart and now I must pine for the love I so desperately need. I know, I'll play the piano, that usually helps."
He goes to the piano and drags out an old copy of Chopin's Revolutionary Etude.
"Not written by me, but still, a good piece," he thinks as he opens the sheet music.

The sound of cascading notes infiltrate the entire house as he plays away furiously.
"Damn, I'm good!" he congratulates himself, "I can play like a house on fire. If only my Love, Grace, could appreciate the depth of my emotion....."
and he brings the music to a forte crescendo.


Spend a Day with William the Conquering Chef.......by Coralynn

Bethia in robe and slippers pads down the stairs to the kitchen, sees the last of the cameras being mounted on the wall and runs right back up again.
She goes to Eleanor's room and gently knocks.
Eleanor peeps her head out, "Are the TV guys here yet?"
"Fraid so, El," Bethia slips into Eleanor's room. "I was going downstairs when I noticed a camera pointing my way, so I beat it right back up here. I suppose we're expected to dress up for this big thing William has on the go, right?"
"Oh contrare!" Eleanor laughs and goes to the closet where she still has those awful clothes they wore to 1640 Southold, those polyester things.
Pulling out both hers and Rose's old outfits she says with a devilish twinkle in her eyes, "How about we go down to breakfast in these?"
Bethia laughs, "I didn't know these were still around! Can I wear the go-go boots?"
"Sure!" Eleanor tosses them her way, "Let's show the world what a classy bunch of folk William lives with! How up to date, how fashionable, how......"
"Sane??" Bethia finishes the sentence, "Oh this is going to be fun!"
They somehow get the polyester monstrosities on, then, peeking out the door, notice William sitting in a chair with the lever on the side, reading a newspaper, trying to look like Lord of the Manor while the cameras roll.
"Ready?" Eleanor nods to Bethia, "Let's go get 'em!"
They both sashay down the stairs, Eleanor loudly saying to Bethia,
"I say there, Lilly Mae, shall we go to the Cottilion today? Ashley Wilkes is going to be there and I have a hankering for his big beautiful face....."
William looks up and shows alarm, but dares not say anything with those cameras rolling 24/7.
"I think Rhett Butler might just also be there, darhling, do you think he'll give me a roll in the hay?"
William's eyes get rounder and he tries to signal to them to STOP.
"We are soooooo bad," Eleanor lets out a high pitched giggle that all but sends William up thru the ceiling.
He thinks, 'Why did I think any of them would cooperate? What have I done that they should scuttle my ship this way. What?'
He smiles at the camera but can't think of one thing to say. He decides to pretend like it never happened.

A few minutes later, he hears Rose's voice through the door of her room, "I feel like CRAP!"
This is not helpful, Rose, he sends her a mental message which no doubt she doesn't receive.
At least the men will behave........please!

There is a noise at the front of the house. Good. Maybe a friendly neighbor has come to call, and William can show the TV world how well liked he is in the community.
He barely gets to the door before Grace comes running into the house all out of breath and sweaty, yelling "He is an EVIL man!"
This one he can't ignore, so he goes to her and says softly "what's the problem?"
"That Luke man upstairs poisoned me and dragged me up to his flat! I ran downstairs again this morning, but before I knew it, he was at the door again. Gilda says he means no harm, but she lies.
I want him put in the stocks!! NOW!!"

William turns to the nearest camera and chuckles good-naturedly, "Of course we know there are no stocks in 2002, Grace."
"Then send me back to 1650!!" she all but screams.
Bethia hears this and quickly hustles Grace off to the kitchen and closes the door.
William is relieved. He wonders if that part will be edited out?


William glances at his watch. 9am, time for Bill and Henry and Luke to arrive.
A few minutes later he hears them unloading their instruments from their cars. He goes out to greet them and help them set up in the living room.
He smiles at the camera, "My neighbors have a jazz band. Here were have Henry, Luke and Bill."

He knows having Bill there will get everyone's attention, but he doesn't count on a reaction when he says the name Luke.
From the kitchen he hears screaming, "He is evil, he is a devil!" which unfortunately goes on for several minutes.
He steps into the kitchen and asks Eleanor and Bethia if they can keep the noise level to a dull roar.

The men set up and proceed to play their "Beethoven's 10th." It's sounding great and William is enjoying it immensely, relieved that something good is going to get on tape, when they hear more screaming outdoors.
Grace has bolted out the back door and appears to be running back to her own house, screaming "Evil man!!!" over and over.
Luke is distracted by this and goes to the window. William drags him back.
Bill stops playing and with his hands up, palms out, laughs as he says "I didn't lay a hand on her!"

Luke is so disheartened he begins dismantling his portable keyboard. Soon the idea of playing a gig for William has disintegrated right before his eyes.

Will there ever be something the TV station can use that isn't a disaster? he wonders.


Part 133: One Picture is Worth 10 Thou Bucks......by Terri

Rosamond comes into the kitchen, looking for something--anything--to settle her stomach. Ooooh, those Tequila Sunrises were killers! But ugh! The thoughts of food make her want to gag. She heads for the refridgerator and opens a V8.
John--or possibly Daniel-- comes into the kitchen.
He carefully opens up another V8. "So where were you last night?"
"I was up in my room. I retired early for the night. What business is it of yours anyways?"
By now Rosamond has gotten the message it's John she is talking to.
Both are unaware that a camera is unobtrusively filming everything that's taking place in the kitchen.
"I checked the carpark out back. Your car was gone from 8:00 until 10:30 when you came storming into the library." John grabs Rosamond's arm. "So where were you?
Down at that honkey tonk with that cowboy?"
"Ow! You are hurting my arm! He's a nice guy. And where do you get off telling him I have VD? And that I cheated on you with your brother? I've got the scars from what the two of you have done! And I can show them to you--one by one!"

John sarcastically says, "Oh, that cowboy is someone you can fall back on! And I mean that literally! So you not only slept with Daniel, you are sleeping with that Midnight Cowboy, too. And let's not forget about Henry! I bailed you out of that little mess! A true damsel in distress!"
Rosamond starts yelling, "You sure didn't mind helping this damsel out of 'dis-dress,' did you? You waited until I drank too much and couldn't remember a thing!"
John starts yelling, too. "Well, you weren't drunk the weekend you spent with my brother! Now you moved on to that hayseed!"
Rosamond is furious. "He's not a hayseed! He's a gentleman!"
"Yeah, but for how long?"
Rosamond leaves the kitchen and heads for the living room. A camera man and the producer are there.
The yelling could be heard all down the first floor. The producer, Mr. Sweeney, gets a gleam in his eye. He whispers to the cameraman, "Go stand over in that corner. Be quiet and you just may have an Emmy in the bag for us!"
The cameraman and Mr. Sweeney quickly move behind the drapes. Only the lens is sticking out.

The fight between Rosamond and John escalates.
"From what I hear you and Daniel had quite a romp when I was out of commission. Then you run my credit cards up to the tune of 100,000.00! Who'd you buy all that lingerie for anyways, Daniel or that cowboy? I won't have any wife of mine running around cheating on me with every ranchhand that breezes into town!"
Both of them stop and stare at each other. Rosamond says quietly, "I am not your wife."
John says, "I forgot."
All the time the camera is whirling. Rosamond is looking for her shoes.
John asks, "Where do you think you are going? Back to that honkey tonk bar? To that..that..stallion?!"
Rosamond pulls her shoes out from under the couch. She turns them upside down to empty the peanuts and pretzels out of them.
Rosamond gets up and turned her back on John. She bends over, pulls her jeans down just enough and yells, "Come over here one last time, pucker up and close your eyes and kiss this....GOOD-BYE!"
John smacks her hard on her bare bottom and it sends her flying across the room.
He turns and leaves the house, starts his car and roars out of the driveway, heading down Hwy 141--south..
Rosamond picks herself up, gets her purse and gets in her car. She roars down HWY 141--heading south.

The camera man and Mr.Sweeney step out from behind the curtains. "Well, did you get it?" the producer asks. The cameraman takes the video tape out of his camera, kisses it and says, "It's signed, sealed and delivered!"
William comes in. He hopefully asks Mr. Sweeney, "How's it going? Anything you can use?"
Mr. Sweeney just grins. "Oh, I think we got some stuff we can use!"
William gives a sigh of relief. "Oh, that's good!"

The camera man turns to Mr. Sweeney. "Hey, wasn't that Rosamond Clifford and John Gwinnett from 'As the Planet Turns'?"
Mr. Sweeney smiles from ear to ear. "I do believe it was--National Enquirer would pay big bucks for this stuff!"


Part 134: You Aren't Man Enough to take My Woman....by Terri

John roars into the parkinglot of the Dew Drop Inn. He walks into the place like he's looking for trouble. He takes a barstool and sits down.
Bobby Joe comes over and asks, "What'll it be, pal?"
"Scotch straight up--a double, no soda, no water, no ice."
Bobby Joe uncorks the bottle and sighs. "So what did she do?"
John takes a belt. "She?"
Bobby Joe sighs. "Only one reason to drink like that. Either your dog died or your woman is cheating on you."
John finishes his drink in one more gulp then says, "More of the same."
Bobby Joe leans forward. "Care to talk about it? Hey, weren't you in here the other day with that purty little gal? The one who you dragged out by her hair? What's her name? Rosalie?"
John says, "Rosamond. Hey, how did you know her name?"
Bobby Joe smiles. "Oh, she's been in here quite a bit lately. Always orders a Tequila Sunrise. Cute little wife you got there."
John continues to drink. "Yeah, ain't she though?"
Bobby Joe polishes the beer glasses. "She sure has Billy Bob all het up. Sure you two are married? She sure doesn't act like it."
John, beginning to feel his drinks, says, "Let's just say we have the same address. She's not exactly my cousin, if you get my drift."
Bobby Joe smiles, "Well, her clothes would look great crumpled on my bedroom floor. Look here now, here comes Billy Bob!"
Billy Bob comes up to the bar. "So are you ready to start tonight?"
John looks at him. "Start what?"
Billy Bob smiles. "Your new job with the band."
John orders another double. "I don't know what you are talking about. I only came here once to get my wife. She was supposed to be home."
Billy Bob leans back against the bar. "Sorry, pal--I have you mixed up with a new bandmate. NOW I remember you."
Billy Bob gets a self-satisfied look on his face. "Gotta be a reason she's wandering in here nights, pal."
John looks at him in the mirror over the bar. "What do you mean?"
Billy Bob pushs his Stetson up over his forehead. "Look, pal--I know women. If they aren't gettin' what they need at home, they are gonna look for it elsewhere."
John says, thinking aloud,"I thought I knew her well. How was I to know she had another lover on her mind? It all felt so right. How could I be so blind?"
John stands up. "Consider yourself warned. Stay away from my woman. Don't dance with her, don't talk to her. Don't even look at her. If you do, I will beat the crap out of you."
John gets up and walks out.
Bobby Joe leans over to Billy Bob. "You gonna let him talk to you like that?"
Billy Bob just shrugs. "Can you blame him?" He smiles and goes back to his bourbon. Oh, yeah, he thinks. You are PLENTY worried. She'll be back


Part 135: WHHIRRRRRRR.........by Terri

Rosamond comes back that afternoon from going to the studio to pick up scripts from 'As the Planet Turns'. Mr. Darcy, the assistant director, asked her to take John's script to him. Mr. Darcy asked if she saw him outside the studio and without thinking, Rosamond said, "Every night". Mr. Darcy's eyebrows lifted up into his toupee but with his diplomacy said, "Would you please see that he gets this?"
Rosamond walks into the game room. Daniel is passing through from the library, picking out a book. Unbeknowst to each of them, the camera is still rolling in the corner. Daniel smiles broadly at her and says, "There you are! Where did you run off to? I wanted to see if you wanted to take a swim with me!"
Rosamond gives him a disdainful look. "Oh, with or without my swimsuit?"
With that she walks up to him, rips his shirt and says, "Oh--the other one! Thank goodness you have that scar!"
Daniel lowers his eyes and says in as sexy of a voice as he can muster, "Babe, if you want my shirt off, all you have to do is say so! John will not be pleased to see his shirt tattered."
Rosamond pushes Daniel aside but he quickly steps aside and then catches her around the waist. "Not so fast, sweetie. We have unfinished business between us! You said you thought you were in love with me. Well...are you?"
"Drop dead, Daniel. It will be a cold day in hell before I let you warm my bed again."
She leaves the room and Daniel calls out, "Supposed to snow tonight, you know!" and lets out a laugh, especially since it's August.
WHIRRRRRRRRRRR goes the camera.

John comes in the kitchen door. Eleanor and Bethia are putting out the hor d'oeuvres that William had whipped up. He was incorporating a cooking segment into this documentary. It was called, "Whip It Good, William".

Clearly John has what is known as Dewar's Flu.
Eleanor and Bethia have forgotten the cameras are there. Eleanor says, "What has happened to you?"
Bethia frowns, "Are you all right?"
John says, "NO, I'M NOT ALLRIGHT!"
Eleanor holds out her tray and says, "Cocktail wienie?"
John flips the tray up in the air as he walks by. Eleanor and Bethia dissolved into giggles. "Good thing you didn't say, 'DIP!' " That makes them laugh even more. Eleanor gasps, "Oh, I hope I didn't wet my pants!"
WHIRRRRRRR!

William comes in. "What the hell happened to my wienies? Why are they all over the floor?"
Eleanor says, "Guess they rolled over, William!"
William had planned a cocktail and hor d'oeuvre party for the benefit of the documentary to show what a genial host he was. He had explained at the beginning of the show that various artists had decided to see if they could live together. Like a performing arts resort. That would cover the reason why Rosamond and John were living together.

William worries to himself, "I sure hope they don't get wind of the problems of the last week. That would be a bad rep for all of us." Henry is written off as a talented trumpet player in the style of Henry 'Toots' Tudor. Bethia is a cousin of William's and a curator and historian at an outdoor museum. Eleanor is the renowned jousting star of the Renaissance Festivals and Daniel? Well, Daniel is written off as the 'houseguest who never left' in the manner of Kato Kaelin! However, William has no idea that the cameras have been strategically placed to catch the 'real people' on tape. He is under the impression that when you see the camera, that was all there was to it. He doesn't know about the camera rigged behind the living room drapes...or the one set on top of the refrigerator...or the one in the hallway...or the one down by the pool...
Rosamond goes out to the pool. She needs some down time. Thankfully little Will
is at camp for the next two weeks. She carefully scans the area for any signs of life, particulary Daniel. Satisfied that no one is around, she peels off her suit and rubs cocoa butter on her body, then lies back and catches the rays.
WHIRRRRRRR goes the camera in the bushes.







Part 136: Camera? What camera?!........by Coralynn

Eleanor comes downstairs wearing her Wonder Woman sportscaster outfit, frowning as she tugs at it.
"This is getting awfully snug in the hips, Beth. Think you can let out the seams for me?"
Beth examines the outfit and sees that there is quite a lot of material on the inside seams.
"Sure," she says, getting out her sewing machine, "Just slip out of it for a minute and I'll have it done in two shakes of a lamb's tail!"
Eleanor pulls the outfit off but that leaves her in her bra and panties. She looks around for something to wrap around her, and finding nothing handy, goes over to the drapes and takes one down.
"There!" she laughs, "Almost like Scarlet O'Hara!"
Bethia looks to where the drape hung but a minute ago and gasps.
"Oh no! El, there's a camera! It was right behind the drape you just took down!"
Eleanor smiles, and flouncing up closer to the camera addresses it, "You want to see skin? I'll show you skin!" as she pushes the drapery material off her shoulder, extends a leg and whirls about.
"You're shameless, Ellie!" Bethia laughs as she sews up the seams of Eleanor's outfit.
"Here! Done!" she hands the completed outfit to Eleanor, "I suggest you put this on in your room, though."
"OK, I suppose a little decorum never hurt anybody!" Eleanor agrees.
"Before you go, though, Ellie, I have a problem that needs solving. Having Grace live in the same building with Luke is getting to be too hot to handle. One of them should move, but which one?"
Eleanor pulls the drape closer around her,
"I wonder if Henry would invite Luke to live with him in the castle?"
Bethia thinks about it.
"I'll have to ask Henry what he thinks," she muses, "I just know that I can't be constantly bailing Grace out of her problems. We can't send her to another time frame, because Willima has the coin in a safety deposit box under a name he's forgotten, so we have to keep her in 2002 for now. Can't send her back to 1650 Southold, either, that would put her in danger. I never figured she'd be so hard to handle. Gilda doesn't do well as a nanny, either. She falls asleep watching TV almost every hour of the day and night. She also has no idea what timeframe Grace came from, hmmmmm."
Eleanor taps Bethia on the arm, then points to the camera.
Bethia's eyes grow big and she shakes her head, "Rats, I almost forgot about that. By the way, where's Rose?"
Eleanor goes to the French doors and sees Rose lying outside without a stitch on.
She gestures for Bethia to come take a look.
"Ohhhh noooo," Bethia exclaims, "I see something glinting behind that bush near Rose. Betcha it's a camera!"


Part 137: Applause! Applause! ......by Terri

"That stupid ninny! Why does she always do stuff like that? I mean, it could very well be Daniel or John or even that lecher Henry looking out there instead of us!"
Bethia bites her lip. "I think she forgot about the rose bed she took out. If those roses were there, you wouldn't be able to see the pool. That three-sided wall hides most of the pool area."
Eleanor says, "Well, it's her own fault!"
Bethia sits down. "What should we do about the camera?"
Eleanor rubs her forehead. "Well, if we go out there screaming like banshees, it would freak her out. One of us should go out there and casually mention to her that she may possibly be on camera."
Eleanor stares at Bethia. Bethia sighs. "All right...I'll go."
Bethia crosses the lawn. Rosamond is oiled up like a '62 T-bird. She appears to be sleeping. Bethia whispers, "Rosamond? Rosamond! Wake up! I have something important to tell you! I think you are on camera!"
Rosamond stirs. "Mmmm? What did you say?" Rosamond sits up and stretches her arms above her head.
Bethia quickly throws a towel over her. Bethia shrieks, "DON'T DO THAT!" "What was that for? You are getting all this cocoa butter smeared!" She threw it back in Bethia's face. Bethia talks out of the side of her mouth. "I think there is a camera in the shrub over there."
Bethia glances over there. "Yep-that's what it is. I see the lens sticking out of the middle of it!"
Rosamond is paralyzed.
Bethia asks her, "How long have you been sitting out here au naturale?" Rosamond says, "Over an hour! I was worried about Daniel or John coming out and I made sure they couldn't see me!"
Bethia explains, "When you took the rose bushes out, you opened a whole new view of the pool area. Anyone in the house from the entire back of the house can see you."
Rosamond gets up and puts her swimsuit on.
"I'll bet it's not even turned on. I am certainly not going to worry about it. And as far as the view from the house, I can't see why anyone would want to look over to the pool. The camera crew has been busy inside with William kissing their butts."
Bethia gets disgusted. "FINE! But if you find yourself in some sleazy magazine, don't come crying to us! Besides, William is getting ready to serve his hor d'oeuvres and wine."
She turns and starts to walk in the house. Rosamond sighs, "Wait-I'll go with you.
Yeah, right, Bethia, like anyone is going to look out here."
Bethia and Rosamond walk into the house. The entire camera crew is sitting on the porch. When Rosamond walks up, the entire film crew gives her a standing ovation!

William is standing there, looking like a proud papa. He is watching the film crew enjoy themselves and wonder why they prefer the porch to the living room.
Rosamond walks in, her face three shades of red but not from the sun. Henry is sitting there opening up his beer. John is looking for the Alka-Seltzer and Daniel is with the film crew.
Eleanor is sitting there, putting cheese puffs on a platter to pass around. She looks up at Bethia and smiles. Bethia silently shakes her head as if to say, "Don't say a word!"
William says, "Ah, and there's our lovely Rosamond!" for the benefit of the documentary. Rosamond goes to the table, picks up the crabmeat dip and pours it on William's head.
While he sits there gasping, she smashes his Bloomin' onion in his face and crams five cocktail wienies in his mouth. She walks silently through the kitchen with as much dignity as she can muster and goes up to her room.

Bethia hurries to get some paper towels to give to William. Eleanor laughs, John sits there and holds his head in alcohol induced pain. Henry is stunned and Daniel calls out to Rosamond, "Nice performance, honey--AGAIN!"

The camera crew rushes up to Daniel for details. Daniel, being the center of attention, relates his experiences with Rosamond by the pool.
"So this is a normal thing with her?" "Does she have implants?" "I guess that is why she has no tan lines!" "Did you and she ever.."
William groans as he wipes off his face. "I guess I can only be grateful that Ludwig and Grace weren't the ones in the shrubbery that time!"
Bethia asks William, "Do you think that Luke could stay with Henry in his castle? Grace is freaking out and I can't keep running back and forth."
William is despondent. "Ask Henry." Henry smiles, "Sure, it's fine with me! We can jam all night long!"

Mr. Sweeney takes Barney the cameraman aside. "How much footage did you get?"
Barney is a little slimeball anyways. He smiles and says, "I got stuff on here you wouldn't believe! But I don't know if we can use it!"
Mr. Sweeney grins and strokes his mustache. "Believe me, I can find a market for ANYTHING!"





Part 138: Dinner is served!!............by Coralynn

William goes into his bathroom to clean off the foods Rosamond had 'gifted' him with, sputtering and mumbling.
The room begins to fill up with guests; Bill comes in with a vintage wine, Henry8 arrives in a suit that actually fits, and Luke comes attired in a frilly shirt that looks oddly appropriate on him.

Rosamond dashes to her room to change out of her bathing suit into something suitable.
Eleanor knocks on Rosamond's door and, shoving the door open just a little, says, "Need any help?"
Rosamond looks relieved that it's Eleanor, not one of those men out there.
"El, I am so embarrased, I can hardly stand it. Now I have to sit at a table with John and Daniel again. I have to be at the head of the table this time. I can't tolerate anymore of those men!!"
"No, problem," Eleanor assures her, "I'll make sure you get that seat. William can sit at the other end. Or he can be at the head and you can be at the end. But you won't have to sit near those idiots tonight. How did things get so tangled for you?"
"Well, you know how Daniel passed himself off as John, that's ancient history already, and I'm so disgusted with both of them right now I can hardly see!"
"What did I hear Daniel say about a cowboy, though? Who's that??"
"Ohhhhh just some guy I met at the Dew Drop Inn, you know, on highway 141 heading south out of town. I danced with him once and one time we sang a duet on the stage. However, those 2 Gwinett clowns now have me having an affair with him. HA! I need another man like I need a hole in my head! If they would just shutup about it, I might, I said 'might' get through this dinner tonight. Did you know there are cameras almost everywhere all over the house? Not just the ones held by the obvious cameramen, no no, but secretly planted all over?"
"I found that out," Eleanor tells her, "And, of course, out in that bush near where you were lying naked as the day you were born. You've gotta stop doing that, Rose!"
"I suppose," Rose zips up the back of her gown, "There's no such thing as privacy around here anymore, even without cameras, but with them......." she sits down on the bed and shudders.
"We can request that the footage of you by the pool be cut out," Eleanor tries to be upbeat, but knows there is no WAY those guys are going to cut that.
"They can't show that on TV," Rosamond gets excited, "They can't! It's during the family hour, remember what William said? So they aren't allowed to show someone naked. Whew, that's a relief, glad I remembered that!!"
She brushes out her hair, puts on a dab of lipstick and the two women go down to join the cocktail hour before the dinner.

All eyes turn to them as they descend the stairs.
"You look lovely tonight," Bill tells them. Of course he is unaware of the drama that's playing out in the household.
Rosemond stands tall and smiles, "Why thank you, sir!" and takes his arm.
Bethia is in yellow and Celeste in teal.
"Wow! Look at you!" Daniel is being gallant and approaches them, "Can I get you beautiful ladies something to drink?"
Neither Bethia or Celeste knows which Gwinett twin he is, but then for them it matters not, as their lives aren't being ruined by either brother.
"A Manhattan for me," Celeste requests, "What about you, Beth?"
"Just a sip of wine, thanks," she tells Daniel.

Luke is standing off to himself when Henry joins him.
"Looking forlorn there, Luke. Cheer up, you have been invited to live with me in my Castle. We'll have a great time jamming all hours of the day and night. I love what you've done with your 10th Symphony."
"You don't think it sounds too frivolous?" Ludwig/Luke asks.
"Not at all, man!!" Henry claps him on the shoulder.

William is pleased. Everyone looks elegant, and everyone is behaving, just as he requested.
He's sure that footage of Rose plastering him in clam dip and cocktail weenies won't be shown on TV. Nono, they'll show this dinner. How elegant, how respectable. This is the kind of thing they like to show.

The catering service manager tells William that dinner is ready.
William gently clinks a fork on his glass, "Dinner is ready. Please take your places at the table. There are placecards, so find your name. We are in for a special treat; lobster and steak."
"I love lobster," Celeste tells Bethia, "Now let's see, where are our placecards?"
Everyone circulates around the table to find their names.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" is heard.
Rosemond has found her placecard. "I WILL NOT SIT BY THOSE RAVING LUNATICS EVER AGAIN!"
William hurries to her side and says as softly as he can, "Yes, you will, young lady. We went to a lot of trouble putting our guests where we wanted them, and you are sitting there!" he points to a chair that is right between where John and Daniel have already sat down.
Eleanor rushes over.
"I'll switch with you," she tells Rosemond, "You can sit across the table, OK?"
Rosamond gives her a grateful smile, "You just saved my life, El!"
The women switch positions at the table.
The waiters are bringing out the salads, placing them carefully in front of each diner.
Eleanor looks to her right and then to her left. Looks like the same guy. What a hoot that is. She laughs.
Both twins turn and look at her inquisitively.
"You two are like peas in a pod," she comments.
From across the table, Rose puts a bit of salad on her fork and, using it as a sling, flips it across the table at Daniel.
It lands on his nose. He wipes it away and glares at her.
She looks at William. He hasn't noticed. Well, let's give it another go.
She flings salad at John, it landing on top of his head. She giggles, Eleanor giggles, even Bethia is beginning to get into the spirit of the thing.
This time William sees her do it. He tries to get her to look at him, but she's too smart to do so.
Eleanor, not a big fan of the Gwinett twins since Daniel came to town, pinches one of them on the thigh. Whoever it is jumps and blurts out, "DAMN!"
William glares.
Eleanor sits there looking like innocence personified.
She turns to the other brother and pinches him even harder.
He screams.
William glares.
Eleanor just looks at William and smiles with that "I don't know what just happened either" expression on her face.
Bill and Luke and Henry have no idea what this is all about.
Celeste knows, but then, Celeste knows a lot of things other people don't know.
She begins to chuckle, then breaks out in loud laughter.
Rosemond continues to pelt the men with salad, then, when the lobster is served, she throws the discarded parts across at them as well.
Bill asks Rosemond, "I hear you and John are getting huge raises over on As The Planet Turns. How did you negotiate that?"
"Ohhhhhhh," she answers, then tosses a big piece of lobster shell at Daniel, "We told them we had offers from other daytime dramas, and they bought it, so they doubled our salaries! Pretty slick, aye?" and with that she hits John right in the eye with a hunk of steak.
"Why are you throwing food?" Bill asks, "Is this part of the tradition you have in your family?"
"Ab-so-lute-ly!" Rosamond smiles, "Try it, it's fun!!"
Bill hesitantly picks up a piece of steak and throws it at Henry. Henry laughs and throws a hunk of baked potato back to Bill, who also laughs.
Luke thinks it looks like a fun tradition and tosses some green beans at Celeste, who laughs and throws the last of her salad at William.
Everyone is roaring with laughter by this time.
William stands up suddenly and, in a loud voice, tells them,
"You are making a shambles of my dinner, and I just want the viewing public to know that I have been ambushed by the very people closest to me. Let this be a cautionary tale," he says to the camera he thinks is the only one in the room, "When you give a banquet, invite strangers!!"
And he marches out of the room.
Quiet descends.
Each person looks around at the others with astonishment.
Then the laughter begins again in earnest.


A new voice is heard. They look up as Bill's wife, Hillary, is entering the room.
"I just flew in from Washington," she tells everyone, "And thought I'd pick up Bill if he's ready to go home. But you're all having such a good time I don't want to break up the party."
"Join us!" they all say.
She puts down her purse, pulls up another chair, and, getting into the sprit of the event, flings an asparagus spear at Bill.
"This is WAR!" he yells, and everyone gets into the act.
William is watching from the kitchen, where he has taken refuge.
Bill is ruining his party. Even Celeste, mild mannered, proper, Celeste, is ruining his party. Hillary, who of all people knows decorum, is ruining his party. Not one of them seems aware that this is all being filmed, or if they are aware, they just don't care.

"I must have been mad to think this would go well," he ruminates to himself, "During every dinner party we've had since before we began our strange oddysey, disaster has reined. Why did I think this one would be any different?"


Part 139: "Ike" Gwinnett meets "Tina" de Clifford--What's Love Got to Do with THIS?....by Terri

William goes back into the gameroom where the camera crew is finishing packing up. William mops his forehead. "Mr.Sweeney, I want to apologize for the fiasco in there. I swear, I don't know what has come over them!"
Mr. Sweeney smiles an oily smile. 'Looks like they were having a spot of fun at your expense, William."
William says, "Well, you know how highstrung artists can be. I guess this was just a release for them. Uh, I heard that um..Daniel, that's it, Daniel!..is a budding artist and he was practicing a new technique. He's been trying to get Rosamond to roll around in chocolate pudding and then get her to roll around on a canvas. The ultimate body painting as it were..heh,heh" William laughs nervously.
Mr. Sweeney leers. "He couldn't pick a better paintbrush, I might add!"
William looks puzzled because he still has no idea how Rosamond had mouthed off to Daniel and John, airing their dirty laundry on tape, how she ended up on film in the buff....he just thought she was upset about the uproar around the house.
William asks, "Do you know how long it will take to air this segment?"
Mr. Sweeney says, "Oh, even with the editing, just one week."
William smiles, "Great! Great! That's just in time to coincide with my cookbook being released! Will I get a sneak preview?"
Mr. Sweeney says, "No, we like our subjects to be surprised. In fact, we might come back and film your reactions to the documentary. Get a fresh perspective on it!"

William says, "Well, um, except for the food fight, I imagine there is a lot of footage you can use."
Mr. Sweeneys replies, "There certainly is, there certainly is!" and to himself he adds, "footage, cleaveage, you name it, I got it!"
Then he asks, "What is with that Rosamond and those two twins, I mean, is there anything kinky going on?"
William draws himself up indignantly. "Certainly not, not under my roof! Rosamond is a perfect example of a proper British lass. Very reserved. Now Eleanor, there is the feisty one! Bethia is just as sweet as she can be. No, they are very demure, all of them. Eleanor does have her moments. None of them would do anything that you would be ashamed to air on that tape! Except for the food fight, of which now you know why."
Sweeney laughs. "Well, I just need you all to put your signatures on this release form. This just protects us later."
William says, "I'll get it back to you within the next two days."
Sweeney says, "Don't forget----without it, there won't be a show!"

The film crew leaves and Eleanor, Bethia, Luke and Henry come in. "We'd like to apologize for our actions. It was most unseemly but I guess under the trying day we have had, we needed a release."
William sighs. "Apology accepted. At least we know what was on the tape. Right?"
"Right!" the others agree. Bethia and Eleanor looked at each other. No, now was not the time to tell William. Perhaps the hidden cameras will never come up. Why worry him?
"By the way, where are the other perpetrators?" Bethia says, "Rosamond said she wasn't feeling well, she was going to her room. John is at the pool doing laps-I know it was him, I saw his chest!-(at this Bethia blushes) and Daniel said he was going to go over to Henry's and jam with him. I guess he can play the guitar."
Henry pipes up, "Yes, I had better get down there now. Coming, Luke?"
Luke stands up. As Henry and Luke are going out, Luke is heard to ask, "Henry, what ARE the blues?" Henry, their voices drifting down the hall, answers, "Well, Luke, it's like this--a woman done you wrong and slaps you upside the head..."
Luke's voice fades, "...oh, like Grace and me.."

Rosamond changes quickly into her DaisyDukes and pullover. She has put her makeup on and brushes out her hair. As she fastens her earrings, she says to herself, "Why am I heading down to the Dew Drop Inn?" and answers herself by saying, "Because Billy Bob is cute and so much fun. He's no nerve strain like those other two."

She slips down the balcony stairs and is soon on her way, heading south down Hwy 141.
John is busy doing laps in the pool, too busy to notice that Rosamond has walked right by him, smelling of perfume that he had unwittingly bought her!
Daniel arrives at Henry's castle just as Luke and Henry are warming up. Daniel's hazel eyes are shining. "Henry, I have to tell someone or I will burst!"
Henry is all ears. "Oh, are you finally going to tell us about your romp with Rosamond?"
Daniel says, "No--some things are just too wonderful to put into words. No! I have a job---an honest to goodness job! Problem is, I need a ride down there. I spent all day practicing my driving on John's Corvette."
Henry is aghast! "But John never lets anyone drive that car!"
Daniel smiles and says, "What big brother doesn't know won't hurt me! My favor is simple--can you drive me down to the Dew Drop Inn on Hwy 141? It would just be for one time until I get my license tomorrow. You won't have to drive me home, I feel like I may get lucky and not come home tonight!"

Rosamond walks into the Dew Drop Inn. Bobby Joe leans over, "Hey, Tequila Sunrise! We gotta stop meetin' like this!"
Rosamond smiles her gorgeous smile. "Oh, I just come in here because you make the best drinks around, Bobby Joe!"
Billy Bob walks up to Rosamond and says, "Hey, honey, you walked out on me the other night. What gives?"
Rosamond thinks fast. "Oh, I am sorry. I wasn't feeling well, I guess we must have just missed connections."
Billy Bob is puzzled, but decides not to mention the wastecan and loose screen in the ladies' room.
Billy Bob says, "I gotta tell ya, darlin', that duet we sang brought down the house. Would you be willing to try another one with me? See, sometimes I just need a woman's voice in my ear!"
Rosamond smiles and says, "Yes, I'll just bet you do!"
Billy Bob smiles back. "Hey, on stage, too. Are you sure your old man won't mind?"
Rosamond replies, "Sure as I'm sitting here!"
Billy Bob says, "I'll see you on the stage in fifteen minutes. I am breaking in a new fiddle player. Clint's wife had a baby boy last night and he won't be coming back."
Rosamond says, "Sure--I'll see you on the stage."
Rosamond turns back to her drink at the bar.

Daniel slams the door shut on Henry's car. "If I need a ride, I'll call you---but don't hold your breath!"
Billy Bob is looking for Daniel and is relieved when he walks in. "Hey, Daniel!
Clint left his fiddle for you. Said he is going into real estate and wouldn't be needing it anymore!"
Daniel smiles. "I gotta tell ya, this is one handsome fiddle. And you are gonna hear the sweetest sounds tonight! I play this thing like I would a woman!"
Billy Bob takes Daniel on to the stage and introduces him all around. Daniel is standing in the semi-darkness of the stage. The bass player leans over to Daniel.
"Only two rules Billy Bob has. No spitting tobacco on the stage and stay away from his woman. At least the current one he is interested in!"
Daniel is all ears. "Really! He's got someone here?"
The bass player, Carl, says, "Well, there's this real looker that he has been hanging around. I seen him watching the door everytime it opens to see if she's come in. Problem is, she's got a husband that came in here this afternoon and threatened to beat Billy Bob to a pulp if he came near his woman!"
Daniel is impressed. "Wow! Was he scared?"
Carl says, "Naww... Billy Bob knows how to handle these nervous husbands. No one messes with Billy Bob. He's almost got his P.I. License. If he doesn't like you, he'll destroy you!"'
Billy Bob jumps up on stage to the roar of the crowd. He and the band start their set and the female fans just swoon.
After their three songs, he announces, "Well, folks, she' s back! The little lady I made beautiful music with last night!"
The men start laughing appreciatively. The burly guy yells out, "I'll just bet you did, Billy Bob!" and makes an off-color remark that a few of his friends could hear.
So let's put your hands together and welcome Rosalie back to the stage!"
Rosamond smiles, walking on stage. She picks up the microphone and she and Billy Bob sing a lover's duet in perfectly. Their voices meld and sway the crowd.
As they finish the song to a deafening applause, Rosamond turns to the band.
I gotta tell ya, that was one wild scene when Rosamond locked eyes with the fiddle player!


Once in a while a situation occurs when the air becomes so electrically charged. This ranked "5" on the Fujita scale.
Rosamond's eyes grow rounder and rounder. Daniel looks surprised and then winks and leers at her. No one sees.

Rosamond drops the microphone. Billy Bob looks over at her and says to the group, "Take fifteen".
He saunters over to Rosamond. "You OK, sugar?"
"Y-y-yes," she stammers. She is afraid to glance over at Daniel.
Billy Bob takes her by the hand. "Daniel, I'd like to introduce you to a very special lady. Daniel Gwinnett, please meet Miss Rosalie Gifford."
Daniel takes her hand. Billy Bob can't see it but Daniel strokes her palm.

"Why, pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss...Gifford?"
Rosamond tries to look casual but her heart is pounding. "Hello---Mr. Gwinnett."
"Oh, please, call me Daniel!"
Billy Bob puts his arm around Rosamond's waist. "I just hired Daniel as a fiddle player. I must say, Daniel, that was the best I had heard. You put Clint to shame and he was the best. Rosalie...would you like a drink?"
Rosamond turns to Billy Bob. "Why, I would love one!"
"Daniel? How about you?" Billy Bob smiles.
"Why, that would be great. Thank you much, Billy Bob!"
Billy Bob leads them to a quiet table in the corner. He gets their drinks and puts them down on the table.

Bobby Joe yells out from the bar, "Hey, Billy Bob--it's Jake from out at your barn! That mare is about to foal and he has a couple of questions for you."
"Be right there!" To Daniel and Rosamond, he says, "I have to take this call. It's her first foal. Jake needs a little advice."

Billy Bob leaves them. Rosamond turns to Daniel and hisses, "What are you trying to pull?"
Daniel looks at her wide-eyed with a look of total innocence. "What am I doing?
What are YOU doing...SUGAH?"
Rosamond looks at him defiantly. "I come in here at night to relax. To get away from you and that twin brother of yours. You two are the spawn of Satan!"
Daniel stretches out his legs and folds his arms. "Tut, tut, Miss...Gifford, is it? Or is it Sugar Pie? Honey Bunch? I am sure Squire and Mrs Gifford of Suffolk England would not be pleased to hear you refer to their pride and joy that way!
Whatcha gonna do, drag me down the list of done-did-wrongs?"

Billy Bob comes back. "I have to leave in about fifteen minutes. That mare is gonna have a bit of trouble. They need my help at the ranch and anyway, we only do one set on Tuesdays. Jacob back there has to study for his college courses, Carl has to take care of his young 'uns to give his wife a break. Guess it's Daddy Night!"
He looks at Rosamond quickly and then averts his eyes. "I sure would like to find out what that is like, a house full of ankle biters. Daniel--why do I keep thinking I have met you before this?"
Daniel tilts the chair back. "Oh, lots of people tell me I look like someone else. You know what they say, each of us has a double!"
Billy Bob stands up. "Well, I think your double lives real close by.." He looks at Rosamond, "REAL close."

Rosamond sits there, feeling totally miserable. She keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. Daniel is enjoying himself immensely at her expense.
Billy Bob stands up. "Well, I'd better get going." He holds Rosamond's hand. "Walk me outside?"
She has no choice but to follow. Billy Bob holds her hand all the way to his pickup truck.
He says to her, "Rosalie, I know I don't have any right to...but I have been wanting to do this since I met you!" He draws Rosamond close and holds her face in his hands. Gently he leans down and gives her the sweetest, sincerest kiss she had ever experienced.
She blinks back tears. Billy Bob whispers, "Lord, I wish you weren't married!" He kisses her on the nose, gets in his pickup truck and drives out.

When Rosamond walks back into the bar, she sees no sign of Daniel. She picks up her purse and says to Bobby Joe, "Good-night, Bobby Joe."
Bobby Joe winks and gives her a little wave. "Goodnight, Tequila Sunrise! Drive real careful!"
Rosamond makes her way to her Miata. She opens the door.
"BOO!"
Rosamond screams.
Daniel is sitting in the passenger seat, feet up on the dash.
'YOU SCARED ME!"
Daniel grins. "Take me home tonight, sugar."
"Not if you were the last man alive! Not if I were dying of thirst and you had the last glass of water! Not if..."
Daniel laughs, "I get the drift! C'mon, honey, let's find the key and turn this engine on! Also the one to the car!"
"GET OUT!"
Daniel pleads, "Aw, come on! I need a ride home. Please be an angel and take me home! I'll be good!"
Rosamond is so tired, too tired to argue. "Only if you keep your mouth shut and your hands to yourself."
Daniel raises his hand. "Honest Injun--with apologies to Little Feather." Behind his back, his fingers are crossed.
Rosamond sighs and slides into the driver's seat. "Sit as far away from me as you possibly can!"
The car comes to life and roars down the highway.

Fifteen minutes later, they pull into the carpark out back. The house is dark.
Daniel looks up. "Looks like John retired early tonight."
Rosamond says, "Well, why not? He has to be on the set tomorrow early."
Daniel frowns. "Guess you will be spending alot of time with him then?"
Rosamond says "We have alot of scenes together. Why?"
Daniel blurts out. "I don't like it! He's not the one for you. Either is that cowboy."
Rosamond gets out of the car and slams the door. Daniel gets out on his side.
"I don't care much what you like or don't like, Mr.Daniel Gwinett!"
Rosamond turns to walk in the house. In the shadows, Daniel catches up with her and grabs her around the waist. He draws her to him and whispers, "No one can love you like me, Rosamond. Not John with his streak of honesty or Billy Bob with his polite manners treating you like the flower of Southern womanhood. You need a man who knows how to light your fire!"
Rosamond says sarcastically, "I suppose you have the matches!"
Daniel looks her appreciatively up and down. "I'm looking over your kindling now, darlin'! One question--why does Billy Bob think you're married?"
Rosamond sighs. "John found me there dancing with Billy Bob. I was totally trashed and so was he. John told him he was my husband to drag me out of there without getting beat up.That's the only thing those good ol' boys understand. And forgive a man for. Cheatin' women. Everything got..complicated. I never meant to go back. But I had left my shoes there along with my car. I didn't want any entanglements so I let Billy Bob believe I was married. I gave him the name of Rosalie Gifford so I couldn't be tracked down." Then Rosamond burst out, "WHY am I telling you this?It is none of your business anyway!"
Daniel grins. "I think you want him to think you are married to keep him at arm's length. If you ever decide you are going to pursue that relationship, bingo! Instant divorce!"
Daniel draws Rosamond into an embrace. "But I don't think it will progress that far. Not with this fiddle player watching you like a hawk. What would your cowboy think if he ever knew the truth about you, Rosamond? You know you like the Bad Boy. Otherwise, I would be walking home and you'd be all snug in bed."
Then he kisses Rosamond with all the promise of those matches.
She breaks away, her chest heaving up and down. "Never.." she whispers. "Never again!" and turns and runs upstairs.
Daniel smiles in the dark, "Never say never...sugar!"



The sun shines brightly the next morning.
Billy Bob has been up all night with the mare. He decides he needs to clear his head and he calls Bobby Joe to meet him for breakfast.
Billy Bob is sitting there drinking his coffee when Bobby Joe walks in.
Bobby Joe pulls up a chair. "Hey, hon--I'll take the #1 special, eggs over easy and my coffee black."
He turns to Billy Bob. "No offense but you look like HELL!"
Billy Bob runs his hand over his face. "I need a shave. The mare had trouble. I was up all night with her."
Then he smiles with satisfaction. "But, hey--she foaled a beautiful little stallion. Shows good blood lines, he's going to be a fine stud!"
Bobby Joe looks at Billy Bob closely. "Seems to me it's about time you went out to stud yourself! You need to settle down, Billy Bob. Get you married and start having rug rats yourself. You're all set up. You have that Thoroughbred ranch that promises to make you one rich dude. You have your music and on the verge of maybe a recording contract. Why don't you settle down and forget all that private-eye stuff?"

Billy Bob sighs. "I can't think straight. I can't concentrate. This morning I put salt in my coffee instead of sugar. I put my boots on the wrong feet and when I looked down I had two different boots on. I'm losing my mind, I swear."
Bobby Joe smiles and leans back. "And why is that, although why I am asking is redundant. What a beautiful mess you're in."
Billy Bob takes a drink of his coffee. "I always was really careful not to get too involved with another man's woman. Oh, of course I've had a few married ones. But this is different."
Bobby Joe looks sadly at his best friend. "You and Tequila Sunrise sure make a pretty picture up there with your singing. Watch yourself, Billy Bob."
Billy Bob smiles behind his coffee cup. "What a sweet addiction I'm caught up in.
I just don't know how rock solid her marriage is. I am guessing her man isn't paying much attention to her. Either that or he works nights and she's restless."

Bobby Joe frowns. "I wasn't going to say this but I think something is not quite right. Tequila Sunrise came in to get her purse and say goodnight after you left. That fiddle player Daniel wasn't anywhere either. He left by the side door about a minute after you did."
Billy Bob says, "So what?"
Bobby Joe shakes his head. "The so what is that Verla saw Tequila Sunrise leave and there was a man in her car."


Over at Chappaqua the sun is shining bright--except for the thunderclouds that are gathering INSIDE the house!
Rosamond yawns and reaches for her coffee cup. Daniel comes up behind her, singing "Wild as the Wind" in her ear.
She drops her coffee cup on the floor, shattering it to pieces.
"Well, good morning, Miss RosaLIE--and isn't it a lovely morning?"
Rosamond picks up the pieces. "What are you trying to prove, Daniel? Are you trying to provoke me?"
Daniel whispers in her ear, "Thanks for the ride last night! Too bad it was only the car!"
She slaps him on the back of the head.

William comes in the room and gives them the old fish-eye. Rosamond hits Daniel again on the head. "OWWW!"
Rosamond says sweetly, "You had a mosquito landing on you."

John comes down, a two day old beard and in old sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
Rosamond says sarcastically, "Well, don't try TOO hard, John."
John sits down. "I will be presentable tonight for the Emmys. Do you want to go as my date?"
Rosamond tosses her hair back out of her eyes. "I don't know, I haven't checked. Has Hell frozen over yet?"
Daniel leans on the counter. "I'd take that for a NO, John!"
John shrugs. "Suit yourself."

Eleanor comes in the doorway. "Bethia, Rosamond and I are getting a limo. We may want to go out WHEN we win. Maybe we won't come straight home. Maybe we will stay out all night and party. Maybe we will go out with the winners in the Best Male categories."
William puts his hand up. "We get it, we get it, Eleanor."
John says, "Well, at least Rosamond won't have to go shopping for a new dress. I am sure there was a dress in that bunch of packages that arrived from Neiman Marcus."
Rosamond smiles sweetly. "Prepare to be dazzled, John."
John gets up. "Just remember, Rosamond. We have that scene to go over at rehearsal tomorrow. You know...THAT scene!"
Rosamond blushes and Daniel's ears perk up. William blusters, "I think that scene has been rehearsed to death."
Rosamond yells at John's retreating back, "Well, at least you will be shooting it with an Emmy winner!"
Daniel leans over and whispers to Rosamond, "At least you will be shooting it with your 'husband'!"

William finally explodes. "I think you should know that the Emmys will expect no surprises. This is the time when the media are like sharks at a feeding frenzy! So eveyone--and I mean EVERYONE (looking at Rosamond) needs to be on their best behaviour."
Then William whips out the papers for Mr. Sweeney. "I have to have your signatures on this release form."
Rosamond grabs the pen without reading it. "Here! Let me sign it and get out of here!" She signs her name with a flourish and throws the pen down. "I don't want to hear anything about that damn documentary any more! Any questions or problems, take them down the road and dump it, William." She leaves the room.

Daniel smiles, "I'll sign it."
Eleanor wants to read it. William was very impatient. "El, it's just a standard form."
She signs and gives it back. William smiles smugly. "There! It's all wrapped up. I need to fax it to Sweeney and put the hard copy in the mail." He kisses the paper, singing, "Puttin' on the Ritz".

Bethia comes in. "Did you sign the release form?"
Eleanor frowns, "Yes, reluctantly. Rosamond signed before I could catch her eye."
Bethia shrugs. "Well, there's nothing they can use. Nudity is not permitted on family channels."
Eleanor looks up. "What about cable?"
Bethia looks worried. "I didn't think about that!"


John knocks on Rosamond's door. She opens it a crack.
"What do YOU want, whichever one you are?"
"It's John. Look, this is business. The taping was delayed for a few days, some strike with the gaffers. That's why I didn't go in today. But that's not why I stopped by.
We need to discuss how we are going to handle our professional relationship now that our personal relationship has taken a turn?"
Rosamond starts to close the door but John flings the door back.
"DO YOU MIND? Oh, and by the way--here's your buttons!"
She flings the buttons in his face. They bounce all over the hallway.
"We have a contract with the soap. We need to talk!"
Rosamond turns her back and walks to the side of her bed. "The last time you said we needed to talk to work out our 'settlement' on my spending your money, we ended up..here." She points to the bed. "Well, I am quite sober this morning. If you want to talk I will meet you on neutral ground."
John said, "How about the Dew Drop Inn?" John figured if Billy Bob happened to come in and saw him with Rosamond, he would figure their 'marriage' was rock solid.
"NO!" Rosamond screams at him in a panic. "I, er, I will meet you out by the pool.
Give me fifteen minutes."
John agrees to that.
Rosamond changes into her swimsuit and makes a big pitcher of Tequila Sunrises.
She takes her baby oil with her. John is already down there. Darn, he looked SO good! Wait! This is the same guy who betrayed me by not telling me about his brother.
She walks to the pool. John is doing laps.
"Well, what is it?" Rosamond says impatiently.
John comes out of the pool dripping wet. Rosamond slips off her coverup and sits on the chaise lounge. She is oiling her body with the oil, trying to reach her back.
John, ever gallant, says, "Allow me to help."
Rosamond hands him the bottle and John puts oil on her back. She lifts her hair off her neck and raises her face to the sun.
John sighs. "Rose, this is stupid."
"How so?"
"We work together. We have a contract. We have to decide how to play out the love scene next week."
"So draw on your own personal experiences. Don't bother me with it."
"Where do you go at night?"
"What's it to you?"
"I need to know."
"You have no claim on me."
"Are you seeing someone else?"
"Someone ELSE? Who, besides you or your brother?"
"That was pretty low, Rosamond."
"Here's a quarter--calll someone who cares."
John picks up his towel and walks into the house.

Billy Bob goes back to his ranch to check on the mare. He pats her on the neck and gives her some extra oats. "You did real fine, honey."
He begins to think. Maybe Bobby Joe was right. Maybe it was time I put down some roots, think about a wife and a family. He checks his watch. Better get down to the Dew Drop for his set. Maybe I should ask Rosalie out, formally. A nice steak dinner. Away from everyone. Wonder who that was in the car with her? Couldn't have been that new fiddle player. They just met. She's not that kind of girl. That Daniel sure looked like Rosalie's husband, though.
He showers, dresses and gets in his pickup truck, heading south on Hwy 141.

Daniel is happy, he has gotten his driver's license and coerced Henry into letting him borrow the Cadillac to go to the Dew Drop Inn. Henry was all involved with Luke, playing the Blues. Some Mississippi Delta stuff that Henry claimed to play in New Orleans. Wherever that is.
Daniel swipes a pair of John's jeans. His boots fit pretty good, too. He'll never miss them! He looks out the balcony window and sees John and Rosamond out by the pool. What the hell...? Oh, HO! John's stalking off and Rosamond isn't following.
Daniel goes downstairs. John stares at Daniel. "Isn't that my jeans and boots you have on?"
"Well, I gotta wear something! I got a job playing the fiddle for a group in the evenings."
John isn't paying attention. "That's nice."
Daniel gets into Henry's Cadillac and heads south down Hwy 141, too.

Rosamond jumps up. "Yikes! I have to start getting ready for the Emmys!"
She thinks, I had better call Billy Bob and tell him I am not coming tonight. Wait a minute, why should I? I'm not part of the band! Billy Bob and I are not dating. So he kissed me...so what? But that had to have been the sweetest kiss I ever got..so gentle. Boy, that guy can kiss! What am I doing? I have no right to be thinking of another man when my life is such a mess. How will Billy Bob react when he finds out that I'm not married? How do I tell him? Maybe I should hold off for now.

Daniel pulls into the drive at the Dew Drop Inn. Billy Bob is at the bar, drinking a beer. Daniel sits down beside him. Billy Bob leans back and tilts his Stetson back on his head. "Daniel, I have to ask a question. Were you with Rosalie last night?"
Daniel is uncomfortable. He didn't want to blow his gig but he didnt' want to lose Rosamond to Billy Bob.
"No, it wasn't me. I got a ride home from a friend of mine who just happened to be leaving the same time I was. Maybe it was her husband. After you left, I saw her talking to a guy. Probably WAS her husband. Why do you ask?"
Billy Bob goes back to his beer, absentmindedly peeling the label off. "No particular reason. Just....asking."
Bobby Joe sets another beer in front of Billy Bob, then shakes his head. Oh, yeah, I've seen Billy Bob get it before--but never this bad this quick.


Billy Bob and Daniel walk toward the stage. The rest of the band is there tuning up. Carl asks Billy Bob, "Gonna do any duets tonight with the little lady?"
Billy Bob just shrugs. "Don't know. Don't even know when or if she is coming in. She seems to have other..entanglements. If she's here, she's here. If not, well, I don't have any arrangements with her."
Carl says, "Damn shame, Billy Bob. Two of you make beautiful music. On and off stage."
Daniel is overhearing this conversation. He feels a twinge of jealousy. Oh, yeah, cowboy, if you only knew the real Rosamond.
Billy Bob and the boys start their set. Above the cheering crowd, Billy Bob keeps watching the door, trying to see if Rosamond is coming in. By 10:00 PM he gives up hope. Sure hope she's OK--maybe I will get the phone number off the DMV printout and give her a call tomorrow, just to make sure she's alright.
Daniel is watching the optimism of Billy Bob crest and fall every time the door opens. He ALMOST feels sorry for him..ALMOST!
After the last set, Billy Bob asks Daniel, "Let's get a beer." Daniel went with him and Bobby Joe set two longneck Buds in front of them.
Daniel was always told, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' . Little Feather had taught him to observe your opponent's ways and habits to know how he thinks. Well, Daniel thinks, Billy Bob is my new best friend!
Daniel takes a swig. "What's the matter, Billy Bob....woman trouble?"
Billy Bob sighs. "I don't know, Daniel. I think I am falling for a married woman."
Daniel feigns innocence. "That Rosa..lie, I think you said? She's a very hot number."
Billy Bob says, "She came in here one night and her old man dragged her out by her hair. I was too plastered to do anything but a couple of good old boys went out to check on her for me. Seems her husband told some things that weren't true about her. I ran a check on her driver's license record at the DMV. Her real name is Rosamond D. Clifford. She thinks I don't know that. She gave her name as Rosalie Gifford so I am playing along to see what is going on. She' ll slip up."
Daniel smiles. "There's a Rosamond Clifford that is an actress. Plays in one of those soaps on TV. Heard it's a real steamy one. She must have the morals of an alley cat. You know how these Hollywood types are. Somehow a woman of loose morals doesn't strike me as your type, Billy Bob. You look like a straight shooter to me."
Billy Bob sighs. "Yeah, I always was. Something about her gets me, though..that smile. Kinda sad like she'd been hurt by love. Hurt deeply by some man."
Daniel says, "You think it would be different with you?"
Billy Bob smiles, "I'd like to think so. I don't know where she is tonight."
Daniel says, "Well, if she IS an actress, I think there was an awards show..the EMILY? tonight so maybe she is there. The paper will have the winners tomorrow.
Maybe there will be pictures so you can find out if this is the same girl. I think that tabloid that comes out every week is gonna feature that. You'd better be sure and pick one up tomorrow. Then you will know for sure. But Billy Bob, a word of advice--
it's possible this woman is not what she pretends to be. Don't get fooled."
Billy Bob smiles wistfully. "Thanks for taking the time to care, Daniel. You are turning out to be a good friend."
Daniel clinks bottles with him. "Hey, man, just looking out for everyone's best interests!" Especially mine, my good man, especially mine!

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