ADVENTURES
in MURPHY'S LAW
ADVENTURES
in MURPHY'S LAW
SMOULDERING......by Terri
COSTUME CAPER....pt. 1...by Coralynn
MORE story on 0catch, which begins with 108 and goes onward
"Welcome, wilkommen and all that crap!" James Philbrook Livingston opened the front door to Rosamond. She yawned.
"Hello to you too, Mr. Livingston."
"Well, you can call me James or Jimmy or Phil or Livvy...just don't call me 'stoned'. No, wait...my last name is STON! I'll be jiminied! I've been Philbrook for so long I don't rightly know if it is 'ston' or 'stone' or 'stoner'....yeah. Stoner. I like the sound of that. I heard that ALOT in San Fran."
Marty was chipper for 6: 00 AM. "Ready to roll, Rose?"
She yawned again. "Doubtful. Where is makeup and wardrobe?"
"Mr. Livingston so generously offered us the use of the solarium for makeup. And the whole half of the upstairs for wardrobe. So I think you need to get to the solarium first."
She nodded and walked out to the solarium. In the makeup chair, getting the final touches on his face sat Sage Hunter.
"Well, good morning to you, Rosamond! Or should I call you 'Megaera'. Such a romantic name..actually, they both are. They both suit you well, too!"
Rose eased herself into the makeup chair. Deidre, the makeup woman, whipped a cloth around Rose' s neck and fastened it. She took out a sketch.
"This is the way your hair is going to be. Loose and curls flowing down your back."
Rose took it and looked at it carefully. "But I don't think my hair is quite that long. I mean, it just goes past my shoulders and this is trailing down my back."
Deidre whipped out what looked like an afghan dog. "Voila! What we used to call a 'fall'! We curl what we can of your hair and then fasten this in and weave it around and no one can tell the difference."
Sage sat back and surveyed her appraisingly. "I think it will be perfect. The kind of hair a man can get lost in."
Rose colored. Candy, the other makeup girl, took out her kohl pencil and worked on Sage's eyes. They were gypsy eyes to begin with but now under the magic touch of Candy, they seemed to really smoulder. Rose thought to herself, "uh oh..." She could hardly turn her gaze away from his stare.
Candy and Deidre exchanged glances over the heads of their clients.
Rose broke away her look with an imperceptible shake of her head. "Yes. Well. I am sure we will make a success of Marty's movie."
Sage took her hand and kissed it as he murmured, "And I do so look forward to our scenes together. Especially the ones on location."
He left the room. Candy breathed, "Oh my word! That is a man and a half!"
Deidre looked in her makeup tray. "Blush...blush..where did I put it? "
She looked at Rose's face and said, "Oh! Looks like I already used it. Funny, I don't remember using it..."
Rose went upstairs to wardrobe. There, with the always-present pins in her mouth, was her good friend Gwen from As The Planet Turns. Gwen put her pins down and hugged Rose. "I can't tell you how I have missed you, Rose!"
Rose exclaimed, "I haven't seen you since I had Jenna!"
Gwen stood back and surveyed her. "You don't look like you have three kids!"
From the doorway, a deep voice said, "She surely doesn't!"
Gwen turned and said, "Sage, get back into the men's wardrobe area. This is off-limits to men!"
He grinned, saluted and left. Gwen shook her head. "I tell you, that man exudes sex appeal on a level that isn't even human!"
"I wouldn't really know."
"No, I guess you wouldn't! How IS that gorgeous man of yours?"
Rose said, "He's fine. He's busy."
Gwen was a bit puzzled that Rose didn't gush like she used to.
"Everything OK with the two of you, Rose?"
She said a little too quickly, "Yes. Why do you ask? Doesn't it look like everything is fine? He's just preoccupied."
Just then, Rose's cellphone rang.
"Hello?"
"We need to talk."
"I can't. I'm in the middle of something."
"Then we need to meet on your break."
"I don't know when that will be."
"It's important. VERY important."
"You found out something?"
"In a matter of speaking."
"Well...?"
"Can't. We need to meet."
Rose whispered, "Well, I certainly can't meet you here..too risky."
"When do you get off?"
"Not sure...maybe 3:00, maybe 7:00 PM. For goodness sake, I'm a MOTHER! I have responsiblities!"
"Make time. Call me when you are done and I will meet you at the same place."
Rose was still whispering, "Allright! But it had better be worth it."
"I'll have the white wine ready for you."
"Allright. But it has to be quick. I have to get home to my children."
CLICK!
She folded her cellphone and stood there lost in thought, totally oblivious to the fact that Gwen was there.
And heard her side of the conversation.
Gwen frowned and said quietly, "Rose? Everything really OK with you and John?"
Rose said more to herself than Gwen as her eyes misted up and she said softly, "I don't know. For once in my life....I'm not sure of anything..."
THEY SAID IT WAS FOOD COLORING..........by Coralynn
Billy Bob has just hung up the phone from talking with Rose when he hears the familiar sound of WandaSue's car in the carpark with the usual gunning on the gas pedal just before she turns it off.
He sits at his desk, pulling out papers then concentrating on them to look busy as he hears her salutation, "Hello, there, oh legally wedded huband of mine, who is going to play the Founder of the The Town in the parade!"
He continues to concentrate on the paperwork.
"Got you a suit of clothes to wear and everything!" she opens a large box containing a very antiquated suit. "I'd have you try it on now but we have to get over to the staging area right away."
He flinches when he hears the word 'we.'
"Got to see if our dunking tank works properly and you're our guinea pig."
"Look here, WandaSue, I agreed to be in the parade but anything else....."
WandaSue cuts him off, pretending to be talking on an imaginary phone, "John, John Gwinett? Guess who your loving wife hired to spy on you? You know........come on, make a guess. No, not your brother Daniel......no, not my brother Slim.......a-ha! right on! Yep, BB Montgomery, private eye, whose unwife you stole right out from under him!"
He slams the papers down on the desk and stands up. "This is the only other thing, though, slime-bucket, I have a business to run."
They arrive at the dunking exhibit which has just been completed. Several workmen are moving their excess materials away from the wooden structure, and the green liquid in the huge tank is visibile through the transparent sides.
"Good job!" Wandasue yells at them as she leads BB toward the structure. "Now, you walk up there, see that little walkway? Right......"
He does so.
"Now, you sit on that seat that sticks out over the water...."
BB sits and looks down into the vat, "This is green!"
"Oh yeah! I wanted it to be full of pea soup, but our budget wouldn't stretch far enough for me to buy two thousand large cans of Campbell's pea soup, so I told the guys to use food coloring. Washes right off."
BB looks at his jeans and nice white polo shirt and groans.
He sees WandaSue conferring with a guy who looks to be at the controls of the thing. They nod and laugh, nod and talk, and laugh and talk some more. BB wishes she'd get this over with so he can go home! At least the whole town isn't here witnessing his humiliation, that comes tomorrow when he has to sashay around in that old coot's clothes. He's realizing that in two days this nonsense will be over when suddenly he finds himself at the bottom of the tank of green liquid. He raises his arms and breaks the surface, swimming to the side where he sees a couple steps up to the walkway.
"OK, that's it, let's go!" he says loudly as he walks back toward his car.
"NOT so fast, we need to do it one more time!"
"Then you get dunked!" He continutes to walk.
WandaSue catches up with him, saying "OK, then, but really BB...."
They both stop cold in front of a dumpster that's brimming with boxes of......RIT Dye.
WandaSue lifts one out and examines it, reading off the box, "Rit Dye, medium Green, permanent."
"What?!"
WandaSue continues to read, "......when article is dry the dye will be permanent."
The hot sun is fast drying out BB's clothing, hair, skin....
"For the love of God, WandaSue! You said it was food coloring! You lied. Is this another of your sick jokes?"
She tosses the box of Rit dye back into the dumpster, commenting in a sugary tone, "My love, you are as a green, green rose that yearly blooms in May," slaughtering Robert Burns.
NO MORE SCISSORS FOR CLARICE......by Terri
John pulled into his parking place at the park. He looked around and didn't see William's car. He looked at his watch. Seven-thirty..he should be here. John walked over to the sidewalk going through the park and on the bench sat Wiliam.
John hurried over. "So there you are! No car? Did someone drop you off?"
William said proudly, "No! I got that!"
He pointed to a ten speed bicycle. "I figure I could exercise and it would get my blood moving!"
John laughed. "Shall we go then? We'll start out with a brisk walk."
William heaved himself up. "Let's away then!"
As they walked around the lake, John bit his lower lip. William saw him deep in thought. He cleared his throat and then asked, "So..how are things in the Gwinnett household?"
John hesitated ever so slightly and then said, "Oh....fine. I guess. Seems like I hardly see Rosamond and when I do..."
His voice trailed off. William looked at him worriedly. "Anything I can do?"
John shook his head. "No. But once the movie is over, I want to have a long talk with her. She doesn't need to work. I made some investments and they are paying off. We have plenty of money."
William laughed. "You could always have another baby.."
John sighed. "Thought of that. Three down, nine to go!"
William said, "This is the 21st century, no one needs to breed farm workers, John."
John said,"I know. It is just that I waited so long for the babies. I adore my kids, William."
Wiliam said, "I know, my boy. But moderation, son...moderation!"
Rose had her makeup on and her hair was done. She was waiting for Gwen to get her costume together. Gwen came back and said, "We have a slight problem, Rose. My assistant, Clarice, just cut the fabric about 2 yards too short! I need to call Bethia and find where she got the fabric at so I can send someone out for it."
Gwen dialed the phone. "Bethia? It's Gwen...no, we are shooting in a little bit..you are? Oh that is wonderful! I can use your expertise on the dresses you designed. I have a hard time getting Rose's costume to drape..anyways, the blue silk? Well, Clarice accidently chopped into it and I am hoping you may have some...you don't? well who would?..uh huh..over on Riverside...could you? OK..thanks!"
Gwen said, "Bethia is calling Jay's Fabrics over by Riverside Mall. She has the manager's home number and is going to call me back in a minute..oh! That was quick!"
She picked up the phone. "Hey, Beth...he will?...really?.....no, I'll take all he has...well, she's new...are you sure?..OK, I'll send someone right over..and thanks! See you in a bit!"
Gwen turned to Rose and said, "That woman is so sweet! Is there nothing that someone will not do for her?"
Rose looked at her questioningly. Gwen continued, "Mr. Jay, owner of Jay's Fabrics, has agreed to meet someone there and hand over all the blue silk he has in stock! He's heading down there now."
Rose said "I'll go."
"No, you can't! You're are all made up."
Rose said, "Oh, come on, Gwen! I am just sitting around. They are getting the study to look like an old English parlor. If I don't get out of here, I will go crazy! I'll be back in half an hour, tops!"
"Well, I guess it is OK..."
Rose picked up her keys and said, "If Marty asks, tell him I had an emergency with one of the kids. I'll be right back. You want a bagel while I am out?"
Gwen shook her head and Rose went out.
'Funny, I don't remember this road being closed for construction.' Rose thought. She rolled down the window. "Alan! What a pleasant surprise!"
Alan leaned in the car window and said, "Hi, Rose! The road is being resurfaced because of all the potholes. We are re-routing everyone past the park and the lake to get to Riverside."
"Oh! OK."
"Just go around the bend and follow the arrows."
"Thanks, Alan! I understand you are still seeing Cecily."
"Yes. We're going to an art gallery opening tonight. So I guess I will see you and John later."
"One of us anyway. Thanks, Alan. This way?"
"Yes. Right past the lake and turn left at the third stop sign."
"OK..see you later!"
Penelope Patterson throws the newspaper down in disgust. "The article I just read says we have to dress the way the founders of the town dressed back in 1720 or we get dunked in a big tank! Sheeesh, how are we going to do that?"
"Hmmmm, I think I have a plan, Penney...."
"What?"
"I haven't used my time travel coin in quite a long time, and this situation looks like a good excuse to."
"How?"
"We can zap back to 1720, get real dresses and zap back."
"You think?"
"Sure! We can take them from one of the houses, or, if that fails we can simply flatten two of the women and remove their clothes."
"Sounds risky!"
"We've gotten soft, Penny. We have to be more aggressive and adventuresome. This is just what we both need."
"I suppose! If it all goes bad we can just zap back here, no harm no foul."
"Ready to go?" Sally Jennings takes the t/t coin from it's resting place in the small drawer in an end table and places it in her palm. Taking Penelope's hand, she says aloud, "Take us to 1720, same place as here."
They see.....not much. A couple buildings, several men, but no women.
"I think we went back too early, Sal. How about we bump it up twenty years? There could be more people here then."
"Done! Take us to 1740, same place."
This time there are women moving about the village in what appears to be period custumes. Sal and Penny see two of the women sitting together talking, and head over in their direction.
"Pardon me," Sally says as the women look up, shocked to see women wearing odd clothing and with no bonnets on their heads.
"Ye are dressed queerly," woman #1 states.
"Ye are from another town?" woman #2 asks.
"Yes! We are from, uhhhhhh, upstate!" Penny says.
"Upstate?!" the women have never heard that word.
"Yeah," Sally jumps in, "We have just become Quakers and, as you can see, are dressed improperly. Since we desire to blend in, we need the proper rainment."
"Thou couldst make them," woman #1 states flatly, "we had to sew ours ourselves. Ye should as well. Busy hands are happy hands."
Penny rolls her eyes and replies, "But we haven't time, you see. George Fox's arrival in our town is imminent. We must have proper clothing now, today, this minute!"
"Thou shouldst have thought ahead, my dear. A stitch in time saves nine!" woman #2 admonishes the two strange women.
Sally is becoming impatient but tries to remain calm and friendly, "We wondered if perchance you might sell us some dresses...."
"We never sell. We make. We wear. We wear till the threads are old and frayed. We wear until the seams come apart..." woman #1 doesn't seem to be rejoicing over this.
Penny seizes on this, "We can get you brand new ones you don't even have to sew yourselves if you'll just lend us yours."
The Quaker ladies clutch the bodices of their dresses, "But we would then go naked!"
"Hey, toots, come with us and you'll see!" Sally reaches toward the two Quaker women. Penny touches them as well as Sally quickly instructs the coin, "2005....my house."
HOW GREEN WAS MY BELLY.....by Terri
Billy Bob roared into the driveway and jammed his brakes on. He slammed the truck door and headed for the main house. Bobby Joe came out of the guest house and took one look at BB.
"Hey--wasn't that shirt white when you left this morning? I saw you pull out of here with Dirtbag. Why you were with her I will never....HOLY *&^%^!!!! What the hell happened to you? Y-YOU'RE GREEN!"
Billy Bob had his cowboy hat slouched low on his head and he had on sunglasses.
He sighed and whipped off his sunglasses and took his hat off. His hair was green. His face was green. Everything about him was....GREEN!
He exploded. "That sleazoid blackmailed me into testing out her dunking machine. She WANTED it to be split pea soup that people were dunked in. But Campbell's was cost-prohibitive. So in her infinite wisdom, she instructed them to use food coloring. Now I don't know if it was her idea or those morons who are backing her on this damn founder's day parade..but there were 1000 cartons of Rit Dye--medium green. And guess who the first victim was?"
Bobby Joe tried not to laugh. But it was a losing battle. He chuckled. He guffawed. Finally he roared with laughter. "OH! YOU LOOK LIKE A SMURF THAT DOESN'T FEEL WELL! WHY DO I HAVE THIS OVERWHELMING URGE TO SAY, 'HO HO HO...GREEN GIANT!"
Billy Bob slammed the hat back on his head and put his sunglasses back on. "Oh, I am SO glad you find this amusing! Look at me..JUST LOOK AT ME!"
Bobby Joe said, "Yeah. You look like you were bitten by the green-eyed monster!"
Billy Bob made a rude gesture to him and turned to go into the ranch house. As he stormed up the steps, he heard Bobby Joe call after him in his best Miss Piggy voice, "OH...KERMIE!"
Billy Bob shed his jeans and shirt and took a look at himself in the mirror. Holy &**^ is right! There wasn't a spot on him that wasn't green. He dropped the rest of his clothes and looked down. EVEN...THERE??? He was green from head to toe. And everywhere in between. He grabbed his robe and headed for the shower. Hot water....ahhhh!! Body wash. He looked at the washcloth. No green. He looked at the water going down the drain. No green. Then where is it going?
He looked at his hands. Green. His feet. Green. Everwhere else. Green.
"AAARRRGGGHHH!!!" He turned the water off and dried off. Looks like I need stronger measures. He reached for the Comet cleanser. Scrubbed his hands. Not a thing he could do to get rid of it. He groaned. Must I stay in this house for the next...how long does it take to recycle your skin so you are a new person completely, anyways?
Rose drove around the lake. She glanced over, enjoying the cool spring morning and thought, 'it won't be long before the daffodils will be up. I hope the bulbs I planted in the front come up this year.' She looked over at the apple blossom trees surrounding the lake. How lovely and so much like Engl....
She slammed on her brakes. The car behind her screeched and honked its horn. She barely heard it. Because she saw John's car sitting in the parking lot. She whipped the car into the lot and parked next to it. She sat there for a minute, her heart beating fast. What is he doing here? She called the fitness center on her cellphone.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Slim--it's Rose."
"Rose! Haven't seen you in a few weeks! How are you?"
She could barely keep the anxiety out of her voice. "I need to talk to John. Could you put him on, please?"
"Hon, John isn't here."
"He's not? Oh. I thought he went in early this morning."
Slim was puzzled. "No...let me look at the schedule..wait a sec....he's coming in at ten."
Rose looked at her watch. It was now 8:30. Trying to keep her voice steady, she said, "Oh, my mistake. Of course! Now I remember. Ten o'clock. So sorry to bother you, Slim."
"Hey, it's no.."
CLICK!
"...bother, Rose."
Slim stared at the receiver, shrugged and then hung up.
Rose sat in her car, wondering what to do. Why is he at the park? And why so early?
She got out of the car and walked down the path. She scanned the walkways for John. And whoever else there may be.
Not a sign of him.
Could this be his 'assignation' place? Maybe a woman comes and picks him up? She continued to look across the lake. Nothing. She went back to the car and picked up her cellphone .
"HELLO!!"
"Hey, no need to yell. YOU were the one who wanted to meet ME, remember?"
"Listen, I can't right now...."
"OH YES YOU CAN! I need to know what you wanted to tell me. Because I think the puzzle pieces are beginning to fit. Now you meet me at the Cafe Europa in a half hour. AND BE THERE ON TIME! I have to go to the fabric store and pick up some silk. My scenes are scheduled for 10:00 so I have to get back in time. AND I AM NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER SO YOU BE THERE!"
"Hey, we aren't..."
CLICK!
"...married anymore."
Billy Bob also looked at the receiver and yelled, "SO YOU CAN'T BOSS ME AROUND!"
MURPHY WAS RIGHT..........by Coralynn
"Where are we?" Quaker lady #1 asks, panicked.
"You're in the same town you were in before but it's now 2005," Sally tells her casually.
"How?" Quaker lady #2 asks.
"Magic, pure and simple," Penelope replies.
"Magic?!" both women say.
"Yeah, magic. Hey, do you two have names? We need to know who to thank for the dresses," Sally inquires.
The women again clutch the bodices of their dresses as Quaker lady #1 replies, "My name is Patience, and hers is Submit. And you are not going to take our dresses! We spent hours spinning the thread, weaving the cloth and sewing it into these dresses."
"Right! Busy hands are happy hands!" Sally mocks them, "As for your names, Patience and Submit, gag, we'll just call you Patty and Mitty, how's that? Now let's do the dress exchange, no more chatting."
The Quaker ladies panic and bolt for the front door before Sal and Penny have a chance to hold them back, and run down the sidewalk looking for a place to hide.
Sal and Penny watch from the open front door. "They'll be back," Sal says, puttting on a jacket and slowly proceeding down the sidewalk in the direction in which the women ran.
Penny follows, worried, "What if they don't, though?"
"They will."
"I don't see them anymore."
"They'll be back."
"We should have gotten those costumes off them right away. Now they're going to blend in with the people going to the fair."
"You have a point, and you're right, we should have gotten the dresses right off even if those two screamed their heads off." Sally is losing her confidence.
Sally and Penny begin running toward the fair, hoping to cut the women off before they get the chance to blend in with the crowd that they see forming around the various exhibits and games.
"Those dresses were grey, weren't they?" Penny scans the ever enlarging group of people.
"One was grey the other looked like a faded light green...." Sally looks desperately for women in those colors.
"S%#&!" Penny blurts out, "Most of the women are dressed in those awful colors, how're we ever going to find them? And, look! they're even wearing those stupid bonnets!"
"Maybe if we call out their names..." Sally suggests, but before they get time to put that plan into action they feel someone tapping on their shoulders.
Wheeling around angrily, they see two men in period costume leering at them.
The large man wearing a beard yells out, "We have our first law-breakers! To the dunking vat!"
Penny and Sally look at each other in shock. How could this have happened?!
"Take your filthy hands off me, pig!" Sally commands the man.
Both men laugh as they hustle the two women toward the large wooden structure containing the dunking vat. Others gather round excitedly to watch.
Penny and Sal see that workmen are replacing some of the green water with clear, but are not quite done. "You guys stop for a minute!" the bearded man calls out, "We have our first law-breakers!"
The workmen grin and cease their task, the vat water now a light green.
The press of the crowd makes it impossible for the women to break loose and run. They're pushed up the ramp, the men walking alongside to assure that they are successfully dunked.
"You first!" the bearded man yanks Sally toward the dunking seat, pushes her down onto it and nods to the guy responsible for releasing the joint below the seat. It releases and Sally plummets down into the water. Not knowing how to swim, she swallows a lot of it and when somehow her head comes above the waterline she flails wildly, sinks, rises, flails again, sinks, rises....
Next Penny is on the seat and duly dispatched into the water below. She can see the distress her friend is in and swims over to her, yanking her along as she swims toward the stairs at the side of the vat.
The crowd is going wild, cheering and jeering.
As the two women drag themselves out and walk down the plank again, Sally sees 'Submit' in the crowd, yelling and screaming and clapping her hands in glee. 'Patience' is right beside her doing the same, smiling happily.
After Penny and Sally reach terra firma, they rush over and grab their errant kidnappees, who begin yelling for help, which is proffered by many of the citizens standing nearby.
Penny and Sally see the same two men approaching them again, and knowing that their last move was no doubt illegal, run in the direction of the house from which they started back when they had a plan, a plan that they were positive was going to work.
I'D RATHER BE BLUE OVER YOU.......by Terri
Rose went into the fabric store and picked up the fabric from Mr. Jay.
"Thanks, Mr. Jay--this really helps us."
"Ah, it is my pleasure, Miss Rosamond. Miss Bethia is a favorite of mine. She is a delight! I would move heaven and earth for that woman!"
Rose put the fabric in the front seat of the car and got in. She looked at her watch. It was 8:55. She headed over to Cafe Europa and walked in, scanning the booths. She didn't see Billy Bob. But there was someone over in the corner giving her a slight wave. He had on a cowboy hat and sunglasses. Wait...who? Now why is he wearing sunglasses...?
She told the hostess that was who she was supposed to meet.
The hostess said, "I don't think he feels very well."
Rose raised her eyebrows and said, "Oh. OK. Thanks. I think."
She walked back and slid into the booth. She took one look at Billy Bob's face. And she stared.
"B-Billy Bob?" Her hands flew to her mouth. "Are you alright?"
He sat there with his cowboy hat still on and his sunglasses.
She reached out and touched his face. "Do you have a fever? Are you nauseous? I mean..you are GREEN! How inconsiderate of me to drag you out when you are sick! Why didn't you tell me?"
He sighed and took his sunglasses off. Rose said, "Wh-what the heck happened to you?"
Billy Bob mumbled something. Rose said, "What? I can't hear you."
He said, "Wanda Sue the brainless twit put Rit Dye in the dunking machine and told me it was food coloring. So she dunked me and now I am green."
Rose said, "So take off your hat."
"No."
"Montgomery, come on. I want to see..."
"NO I SAID!"
Rose looked at him and he caught her eye. They stared at each other for a nanosecond and then she quickly reached over and snatched the hat off his head as he reached to anchor it down. But Rose was faster.
Rose's mouth dropped open. She started to giggle.
"NOT FUNNY!"
She tried to straighten up. But her mouth began to twitch and suddenly she burst out laughing. He scowled. The more she tried to stop, the harder it was. And the more BB pouted.
"B-b-but your HAIR! It is bright green!"
He snarled, "Yeah? Well, tell me something I don't know!"
"Y-y-you look like that movie..."
"You say Kermit and I smack you right here, Rose!"
Rose giggled and then couldn't stop. "You're way too big for a leprechaun. Unless you were the tallest one in your class!"
He was getting madder.
Rose said, "Be careful--you know that red and green makes a most unbecoming color combination!"
She dissolved into more laughter.
Rose put her hands to her mouth and said, "Oh, great! Now I have the hiccups!"
Montgomery said, "Serves you right."
The waitress came over to take their order. She tried not to stare at Billy Bob.
"What can I get you folks?"
Rose tried to look at her menu and then said, "I'll just take tea with lemon."
To Billy Bob, she said, "And for you?"
Before he could answer, Rose blurted out, "He'll have green eggs and ham!"
The waitress looked at BB and then Rose. "I don't know if we have that..."
BB stared daggers at Rose and said tightly. "She's kidding."
Rose said in a stage whisper, "We used to be married!"
The waitress, whose name tag read Doris, said dubiously, "Uh huh...You feel alright, Mister? You look a little.."
Rosamond supplied, "...green around the gills?"
Doris said, "Yeah. That's it."
Billy Bob said stiffly, "It just so happens I had a mishap with a box of Rit Dye Medium Green."
Doris said, "Well, why didn't you use Rit Dye Remover?"
Rose and BB both snapped their fingers and said in unison, "RIT DYE REMOVER!"
Doris started to laugh. "I thought you were terminal!"
Billy Bob said darkly, "NO--but someone I know might be."
Billy Bob opted for a regular breakfast. The waitress set his bacon and eggs down and gave Rose her tea.
"Sure you don't want some of this?"
"No, I'll just snag one of your rye toast slice."
She spread jelly on it. "So. Tell me what you needed to meet me for and I will tell you why I dragged you out here, my little greenie meanie!"
Billy Bob gave her a dirty look and snatched the toast back. "Just for that remark, you don't get the toast."
She gave him a crest-fallen look and he relented, handing it back to her.
"OK--what did you see or find out?" Rose asked.
Billy Bob took a sip of coffee and said, "Yesterday morning, I was driving to the feed store. I was driving past the lake, the one on the way to Riverside?"
Rose nodded slowly. "I know it. There's a detour so you have to go around it."
"Don't know about that but I did see something interesting. I saw your dear husband's car in the lot at the park. So I waited to see what he was up to. And what do you think I saw?"
Rose said quietly, "My husband getting into his car."
"Right."
She hesitated. "Was he alone?"
"Yes."
Rose let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. "Thank you, God!"
Billy Bob held up his hand. "Don't go sending out the cards yet, Rose. I saw him get in his car. But five minutes prior to that, I saw a spicy redhead get into hers. She was parked next to his car."
"So? Maybe it is a co-incidence."
Billy Bob shook his head. "I don't think so. I've been sleuthing around. Her name is Sharon Swanson and she is about ten years older than Gwinnett. She works out at the gym and she's a pretty hot looking spicy bowl of salsa. Five minutes later your beloved husband came out of the park and went to his car."
"Yeah. But what is he doing in the park? I mean, early in the morning?"
Rose's eyes filled with tears. "I don't know. Feeding the ducks?"
He looked at her with a mixture of pity and compassion. "Somehow I don't think so, sweetheart."
"Billy Bob, I drove by the park today. For some reason, I was under the impression that John had to go to work early, that is why Cecily had the children this morning. I saw John's car there. By itself."
Billy Bob took a bite of his bacon. "You have anything unusual? Clandestine phone calls? Hang ups?"
Rose shook her head. "No. Nothing. He acts like nothing is wrong. Billy Bob, do you think we are jumping to the wrong conclusions?"
"Don't know for positive yet. You want pictures?"
Rose turned the teacup in her hands. She looked down as if she could read the future in tea leaves. "I-Idon't know. Billy Bob, it all seems so...SLEAZY!"
He looked at her and she said, "Use your judgement."
"Color or black and whites?"
She looked up and he was smiling slightly.
"When can you...see about it?"
Billy Bob leaned back in the booth. "Dirtbag sleazoid has me playing the founder of this fair burg in a travesty she calls a Founder's Day parade. It is scheduled for tomorrow. I swear, that woman must be sniffing her deodorant!"
Rose sighed. "Well, I'll be shooting in town tomorrow. But the next day we are going to Southold for the cliff and cave scenes. Marty wants to go while the weather is co-operating."
Billy Bob signaled for the check. Rose said, "Oh, no, BB! It is my treat. I invited you here."
He got the check and said, "What kind of gentleman would I be if I allowed you to pay? Mama would never forgive me!"
Rose's cellphone rang.
"Hello?"
"Rose, it's Marty. Where are you?"
"I just picked up the fabric and I stopped at Starbucks for coffee."
Billy Bob raised his eyebrows and she made a shush motion with her finger.
"So, is there a problem?"
"No, I just wanted to catch you. We are about an hour and a half away from your scene. So you may want to run errands or play with your babies for a bit."
"OK. Thanks, Marty."
CLICK!
"I seem to have the morning off."
Billy Bob looked at her expectantly.
"What? WHAT?"
"Well, uh...I was hoping you could go into the Grand Union and pick up some of that dye remover? That way I don't have to go inside."
Rose sighed, "Oh, alright!"
"And, Rose?"
"Yes?"
"Can you help me wash it out?"
She looked askance at him. "OK--but only certain places will be offlimits."
"Oh, to be sure!"
"Not that it is a surprise to me.."
"Oh, of course not!"
Billy Bob laughed and put his sunglasses and his hat on.
"Lead on, McDuff!"
"What?"
"Nothing...just something I heard once."
"I finally remembered that movie!"
"Movie?"
"THE BOY WITH THE GREEN HAIR!"
WANDASUE'S NEW BEST FRIENDS........by Coralynn
Wandasue realizes that she'd better hustle on downtown and see how the exhibits and games are doing, so she puts on her costume and drives in that direction. Since the parade isn't till the next day, she still has time to work on BB's attitude and whip him into shape.
WandaSue proceeds to the downtown area, parks her car and walks to the exhibits and to the dunking vat, which now contains only clear water.
In a light-hearted mood, she decides to try her hand at knocking down the wooden milk bottles with baseballs. The attendant hands her four balls and yells, "LET 'ER RIP!"
Others hear this and gather to see if she is successful in knocking down any of the bottles. She over-throws and the first one land clear at the back of the booth. The second one goes wide left. The third one knocks down two bottles, and the fourth hits one.
"Three!" the attendant announces, "You get to choose a prize from this selection," holding out a box with cheap trinkets within.
WandaSue takes a hideous looking plastic ring and is about to walk on when she's approached by two ladies who are curious to see her prize.
"Oh Mitty, see what she won! Isn't that just beautiful?"
"Lovely! If I had any coins with me I would try it myself and maybe I could win a ring..."
WandaSue hands the second woman some money and waits to see how she does at knocking down the bottles. Mitty has all the bottles lying on their sides after throwing just two balls.
"TEN!" the attendant yells out, "You get a stuffed toy! Would you like a bear, a cat, a duck or a doggie?"
Mitty giggles, "How about that big brown bear?" pointing to a stuffed toy that stands about four feet high.
"It's yours!" the attendant gives her the bear, witch she strokes lovingly, "Patience, I mean Patty, this is a great town. I'm glad we came here, aren't you?"
"I am very glad...."
WandaSue begins to wonder about these women, who are so naive and simple. Hmmm, never saw them around before. "Tell me ladies," she asks, "Are you new in town?"
"Yes! We just got here today!" Patty answers.
"Staying with family?"
"We came here to visit our cousins, but......they must have moved, because here we are and they're not and I don't know where we'll go....."
"You can come home with me!" WandaSue suggests, knowing that it will send BB into a tailspin.
"We can? My, my you are the friendliest person on earth!" Mitty expunges all the 'thee's and 'thou's from her speech with great effort.
"I have to check on a few things, then we can go to my house.....where are your suitcases?"
"Ohhhh," Patty tries to place the word 'suitcase'...."we don't have any!"
"You came to stay with your cousins without bringing clothes with you?" WandaSue is suspicious.
At hearing the word 'clothes' both women automatically clutch the bodices of their dresses, and Mitty says, "Looks that way!" which causes Patty to giggle.
WandaSue knows that something is a bit weird here and wonders if these hapless women were dropped into town from another......time.....frame? But why? Who would do that?!
Whatever, she needs friends. Since Penelope Patterson and Sally Reynolds dumped her she hasn't been able to forge any friendships with anyone, certainly not with those clowns on the town council. Well, she thinks, I can drive BB nuts and have new friends; two for the price of one!
"Come with me, ladies," she says cheerfully, "You can live on my ranch, ride my horses, borrow my clothes and eat my food...I hope you like Swanson Hungryman Dinners!"
The two Quaker ladies look at each other and go, "HUH?!"
That's when WandaSue knows they came here from some other timeframe. Anyone who's lived in modern times knows about Mr. Swanson and his great meals. And so shall these fine ladies!
Then it hits her: they could have come here on purpose using a time travel coin! Hot diggity dog! If they did, maybe I can find it and use it....
She walks toward the dunking vat, her two new best friends trailing behind her, laughing and singing some crazy old song about leaving husbands to wash their own filthy shirts.
HOME ON THE RANCH........by Coralynn
Patience holds back, frightened, when she sees the vehicle Wandasue indicates is their way out to her house. "What is that?!"
"This is called an automobile or car," WandaSue tells her, now very sure that these women must be time travlers.
Submit, aka Mitty, hops right in, eyes bright with anticipation. "You can make this thing go even without horses?"
"Oh yes! Easy! Hey, Patty, will ya get your carcas in?" Wandasue is getting impatient with the less adventursome Quaker lady.
It takes some reassurance from Mitty, but Patty finally sits in the back seat beside her friend, hands clenched in her lap, knuckles appropriately white.
After WandaSue gets the car moving, Mitty bounces in her seat. "Whoooopppeee!"
They go around a corner too fast, which is WandaSue's style, causing Patty to grab on to Mitty for dear life.
WSue is beginning to wish she could take Mitty and leave that other one behind, but knows it's a package deal. "Here we are!" she announces as she proceeds up the long driveway to the house. Not seeing BB's car, but realizing he could return at any time, she parks behind a grove of trees not easily seen from the house.
"This is a grand house!" Mitty exclaims as she gets out of the car. Patty leaps out, glad to be on the outside of the frightening conveyance.
As they walk to the back door for which WSue has her own key, she asks, "So ladies, what year are you from?"
"Why, we are from right now!" Patty tells her, not grasping the implications of the question.
"We are from 1740!" Mitty corrects her friend, "and what year is this? The women who brought us here told us, but I'm not sure they were truthful."
"The two ladies?" WSue is piecing the mystery together, Penny and Sally looking like the obvious culprits.
"We don't know their names," Patty adds, "but they came to town looking for dresses. They were in odd clothing, not like the dresses you wear...."
They enter the house.
"OH, but we're wearing these clothes because of a Town Fair! We'll go back to wearing our modern clothes in a couple days. I'll show you. Follow me up to my room, I have several modern outfits up there."
They enter the room WSue has staked out as 'hers' and when she brings out a few examples of modern clothes, Mitty comments, "The women who brought us here were wearing clothes similar to yours."
"I don't doubt it!" WandaSue responds.
"Are all those horses out there yours?" Patty asks, gazing out the bedroom window which faces the corrale.
"Sure!" WandaSue lies.
"What do you do with them, though, as you have that magic vehicle that goes without being pulled by horses?" Mitty asks.
"We ride them, race them, sell them, there are all kinds of things we can do with horses."
The discussion is cut short as they hear noises downstairs. WandaSue puts her index finger in front of her lips and says "shhhhhhh."
Mitty and Patty fall silent, listening to the conversation coming from below. WandaSue goes out into the hall, gesturing for them to stay where they are, and slowly makes her way to the head of the staircase to better hear.
Mitty slowly exists the room, though Patty tries to hold her back, however without being told not to say anything and warn Mitty against doing this, is shaken off by the taller, stronger woman, who slips out and walks in the direction away from where WSue is standing concentrating and not aware of any movement in the hall.
Mitty sees another staircase leading down, so she goes to it and is soon descending to a door that leads out of the house in the direction of the corrale.
She sees a beautiful horse that puts the others to shame, and, after sliding through the bars of the corrale, hope up onto this magnificent creature and rides him to the gate which she manages to kick open with her right foot. She whips off her bonnet and lets it fall to the ground. The wind in her hair is exhilerating as she heads for the road that runs through the back of the property. The horse gains speed and soon Mitty is miles away, singing a song about leaving husbands to fix their own damned meals.
UNDYE-ING DEVOTION
......by Terri
Billy Bob opened the kitchen door and said, "I take it you DO remember the place!'
Rose looked around. This was the place that she changed into a bed and breakfast.
"So...I see you added your own touches back in here again."
"Yeah. I noticed you replaced the door where the frying pan hit it."
"Well, I HAD to. No respectable B&B would have a damaged door."
They walked into the living room. Rose looked up."And I see Chester is back and hanging....OH MY WORD! What happened to his eyes? They're crossed! I don't remember them being crossed!"
Billy Bob said grimly, "Dirtbag accidently popped his eyes out when he was in her custody and in her infinite stupidity, glued them back in. Wrong. I just haven't had a chance to take him to the taxidermist to straighten them out."
"It does give him a sort of--panache! Kind of a conversation piece."
"I guess. You're talking about him."
"It would be a great way to get women over here, BB. Instead of coming over to see your etchings, you could say, 'why don't we stop and I will show you my cross-eyed buck?' I mean, didn't it work with Tiffany?"
Billy Bob looked at her and said brusquely, "She's a closed chapter. I don't want to talk about her. I don't even want her name mentioned."
Rose was surprised. "OK--I just thought for once you would have flounted her in my face."
Billy Bob changed the subject. "OK, so how many boxes of Rit Dye Remover did you get?"
"I got twelve boxes."
"Think that will be enough?"
Rose said peevishly, "Well, gee! I don't know! It doesn't have weight dosage on it. Do you see anywhere that it says 'for 180-200 lbs, use twelve boxes.'? Do you see anything that remotely resembles that?" She stuck the box in Billy Bob's face.
"OK, OK, dont' get your panties in a twist, woman!"
"I hated it when you called me that. It was so..so MISOGYNISTIC."
He looked at her and raised his eyebrows.
She said proudly, "It means you hate women. I learned that word from Marthy. She's doing alot of reading and I think she is studying to be a 'psychotictrist."
Billy Bob burst out laughing. "That's what I always loved about you, Rose. You never knew when to shut up and the stuff that came out of your mouth sometimes was golden."
She bristled. "OK. Shall we get to the undye-ing?"
Billy Bob grabbed her hand and led her up the stairs. "OK, come on, my little vampire. Un-dye me."
Patty stood plastered against the wall in Wanda Sue's room. Wanda Sue put her fingers to her lips. She heard the bedroom door slam and then the water in the bathroom running.
Patty turned to Wanda Sue and said, "Are they actually bathing together?"
Wanda Sue said, "Darned if I know. Who knows what they are up to? All I heard was muffled conversation from downstairs. I couldn't make out any words. Not until they go to the stairs."
Patty's eyes got wide. "But-but he said something about 'untying' him. Do they actually DO stuff like that in this time?"
Wanda Sue burst out laughing. "You mean they played those little games back then? No wonder everytime you turned around, someone was in the stocks! You guys got off on it!"
"Off?"
Wanda Sue shushed her. "Let's creep closer and take a listen."
The door to Billy Bob's room was partially open but Wanda Sue didn't dare peek inside. Instead, she heard the following conversation--
"Billy Bob? I'm waiting on the bed for you."
"I'll only be a few minutes. I'm just trying to get all clean for you."
"Well, this had better be really good! Twelve boxes is alot, you know. I don't want to feel they are going to waste."
Patty started to open her mouth and Wanda Sue clapped her hand over it.
"MMPPHH!!!"
Wanda Sue hissed, "Will you for the love of Pete or Quake or whoever you pray to keep your yapper shut? Rosetramp just bought twelve boxes and I think I know what they are!"
Patty whispered "What are they?"
Wanda Sue took in her plain dress and hair tied in a bun and said, "You don't want to know! Now stay here and don't move a muscle. I'm going to see what this is all about. Because if it is what I think it is, I may be rolling in clover again! I'm just surprised my superstud husband has the stamina! But then maybe Roseblossom will kill him and then I can REALLY rake in the dough. Where there's a way, there's GOT to be a will! Community property and all that stuff!"
"Go to waste? I just hope they will be enough!" Billy Bob said.
Rose replied, "Well, we will just have to make do because I am NOT going out for more!"
Wanda Sue said mostly to herself, 'well, isn't he confident! He was something else as a teenager, but that was fourteen years ago. Got to have slowed down by now.'
Wanda Sue whispered, "Hey, Mitty.. wait! Where IS Mitty?"
She dragged Patty back to the room and hissed, "OK, where is she? WHERE IS SHE???"
Patty looked at her with frightened eyes. "She-she decided to go for a ride."
Wanda Sue panicked, "What, in my car?" She shook Patty roughly by the arm and Patty blurted out, "She went into the barn and left on a magnificent horse!"
Wanda Sue exhaled with, "At least my car is safe!"
In the other room, Billy Bob came out wrapped in a towel. "Did you look at the instructions?"
"Yes, and I've got some boiling water here. Let's do a couple boxes at a time."
She tried not to look at Billy Bob's well-built chest. "I'll help you with.. most of it. But some of it you are on your own."
He grinned and said, "Spoil sport."
He walked over to the window and said, "You know, Rose, it wasn't that long ago..." and he gazed out the window.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"
Rose jumped a mile. " You scared me to death!"
Billy Bob turned and ran down the stairs. Rose was in close pursuit behind him.
"WHAT IS WRONG? IS THERE A FIRE???"
He ran out in the yard, clad only in a towel. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! BOBBY JOE! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??"
Rose stood there, not believing what she was seeing.
All over the yard and heading to the meadowland, horses were everywhere. Horses, horses and more horses.
Bobby Joe came running out. "What? What? WHAT THE HELL...?"
He looked at Billy Bob in a towel only and Rose standing there out of breath and then he said, "Oh! Hey, that's great! You two are back together! I always thought..WAIT!
Who let the horses out?"
Billy Bob stood there trying to keep his towel wrapped. He was yelling, "Get the jeep! I'VE GOT TO GET SOME PANTS ON AND WE NEED TO ROUND UP THESE HORSES!"
Bobby Joe flew into action. Rose ran after BB and said, "Let me help! After all, one of them is Merovin!"
He gave her a gentle push and said, "Then go with Bobby Joe. I'll saddle up Brutus and head out with Phoenix and round them up."
As he headed up the stairs, who should he meet but Wanda Sue. Her eyes were blazing.
"So! Shall I sue Rosebud for alienation of affection? Because I know exactly what is going on here! You! Wrapped in a towel! Her! In the bedroom waiting for you! And with twelve...YOU NEVER DID SLOW DOWN, DID YOU?"
Billy Bob yelled, "I don't have time for this crap, Dirtbag! And you didn't have anything to do with this, did you?"
Before she could answer, he was up the stairs, dressed and out the door.
MITTY and MEROVIN........by Coralynn
Mitty rides for quite a long time until the horse decides he wants to drink from a stream, so she dismounts and leads him over, allowing him to get a good long pull of water. He neighs and shakes his head.
Patting him, she croons, "You're a good horse, my friend, shall we return?"
He neighs as she mounts bareback and heads in the direction from which they came.
The spring sun is bright and a breeze plays over the horse's mane as well as Mitty's long brown hair.
She breaks into song again, this time about leaving the hubands to clean the house. Laughing, she expects to see the ranch house any minute, but it seems to be taking longer to get back.
Figuring that it always takes longer to make a return trip, she muses over her good fortune. She is now someplace or sometime or maybe both where there are much nicer houses and ways of getting from one place to the other. She knows that Patty will be eager to return home, as she has a two year old son, but she, Mitty, is bethrothed but not yet wed.
A mental picture of Ebenezer, her fiance, comes into her mind which causes her to shudder. Her father chose this man, the son of a neighboring farmer and but a few years old than she. The pustules on his face are red and angry looking in her mind, and his crossed eyes that never seem to be looking at anything straight on give her the chills. He seems devoted to her, but in a heavy manner that is displeasing. He has already made out a list of the chores for which she will be responsible after they wed, the list being long, and some chores involving planting crops and milking cows. She hates the smell of a barnyard, something she had hoped to escape when grown, but the idea of moving to a place devoid of farms wasn't possible......everyone had farms. The only creature she ever liked was horses, and she is especially fond of the one she is riding. She hopes she will be able to ride him many times.
How can this happen, though? Will the bad women who brought her here take her back to face cross-eyed, pimply, mean Ebenezer? Or will her new friend, Wandasue, let her stay? If so, how will Patty get back?
Patty! she sighs, there is a woman without a backbone, a perfect Quaker wife. No spirit, no spunk, but a woman who will do whatever her man tells her. "Won't happen to me, horse!" she says gayly to the steed as they ride along.
Where is that property where we began? she wonders, it should be nearby. Now I see a wide road, maybe the one Wandasue took with her car when she drove us here. I won't risk it by riding this horse on that road where the cars go by so fast, it looks dangerous. She swerves to the left and sees a trail cutting through an orchard and soon she and the horse are galloping along toward.........
R.G., PHONE HOME.........by Terri
William huffed and puffed. John said, "You alright, 'Dad'?
"Yes, just a little winded! I need to go back on that Jenny Craig thing."
"Yeah. Just don't mix your shakes with ice cream!"
"I NEVER!"
John reached his car and said, "Will you be alright to ride that bike home?"
"Oh yes, my boy! I'm getting my heartrate down now."
"OK--call me when you get home so I will know you arrived alive!"
John walked into his office and threw his mail on the desk. He thumbed through it.
Bill, insurance, bill, solicitation, credit card application...he threw them all in the garbage except the bills.
Slim came into the office. "OH! Thought you weren't coming in until 10:00!"
"I thought I'd get a head start on the paperwork."
"Here's the revised employee schedule for the week."
"Thanks, Slim! I appreciate you taking this on."
Slim turned to go. "Oh, by the way--Rosamond called. She thought you were coming in early."
"Don't know why she thought that. She was gone when I got up."
"You didn't see her?"
John looked at Slim and he got flustered. "Anyways, she called."
"OK.Thanks."
John dialed her cellphone. No answer. He dialed Marty's cellphone.
"Hello?"
"Marty, it's John. Rose tried to call me and now her phone is off. Could you tell her to call me?"
"Would if I could. She went out to get some fabric for us when Clarice shredded a dress. Anyways, we ran into difficulty and didn't need her back until around noon. She's probably wherever her kids are."
"OK, thanks!"
"Anytime!"
"Hello?"
"Hi, Celeste. Let me talk to Rose."
"Dear, she's not here. She's over at Livingston's on set."
"No, she's not. Marty said she was here with the kids."
"The children are here, but I haven't seen her. Perhaps Marty was mistaken."
"I guess so. Kiss the kiddies for me."
"I surely will."
"And if Rose stops in, have her call me. She needs to keep that cellphone on, for Pete's sake."
CLICK!
He sat there, deep in thought.
And on the front seat of the Miata, the cellphone sat. In a driveway where it never should have been.
CUT'EM IN, MOVE 'EM OUT, RAWHIDE.......by Terri
Rose ran over to the jeep as Bobby Joe fired it up.
"Billy Bob said to come with you. He's saddling up and trying to round them up with Brutus. Brutus is in the pasture over there."
Bobby Joe said, "We need to go across the pasture and follow them. Hold on to this walkie-talkie."
They bounced over the ruts and the dips in the pasture. Rose held on to the rollbar for dear life. Bobby Joe spun around and then jumped the creek. Within five minutes, Billy Bob came riding at top speed through the meadow. Rose could not help but admire his expert horsemanship.
Over the walkie-talkie, he said to them, "I see alot of them heading to the creek. Probably thirsty. Got Phoenix with me, he's rounding them up in a section by the fence."
Bobby Joe grinned at Rose who was still clutching the rollbar. "Ready for some real action, Tequila Sunrise?"
She nodded, white-faced. Bobby Joe said, "Reach in the back and there is a length of rope with a loop. See if you can lasso one of them."
"ARE YOU CRAZY??!!!"
"Give it a shot..you're almost there.."
Rose held on with one hand and tried to lasso. Five times later, she deftly caught a roan around the neck. She reigned it in and Bobby Joe stopped the jeep. The horse bucked against the rope and reared and whinnied. Rose was exhilarated.
"Now tether him to the tree and we'll get him later."
She did that and jumped back in the jeep.
Billy Bob galloped up and shouted, "DAMN GATE WAS LEFT OPEN!! Phoenix and I got most of them back. Just the roan oer there is left and we need to find Merovin!"
Rose shouted, "Merovin? MY Merovin?? HE'S GONE?? Billy Bob, we need to find him! NOW!"
Bobby Joe had the jeep idling. "Billy Bob, hop in and let's head over to Watson's Meadow. He probably led the pack down there."
Billy Bob said, "Rose, can you take Brutus back to the stables?"
"Sure." She got up on him and galloped off.
But to the horror of Billy Bob and Bobby Joe, half way across the meadow, Brutus stumbled and Rose went flying over his head.
She lay on the ground, motionless.
HOLY *&^%! ROSE! ROSE!" Billy Bob screamed. Bobby Joe jammed the Jeep into reverse. He floored it and they bounced across the meadow where Rose lay, still as can be.
Billy Bob leaped out of the jeep and ran over to Rose. Bobby Joe slammed the jeep's brake on and rushed over too.
"Is she...dead?"
Billy Bob took her wrist and held it. "Heartbeat is a little erratic. Rose? ROSE?" He felt for broken bones.
"We'd better call an ambulance. Her neck or back may be broken," Bobby Joe said.
Rose's eyes opened. "Wh-where am I?"
Billy Bob sat back on his heels. "Rose, are you OK? Can you sit up?"
She sat up slowly. And said, "Henry, what happened?"
"Henry? Who's that?" Bobby Joe asked.
She looked at Billy Bob and said, "The steed is away, Henry. Oh, I am so sorry."
Billy Bob looked in her eyes. "Rose? Your pupils are dilated. I don't like that. How do you feel?"
"I feel a little woozy, Hal."
Bobby Joe said, "Who is this 'Hal' or 'Henry', BB?"
Billy Bob supported Rose around her shoulders. "I don't know, BJ. Someone she used to know?" Billy Bob knew. But he also knew that Bobby Joe didn't know about the time travel.
BB said, "I don't like this. Rose, let me help you stand up."
Rose stood up and her knees gave way. Billy Bob caught her on the way down.
"Bobby Joe, you take her other arm and let's get her to the jeep. We need to get her to the emergency room."
Rose burst out crying, "Please don't be upset with me, Hal. It was an accident. I didn't mean it! I really didn't!"
Bobby Joe said, "She seems to be afraid of this 'Hal'."
Rose continued, "I need to get back to Will, Hal. I need to see to our child!"
Bobby Joe said, "It looks like he was more than a friend."
"Long story, Bobby Joe. Come on, let's get her to the ER."
They pulled into the ER parking lot. They had switched to Bobby Joe's car. He dropped them off at the entrance and Billy Bob helped her inside.
A nurse came over and asked, "What is the problem?"
"She was thrown from a horse."
"And you didn't call for an ambulance?"
"She could walk and I know the way the ambulances are. We got her here faster."
The nurse turned to Rose and asked, "What is your name, ma'am?"
"Name?"
"What do they call you?"
"Well, Eleanor calls me 'whore' and 'trollop..."
The nurse turned to BB. "I think this is a head injury." To Rose she said, "Let's go into Cubicle #1."
Billy Bob started to follow her.
"Not you, sir. You need to fill out the paperwork."
"ARE YOU CRAZY? There is no way I am leaving her."
The nurse sighed. She had seen his type before. "Allright. As her husband, I guess it is OK."
He kept his mouth shut and the nurse led Rose to a bed and had her lay down.
"Now, I need to ask you a few questions."
Rose tried to get up. "I need to get back to the Castle. Hal, don't be angry with me. Please!" Rose started to cry.
The nurse rang for a doctor. "What seems to be the problem?"
"A horse threw her."
The doctor said, "We need to keep her calm. Sedative, nurse."
She got one and injected Rose with it. She immediately fell asleep.
The nurse looked closely at him and then at Rose. "Wasn't she in here about two years ago? With a near miscarriage? You were the husband..you made a real fuss and then took her out of here without authorization!"
Billy Bob said, "I most certainly did NOT! You must have me mistaken with someone else!"
The nurse narrowed her eyes and said dubiously, "Uh huh."
She got out her form. "Her name please."
"Rosamond Gwinnett."
"And you are Henry Gwinnett?"
"No. She has me confused with someone else. I'm her husband. John Gwinnett."
OH MONTGOMERY YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!
QUEEN OF THE TOWN?........by Coralynn
Mitty tries not to worry about getting back to WandaSue's place. The horse seems to know where he's going, and she hopes that means that any minute they will see the place where they began.
She begins to hear voices, and as they proceed the voices become closer and closer. As they ride out onto a meadow, she sees groups of people clustered around......oh! those are the ones who were at that town fair, the one where I won a prize! This has to be a good thing.
The horse slows as they approach the crowd, which, upon seeing Mitty and Merovin, begin to clap.
"Right over there," a kindly gentleman instructs them, pointing to a line of ladies all in period costumes.
Mitty is so glad to be among people again that she complies willingly. She wonders why the ladies are in a long line holding numbers in front of them. Someone hands her a sign with the number "18" written in large letters. She takes it, holds it up, but stays on the horse, never mind no one else is astridge a steed.
There is a group of men and women walking down the line of ladies writing on something, Mitty isn't sure just what. When they reach where she and Merovin are standing, they quickly mark down whatever they're marking down, exchanging glances of approval.
"We have a winner for Queen of the Fair!" the same man who handed up the numbered sign to Mitty announces jubilantly.
The large group of citizens clustered around this event wait in anticipation. Will it be Mrs. Saunders, whose husband is on the Town Council? Will it be Elizabeth Grey, the debutante? Or Miranda Stevens who won Miss Westchester County? The group is abuzz with the possibilities.
"Number 18!" the main judge announces loudly. Everyone's gaze goes to the end of the line where Mitty and Merovin are standing, the horse quietly munching on the grass.
"Who's she?!" several yell out.
TV cameras and reporters covering the event are soon upon Mitty like flies on a garbage pail.
"What's your name?" and "Are you married?" and such are yelled at her.
The main judge encourages Mitty to dismount, which she does, but still holds tight to Merovin's reigns. "My name is Submit Ayres," she tells them.
"Submit?!" many people ask.
"Mitty, actually. You may call me Mitty."
"And we most certainly will, young lady," a TV reporter responds, "where did you get the beautiful horse?"
"My new friend, WandaSue, lent him to me," she tries to make it all sound innocent.
"WandaSue the mayor of the town?" another reporter asks.
"Yes, I suppose she is unless you have other WandaSues here...."
"There's only one WandaSue!" someone yells out, which elicits others to yell, "One is enough!"
Mitty smiles as the strange contraptions are aimed at her and some of them even emit flashing lights. She resolves to ask WandaSue what these are, that is if she ever makes her way back.
YOU MAY WANT TO GET DOWN HERE......by Terri
"Fitness Center, John here."
"John, it is Bobby Joe Austin."
"Hi, Bobby Joe. What's up?"
"Uh..I think you may want to come down to Westchester County Hospital."
"Huh?"
"Billy Bob and I brought Rose in here."
"WHAT?? She's over at Livingston Manor shooting a movie!"
"Well, she had the morning off..."
"So, why isn't she with her kids? What the hell is she doing with you two?"
"Hey, don't get all bent out of shape with me! I'm doing you the courtesy of calling you."
"I'm sorry..I'M SORRY! What happened? Where was she?"
"The horses got loose. Billy Bob and Rose saw them from the upstairs window and....hello? Hello? Anyone there?..."
John rushed into Westchester County ER. He went up to the nursing station, trying to catch his breath.
The nurse who admitted Rose was at the desk. Her name tag read 'Nancy Eisner'.
She looked over her glasses at him.
"May I help you?"
"Yes..*gasp* I'm looking for..*gasp* my wife. She was *gasp* brought in here..*gasp*"
"Her name?"
"Rosamond Gwinnett."
"Excuse me?"
John took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. "My wife was brought in here. Something about a horse. What happened? How is she? Is she going to be OK? Did you admit her?"
Nurse Nancy raised her hand and said, "Slow down, young man! I can't reveal anything about patients. It's a privacy thing."
John looked at her confused. "But...I received a phone call from a friend that my wife Rose was brought in here. I rushed down here--breaking every speed limit and getting stopped, I might add--to see what was going on. Now are you going to tell me or aren't you? Do I have to go over your head?"
Nurse Nancy said very succinctly, "If it is any business of yours, we have a similar situation that you are describing. But the patient's husband is with her and gave us all the information we needed. Now if you will excuse me.."
As she turned to go, John grabbed her by the arm. "EXCUSE YOU? I need to know one thing..WHO THE HELL IS THIS HUSBAND THAT IS IN THERE WITH HER?"
She shook his hand off and said frostily, "I'm sorry but that is confiden...."
John said with controlled fury, "I'm only going to say this once. That is my wife in there. Her name is Rosamond Gwinnett. I am her husband John Gwinnett."
He reached into his wallet and threw his driver's license down.
"THERE!"
She picked it up, confused. "But..I don't understand.."
John grabbed it back and said, "Now..are you going to tell me who is in there with her or do I have to get security? Or shall I take this place apart?"
"But...she said.."
He said angrily, "Just try and stop me and I sue you and your hospital for keeping me from my wife."
He went through the ER doors and as he turned the corner, he came face to face with his worst nightmare. Maybe not the worst. But certainly in the top two.
YOU!" John yelled.
Billy Bob said, "What's the problem?"
John pushed him. "I rushed right down when I got the call that MY WIFE was admitted here."
"Who called you?"
Bobby Joe came into the ER room with two cups of coffee. "Oh, hey, John! I see you made it down here."
Billy Bob narrowed his eyes and said, "I had it all under control until YOU called him!"
Bobby Joe raised his eyebrows as he handed BB a cup of coffee.
"Huh?"
John tried to push his way past Billy Bob to get into the cubicle Rose was supposed to be in.
"She's not there." Billy Bob said.
John turned around and came back.
"Then where is she? WHERE IS MY WIFE?"
The doctor appeared just then and said to Billy Bob, "We have your wife in Room 204, Mr. Gwinnett."
"Uh..thanks," Billy Bob mumbled.
Bobby Joe looked incredulously at him. "What?"
John looked like he was ready to blow his cool. He shook his head as if to clear it.
"Let me get this right. For some unknown and God-forsaken reason, my wife was with you and Bobby Joe and she got injured. Someone had better explain and I mean RIGHT NOW!"
Before Billy Bob could open his mouth, Bobby Joe said, "The horses got out of the corral and we had to go round them up."
John turned to Bobby Joe, who didn't see BB making 'shut up' gestures to him.
"So..why was Rose there?"
Bobby Joe shrugged and said, "I don't know. They were upstairs and came tearing downstairs when they saw the horses running all over."
Billy Bob ran his hand over his face. Bobby Joe took a sip of his coffee and started laughing.
"BB, I'll never forget how funny you looked yelling and trying to hold that towel around your waist while you were running down the porch steps.."
But Montgomery didn't have a chance to explain.
Because John hit him square in the jaw and he fell like a ton of bricks.
Billy Bob staggered to get up, using the wall for support. John helped him up. By grabbing the front of his shirt and yanking him up. He got right in his face and yelled,
"You bring my wife into the ER and you don't call me. I have to find out from your friend and when I race down here to her side, I find you---YOU!--posing as her husband. Not an ex-husband but her current one, right down to my name!"
Billy Bob shouted, "YOU DON'T DESERVE A WIFE LIKE ROSAMOND! She married you and had two kids right in a row and she's trying her best to be a wife and a mother while making a life for herself! I wouldn't be surprised if your marriage is over. And you don't even know it yet!"
With that comment, John took a swing at BB but he was ready for him by that time. He caught John's arm and threw him in the opposite direction. But John grabbed Billy Bob by the shoulder and took him down with him. They landed on a gurney and knocked over an IV bottle. Bobby Joe stood there and moved back so he wouldn't get any coffee splashed on him.
Billy Bob drew his fist back and punched John in the eye at the same time that John connected with Billy Bob's nose. It started to bleed. Shirts were being torn.
A candy striper walked by with her cart and said, "Do you gentlemen want any magazines or flower..AAAHHHH!!!!"
They knocked into her cart and toppled it. Nurses and a couple doctors hurried to the scene of the melee.
"SECURITY! SECURITY! EMERGENCY ROOM STAT!"
Three security guards showed up and tried to break up the fight. A few got a punch thrown at their heads. Finally two doctors sneaked up behind them and injected each of the pugilists with a tranquilizer.
And down they both went.
"Where--where am I?" John groggily came into consciousness.
Nurse Eisner said crisply, "You are in the ER of Westchester County Hospital and young man, you should be ashamed of yourself! You too! " she said to the cubicle next to her.
"Hey, I didn't do ANYTHING! He started it!"
John tried to sit up and he was woozy. He fell back on the pillow.
"Ooooh. My eye."
Nurse Eisner looked closely at it and handed him an icepack. "Put this on your eye. It will keep the swelling down."
She turned to Billy Bob in the next cubicle with the curtains drawn and handed him an icepack too.
"And put this to your nose. While you were unconscious, the doctor checked your nose out. Fortunately for you, it wasn't broken but it will swell up."
A doctor came in with a security guard. Nurse Nancy stepped aside. The doctor said, "I must say, in the history of Westchester County Hospital, I have never before witnessed such a spectacle in my life! Two grown men brawling!"
He pulled the curtain back and both Montgomery and John were laying on hospital beds.
The doctor looked from one to the other. He drew a chair up and sat down.
"Alright. Let's get to the bottom of this. First off, my name is Dr. Richards." He pointed to his name tag. He looked from one to the other.
"I need to know exactly what is going on and who each of you are and your relationship to the patient."
John and Billy Bob both started talking at once. The doctor held up his hand and said, "One at a time!"
He pointed to John and said, "OK, Shiners, you go first!"
John said, "I got a phone call from his friend that MY WIFE was in the ER here. I rushed down and find that HE already admitted her and posed as ME! AND I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN HER AND I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE IS HERE!"
He started to get up and then sat down quickly. Dr. Richards said, "It's a combination of the fight and the sedative. I saw your I.D. and know you are John Gwinnett."
He turned to Billy Bob and said, "OK, Nose, I am dying to hear YOUR explanation for this!"
Billy Bob answered, "She was at my house and was helping me with a personal problem. I looked out the window and saw all my horses running to the meadow. I had to run out and Rose went in the jeep with my friend Bobby Joe Austin to help round them up. She was taking my horse Brutus back to the stables and as she galloped over the meadow, the horse stumbled and she went flying over his head. I checked, I don't think she hit her head on anything. Anyways, we got her here. I knew that if I said I was a friend, they wouldn't let me be with her and the state she was in, I think someone needed to watch over her. So I did the first thing that came to mind. I pretended to be John Gwinnett."
The doctor shook his head. "What made you think you could get away with it?"
Billy Bob explained, "We used to be married, I know her pretty well."
Dr Richards said, "OK, I'll buy that. But who is Henry?"
John said, "Henry?"
The doctor said, "I guess someone she knew. She seems to think Mr. Gwinnett...uh..Mr Montgomery?...is this man Henry. Seems to be afraid of him."
John looked quizzically at Dr. Richards. "What are you trying to say?"
Dr. Richards sighed. "It appears Mrs. Gwinnett has a case of short term memory loss. Like on that movie 'Fifty First Dates.' I ran tests, it appears to be related to the bruise she sustained on the back of her head and the side near the temple. I've seen this happen before. Mrs. Gwennett just has a bad concussion and when the swelling goes down, she should be right as rain!"
John asked, "And how long will that be?"
The doctor said, "I want to at least keep her in overnight for observation. She should be alright in a day or two. As soon as that clears up, I'll send her home."
John said, "Yes. HOME! WITH ME!"
The doctor looked closely at Billy Bob and said, "I don't think you feel well, son...You're GREEN!"
Billy Bob looked at his hands and said, "Yeah, well, it's a long story."
The doctor said, "OK, now will the REAL Mr. Gwinnett stand up and follow me?"
John stood up shakily and the doctor said, "You want a wheelchair?"
He shook his head no. Billy Bob stood up too. The doctor said, "I'm sorry, but as an ex-husband, you have no rights."
Billy Bob said, "I think I need to be there when Mr. Gwinnett sees Rose. There is a little something he may need clarification on. And I may be the only one there to help out the situation."
The doctor frowned. "Allright, but stay in the hallway unless you are needed."
The doctor led the way down the hall with John and Billy Bob walking side by side behind him. John 'accidently on purpose' banged into Billy Bob who pushed him in return. The doctor turned around and the two of them looked at him like nothing was wrong.
They stopped at Room 204. Dr. Richards turned to John and said, "OK. I'll go in with you and let's see how she is doing." To Billy Bob he said, "You stay here."
The doctor and John entered the room. John looked at his beautiful wife who laid sleeping in the hospital, her temple bandaged. Her face was bruised on the side.
He said with dismay, "Oh, jeez! She looks so small and delicate laying there."
He said, "Maybe seeing you will jog her memory back."
He touched her arm gently.
"Rosamond? I have a visitor for you."
She opened her eyes slowly and then they opened wide. She tried to sit up and scoot over to the edge of the bed.
"Richard! RICHARD! Are you out of your mind? YOUR FATHER IS RIGHT OUTSIDE THE CHAMBER DOOR!"
"Huh?" John said. "Rose? Rose, honey, it's me. It's John."
Rose said, "You aren't John! John is in the dungeon executing rats!"
Dr. Richards said, "Do you know who she is talking about?"
John looked worriedly, "Yes. Someone she used to know."
Rose whispered fearfully, "Hie thee away, Richard! Your father dost come back from the hunt early. If he finds us hither, surely he shall run us both through with the sword!"
John ran his hand over his face and said, "I don't believe it!"
Dr. Richards asked, "And who would Richard be?"
John nodded. "A person she was acquainted with at one time."
Dr. Richards said, "She seems to think Mr. Montgomery is this Henry.She seemed quite upset about displeasing him."
"Doctor, may I please spend a moment with my wife?"
He said, "Alright. But don't agitate her. As soon as the swelling goes down, we shall see how her memory is."
He left and John sat on the bed. He held her hand and said softly, " Rose? I'm here."
She said, whispering, "I know that. But if Henry catches us, he will run us both through with the sword! Even though you are his son..we need to be very careful, Richard. I know you leave in a fortnight's time. And you will go to the Crusades and I shall continue as Henry's mistress. And we shall take this secret to our graves."
Nurse Eisner came in and said, "I need to give Mrs. Gwinnett this sedative. She needs to rest and re-program her memory banks without any interference from anyone. Not even her husband."
John said, "I'm not leaving until she's asleep."
The sedative took effect and she was asleep in less than two minutes. Nurse Eisner said, "You had better leave now. I AM sorry I was so abrupt with you at the nurse's station but I had rules to follow."
John sighed and said, "I know. But now I have to get some answers. And I need to know NOW."
He went out to the hallway where Billy Bob was lounging against the wall.
John said, "OK. We need to talk. And the answers had better be good."
START EXPLAINING, BUSTER.....by Terri
Billy Bob pushed himself away from the wall and said, "I don't owe you a damn thing!"
John said sarcastically, "Oh, I beg to differ! I think you owe me a hell of a lot more!"
Bobby Joe by this time had scooted down the hall. At that very moment, John's cellphone rang.
"Damn!" He pressed a button. "Hello?"
"John, it's Marty. Hey, we haven't' been able to find Rosamond. Bethia said she went to Jay's Fabrics and she hasn't been back. Has she stopped off at the Fitness Center?"
"Oh, crap! Marty, in all the confusion, I didn't get a chance to call you. Rose is in the hospital!"
''WHAT? Oh, please don't tell me it is appendicitis or a car accident!"
John took a deep breath and said, "I don't have all the details but it seems she was thrown from a horse and was unconscious. She has a concussion and she has a slight memory problem. The doctor is confident she will be fine in a day or two. But she will be in here."
Marty said, "What the hell was she doing on a horse? Where was she?"
"That's what I am trying to find out. I'll call you tonight."
CLICK!
John turned to Billy Bob once more. But he was gone.
Billy Bob strode out of the hospital. Bobby Joe ran to keep up, his coffee sloshing.
"Damn!" He mopped at his shirt with a napkin. "Hey, BB! Wait up!"
Billy Bob turned and waited. He fumed, "I don't owe him a damn explanation! He's the one who's running around on HER!"
He turned on his heel and continued to hoof it through the parking lot.
Bobby Joe yelled, "WHAT?? He's running around on Rose? How do you know that?"
Billy Bob tapped his head and said, "Hello? Who's still got a P.I. license and knows the law? They've been having trouble and she suspected another woman and I just need to get concrete proof."
"How do you expect to do that, BB?"
Billy Bob smiled and said, "Smile for the birdie! One picture is worth a thousand words!"
BACK AT THE RANCH....by Coralynn
Billy Bob and Bobby Joe flip on the TV to see the local news, as they usually do this time of the night.
After coverage of carnage and destruction both locally and internationally, the scene shifts to what they can tell is the Town Fair. Both men had planned to attend this event, but somehow, with the incidents of the day, they never did.
"HEY!" Bobby Joe yells out, "That horse! Look"
BB looks closer and yells, "MEROVIN! What is she doing with him, and who the hell is she?!"
BESS, BUMMED......AGAIN!......by Coralynn
Bess throws the afternoon newspapers on the dining room table as she explodes, "It happened again! Someone else won! Could it be possible for me to win Queen of the Town Fair? Noooo! Some doxey rode into the contest on a horse! A horse of all things! After putting up with Cecily, who breezed into town and had all the guys drooling over her, knocking me down to second place, too. Now that she's dating Alan Carson, she's off the market, so I was in first place again, and now THIS......this woman on a bleeping horse!"
"
Celeste grins, "I take it she was wearing clothes?"
Bess gives her a funny look, "Of course she was wearing clothes! But who was she? What in the name of God was she doing in our town? MY town! I've put time in in this town and until she rode up, I was looking like the winner....the town owes it to me!"
"What can I say?" Celeste throws her hand up in mock horror.
"And......get this!........guess who was on the judging committee? Guess who was walking up and down the line of contestants marking his evaluation or whatever it was?"
"You're going to tell me whether or not I guess, right?"
"William! The traitor! He knew how much it meant to me, too. How could he?!"
"But he wasn't the only judge. I'll bet he voted for you, Bess, but the others...."
"I thought it had to be unnnam...."
"Unamimous?"
"That's the word!"
"It was a contest to choose a town queen, not a trial for murder!"
"I'd like to murder that woman on the horse! Who is she? I never saw her before, but somehow she showed up to steal my crown just the same."
Celeste opens the local newspaper and looks at the picture of the judges putting the crown onto the head of the winner...."Mitty.....hmmm, now that's an odd name. Wonder if it's a nickname for Submit..."
"Submit?! Hardly!"
"No, no, you see that was a name given to girls back in the sixteen hundreds, sometimes the seventeen hundreds, not as common as Hannah or Elizabeth, but definitely a name in use at the time."
Bess ponders this, then says, "You thinking what I'm thinking, Celeste? Think she's a time traveler?"
"As a matter of fact, I wondered why my time travel meter registered new people back yesterday or the day before. Thought I was just seeing things, but.......maybe not."
"Can you look in your crystal ball and find out what this person is doing here?"
Celeste leads her back into the room that contains all her magic paraphenalia, "I can try."
It takes a few minutes of urging, but the crystal ball forms the image of two Quaker ladies sitting together talking. Two modern women approach them and engage them in converstaion. "I know those two!" Celeste remarks, "Those are Sally Jennings and Penelope Patterson! What are they doing?"
Bess peers at the ball and exclaims, "Those two brought her here from.......from when do you think?"
"Looks like the mid-1700s," Celeste estimates, "But I wonder why they did that."
"Just to wreck it for me!"
"I'm sure that wasn't their motivation, but then what was?"
"They got bored and decided to mess up everyone's life?"
"Bess, you're imagining that everything is done to spite you. I'm sure the reason was a lot simpler than that..."
"Maybe they wanted to borrow the old fashioned dresses!"
"That is a distinct possibility, my dear. My question is, how did Mitty here get hold of Merovin?"
"Merovin?"
"Little Will's horse that Rose keeps out at the Montgomery ranch. That's definitely him, no other horse has those conformations."
"So this Mitty creature stole him from the Montgomery ranch?"
"Either that or he was lent to her, which is a long shot........I wonder if I should phone out there and see...."
"Go ahead! My day is ruined! Maybe if that horrible woman stole the horse she can be arrested and then she won't be able to ride on the Queen's float tomorrow when they have the big parade! Go ahead, Celeste, rat her out!"
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