My Glove Don't Catch a Thing
(The Chuck Knoblauch Song)

(Parody of J-Lo's My Love Don't Cost a Thing)

You think I got holes in my mitt?
I might
You think I'm making too much dough
You're Right
Even if it had glue
My glove don't catch a thing
You think I got bribed for this
You're Wrong
If I throw a ball it goes too long
Even if it had glue,
My glove don't catch a thing


When the Yankees signed me to a deal,
They thought that they were getting a steal
Until they saw me play at 2nd Base
Overextending my arm, nailing guys in the face
Saw Steinbrenner later in his suite
Raising up a storm, that really was no treat
And his breath smells bad
Thought he was really whack
Can't the man afford to buy a frickin tic tac?


All that matter's is
I get my paycheck
I'll keep throwing in the stands
And hitting old folks WHOOOOOOO


You think I got holes in my mitt?
I might
You think I'm making too much dough
You're Right
Even if it had glue
My glove don't catch a thing
You think I got bribed for this
You're Wrong
If I throw a ball it goes too long
Even if it had glue,
My glove don't catch a thing


When I was a Twin,
I won a Gold Glove,
Now all I can do, is pray up above,
Looks like I'm on drugs whenever I play,
But here everyone is, Bob just had some yesterday.
It's a side of me I don't want to see,
Where I learned to play, is a mystery.
If it doesn't change, I might have to go,
I hit Keith Olberman's Mom
GOTTA RUN YO!!


All that matter's is
I get my paycheck
I'll keep throwing in the stands
And hitting old folks WHOOOOOOO


You think I got holes in my mitt?
I might
You think I'm making too much dough
You're Right
Even if it had glue
My glove don't catch a thing
You think I got bribed for this
You're Wrong
If I throw a ball it goes too long
Even if it had glue,
My glove don't catch a thing


Can't throw……… can't throw………can't throw………..
Shit, shit, shit
Tino could stop the throws that I make,
But he had to use a damn rake.
"Throw the damn ball to first base!"
Then I can win some fans, and get cheers from the stands
I need some time in Triple A,
To show them that I ain't so bad
Cuz all I do is make them mad.
Then I can win some fans, and get cheers from the stands


You think I got holes in my mitt?
I might
You think I'm making too much dough
You're Right
Even if it had glue
My glove don't catch a thing
You think I got bribed for this
You're Wrong
If I throw a ball it goes too long
Even if it had glue,
My glove don't catch a thing


You think I got holes in my mitt?
I might
You think I'm making too much dough
You're Right
Even if it had glue
My glove don't catch a thing
You think I got bribed for this
You're Wrong
If I throw a ball it goes too long
Even if it had glue,
My glove don't catch a thing


You think I got holes in my mitt?
I might
You think I'm making too much dough
You're Right
Even if it had glue
My glove don't catch a thing
You think I got bribed for this
You're Wrong
If I throw a ball it goes too long
Even if it had glue,
My glove don't catch a thing