All about me
Jared Lerner was born on a chicken farm with three Kangaroos named Opie and a bottle of decaffeinated wine. At an early age he learned to eat dust and play hopscotch with imaginary friends named Fred, which made the experience all the more scintillating. Living in this paradise seemed kooky, but it didn't complete what this guy wanted to do with his life. So in an all-out effort to reach for the stars, Jared went to Mexico at the age of 6 to sell illegal firecrackers to little children for Cinco de Mayo. Oh the look on their faces. It would make you want to eat Nabisco crackers for three consecutive milliseconds in a row. The firecracker thing seemed great, but one day a kid named Luke swallowed one, and it never came out, naturally. Fleeing from the Policía Mejicano, Jared stumbled upon the Pacific Ocean and tried swimming with the fishies (see?).
But he didn't swim too well and he only made it to Malaysia, which was way off from his target destination (Sweden). In Malaysia they gave him a horrible punishment for his crimes, the biggest one being the age of 6. They enrolled him in Shockavocka Elementary School, and he was forced to go to KINDERGARTEN for heavens sake (brace yourself, he's going to be alright). But the teachers there were slimy and they gave the kids Kit Kat Bars every time they multiplied their quotients wrong.
Four years flew by like Firestone tires, and at age 10 Jared enrolled himself in Hamburger University. It was a darn good school, and not one second went by without someone noticing the irrational flipping of an undercooked piece of meat. Bam wham gunny mam, this didn't satisfy him either. So at age 11, Jared catapulted himself back to Mexico and joined the soccer team. NO not the National team, the "Jose Macias Gracias Pontias Jibrias Rochias Please Free Us Intramural League." He led the team in corner kicks and made good friends with the assistant coach, Marv. With 75 dollars and a lot of Mountain Dew, Jared convinced Marv to move to Madagascar to help third world children live better lives because of soccer. But Marv accidentally took a plane to South Africa, so he shot himself in the achilles tendon and sang "Material Girl" to all the people watching. Eh who cares about MARV, this isn't about him.
After spending three years at a polar ice cap in Antarctica doing experiments for Miss Cleo, Jared injected himself with Radium and effectively became a walrus within 7 hours. He swam back to Honolulu for cocktails but didn't like the sweetness, or the Hawaiians judging him for being a walrus, for that matter. And it wasn't easy either. They wouldn't let him into baseball games, they excluded him from synagogues, heck they even drew graffiti on him. Figuring that this was no decent life for a walrus, he used Alchemy to turn himself back into a human.
But he didn't look like he did before. He looked like the schmendrick you see in the picture above. Jared decided to give something back to society since he now had a weird nose and the face of an old woman. So he went to America and starred in a popular sitcom in the 60's, in hope to give people there the passion hidden inside of freaky tv characters living in a human world. But he was a sucky actor, and nobody realized he was a man. So he carried out evil plans until he shot some plastic containers with water guns until they drowned. That's when PotatoWorld came into play. Grandpa Munster (OOPS, i mean Jared) wanted to make a web site that not only had one specific feature, but many, such as KICKASS PARODIES, JIMINY CRICKETED MOVIE REVIEWS and OTHER STUFF that people would just love to see.
He would like to make it known that 100% OF THE MATERIAL ON THIS WEB PAGE IS WRITTEN BY HIMSELF, AND NOT COPIED, REPRODUCED OR RETRANSMITTED BY ANY BLAH BLAH BLAH OF WHATEVER THE HELL THE SAYING IS. And although it isn't copyrighted, IT SHOULD BE! Today, Jared contiunes to update his kickass website and dominate AP Calculus because he knows math better than anyone within a .0632 mile radius. If you would like to leave him any comments, praise, suggestions, or bomb threats, Email Him. So take a good long look at this site people. This is the future!