Christmastime is here at last!
A classic 1AM by Phantom and Whakum

Alright kiddies!  Time to dive into the unknown and find out about...
Santa Claus-
    Long ago there was an old man who was crazy.  He gave away millions of dollars of food, toys, luxuries and coal to poor children in the winter when food was scarce and people were cooped up inside by the foul weather.  Good children recieved food and coal, while bad children received toboggans.  Unfortunately, one year the coal was particularly volatile and burned down all the homes of the good children, killing them in the process.  Thus the bad children spread the myth of "Saint Nick-Coal-Less," a saint for killing off all those goody-two shoes stuck up twerps, throughout the land on their shiny new toboggans.  The reindeer were found scavenging in the ashes of the homes of the good children, and they became "Nick-Coal-Less"'s trademark beast.  Nobody knows where the Claus comes from.

Christmas Trees-
    Christmas trees used to be surmounted with candles instead of electric lights and decorations.  The pine sap inside the tree would heat, causing the tree to burn and produce a lasting heat.  People would stand around the tree singing hymns to its glory because they were warm.  Due to house fires, the custom of keeping the tree in your home was not standard practice until the invention of electric lighting and indoor heating, when burning stuff for warmth became an outdated practice.

Mistletoe-  [Phantom's note: Skip this one if you're easily disturbed or prone to stomach upsets.]
   The world's first "Romantic affair" began under a clump of mistletoe between Melinus and Pyria.  Their eyes caught one another's under a tree, and they immediately joined in excessive censored carnality and other unmentionable events for the remainder of their lives, which wasn't very long because a lion happened to be strolling through the area.  The lion killed them, and their spirits floated up and possessed the mistletoe, causing all who stood under the plant to be immediately seized by all members of the opposite gender within view in an attempt to recreate the drama enacted under the original plant.

Wreaths-
   The wreath was originally made entirely out of grapevine.  The grapevine wreath was used as a discus, and was used as a skill challenge for local warriors.  The warrior who could shoot an arrow through the grapevine wreath from one hundred fifty paces was the winner and carried home the wreath, a handsome golden arrow, and a large turkey.  This contest continued to operate until turkeys decided to strike back and depopulated large areas of Europe by crafting wreaths of solid wood and dropping them onto the heads of the winning hunters.  The tribesmen got the hint, killed off every turkey they could find, and made wreaths out of pine needles, which they used to adorn criminals who shot at turkeys.

More To Come...