She looks as beautiful as she ever has.
A perfect collection of imperfections.
But then she rises and turns my way,
As my mind makes the needed corrections.
This is not the girl who I fell in love with.
The variable that gave life its worth.
She wasn’t my fantasy; she was my reality.
Wasn’t my heaven, but my earth.
I don’t want to retroactively deny my feelings,
Nor end up as another machine.
The love was strong and so must be my pain.
I need to hurt even as others intervene.
They try to help me, talk to me, advise me.
Convince me that I need to move on.
Tell me that I can’t mourn forever.
I must live even though she is gone.
But she still lives inside my memories.
I can feel her joyful face.
How do I take the remnants of my happiness,
And click and hold erase.
I can see there words as mine.
If the situation had been reversed.
But that is not the path that life has chosen.
They thankfully do not know what it is like to be cursed.
Slowly some companions walk the other away.
Future friends never come to be.
They want to be good, to be noble,
But are torn apart by my misery.
Then there are those who care beyond my worth,
But even then I cannot fully tell.
Are they likewise just hanging on to fragments of memory,
That their mind insist they do not dispel?
With each passing hour the images weaken.
Colorful crystals become but a blur.
Details cease to be distinguishable.
All that remains is a picture of her.
Yet I know there is still something special.
As I know rational says to turn the other way.
But I do not wish to be logic’s servant,
So in this nearly forgotten dream I shall stay.
So please stop trying to be my savior.
I never asked to be saved.
I know this path leads to doom and destruction,
But it is the path that must be paved.
Someday I shall return to you.
And you will again see what your mind tries to hold.
I’ll be both stronger and wiser.
If not a little bit more cold.
I hope to see you once again.
When I return to the realm of the well.
Until then when people ask who I was,
You have a fascinating story to tell.
So friendship grew between the naive little boy,
And the girl who brought him bounds of endless joy.
Only one who could ever read the words inside my head.
Shut the lights as she lies on my bed.
A first long kiss goodnight.
A stainless soul dances of delight.
All that I am is owed to you;
Promises made.
And you showed me what I knew was but a disguise.
Even the perfection I saw in your eyes.
Fight for the dream without view of the rainbow;
Faith paid.
For the road you learn is forever long.
And I was not forever strong.
Bitter and broken, battered and bruised.
If I had nothing to start with, how did I lose?
So I wandered through my life, but I couldn't see.
Blinded by missing you, missing what once felt like me.
Find another stranger who lost her ability to smile.
Together we take a break to forget remembering for a while.
A million miles away from everyone we'd ever known.
Hiding in each other’s arms the fact that we were so alone.
Trying to be innocent as long we could make it last.
Pretending we were okay with all that defined our past.
Another kiss goodnight.
Another action neither wrong nor right.
Another time when simplicity rains;
Complication pours.
Another fragment upon my mind.
Another world to slide behind.
Another day in which pleasure conquers;
Pain endures.
She holding me and I don't want to run away.
She kissing me and I don't want to hide.
Let the questions of morality be asked another day.
Let me without consequence lay by her side.
Her hands streak across my back.
Her fingers run through my hair.
Close my mind. Close my heart.
Don't want to be able to think, to care.
Another empty kiss goodnight.
Another action neither wrong nor right.
Another time when simplicity rains;
Complication pours.
Another fragment upon my mind.
Another world to slide behind.
Another day in which pleasure conquers;
Pain endures.
Too bad we are not as good at pretending as we would like to pretend to be.
For the mind never ceases pondering, and the eyes can't fail to see.
Better run away prior to passion becoming too real
Only way to survive is to be immune to feel.
So the quest starts ever again.
Alone in the company of friend.
Never gonna to find the piece that has been buried deep
Pace the hollow floors cause the insomniac doesn't sleep.
Flip a quarter in the air, lands on its side
Another random occurrence on the continuum of life
Just like that my miracle appears.
Fighting through my defenses with love and tears.
A first perfect kiss goodnight.
Never felt quite so right.
The mind rest, the heart sings;
The face glows.
Was it all supposed to lead to this?
The deeper the pain, the sweeter the kiss.
Was it worth it? Is it ever worth it?
Who knows?
I can picture every detail of the moment, which me met.
Can't quite recall anything before.
Seems distant and pointless, and before the beginning.
Don't really think 'bout it much anymore.
Another perfect kiss goodnight.
Eternal darkness fades into light.
The mind rests, the heart sings;
The face glows.
Say they never seen you this happy before.
Not an illusion you need create anymore.
At last another start, another day.
Here goes.
I can picture every detail of the moment, which me met.
Can't quite recall anything before.
Seems distant, and pointless, and before the beginning.
Don't really think 'bout it much anymore.
Don't need to think about it at all anymore.
Look towards the sky, but the colors don't flow.
Not like the days of hope and love of long ago.
The safety net you've built has shredded apart.
As an unyielding emptiness grows in your heart.
Down the street a small group walks along.
Marching together; voices raised in song.
Chanting with a passion you have forgotten how to feel.
Can't recall the last time a smile looked so real.
They come up towards you. Ask you your name.
You tell them who you are and they do the same.
Stop by besides you, and reach out their hand,
As a calm and gentle peace passes over the land.
Tell you of an old lady in dire circumstance
Had breathed her last breath, danced her last dance
She gave everything she was up to the lord
8 years ago tonight she was miraculously cured.
And tell you of a magic place for which their savior died
A perfect paradise that awaits on the other side
All they say you need to do is close your fractured mind
And an eternal peace is what you shall find.
Your a student of reason; don't work that way.
Even if you desired to couldn't believe what they say.
But maybe can forget that, just for today.
Grab the outstretched hand, close your eyes, and pray.
They have not recruited you as a member of their cause
A crusader for the book and its stringent moral laws
But given you back strength for wherever you choose to go
And you are more thankful for them then they could ever know.
They wonder what prevents them
And they beg you for answers.
They ask over and over
She cries into the phone!
They claim its not physical
And she begs you for answers.
She asks over and over
She screams for them to get away!
She doesn’t think they love her.
The people who surround you.
Every once in a while
There were reasons for the decision.
Kind of only feel like
perhaps I shouldn't try too hard
Doesn't matter anyway
They want her to be angry!
They need her to fight.
Want to force her to be better
And all to be right.
From return of distant, happy time.
Vague theories without solutions
No reason to the rhyme.
How to make her go?
As you stare into desperate eyes
All you got is I don’t know.
Is it gonna be okay?
Do you still believe so?
Doesn’t matter anyway.
She’s trying: doing her best.
They argue they don’t believe.
Doctors won’t give her a rest.
Its all in her mind.
But she insists there is something there
A problem they can’t find.
How to make me go?
As you listen to a hurting voice
All you got is I don’t know.
Am I gonna be okay?
Do you still believe so?
Doesn’t matter anyway.
The frightened attacking the weak.
It’s all falling apart now
And you get a front row seat.
Believe they ever cared.
You start to look both ways now
For which should you be most scared?
Notice you smile less silent more.
See you aren’t quite the child
You’ve always been before.
One asks if you’re okay.
You think but do not answer
Doesn’t matter anyway. Lying down
She’s gone. I’m all alone now
staring straight ahead into the abyss.
What the hell just happened?
Did we actually kiss?
Wasn’t it too special?
Didn’t we agree?
Someone gonna get hurt here,
and it’s probably gonna be me.
And the reasons are still the same.
Do we just forget it all
in desperation’s name?
Do I want to be happy,
or do I desire to rise and fall?
Will I be regretful or thankful
when we reach the after all?
lying here with an open smile.
Because I’m not gonna be able to
in just a little while.
And maybe I’m wrong,
but I’m sure that I’m right.
So perhaps I shouldn’t try too hard
to fall asleep tonight.
to fall asleep tonight
He mourns for an angel, who died before they met.
Wishing more then anything he had something to regret.
He remains loyal to the girl who can’t be realized.
But wonders his right to tears, which roll out of his eyes.
They used to smile cause they were happy, frown when sad.
Jump up and down when excited, scream and yell when mad.
But now up is down, left is right, and everything is twisted.
Falling into realities they didn’t know existed.
She’s been through this moment so many times before.
She likes him, and he likes her even more.
And she has seen it, every-time, fall apart from here.
So in lieu of dancing in delight, she is hidden in fear.
He knows the power of love and he knows the cost
The thing that matters most is now forever lost
He’d curse at the gods if he had anything left to say
Too tired to be angry, too injured to pray.
They used to smile cause they were happy, frown cause they were sad.
Jump up and down when excited, scream and yell when mad.
But now up is down. Left is right, everything is twisted.
Falling into realities they didn’t know existed.
So they stand here, broken children all.
Glimpsed at the mountaintop, never saw the fall.
The questions without answers they can no longer ignore
Searching for something just haven’t figured out what for.
A innocent young lad stumbles upon their stay
Not looking for enlightenment he just wants to play
Baby face child no longer in the womb
Can’t yet see his impending doom
