Somebody once told me
Somebody once told me that I would amount to nothing.
Somebody once told me that I would never succeed.
Somebody told me I would lose in this male-dominated world.
Somebody once told me that I would never have friends.
Somebody once told me that I would end up a loser, drunk and alone.
That somebody called me a bitch that day, as well.
Only if she could see how far I have gone since then.
It would shock her that I am not afraid to state my own opinion.
It would shock her that I do have a heart, and I do care about people.
It would shock her that I am smarter than she would ever believe it possible.
It would shock her that I have a future, amongst these men.
It would shock her that I know it's not the matter of what others think.
It's a matter of what you think.
And that is all that matters.
For you are the only thing that you got, when you are down on your luck and not friend in the world.
For you are the only thing that understands yourself completely.
She does not understand that god did say Love thy self.
Not meaning that other people have to love you.
In or out of the bed.
She sells herself in the gutter, whilst I succeed.
I don't pity myself, I don't hate myself, I don't disrespect myself.
Do you understand world? Do you hear me world? I am here, I will be known I, will be heard. World I am coming whether you are ready or not, so buck-up-butter-cup, and love everything which you are.
I once feared living
I did - once - a long time ago.
If it were on video you would shudder.
For I was morbid - my life was in the pits.
I became -- obese -- morbidly to match my mood.
Life was a lemon, more so than a phrase, it was real.
I didn't understand laughter, nor did I understand love.
A boy friend didn't help -- buried me further into dread.
I wouldn't talk -- nobody got to see who I was - or read who I was.
I never went outside - just to the car, mayhaps.
I cried every night, every single dark night.
Frightened if I wouldn't make-it.
"What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop?"
I hurt people's feeling - not in jest - I meant it.
I wished ill on people - life is to short to hate everybody.
Everybody -- a strange but familiar term.
Everybody likes this - they say.
Everybody loves this - they say.
Everybody hates this - they say.
Everybody likes him - they say.
Everybody loves him - they say.
Everybody hates him - they say.
Everybody likes her - they say.
Everybody loves her - they say.
Everybody hates her - they say.
At that morbid time, I agreed with every stupid word 'they said'.
But all is gone far into the past, like a sent e-mail, gone.
All is said and done.
A good person once said that "Life is not a video game, you cannot hit re-start."
But I added: "True life is not a video game, there is no restart. But the way you act in life is like a video game. You can make choices, you can hit that proverbial re-start button and start over."
I have hit re-start,
Are you glad?
Are you pleased?
Excited?
Happy?
Angry?
Indifferent?
I am -
The right weight.
The clouds have silver linings - attitude.
Life is only what you make it.
Love is out there somewhere for me.
Optimistic -- well working on it.
My opinions are made and heard.
I don't back down when someone annoys me.
Someday I will help all that have felt my pain and sorrow.
People - women - girls - men - boys
American - Brits - Arabs - Chinese - Japanese - Germans - Russians - Koreans - and all of God's children.
I see why people feud; I see why people want peace.
As it goes: There are two sides of every argument.
I see the both of them. Maybe not clearly but they are there a dim ray of hope that someday all might be okay.
Though I understand there is no balance in complete peace.
It is all said and done, I am who I am, and I haven't a care if you think otherwise about me. Hate me if you want, love me if you want, feel indifferent about me if it suits you. I love myself.
Have you ever heard my calls?
*A plea to god, even though I am not a devoted Christian, just a girl who needs to understand.*
God, I am not even sure if you are out there.
Are you?
If you are please, drop me a note.
I have seen things that I would have never thought I would see.
People jumping from a burning building, right on my t.v.
100 stories below.
It bothers me,
greatly.
I have lost friends to -- my ignorance of them. It's not your fault
but my own.
If you can - help me please.
Would you?
I have seen my parents quarrel over - love.
They say all is better.
Is it?
Can you tell me?
I watch lovers pass by me without a care in the world.
While I look at what I care for and find -- that none of it can show the same emotions as another human being can.
Is there someone out there for me?
Can you show him to me?
I laugh when people do and I laugh when people don't.
I see things differently than a lot of people.
Where are the people that see things my way -- or even close?
Are there people who laugh at off-color jokes?
Are the people who get upset about a death of someone they don't even know?
Are there people who find themselves sometimes wondering about themselves? Like I do?
If there are grant them to know me - so I won't be lonely, in your great wide world.
I miss laughing with friends,
I miss having a friend hug me, telling me that I am so funny.
I miss seeing my friends laugh when I make a joke.
I miss seeing my friends, on the weekends, smiling when I had them a birthday present, late of course.
I don't like being lonely as much as I say I do.
I envy the girls who have friends to go shopping with every Friday afternoon.
I envy the guys who go play sports on the weekends, with their friends.
I envy you God for knowing my future,
But I understand that you will tell me one day, slowly - day by day - even.
I will wait, I will listen, I will watch.
If you are there please drop me a note.
If you love me please drop me a note.
Thanks for listening -- tell Mary she roxs.
I am not like other girls -- but is that a bad thing?
So you say I am not like other girls.
I ask: Is that a bad thing?
You don't reply, as usual when I confront you.
I wonder if you care, for me.
I wonder if I care for you, enough to take you into my life.
You smile at me, and reply, that you thought I would be like other girls.
I ask: Do you think that was a front?
A pause;
No.
I smile; my red-lips parting to show my whites.
I sit you down on the park bench, sitting next to you. I sigh.
You ask what is wrong: Have I offended you?
My reply is No.
Then what is wrong: is your comeback.
I look you sternly in the eye: Bud I once told a guy:
~ Boy - I am not like other girls, I am not the girl next door, though I know you dated her. I don't giggle at everything, I don't think pink is the greatest color in the world. I don't like boy-band nor do I like Britney. I don't hang out in 'cliques' though I do collect 'em. I would rather play soccer or learn how to play football than shop. Getting my hands dirty? Sure, mud fights are fun, building things are great, especially when I am with company. Baby-sitting is for little girls, who want a free-phone call. I believe Goths should visit the sunlight, everyone in a while. Happy-go-lucky girls should jump off their cloud and visit the real world. Macho males who think that women are weaker and 'servants' should rot. That doesn't mean I think women are better than men are, hey we all have our own pros and cons. I know most of mine. I don't need to flaunt my body around males, a little flirting if fine but not to the point of being an obvious *****. There is a fine line from being sexy and being slutty. I don't paint my nails daily, I don't know the latest fashion even if they e-mailed me. Styling my hair takes ten-minute tops, I like it short, and it doesn't need glitter or clips. I don't cry often, I have done enough crying in my life, I don't want to shed any more tears. So if you understand, and this doesn't bother you, fine. ~
And I said that, and meant it as well.
You looked up at me, from staring at your feet.
I met your eyes, trying to figure out what they are saying.
You coolly reply: You are in luck, girls like that make me sick. I am glad that I did come -- wanna go learn how to play football?
I smile a smile that few have seen.
Sure, mind you after I know the rules don't think about giving me any handicaps. I reply, placing a hand on your shoulder.
Why would I ever do a think like that?
I smile no reply.
I know you wouldn't like it, you aren't like the other girls.
