You Can Never Go Back

Author: Sunnycouger (foolofatook_@hotmail.com)

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...

Category: CC

Summary: This is a future fic when the aliens get a chance to go “home” and the story follows each of their reactions to the news and their final decision.

Authors Notes: Follow up to When It's Time To Leave Home and The War.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bridges Chapter 10

Kyle Valenti watched his fiancee as she sat alone in the garden. Something clearly wasn’t right with her tonight and he was worried about her. She looked so lost and so lonely sitting out there by herself. Deep down he knew it had a lot to do with the conversation they had had with Max and Liz. He knew that Tess was feeling really uncomfortable with what they expected her to do with the Parker's if they needed her, but that she understood. It was hard for to accept the things she had to do sometimes. He sighed and then walked out towards her, it wasn’t good for her to dwell on this.

“Hey beautiful. What are you doing out here all on your own?”

She smiled as she heard his voice call to her before he sat down beside her on the grass.

“Hey handsome. Just...thinking. How are you doing?”

“I’m good. I’m worried about you sitting out here by yourself. You ok?”

“I’m fine. It’s just...it’s just being on standby for...that. It’s, it’s wrong. I don’t like it. I don’t like doing it. It can cause so much...damage, it can damage so much. Not just their minds...”

“I know baby, but what else can we do? We can’t let them tell about you guys, it would be too dangerous. And not just for Max and the kids. You, Michael and Isabel, you would all be in danger.”

She gently leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed loudly.

“I know, I do. It’s just...wrong.”

“Tess, if you aren’t comfortable doing it, no one is going to make you do it. I promise, if you want I’ll call Liz and Max up right now and tell them to watch what they’re doing.”

“I...No. No. I can do it if they need me to.”

She waited a second and positioned herself closer to him before gently whispering to him.

“Thank you.”

Kyle turned his head slightly to look at her.

“For what?”

“For understanding this. For understanding everything. I love you Kyle.”

“I love you too Tessie, and I cannot wait until we are married and you are Mrs. Tess Valenti, or Ms. Tess Harding Valenti. I don’t care what name you use, I just care about us.”

With that he kissed her hair and she leant back against his chest. It was amazing how safe she felt when he was beside her, and how vulnerable she felt when he wasn’t there. Things had never been easy for them and it made her appreciate it even more now that they were together.

Kyle stroked her side as she finally relaxed. It was hard on her when she had to use her powers that way. Deep down they all knew the damage it had the potential to do, especially now when they were all so strong. She was maybe stronger than the other aliens were because her powers had been stretched as far in the last few weeks when she kept contacting him. He flinched involuntarily as he remembered the times she hadn’t been there and how desperate he was for her not to be near him yet how ashamed he felt when he knew she would come to help him. He bit his lip to stop it from trembeling: she needed him to be strong for her just now. Just like she had been strong for him.

“Kyle? Are you ok?”

Her words snapped him out of his reverie and he gave her his full attention. She looked intently at him, his eyes were glazed over and he had been a million miles away. She sighed as deep down she knew what was going through his thoughts. She had no idea how she could help him through this and despite all of her considerable powers she couldn’t just wave a hand and heal his mind. Unfortunately. She was just about to talk again when she was silenced by him.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking...about the wedding. You know I have no idea who I’m going to ask to be my best man?”

“Kyle, you and I both know that you were not thinking about the wedding.”

“Damn, the problems living with an alien, huh? Never getting away with anything.”

“You better believe it Valenti. I wish...I wish I could be of more help to you through this.”

He smiled at her and pulled her into an embrace.

“You are all I need. I’ll get through this I promise. I don’t want you to worry anymore. I was talking to Max and he said I could talk to him about...that sort of stuff. I’m meeting up with him tomorrow so things will be ok. We’ll both be fine, baby. I promise you.”

They kissed before he stood up and grabbed her hand and pulled her upwards.

“What are you doing?”

He grinned as he spoke.

“Well, I figured I had a duty to learn to dance before I got married and, well, what better teacher than my future wife?”

“Kyle, I’ve taught you to dance before.”

“So, maybe I need more lessons...”

She raised an eyebrow jokingly as she put on an exotic accent.

“Well, in that case. Who am I to halt your development? Allow me Mr. Valenti.”

“It’s my honour Ms. Harding.”

With that the couple began to laugh and dance as they let the rest of the world fall away from them. They didn’t think about the past or the future. At that moment all that they were concerned with was with the present and each other.

They stayed like that happily and completely unaware of how much time had actually passed until they heard a voice behind them. They sighed and both looked at each other before turning to see who was there.

“Kyle, Tess I’m really sorry but I need you. So badly!”

“Hi Maria...whats up?”

“Umm, I don’t know. A potential bloodbath? My husband killing my best friend or vice-versa? Nothing much other than that.”

Kyle smiled as Tess went over and wrapped her arm around Maria’s shoulders to calm her down. This could only happen to them. He walked forward and guided them both towards the back gate towards the car.

“C’mon, you can tell us about it in the car.”

At the Guerin household Alex was sitting awkwardly across from a quiet Michael at the kitchen table. He tried to talk but he had no idea on what to say. Besides, it would probably be for the best if Michael was the first to talk. He was the one that needed to be able to talk uninterrupted.

Michael looked at Alex. Why was he doing this? Why was he sitting here across from the man who had no idea what had happened in the past 4 years? He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

“So...”

“So.”

“What’s...been going on here?”

“Here’s been fine, it’s pretty much the same as it was 4 years ago. It’s just a bit older...and the music is even more cheesy if that's possible.”

“I mean, I mean what’s been happening with you and Maria and the kids?”

“And Isabel? We’ve all been ok. We missed you all but we’ve been ok. Izzy’s now working part-time at the newspaper. I’m now a guidance counselor on top of my regular teaching. Diane’s using her powers to make a profit in class, much to our surprise. Phil is looking like he is going to be the next big Diamondbacks pitcher and Maria...well, Maria never gave up looking for you. She missed you so much and she blamed Isabel as well. For 4 years she would look at me and Isabel and you could visibly see the resentment. It was hard for her and for us.”

“Yeah well, it was hard for everyone. At least you and Isabel had each other, me and Maria were alone to handle it.”

“Well, in our defense Michael. It wasn’t us that split you two up. That wasn’t our fault.”

“No, you’re right, it was mine. And it was the right thing to do.”

“I’m glad you see it that way. Now, why can’t you think the same way about Isabel?”

“Because that’s different. You should know that.”

“Should I?”

Michael looked down at the table and tapped it as he thought about everything Alex was saying. As much as nothing had changed, everything had changed. He looked up and looked at Alex straight in the face.

“You said something...about an accident? What happened there? Everything is clearly ok now right?”

“Yeah, there...there was an accident and everything is...ok now. It was...it was stupid really. I still can’t believe it happened and I thank God everyday that the kids weren’t there. That would have killed me. I was, I was driving home from a night out with Isabel and Maria and I was driving back home and as we were driving this stupid idiot swerved in front of me on a motorbike and I was so busy watching how this idiot was driving that I didn’t notice the car in the other lane that was swerving to avoid him as well. Anyway, me and the other car swerved into each other and he...smacked me square. Whatever happened, the drivers side was written off and I...kinda...got impaled by a bit of the metal of the car. Isabel and Maria were ok, thank God, just cuts and bruises but the driver of the other car was badly hurt as well. Isabel, Isabel was great...she kept me alive when we needed the ambulance to come and she helped me through my recuperation. She saved my life.”

Michael looked at Alex who’s eyes looked very watery as he spoke. He looked at this man who had been his friend for more than 10 years and he felt a pang of regret and guilt that he had implied that he could take his chances here on his own.

“I um, I’m sorry.”

“What for? You didn’t crash my car. That was all of my own bat. Well, mostly. The bastard on the bike has to get a little credit.”

“I know, but what I mean is, I’m sorry that I might have implied that you should have taken your chances on your own. That was...unfair, I guess.”

“Yeah well, I’m not petty enough to hold it against you. Forget about it, we have all said and done things in the heat of the moment that we regret later, don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I won’t...”

“Forget about that, what were you talking about when you said that between me and Isabel had the “blood of millions” on our hands?”

“That was, that was another thing that was a bit harsh. Although, it does have a degree of truth to it. It was stupid though and unfair of me to blame you two for. The rebels knew that only three of us were up there. Despite that they maintained that they wanted the guarantee’s of the whole Royal family before they would sign the treaty. That meant the Queen, Max, Tess and Isabel. It was useless trying to reason with them, they were just trying to look like they were being reasonable with the federation and we were the war mongerers...and it worked. We went around blowing cities up whilst they pleaded that we were being barbaric. Maybe we were...”

“What was it all about?”

“The war? I...honestly don’t know. I don’t know what we were fighting for, I don’t remember if it was something I was proud of or not.”

“Maybe if you don’t remember Michael that means it was something you had to fight for, but not something you believed in?”

“Maybe...”

Michael sat in silence and Alex looked at him hoping he would continue.

“You need to talk about things Michael.”

Alex looked at Michael as he averted his gaze. Was he crying? He lifted his hand and laid it on his shoulder gingerly as he continued to talk.

“You might not know this but my cousin was in the army. He served all over the world and had to do lots of different things and he sometimes didn’t think twice about it. It was usually “bang bang”, a few weeks and then move out. Then he was stationed to transport refugee’s out and he thought he was getting such an easy time of it and he was really pissed that he was doing “glorified baby-sitting” as he called it. He said that he had enlisted to fight not do that. Anyway, he got there and he says that within 20 minutes of being there he had been affected more than he had been with 5 years worth of working with arms. The soldiers had to be impartial and they couldn’t help these people that were so desperately in need of that help. When the scared children were crying for their mothers and when the women couldn’t speak because they were scared of anything that remotely resembled a uniform. He said that was the worst, people being scared of him because of things that had happened to them and him being unable to make them see differently because he had to appear to be impartial. He was never as relieved as when he got told he could go home. He was there for 3 months and when he came back he left the army. They had been made ready for physical action but they weren’t prepared for how to handle it mentally.”

“I knew...I knew I’d have...to fight...”

“So did he. It didn’t help him handle it any better. And he had been trained for it. You...you all hadn’t been trained Michael, you all hadn’t prepared for it. You all didn’t even know you were going up to fight. It’s not a crime to need help, and it’s certainly not a crime to let someone help you.”

Alex felt a gasp of breath come from Michael as he spoke. He didn’t know how to reach him. How to make him understand that he was here for him. That he wanted to help.

“You can’t help me Alex. It wasn’t your cousins destiny to fight...”

“And it wasn’t your decision to fight. They lured you up there...”

At that point Michael looked at Alex. He didn’t like the prospect of letting anyone see too much of what had happened and what he was feeling. What could Alex possibly know that would help him? What did he know about anything that had happened? Michael felt angry tears stab at the side of his eyes and he couldn’t explain the anger he was feeling towards Alex.

“I don’t give a damn! For crying out loud Alex! I don’t know if your stupid or just deaf? You. Cannot. Help. Me! Go psychoanalyze some of your students and leave me alone. Go back and be happy in oblivion and leave me alone.”

Alex took a step back and let Michael stand up and walk past him. He had no idea what he had said but he was sure it wasn’t something that deserved that kind of outburst. He shook his head and followed Michael. He couldn’t give up that easily.

“Michael, I am not going to leave you alone like this. I’m sorry if I’m upsetting you, but I’m just trying to help...”

Michael spun around and glared at Alex.

“You don’t have it in you to upset me.”

Alex walked over and caught his arm as Michael tried to walk away, he didn’t like pushing like this. But it couldn’t end like that. It couldn’t.

“Let go of my arm.”

“Calm down first.”

“I don’t need to calm down! Will you just get the hell out of my way!”

With that Michael punched Alex hard, knocking him to the ground. As he looked on in horror at what he had done Alex looked up at him and wiped the small stream of blood that was coming from his lip away. Michael tried to speak but couldn’t force the words to come from his throat. What had he done? Alex was only trying to help him yet look what had happened. He shook his head and took a deep breath desperately trying to clear his head. His thoughts were racing through his head, he had so much to say, so much he had to explain. What if he had lost his temper like that with Maria? Why was he like this? Why the hell couldn’t Alex have just left when he had asked him to? Why did he feel so bad?

Alex quickly got to his feet and looked at Michael, he could literally see the thoughts running through his head as his brow furrowed more and more as the seconds passed. His dark brown eyes glazed over and he looked at Alex sorrowfully. Alex made a step towards him and Michael raised his hand to stop him.

“Just don’t! Just go...just...”

“Leave you alone? No...I’m not leaving you like this. I’m sorry but, I can’t. Maria would never forgive me. If you want me to leave then you are going to have to make me leave.”

With that Alex proceeded to look at Michael and flash a reassuring smile. There was no way that he was leaving Michael alone in the state he was in.

“Why are you doing this? I don’t want your help...”

“Maybe you need it.”

“It’s just...it’s just...it was 4 years! It was 4 years of organizing the best way to wipe out a race of people, it was 4 years of having people glare at us because we were different. It was 4 years away from Maria whilst watching everyone else move on with their lives. It was 4 years of being...someone else. And now I come back and find out that it wasn’t a different person. It was all me...and that is so...”

“Scary?”

“You don’t know how much blood I have on my hands and after a while how little I thought about it. I wasn’t a good person up there, I was a good soldier. And...and now, I am so...so scared of Maria finding that out. I cannot lose her again Alex...I couldn’t live with it again.”

Alex walked over beside him and put an arm around his shoulder.

“You will not lose her Michael. That is something I can guarantee you, she...she was desperate for you to get back here. I mean, we all were but she...she was totally determined. We all know that it wasn’t pretty up there, all we had to do is look at Kyle when you all came back, and it is only natural that you would have changed up there. But you adapted, you didn’t hide from what you had to do. If I had been up there, I’m not sure I would have handled it as well as you did. It was a war. And like all wars it was a terrible thing, but...the important thing is that you all came through it. You have every right to feel guilty and remorseful for what you’ve had to do...but you didn’t do anything more than millions of good people have had to do before you. You are not, and never have been a bad person. Sure you’ve been a pain in the ass but I’ll really start to worry if that changes at any point.”

Michael involuntarily let a gentle laugh escape his lips. He listened intently to Alex’s words and despite his best efforts to the contrary some of them were even starting to make some sense. Maybe he was right. Maybe he wasn’t, but at this moment he was saying all the right things.

“You wouldn’t have dared...call me a pain in the ass before I came back.”

“That's because I was scared you’d punch me, since I’ve recently experienced that tonight I figured I’d nothing to lose...so why not?”

“I’m...I’m sorry about that. I guess I haven’t been that personable to the Whitman’s today have I?”

With that Michael raised his hand and placed it on Alex’s cheek and healed the damage he had inflicted earlier.

“Hey, you had cause to punch me, I know how infuriating it is to have people think they know best. You definitely didn’t have cause to hurt Isabel but...I can see where you’re coming from and although I am not going to be so patronizing as to pretend to know what you’re going through, you can talk to me about it. You can call it an objective viewpoint.”

With that he stuck his hand out for Michael to shake. This was going to be the main point. They had barely scratched the surface of what was going on underneath Michael's exterior but he realized that for the moment they had done enough. Michael knew he wasn’t alone. He knew that Alex and Isabel would both be there for him. Michael took his hand and shook it gently before he heard the car door open and footsteps run towards the house. That would be his Maria.

He quickly wiped his eyes and looked thankfully at Alex.

“So what happened to your cousin?”

“Oh, he became a paramedic. He said he finally feels like he’s where he belongs. And now he uses his experiences in a positive way. He said it made him stronger.”

“Good for him. Here’s hoping, I guess. Alex, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to Maria about...this. I want to tell her myself...when I’m ready.”

“I guess, but I’m not going to lie to her Michael. I care to much about her to do that. You should tell her soon. She deserves to know.”

“I know she does, and that's fair I guess...”

“Yeah. Oh, and Michael? I meant what I said earlier about Isabel. You make her cry again and despite tonight I’ll...”

“Yeah, I know that much already.”

With that they heard a familiar voice call in to them.

“Michael! Is Alex still here? Please tell me you haven’t done anything stupid.”

“Oh oh, looks like the back-up’s here.”

Alex looked at Michael and stifled a laugh as three people came bursting through the door.

“Kyle, Tess. What are you both doing here?”

“Umm, Maria invited us here. You?”

“I just came to talk to Michael. But I guess I better go. Izzy will be wondering where I’ve been.”

Maria looked at the two men. What was going on? This...this was not what she expected.

“Ok, what happened to you two? I find it hard to believe you just decided to talk about things.”

Michael walked over to his wife and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly.

“That's exactly what happened. We reached an understanding, didn’t we Alex?”

“Yeah. Oh ye of little faith Maria.”

With that Alex walked towards the door as he spoke.

“Kyle, me, Liz and the Doubting Thomas over there are going out tomorrow in a kind of catching up thing. You want to come? I’m pretty sure it will be fun.”

Kyle smiled as he thought about it. It could be fun, him, Maria, Alex and Liz had had some fun in senior year together. But, he had something more important to do tomorrow.

“I’d love to but I’ve got to see Max tomorrow about oneish. Maybe I could meet up with you guy’s when I’m done?”

Tess smiled up at Kyle as Alex shrugged his shoulders as he answered.

“That would be great. Give one of us a call on the cell. And Tess? Don’t be thinking that we’ve forgotten about you. We missed you as well blondie..”

“I missed you too Alex.”

With that he leant down and kissed her cheek before walking towards the door. Maria ran towards him and walked him out.

Michael looked at Kyle and Kyle looked back.

“Kyle? Can I ask how we’ve managed to see each other everyday since we came back? Surely I deserve a break already?”

“Hey, blame your wife. She came round and dragged us here. We were having fun getting away from you as well, weren’t we Tessie?”

Michael smiled as he looked out the window at Maria and Alex.

“I don’t doubt it...”

Outside, as Alex walked towards his car Maria ran up to him and grabbed his arm. She needed to know what had happened tonight.

“Alex, what really happened? Are you ok? I see the blood on your shirt so don’t lie, please. I need to know.”

Alex put both his hands on her shoulders.

“Maria, if I thought you needed to know then I would tell you, you know that. But Michael asked me not to. Just trust me when I say that things are ok. Me and Michael just had to clear the air. He’s been through it and he needed an outlet. Things will be ok, I promise you. Ok?”

“I’m worried about him Alex. I don’t know how to reach him.”

“He just needs a little time. Things will get better, I promise.”

Alex took Maria in his arms and gave her a reassuring hug, she sighed loudly, part in resignation and part in frustration. Things had clearly happened and it hurt that Michael had confided in Alex and not in her.

“We’ll talk about it more tomorrow ok?”

She nodded her head as he backed off towards his car.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Maria.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow Alex. Drive safely. Love you.”

“Love you too. Goodnight”

As he drove off she stood looking away at the car and sighed before walking in the house and forcing a smile to her face. Her and Michael could get through this, he just needed her to know she was there for him. No matter what she felt he had to know that. That's all.

TBC