Living The Lie

Author: Sunnycouger (foolofatook_@hotmail.com)

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...The song is by Tracy Lawrence and I don't own that either...very pretty song, very country though...

Category: Dark fic

Summary: Alex POV of events after CYN - AU fic

Authors Notes: Forget the nonsense we found out in Departure - none of it happened here.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I get back to Roswell, the words of Lonnie and Khivar still playing on my mind. New York then Roswell. New York then Roswell. I still haven’t worked out what they are doing in New York but I’ll find out in a few hours. I just need to make sure everyone is ok. I don’t know what time it is now but it seems light outside so I guess it’s daytime. I have no idea what day or time but I figure it’s safe to say that Liz will have talked to the others already. I reluctantly go to her room first and pray silently that she’s...decent I guess. If not I’d feel like a real weirdo...most guys would probably envy me in the same situation, but then again, most guys don’t see Liz like a sister. So seeing her half naked would not be my idea of a good time. I walk over to beside her bed and I see the clock, 9.59am? It seems like it should be later but I really have no idea of time any more. One of the many things I have no idea of anymore. I shake my head, I really need to get out of this self-pitying mode that I’m in. It’s not healthy and it’s certainly not helpful. I decide there and then that I will only think positively now. Positive thinking...Maria would be proud of me.

I am about to leave when I hear voices outside the door. As it opens I see that Kyle, Maria and Liz are all standing there. I smile, the Parker’s must be out of town today or Liz would be at school because I have never known Liz to miss school before unless she was really ill. I walk over to them and listen to what they’re saying.

“Liz, I told Kyle about what you told me last night. And he...”

Liz turns to both of them and cuts Maria of determinedly. “Before either of you say anything I am not going crazy! Alex needs our help and if you two aren’t going to be supportive then I’ll...I’ll just do it myself.”

That’s my Lizzie. I look to see Maria and Kyle’s reactions and I can’t help but give a sigh of relief when Kyle raises his hand defensively and begins to talk.

“Whoa Liz. We believe you, why else would we be here? Maria was just telling you that I want to help. I’ll do whatever you need doing, and I’ll even tell Evans if you don’t want to. He won’t pull the leader card on me. Anything to get Alex back...” He looks at the floor before he continues quietly. “I...I miss him as well, you know. We all do...”

I bite my lip, well, what used to be my lip and look at the three of them. If anyone had asked me 6 months ago who, out of my friends, I could count on, I would have said Liz, Maria and Max. Kyle wouldn’t have featured...but I don’t know, in the past few weeks it’s like I saw a different side of him and he saw a different side of me. Just before I, I don’t want to say died but I guess that’s what I mean, anyway, just before then me and Kyle had become really close. I really like him and I can’t explain how...touched is such a cheesy word but accurate, I am. He’s coming through for me. More than Max is.

Liz looks up and starts to cry as Maria and Kyle both put their arms around her shoulders. “Thank you...you don’t...know how much that means...”

They guide her towards the bed and they all position themselves on it as Kyle starts to talk.

“Ok, Maria filled me in on everything but can you just tell me again everything that Alex said. Why have none of the rest of us heard from him? Can he not let us see him or know he’s around? You know, that Ghost thing with a penny or something?”

As Maria and Liz both look at him he shrugs his shoulders. I try and not laugh as I roll my eyes, most guys would be embarrassed making a reference to Ghost in the middle of a conversation. Hell, I got pulled up often enough, I think I’ll be making Kyle pay a little after this is done. He really is turning into “Mr. Sensitive.” And I don’t know if that’s Tess’ or Amy’s influence...but the shoe seems to fit him really well. Good for him.

I stand next to them as Liz recounts the whole story of what happened and I watch Kyle and Maria intently to see their reactions. They are both quiet until Liz finishes and then they look at each other and nod. What is that all about?

“Lizzie?” Maria asks gently as she puts a hand on Liz’s shoulder. “We think...that maybe it would help if we brought someone else in on this?” Liz looks at her puzzled. “Y’know...someone who’s used to dreams? Someone that could maybe...I don’t know...”

I shake my head because I know what they are hinting at and I don’t want her involved! She can’t get hurt again...she can’t know what’s happening! She can’t... My thoughts are racing as Kyle says her name.

“Isabel. She goes dreamwalking...and Alex dreamwalked you....kinda, so maybe they could...I don’t know...meet up on the “dream plain.” Or something...”

No. No. No. No. No. No. No!

Liz nods as Maria and Kyle look at her hopefully. “It...could work....”

No!! Why are they doing this? If I had wanted Izzy to know I would have told her...she’s not ready. She’s not ready! I take a deep breath and try and think, but it’s proving difficult just now. I don’t know if the problem is that I don’t want her to help in case it hurts her...or if I’m afraid she won’t believe it’s true.

What if she doesn’t believe it? What will I do if she does? Why does this have to be so hard? I pace the floor trying to think of ways I could make them see that it can’t happen yet but I can’t think of one. I try and take a deep breath and try and clear my head. Maybe they are right...it does make sense. We need the time, Khivar and Lonnie are already planning. If I was there I would agree with them. But I’m not...I’m here and as much as it would be so good to speak to Isabel I know that it will hurt her again. She’s not ready. She still feels to guilty.

It’s a no win situation. No... I shake my head, that’s not true. It’s a necessary situation. Needs must and it is important that they know what’s going to happen. No matter how we go about that.

I sigh, knowing that I haven’t made a sound as I see Liz on her phone.

“Um...Isabel? Hi, it’s Liz...no, no everything’s fine. No, I don’t want to speak to Max, I was hoping I could...I could maybe talk to you about something...I know, you’re in school, but this is really important...”

Liz looks at Maria and Kyle who are ushering her on with their hands. “The thing is Isabel...I really can’t explain this over the phone. Maybe...could you maybe come over here? No...now would be best. No... I’m not at school, so if you could come to the Crashdown. I wouldn’t ask but it’s really important...”

She nods her head at Kyle and Maria who look relieved. “No...Isabel. No, you shouldn’t bring Max...this is...private. Please, don’t bring Max. Okay, I’ll see you later. Thanks, bye.”

Liz hangs up the phone and sighs loudly. “She said she’ll be over in about an hour or two, she’s got to go to class to get her final reference...how are we going to explain this to her?”

Maria shakes her head and walks over and puts her arm around Liz. “I have no idea Liz...but we have to.”

Kyle walks to the window and he is literally standing in front of me but not seeing me. I wave my hand in front of his face and he doesn’t even blink. I can’t help but smile as I continue to wave at him. He looks down and sighs.

“You know, I could ask Tess...but with her and Max, it might be...awkward, I guess...”

He looks hurt as he speaks and I know I’m the only one who sees him look like that. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath. I didn’t know he felt as strongly about her. Maybe it’s just because she and Max are together. He hates that. I look at him a little closer and sigh as he takes another deep breath and forces himself to smile. Maybe it’s not just because her and Max are together.

Liz looks at him and shakes her head. “I don’t think she would be much help anyway.”

Kyle shakes his head. “Why? Because she’s with Max? She wouldn’t let us down if we asked her to you know.”

Liz looks at him. “I know that, but she can’t do anything that we can’t and she would tell Max.”

Kyle turns around. “He will find out eventually. And she wouldn’t, if I asked her to she wouldn’t tell Max.”

Liz looks at Kyle and shakes her head. “Why? She loves Max, she only lives with you.”

Ouch, that looked like it hurt. As the words leave Liz’s mouth I see that she already regrets them as Kyle’s expression changes to one of hurt. Liz stands up. “Kyle, I’m sorry...I’m...”

Kyle holds his hand up and turns to look at the window again. “Forget it. You’re right, just forget it Liz...”

I look between Kyle who has his eyes pressed shut and Liz who is looking at him guiltily and sadly. I know the only reason she said it is because of her own hurt and I’m pretty sure that deep down Kyle knows that to, but she still said it.

“Kyle, please, I’m really sorry. I know that Tess cares about you...”

Kyle opens his eyes and forces himself to smile as he walks over to her and pats her shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it Liz, trust me, I’m fine...I’m just going to go pop home for a little while. I need to call coach and make up some excuse as to why I won’t make it to practice today. Don’t worry, I’ll make it back before Isabel gets here.”

He walks towards the door and looks at Maria. “If anything happens while I’m away you guys call me straight away ok? I have me cell...”

Maria rolls her eyes and mutters. “Yes, daddy...”

He makes a face at her and walks out the door while Maria stands up and walks over to Liz.

“Well, that was constructive...”

Liz turns to Maria and sighs. “I can’t believe I said that to him...how could I do that. He’s here helping and I go and hurt him...why would I do that?”

Maria hugged Liz close to her. “Because you’re hurt, and tired, and stressed and no matter what, you are only human. We are all entitled to be a bitch sometimes...call it a perk of being of the female species...”

Liz sighs as Maria continues. “What you need, Ms. Parker, is to relax...”

Liz breaks away from Maria and walks right over to me. “I can’t relax Maria, not yet. This is too important.”

“Why, it’s going to be a couple of hours before Isabel graces us with her presence. So, what you can do, is go and have a nice hot bubble bath, with about 20 essential oils in it and relax...”

Liz smiles. “That does sound nice...”

Good old Maria, she always knows how to fix things...whether it was losing her cool, listening or just pulling out some aromatherapy oils, she could make just about anyone feel better. I look at her and nod my head as I try and stop myself from smiling, that would probably be a good thing considering who her boyfriend is.

Maria ushers Liz to the bath room, well, ushers might be inaccurate, pushing is probably closer to the truth. Good old Hurricane at her best...i know that feeling.

“Maria, I’m not sure now is a good time...”

“I don’t remember asking. Now, don’t make me get all domineering, you know you don’t like me when I get domineering...” Maria puts a mock serious face on as she pushes Liz into the bathroom and I sigh. I’m glad that they have each other through this.

I look at them and as Maria teases Liz I decide that now would be a good time to be elsewhere. It’s not that I don’t want to stay with them, it just hurts hearing them laughing and not being able to join in. I wish I could join in...

I sigh and disappear, I should probably go and check out Khivar and the bitch, but I don’t really want to see their sneering faces so soon after being with people I love. I think a little, maybe Isabel? No, I sigh, that would really be bordering on the sadistic stalker...and as much as I would love to be near her, I have to remember that I’ll see her in a couple of hours so it will probably be for the best if I don’t look at her before I destroy her life again.

Destruction, that’s what I’m doing. I’m telling her that her pain has been for nothing, I’m telling her that she was responsible. I’m destroying her life again. No, I shake my head determinedly, I’m saving her life. I’m saving all their lives.

I just wish I didn’t have to hurt them to do it.

It’s then I decide where to go. I’ll go and make sure that Kyle is okay. As I appear I see that he is sitting on the step outside his house. So much for calling the coach...

“Kyle?”

I hear the voice and involuntarily jump along with Kyle who seemed to have been a million miles away. We both look around and see Tess standing there.

“Tess, jeez, you scared me...what are you doing here?”

She tilts her head and looks at him with a slight smile. “I live here.”

He smiles at her and rolls his eyes. “I know that much, but you should be in school...”

She sighs as she walks over and sits down on the steps. “So should you, I wanted to check you were all right. You didn’t show up for phys ed, and I was worried...”

“Tess, you and me aren’t in the same Phys Ed class...how would you know I wasn’t there?”

Tess looks down shyly before looking at him. “Well, I had a free period and I figured I would check out what the basket ball team was up to and it just happened it was your class...”

I look at her and notice her looking at him intently as he avoids looking at her. “Kyle? Is everything all right? You can tell me you know...”

I look at Kyle and I can almost see Liz’s words bounce around inside his head as he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I know I can...”

Tess sighs and she gently reaches out to touch his arm with her hand before pulling it back. “But you won’t, right?”

It’s weird, I had seen the two of them together so often but now, now I feel like I’m intruding. It seems different this time and I think back to when I was just a friend to Isabel and had to deal with her and Michael. I felt like Kyle looks.

“Tess? You like living here right? You know, you like living with dad and...me?” Kyle looks at her and I walk away. Poor Kyle.

Tess looks at him confused. “What, you guys throwing me out again? That’s a stupid question, you know I love living with you...and your dad. Why? If it’s about paying my way then I have major plans for getting an after school job...”

Kyle turns to her and shakes his head. “No, god no! That is not what I meant, forget it, I’m just being stupid...”

Kyle being stupid? That’s never happened before...I try and think of somewhere else I could go as I stand over at the car and watch them. On one hand I am eavesdropping and on the other I am getting a whole new insight on certain relationships, which is probably misusing my situation a little.

Kyle stands up and looks at Tess. “Tess...Tess. If I told you something in private, would you be able to promise me that Max wouldn’t find out?”

I sigh, I don’t know what I should do, slapping Kyle around the head for being an idiot would maybe be a good thing but unfortunately, I remind myself, I’m not really here.

Tess looks at him and a flash of hurt passes her face. “You know, as hard as it might be for some of you to believe, I don’t have an automatic blab function that means that everything people say to me goes straight to Max. First Isabel and now you. God, Isabel I can get, but you, I thought you knew me better than that.”

Isabel? The sound of her name makes me walk back over to Tess and I open my mouth to ask her what she means but of course, no one can hear me. Tess shivers involuntarily as I stand next to her and she looks at Kyle, her blue eyes blazing.

“You all always think the worst of me. All the time.”

I look at Kyle expectantly and he looks at her apologetically. I will him to ask about Isabel but instead he looks at her sadly. “Alex is alive.”

Okay...that’s not exactly what I was expecting and I can see from Tess’ reaction that she wasn’t expecting it either.

“Excuse me?”

Kyle looks at her. “He’s alive, and he needs our help. That’s where I am today, helping Liz and Maria.”

Tess looks at him sadly and I think how I would react if I had been in her position. I would probably burst out laughing, or crying...

“Kyle, we buried Alex...he can’t be alive. As much as we want him to be...”

“He is. We have proof...”

Tess looks at him almost happily but with a degree of uncertainty. “Proof? Really?”

Kyle opens his mouth to reply when his cell phone goes off. He swears loudly and answers it.

“Yeah, Maria I’m fine. Sure, I’ll be right over...fine, I got the hint from Liz earlier, okay? You don’t need to labour the point, yeah, I get why it’s for the best for you two. I know she’s sorry. Yeah, whatever, I’ll be there in about 10 minutes. See you.”

He hangs up the phone and looks at Tess who is looking at him in confusion. “What was that?”

Kyle shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. “I need to get back to the Crashdown.”

Tess stands up and looks at him. “I’m coming with you.”

Kyle shakes his head. “No, it’s not a good idea. I shouldn’t have said anything...”

I shake my head and begin shouting at Kyle for being stupid. How can he be such an idiot? How can anyone be so clueless? You don’t drop a bombshell and then leave her standing...

Tess looks at him and smiles bitterly. “Yeah, fine. Tell you what, when and if you get Alex back you can let me know then right. Don’t bother getting me involved in any of the details ‘cause you know that I so don’t want involved in anything that doesn’t revolve around Max! Not like I gave a damn about Alex anyway...”

She turns away from him and shivers again and I feel a strange sensation as I feel a pull, but not something that I’ve felt before.

“Tess...I’m sorry.” Kyle says as he touches her back gently.

She dodges out the way of his touch. “Whatever, you better go. I’ll see you later.”

He looks at her and reluctantly turns away and kicks the ground angrily as he walks to his car. He gets in and drives off and I look at Tess as she stands there alone. As she hears the car disappear she looks up and I see her eyes are filled with tears. I reach out on instinct and try to offer any comfort I can but as her lip trembles I remember that it’s pointless.

“Don’t be stupid Tess...you know where you stand...”

She takes a deep breath and walks towards the house. I watch her and walk off the steps and sigh. Guess now would be a good time to get over to the Crashdown, see if Isabel is there. I have my back to her when I hear her take a deep gasp of breath. I turn quickly and see her leaning against the wall of the house. I run to her quickly knowing that I am of no use to her.

“Ow...”

I look around desperately for anyway I can help her. I think about Kyle, he’s not that far away...but he’s awake. I scream at myself as I try and think as tears run down Tess’ face as she sinks to the ground.

“Please...stop it...” She whispers weakly as she looks up.

I drop to my knees as I see her bite her lip in an attempt to stop the pain. Like I had not so long ago she’s bit right through it...what the hell is going on? Who’s doing this?

“Hello Tess.”

The voice comes as Tess is let go of whatever hold they had on her and she immediately stands to her feet and lifts her hands up ready to defend herself. She looks at her assailant and I take a step back as Tess looks in horror as she looks at an exact copy of herself.

“Ava? Why are you dressed like me? What the hell happened to your accent?”

Ava smiles and sighs. “I’m trying to be less obvious, you like? I got a job to do, and I need your help...”

I shake my head, please god don’t let this have been related. They haven’t had enough time to get to New York and back again. They wouldn’t have used Ava, Ava was good...

Tess lifts her hand to hold Ava off. “You attacked me!”

Ava smiles as she nods her head. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

In that second she looks at Tess and Tess immediately lets out a small scream as she holds her head in pain.

I scream and run in from of Tess, I yell, I scream and I try every trick that I had ever heard but none of them helps as Tess falls to the ground. I feel my eyes burn with anger and hate as Ava walks over to Tess and looks down at her as tears stream down Tess’ face as she’s rendered helpless.

“Sorry ‘bout that. I was a bitch there, but, it’s better than just plain killing you right? Oh, I know the images hurt, but they aren’t really real...don’t worry Tess. I’ll take care of things for you, the boss needs an insider and they figured no one would really notice the difference if it was you...”

Tess tries to sit up and whispers quietly. “Insider?”

“Call it a little undercover work...well, basically double agent work...you know, play one side until I get the call in a few days and then pow...do the business...”

Tess looks at her and shakes her head. “Th...they’ll notice...”

Ava sinks down to her knees and smiles. “You think? Maybe your cutie house mate but that’s it, and I can handle him...”

Tess grits her teeth. “You...you touch him and...I...I swear I’ll rip every bone out of your...body. I’ll...kill you...you bitch...I mean it...”

Ava smiles as she touches Tess’ face and I hate myself for not being able to help her through the pain. Through the torture.

“Now Tess, that’s no way for the girl who is supposed to be dating the King to be acting about another guy, is it?”

As she finishes talking Ava closes her eyes and Tess’ eyes widen and she lets out another gasp as she is no doubt assaulted by more images. As the assault ends Ava stands up and looks around as she walks to the car and opens the door. She walks back over to Tess who is slumped against the wall, tears still streaming down her face and her hands trembling. Ava grabs Tess and touches her head one more time and she faints away. Ava smiles and smirks at her.

“Man, if they are all that easy how the hell could Nicky not take them?”

Ava drags Tess to the car and puts her in the back seat. Now’s when I have to make a decision. Do I go and see where they take Tess, do I go find out what the hell Khivar is doing, or do I go and try and get help?

Tess moans slightly and Ava looks at herself in the side mirror and frowns. “How can they like dressing like this?”

Ava picks up her cell and dials a number. “Yeah, I got it. We’ll call that successful. Yeah I know, the stupid bitch came home early to check on the guy she stays with so I figured I may as well get it over with. Nah, no one will notice, I don’t think any of them really get on with her apart from the guy, and they had an argument. Okay, see you in a few days. Later.”

As Ava hangs up the phone I walk over to the car and make sure Tess is breathing before I disappear. I need to get help, I shake my head guiltily, so much for having a few days...

Ava gets into the car and begins to drive and I look at the car and close my eyes as I disappear. If I was ever in doubt about telling Isabel, I’m now over it. I reappear at Liz’s balcony and look inside as I see Maria and Liz sitting on the bed. This is about all of us. We’re all in danger. And I’ll die before I let any them get hurt. I walk in determinedly and look at them as I wait on Isabel to appear.

Now I realize why it has to be so hard. Because that’s the only way that they’ll be safe. And that’s all I care about.

TBC