A Letter To Alex...From Kyle

Author: Sunnycouger (foolofatook_@hotmail.com)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...

Category: Angst

Summary: Come on, it's pretty self explanatory isn't it? Set after Alex's death but AU (since they were written before the episode aired ;)).

Authors Notes: This whole series became AU after the writers screwed up and did what they did with Tess so you will see things mentioned that didn't happen in the show ie, Tess and Max aren't together, Tess didn't kill Alex yada yada yada. You'll see when you read anyway.

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Hey Whitman,
How’s it going? I’m not going to pretend I know why I’m writing this…I found a letter Tess had written to you and it seemed like a good idea. Now that I’m actually writing it though I’m not so sure. What do you say to a person who will never tell you exactly what they thought about this stupid letter that you wrote them? What do you say to a person who never said what they thought about you? Man, this is stupid…it made so much sense for Tess to do it but then again, she’s a girl, even if she is a ”you know what” kinda girl. She’s in touch with her feelings and stuff and as much as I like to play the sensitivity card…I am not that great at this stuff. You on the other hand, my friend, spent too much time around women not to pick up a few tips so, in your opinion, just between us, what’s the best way to proceed? Do I go straight to the point or do I candy coat it with a few titbits of useless information? You don’t know either? Great…well I guess I’m on my own…again.

Okay…I guess I should just get to the point and work from there right? Whoo…well I guess I just wanted to say that, that you screwed up…big time. You were the only human guy I could talk to about the whole “not of this earth” junk. I mean, I could talk to dad but you are the only other guy who was in a relationship with an alien. Not that Tess and me are in a relationship, so to speak. I told her I thought of her as a sister: I lied. See I was being the “sensitive” guy, I know she’s still hung up on Max so she does not need a HUMAN guy chasing after her just now when she can have a king. Maybe when she gets over him we’ll have a shot, but just now I just want to look after her and make sure she knows she can talk to me about anything. Besides, I don’t think I could handle losing another girl I care about to Max Evans, I have too much pride for that to happen again. But don’t think that doesn’t mean I won’t kill him if he hurts her. Anyway, I digress (I think I’ve been picking up Liz words…) what I mean is that you had Isabel..who, no matter how you look at it, treated you like crap for a year…with the whole “lets just be friends” and “I can’t be with anyone just now” stuff she pulled before you both got back together. I guess what I wish I knew is how did you handle it? I know that you never stopped caring about her so how did you handle her going after other guys like you didn’t exist? I mean other than disappearing for three months to another continent. What I need is some tips on how to handle my “sibling” relationship. Maybe I should start dating a regular person…let her see that I don’t have a hang-up about her. What do you think? I don’t know…things were SO much simpler before I knew anything.

We were both kept in the dark about everything at first weren’t we? It must have hurt you a lot that your best friends wouldn’t confide in you. They were willing to lose your friendship before they were willing to lose Max’s. I mean it hurt me and I was just the “ex”. Maria said I was like a “stalker” for a few months after me and Liz broke up. I guess in hindsight I was a little obsessive, things just frustrated me. I knew something was going on and I thought that Max was getting Liz into trouble; I just wanted to protect her. Of course, now I know what was going on I can understand why they though I was a pain in the ass. I sometimes wish I never knew about it you know, but now it only lasts for about a second because, if I didn’t know, I wouldn’t have really got to know you all. Ok, that sounds corny, damn Amy De Luca for trying to turn the Valenti guys into “new men”- but what I mean is…now, despite the Max/tension thing, I finally have a group of people that trust me completely and who I can trust completely. I get to be myself with all of you, which is something I can’t be with my school friends. I mean if they found out I was a Buddhist- man, I would be strung up from the goal posts. Did you ever wish you didn’t know? I know that’s a stupid question- I mean because of knowing you ended up with the love of your life, right? Not only that but you also got a bunch of people who would do anything to protect you…Not that we did you a lot of good in the long run.

What’s it like being somewhere you don’t belong? Do you wish you could come back? I don’t know if this means much to you but I really wish we could see you again. I wish…. I wish that somehow we could turn back time. You know make things go back to how they should be. I’m trying to think of the point I’d go back to. I think it would be just after Vegas…although if I had any sense I would go back to Vegas and keep my $1600 I paid to get Evans and Guerin out of jail. Of course now Maria and Liz seem happy with them {it will last six weeks- max!} it seems harsh to resent them being here. Maybe it would even be after Vegas, that way you and Izzy would be together…see, I can be considerate sometimes. Isabel really misses you, you know, she’s trying to hide it but we all see it. It isn’t just her- they all miss you.

Umm, if I don’t say this now, I never will. The first time I can remember being in real pain was when my mom left. It wasn’t just the waking up one morning and realising she wasn’t coming back that hurt; it was the arguing for the months before that and then the silence for the two days before she left. But, it didn’t stop there, every time someone would talk about their parents, or they’d mention mothers day, or at Christmas- I’d always remember that my mother chose to leave me- and she didn’t even try to contact me. You divorce your spouse- not your child. Anyway, that isn’t really relevant, what I mean is that since I was begrudgingly accepted into the group, I’ve suddenly felt part of a type of family- complete with sisters (Liz, Maria and Isabel) and, even though I argue with them all the time, brothers. My dad and me are even closer now..I mean we went fishing and we’ve actually had some meaningful conversations? What I mean, god this is hard, when you left, I lost a person I considered family- I lost a brother. And that hurt. That still hurts.

I suck at this type of stuff, but what I, what I want to say is, I guess I miss you. I do miss you I mean.

Whoa, you know that if somehow you tell anyone this I’ll deny it all.

I’m going to go before I start blubbing like a girl. I’d never live that down. Be safe buddy, I’ll speak to you soon. I just need to go and destroy this incriminating evidence before Tess gets home.

Bye

Kyle Valenti

End