Welcome to the poetry archives. The majority of these poems have already been posted on the SPiNchat poetry board, though some of these come from my own archives and are already years old. Some of these have been published elswhere, but the majority have not. I hope you enjoy them.
I am still falling,
Direction
watching the sad silences
where words bleed.
This is the page, the honest word
I am expected to write.
You would know if I lie -
feeling the insecurity behind the lines,
watching my skin fade,
watching the ink slowly dry.
This is my blood you see
staining the words into being.
These scars make me real,
make me feel alive.
I am six feet under
and falling still.
I am dying slowly.
This Was For You
If we slow down will we ever die?
Will we ever stop running -
forget how to hide;
"Throw your dreams away they'll never come true."
Is what you whispered to me,
if only you knew you were right all along.
Can we ever bleed enough to turn back time
so that me being me would become you and I
so that all of our problems would never have lied.
If we slowed down would we ever be happy?
I can never sleep again
I think you'll haunt my dreams
and straighten my thoughts
how do I know if I want you again;
I will never close my eyes -
I never want to die.
I want to strip off my skin - will I find my soul?
I pretend I know what I'm looking for
but I lost you long ago,
we can't glue back the falling leaves
the broken wind stole them
now we're both bare-branched and empty,
stark like the silhouettes of the ghost bruised trees
wailing in the weeping moonlight.
By scars I remember what we always had;
my legs are bloody, arms tattooed
with deeper lines and harder marks.
I never thought to check my heart.
Would it still be there if I looked now
or would it have left to look for something new?
Can I ever find out how to turn back the time
so that me being me would become you and I
so that somehow somewhere something could die.
Did the heat make you happy or sad?
I was indifferent - perhaps I was wrong.
Was it me that you wanted all along
or just my words to stop you think.
Could it have been different if we both had trust
not this feeling of being fucked up
and we both needed more
but were you scared of being hurt?
I know I was.
I could have lied - could have bled from the inside
hidden my scars to help you feel safe,
hidden my razors but I cut you instead
not the outside; no marks to show
but deep enough to turn love into hate
though we both lie and we're still 'just' friends.
Are the words "I'm sorry" too cliched for you?
I don't want to say them,
they're not mine to use but
neither's "I love you" -
we're both battered and bruised.
So we're sitting in silence
I'm the only one bleeding,
though you were hurt most
but you say you're not feeling
or thinking or talking -
we're both hiding away
ran out of contact, running out of things to say.
I'll revert to the cliches
it's all I can do though I'm feeling fake
saying these words to you.
Do you know that I mean them?
"I'm sorry I hurt you, I wish I'd been wrong.
You say we're friends now -
do you think it'll last long? I did love you."
Can I cut myself enough to turn back time
so that me being me would become you and I.
Can I bleed enough to make me cry?
Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird...
If that mocking bird don't sing...
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring...
I saw the moonlight in your eyes
We borrowed time
Winter came and stole the sky
Fucked Off
Look at my scars and tell me I'm wrong.
Life is a game and I'm playing along.
I hope it's the taking part that means the most
there's no way I'll win.
I'm not living a lie I'm living in truth.
It's this honesty that leaves me bruised.
I'm not going to tell you that everything's fine
I'm feeling fucked up.
You think talking will help you understand.
You've never noticed I want to be damned.
I've been jaded too long to let anyone in
there's no way you can help me.
In Vein
I am a frozen shard of memory
touched by silence,
tasting the emptiness
where your heart began.
I trace the metal scent of rust
and tears tearing gently,
murmuring the promise
you became deaf to, long ago.
You look beyond me,
and you never see yourself
as I kiss you,
cold against the shattered skin.
Tripped Up and Worn Out
I only burn myself to get burned,
there's no deeper meaning.
I'm trying to prove there's something there;
trying to get a feeling.
I cut myself to see the blood
it's a substitute for words
which echo through the ages
begging to be heard.
And I can't find the page.
I may be an architect of hate
but you can see my purity.
I'm honest in deceiving you
and I've let you see me bleed.
I wear my heart on my sleeve
and so much more besides.
You should trade me in for something new
I'm a whisper echoing through time.
And I want to get close to you.
I'm aching in so many ways;
I'm worn down by tired dreams.
I'm think I'm dying slowly
while I'm screaming on my knees
I'm falling into you.
Sweet Dreams
Hush little baby, don't say a word...
I won't run away while you're sleeping,
put a bullet in your head.
I'll chase away the monsters,
make sure the bed bugs don't bite,
just fall asleep - don't cry.
The dark's not going to hurt you,
I prefer it to the day
but I'll leave the landing light on
and shout if you want me,
just drift away - don't cry.
You're falling into sleep now,
I can creep away downstairs.
I'll knock the landing light off,
I will hear you if you scream.
You're sleeping - don't cry.
Just one tablet to send me into sleep;
you know you keep me up too long
with screams and dreams and nightmares.
Just one sip to help me on my way.
I'll drift away - don't cry.
Me and You
There is
no time like now -
seeing as I see
the images
and dreams
and falling leaves
you walked in
in your rustling
autumn colours.
Smelling of rain
in the cold light
the gold light
of summer's shell
and season's herald -
wind whipped in madness
playing with the day like me.
stole the sun from your navel
to shame the sky
believed in you like a god who wasn't there.
when the days were grey
remembering slate and shale
and dreams of fate
in half breathed storms
and frozen dancing dreams.
We chased the horizon -
watching snow
in the night calm
the daydream calm
of silent tingling three a.m's
and colour crazed dawns
all sprung with dreams -
wandering through the
spring bank of you
sun stripped like me.
I saw summer reflected in your eyes
loved your shame
believed in you and forget that you weren't there.
To Whom It May Concern
I put my soul into a letter
I wanted you to read.
I forgot to say I love you;
I guess you didn't know what I mean.
I've been mad for fucking years now
just trying to be myself.
This loner life ain't working,
I want to be someone else.
I never knew I'd told you
how to cut until you bleed.
It must have been something I'd shown you;
something I never thought you'd need.
I want to write my heart out;
put it all on a page.
Perhaps maybe I'll stop feeling;
let someone else take the stage.
I'm tired of feeling tired,
bored with getting cut.
I'm an addict with no future
and right now I want out.
So maybe this is the reason;
it's nothing to do with love.
I'm sick and tired of life these days
of feeling so fucked up.
Back to Dark Writing
Calvary
We tried
nailing raindrops to a cross
but the nails
got rusty
wood broke
rain dried up in the sun.
Next
we tried a rainbow
thinking the red and blue and yellow
would look better
than paint on tired grain
but the rainbow was harder than the rain
the colours kept slipping to the ground.
The dirt looked pretty
but the cross was still bare.
After that
we tried the sunlight -
easier for us to hold in place
but with the night
shadows
and the cross remained
silver with nails.
We shall stay with flesh
it is less likely to fade with the dawn.